Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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* r+ g+ n, |+ Q" s' j0 l8 ]3 t, K7 q0 QThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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; ]# P) w% O4 ?3 f. M1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

: }3 E, |0 H6 w( l2 c2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

6 @$ O0 r2 s+ z3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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; r+ Z% J0 R! Z6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

. U! }4 N- q1 i# s3 }% R3 G8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

) \& }; W4 z, u2 t, h3 [2 ^10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

% R9 Q$ e* H7 p4 e$ w( ?1 h! R12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

# F9 J* m. o4 [9 e15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.