Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
" H3 t0 k7 B& q$ v" c, i) y3 gMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
/ |* P: F: z& {# OLong term, team players needed for challenging,
+ W* W  k! {/ |& {
; X6 Z5 b2 C# k, Zpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
. V  {6 w; ^0 n& t2 `+ }% bSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
* \; a3 Q" s. i" p/ q( }endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
3 E% i; H  k. \1 Z4 |Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
: P$ a5 k& W2 ^4 U/ Z( G& Q+ ZThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
5 ~7 W5 M& y/ N( @Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
; [+ j  t( O2 h8 pthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
) ~" ~8 r; p2 O. w0 J: B$ wsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
/ F) f9 i0 H: v5 Tand stuck zippers.
5 K) D- U& e* J& N2 PMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
/ a# d" @" x6 JMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
' i. G! h. ~5 c/ T4 V: V+ Q1 ~+ fMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
' Z& X$ w: E" U! \3 l( t5 Fthe quality of the end product.
3 L& `& l7 Z% K3 E1 _Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.

1 x% J, n& X5 l$ iPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
, ~* B& c. f" i# H8 X  J' {None.
  c  Z8 P' M5 x# aYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) d7 G6 V  E* ~6 |3 \None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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0 q7 R. k7 V3 \" LWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
$ E. @  y2 k( F: X2 gGet this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
% V  {3 T7 r2 [of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
) B% n- d6 m  Q6 ?. D8 i1 XThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
! ?' v( T" Y1 B3 }9 `: @- G6 G  Jyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
0 X# {0 Z. T8 vno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
" S, X9 Z3 _; h  n" Vno stock options are offered,
( ]6 l7 I. s: n' E0 hthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
" E' N! R1 Q* n7 K% F1 X# Q7 D5 S
+ v. X5 H; Q& j8 z/ |( j) y$ {unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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, ^- A3 _  P# K$ B; @: B" Cfor life if you play your cards right.


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. w$ E! c$ h9 u0 P** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
  {  H* W. ?( L/ K/ J8 r) Rfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
' o8 N2 T7 C/ v( a+ B8 y+ `to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.