Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
  p8 W  S+ I  `" p3 w! J! vDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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1 @! O; E7 X' K: J" _) h" X7 ~: c: [JOB DESCRIPTION:
2 L5 d  Z9 Y% V% e3 dLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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. N& n" _  [- r, _  c3 k2 ypermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
2 W1 Q, [+ `, _- T! y/ dCandidates must possess excellent communication
+ Z. r2 h5 C) D4 w% o0 p5 s: o9 `and organizational skills and be willing to work
0 Y: B( i, T4 n. q+ x! Qvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
5 t3 i5 E- W2 `  i; R; Nand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
+ [8 t  d& {# Bendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
6 Y) l0 q' J6 x4 p" t0 B/ ATravel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
8 i* P) }- g# Z' s7 cThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
' j$ a- F* m' `1 Uuntil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
" n' X: _- e8 V7 p1 B- Aand stuck zippers.
- f' ]$ H) N0 Q) T4 HMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
5 _3 k- z/ c. _' I! `. k" Acoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
% [5 _& M* f, [2 p/ `4 @# i. xResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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* i7 Q& E0 ~9 u( f* Z/ `! O( qPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
9 Z9 M! H% U* P' hNone.
( Y; v& U* K) ]' ?/ b- tYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
/ V4 I4 p2 S: ]( {1 V/ K# g. @without complaining,constantly retraining and
  o9 a/ W( r1 Y& x+ Aupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
+ Q! V2 S! ?; ~2 r$ PNone required, unfortunately.
' M7 \6 z  x. E" G- G: U5 ?$ rOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

5 T: a, S9 y7 X* z  Z1 r+ G9 }% F' hWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
- v6 j3 i* g) x- }4 K/ h) xOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
. \# F; A6 b& Z2 lThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
* y4 M7 [& J  A! ], v$ Wyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

& u" J% P$ x  ~  g+ [6 @% y& k3 M- hBENEFITS:
0 h! c- ?& d0 Q9 D+ _  tWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ Y/ f  E$ {0 A, o3 u/ @+ _# z" Kno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
* w. Z4 Y" Q# k! u5 ?0 uthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

: o* U- X/ d8 Wunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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* z9 U3 D6 g" Hfor life if you play your cards right.

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, t& S8 v6 P6 j, r9 P8 m** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **



9 H) l" X* h3 S* O( r* ?7 QForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
6 V0 e+ Y  B6 k% R; Z- cor forward with love
) W1 t, D  J0 ^to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.