weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
. G& b8 o( d- i% p5 x& qflock, will you give me one?"

+ p! b8 o: C+ v; q7 s+ NThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
% m/ w( T6 a, A8 n# Qpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
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The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
/ g$ o% v' I$ R% O; M/ fcell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
& Z: W. q: k/ S) E  o& o( NGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
) P6 M3 C4 I- B2 {/ Uand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
/ _; g4 A6 e/ f2 m% _7 S  e9 n: W7 rBlackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
+ f! \9 d: o9 gsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

* P1 b( i+ }$ }  ?* B" O- r6 L+ iHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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# P. a* \9 @2 W; v/ j; y9 T% K* sThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
, ]$ h) f' M' |+ }4 z$ W' F) w7 _is, will you give me back my animal?"
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9 W: B' P# Y+ U" D$ x"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
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"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
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"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
/ ^4 _! H0 b2 Znobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
8 c# F# C$ K5 e% q7 _* i# pme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
1 O  m7 l: c% t4 J6 n7 A! B. [9 u+ f% ONot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
0 v& z% W; d% }1 w0 K8 omoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
3 C& C) V1 E2 Q5 twas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
" A1 x# _# s! X0 Ainto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
* {' b3 P  [# X9 A, j2 Fopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
# q( q' ^% A: V) B6 T+ }where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
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+ ?  ?. K. C4 u# k2 l' n( ]: wThe first man married a nurse.
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' ^0 c7 |/ n. N! g) I! J- v" v1 uDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator.

% [: f6 f$ \( G6 W6 I4 I8 dDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
! W7 P0 _7 Q4 Y6 ^" R& \Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
' q. @* n2 M% p9 Ybutton...A-bomb.?

! W8 I) J  R2 m# u, S2 q5 P( SThe third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
, w) l- Q- y; ?: i  g: k$ I  |but teachers are just too frigid".
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The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
2 [& o0 F, {2 t& `* @7 Konly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
0 P2 [% l* J: F0 F9 Q  o+ nwould call much later in the day.
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At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
1 p2 X" ?5 F( z1 A+ opajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
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# E$ l+ A0 ]  t# N( sDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

. I7 w+ M" n: p1 h: \At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
8 ]. ?) ~; v8 t) A6 D8 fas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
: C/ v# x8 `9 ]; d1 C+ G0 y7 l: _in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

) E0 B: ?& u' ?3 Y! fDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
) B6 y  y3 r5 u( dtheir voices."
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, ~9 @  Q5 F: j+ lThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
  q& R2 C* R$ a# ]$ Y2 ?5 v! ^heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
5 J2 _4 h% u& ~/ U( e6 W/ Ythree minutes are up."

$ }& s8 }& G9 V! K- R( iDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
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Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

( G" P# j& ~; n, CDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
2 p  C" e$ m0 Y& L, T1 ~$ O5 jman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
% b5 Y- d0 M: E' dhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
  @+ E& L% I3 J% a: {5 b; `fight?"
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9 h% A) z9 y3 d; _6 jThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
" D2 a* \7 N+ j! W# s6 _! {a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing