办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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4 @6 b/ J/ O( G+ x8 B6 \" ISick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

; a& `* T3 j  n* ?& _Personal Days:
5 i& w/ |8 C+ s. ^' yEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
( D& q; P4 e( n8 z0 q6 W; ]1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
  i" G( ?# ]1 g- f) Z7 f& a$ Y2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
& P! Q, M; d  g) t/ Z3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
; h& k8 T* H# r$ c8 c  f" }4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
) V6 B) b- L  G6 m7 J3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
" t, c' m( s- {6 K) F, C( I7 N) Y4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.