Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 H5 C- ^$ M. Q2 ~; Z0 X  U# @5 F" d: s" PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

* E0 |- v, Y; G3 o+ QBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: V/ @: K: g# F" _BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

" _' h& m- j1 YVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
  S% `( u" C2 N. u0 t' M/ }. ^* L
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ l# b8 f  c% {" ^BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
5 T8 b# f) `) U% G* m/ h% a
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
/ B( l! }& j$ |1 _/ P/ [; Y' I3 n% `
- b" i( u1 u) M" `# M, ESTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
# v5 L! A% g3 \5 H7 R. H6 m* S
. f  E' k7 ]# g7 ^  Y0 DSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
0 x( F- [7 f8 u+ D1 J, ?9 R
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
9 y7 N* D  F  Q$ ?: k/ V7 f& ]% Q7 b
7 s- @- K- ~- i. w; m  JCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
8 a# q3 X- S+ M: y- A/ Q9 z
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
9 h' K0 R. Q+ L0 f
: S% T$ }" K0 z3 j- M6 GWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
* g. u0 z& e5 o
7 C3 `& K7 }8 k1 t# ~# e6 R6 rINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

: R( G( U! n" ?5 g8 N: Y# sPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
; k9 f8 j: J: s* p* O( P5 @: n
  }' u) ?% K' x' K1 G`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 c5 H# \' n' ]4 e                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
4 h1 Z2 M2 f$ \- ^0 q
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
( Z1 h- E+ I% E# W/ C( `0 O     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵