Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
. {1 O# r$ H8 k) U) T4 u
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
" {) b  [/ G$ Z; g4 d
, d8 `9 w( h! L! d, {BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

# ]) L1 N; I* L6 pVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
" u. r/ c& ^$ U  B) r
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 ^5 A9 X% ^. C4 h. F9 D8 fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
) R" k. R$ f1 C3 M% S2 U
$ O0 C* L) h7 M7 K% q3 h; vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
# v! C5 @# F) d
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( z6 D& Q, t1 P+ ^8 e. IFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
& v. g* P# D4 I( u, P4 Y! C0 Z" q
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
0 y# \. K) V7 a% Q$ Q" A% I
1 s7 S7 J5 v( L+ e8 E& jYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
. |* {" g& ]4 e9 `- f, p  h2 s; G! D
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
' V$ c, P8 ^) |
" e$ }/ b. X3 t6 Z# Q8 W$ X4 XPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

5 h- V5 X& C  F6 V) ?```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 s- p& e4 h, o! l7 w1 t6 s8 e: N) ABased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
- h# l: k* {8 z4 T* z
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

$ n8 K8 O! f9 b% VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

8 Z+ d* h8 A  S2 [" @                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
. u5 J8 q. R* f" p
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
+ r* Y5 Y/ }; G7 C4 M6 P     
2 H+ J! F& B. t, R9 {* l8 D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵