Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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: k1 l2 X. V1 h: f& I2 uCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# k' S) d, x' z1 R8 d2 S8 lCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 T7 G. a5 h* ]) ~BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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4 Z8 t9 y* E& q6 K' W% ~* sVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

8 r  g  Y- I9 ^4 Q" t0 SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! T1 Q# {6 I0 CBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- F* F% G8 ]" r: ~; O7 P6 VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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! v" j) X% h$ @' u; {0 `STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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" Q9 K, w) M5 b) eMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

* M* r; D. N, U' p  O7 }- ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- E( r) N: U4 v* X1 E" ?Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ N5 x8 ?7 }2 d8 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

9 C  v0 }% ^0 `/ F8 W                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
  T+ e9 m8 k! J7 V! C7 {                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵