Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' i$ v! l( ]! s0 ?" TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

! L6 R/ x; i0 |. K) h4 zVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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: n% F  H! |9 U, `  _. OP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

$ r  F: g4 `. `+ j0 I7 D# |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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- h# v' r- |- ~& Q' dFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

) c& N5 v! i  V  bMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' V" P: Z; K# b* ]2 p  rYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, O0 U1 j  ^" q" \( A+ vIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- s' F5 h  I: ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ u. a- w  {7 C* p  p2 x! u; L. dWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
5 L- m1 }6 G5 q6 UBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

+ T$ T3 R/ j  Y; e( b                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
9 H' ~4 J& N. J                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵