Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

' ~; @/ R7 ^  a3 ~, u. Y% cCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) ^+ v) o; v: H3 k5 u2 X8 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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% s/ v! i8 e+ G# r0 Y1 RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 K4 O$ A+ R$ _9 g2 lSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

, z2 s6 i9 t# a& f$ hWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

" m* @3 Z- B0 ?( d, {9 HPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ k6 w8 }' K( ]' k( {3 W; `If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  [& I, y. ?( k) g- N) k6 P$ y8 \With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! O& K3 g! c. g) I4 uWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 `/ D- v. Z1 c1 ]5 x, M7 l$ OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, Z# @! a8 u# c! I( e2 NWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

# ]2 X- M- i2 b" m" l- s                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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8 X) s5 ~: ~- K* ?* m1 Z3 l% jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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4 ?1 J2 ^$ e. L' |                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵