Crazy English! Zt

victorw

ZT
, X2 `: [! Z/ \5 y( h
$ h1 S3 C: f% x" Q% D9 K
Crazy English!
" ^* T9 a- L  R7 t  w2 o5 k* b
' d0 ?/ G9 H8 l" b% g1 T7 HWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

5 G& o# J. o/ A$ W! R4 pIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

: P! H8 z- g+ R' mIf I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?
- t- @7 d% {. f8 ~' C) f  S( q
% F7 n  c  I7 b) a$ O# ^7 ~If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?
# |+ a! e/ Y5 j6 n6 y
Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

# M% [8 z/ P2 I- g; B, p5 ^; F6 QWe speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
3 B# t! w9 m2 \* e- ?9 t
. `* j% G2 r7 }. p( fLet's face it, English is a crazy language!

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?
% z7 @0 v  B* }7 I* T7 i
* [" X6 h: _" XDoesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
* B5 o! ?& p, `0 Z) a/ V
If you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

- W6 o, s9 y+ A  s( v4 V; R0 PIf teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
, m! y0 P# G# R7 S9 x" A
$ e# z* _5 w0 sIf a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
; ?% x5 U& N# ~/ K8 Y' B% K, S$ o) i
# D4 e6 q" }3 l( T3 `/ `1 t# u1 e/ HIn what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
6 A6 y5 q8 S+ u7 T& ], Q4 M
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

# d2 F$ S! O2 ?: S' C3 r7 K( U) H. h  WHave noses that run and feet that smell?

4 C  L; G0 D) x# c4 r# R  v5 ]) ~How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
, V0 [0 A* v1 U. a* x" ?: s
4 n' [1 P  K6 R) qYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
! Z  T  q/ o( AHouse burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!

/ U. s2 p$ g$ J3 SSometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane