Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  O, ?6 j3 l1 X# T) M. Y# L  t6 OCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 i  `  N, k5 T  L$ G+ HBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: ]- O2 {; P- C3 }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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9 H1 b' y) m4 o4 RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 ]6 ~! l/ }# q) p: {) [2 oCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. K5 s, [. A5 D. ]  @6 jINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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, l% i5 \0 L% z. T, w% gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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5 a5 \: G0 ~. `0 c2 e6 g9 lIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 |) K4 f$ U0 w" ]% v1 rBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. B& i$ P0 `6 r; PWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 Y! I8 Z( r+ B                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵