Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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) H6 M7 ]6 y% b- x, wThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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. I9 T* J  G; g6 Y: i1 e1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

+ @+ g; d% T$ n6 F" {* G3 w. W2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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4 Q5 f( k6 Q' S: V1 W  A) x3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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% `, z  r+ y( R2 z% b7 F: r; [4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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# I: V+ g( I5 I$ r5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

) h. B; n5 u8 B5 R6 ]6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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4 i$ T, p; j' Q3 W  e8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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. M' K# |3 N. y4 D) S, B13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

5 R' i0 O- g% Q: ~14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.