weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
- G1 F& r) E, f8 z+ N3 d2 \BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
% v/ e& ^. j- ?/ W8 [peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

( Z4 A' z& J. W$ U6 [+ O1 nThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
- t- `! ?' z& Y8 W5 _and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
  l, @0 _6 a$ Z& K$ H5 V5 T% a7 qBlackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
8 f( t/ h' K4 X. Y1 E
, S) ?5 ]  @( a; `+ [& }"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

! c! i5 O7 k' F* \He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

) u# N! R, G6 H( Q8 \: Y2 v( C"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
9 Y) d% L) W' q/ \2 Xnobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
4 _3 l" U5 f5 n& @. cquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
& G8 I& c" M+ k0 X* G" ?me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
4 L: N( c* l! c  t* L# R* z8 n9 zNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
$ d) ^* W5 c3 \1 Einto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
  ?; e9 H4 l' A5 gopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
% C0 o! r! g+ w# Q, N9 I) zresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
) q% j# G: S) @7 t6 ^. Pbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
  J4 \( e- Z+ a8 w' F
! K" T% F6 Q% HThe first man married a nurse.

3 l* ~+ j+ Y& h& ~/ M/ S4 rDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
. [1 d, j: f+ K! p" g" h) H9 L5 lNurses are known to be hot to trot".
9 G/ `/ b+ O; D
The second man married a telephone operator.
: a1 }0 q0 A9 Y9 k9 n, D% `& M
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
( j3 ?2 }* ?- J! K& kbutton...A-bomb.?

% T" v( L6 p. W+ y( UThe third man married a school teacher.

  L4 W  Y3 g! C9 gDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
- J1 M0 S/ t! @' |8 Bbut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
, z+ F3 }1 K% u# ^1 k# I6 D/ V5 _% }pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
4 M* L- {* d: F6 |( k
) C$ k( P( T1 ^5 Z: bDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
$ u$ l9 G* K% v  j+ M- {% P
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
& R4 I0 k0 J4 m& g6 {' }0 u
. o9 e! l7 m' O: P# O! s, ^. g4 \0 jAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
: J! I+ U, g/ F& T* y; j
The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
" l) P0 R( P3 B/ jas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
4 D2 J0 Q. |1 m' Oin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
$ u% H7 N( S+ n' b1 I! L5 Q0 }their voices."

) _/ s9 {! S+ j2 C1 m* r0 w2 MThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
% H7 O, S& @0 O, k" aheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
  [7 k  h- ]8 q1 U. [2 ^three minutes are up."
) L! _# i( l1 a" T
# J5 s6 Q; y3 y* K3 s. T! ^Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
7 f/ K8 B( K0 p; I# [
$ S, i9 v, d* \0 s7 Z0 Q( V- B6 vFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
0 q7 s3 g( \: t: R# E+ B7 {
; u3 I2 z  C* T: r: I' TDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
# U2 D  U5 r, Sman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
2 a9 v: O9 E5 Z; l8 c' ihis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
1 M6 v* H% o4 P- F6 }4 wlegs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
, _: ^  x( \9 |0 v, W: x
The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
5 @' Z! ]& d  J9 n  q6 Fa school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing