Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

# _2 d6 g3 s, B- @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

) h; x* A. {9 U$ o  |9 OMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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/ ^- n4 D  J# Z. PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

. u' h7 a0 J! X9 y% o( x( wYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

! `8 Q! q$ h$ tWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

7 {4 s+ @- p% t$ O5 r, `6 IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# m' m! L" C/ f! l  `9 _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; H2 A: h  i6 ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% s( W0 j, q/ W, l: B, g8 jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. {* Z0 P% W6 |7 B, I                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵