办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
0 M4 i6 `2 q8 F% s4 ]! Z1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
, \7 D1 @+ a* u! T4 |" c2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
+ k% t/ n8 _, T5 F" w" J+ D% ^6 z6 P  t3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
* g% L  {  F) E! D+ {/ k1 w4 l4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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- L: e! i# \4 K+ T, zSick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

! u" l0 ^1 K. ^% xPersonal Days:
) w1 O' I' b' J2 y  g* EEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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5 w$ v8 R- J! b3 @7 `7 E; _Bereavement Leave:
1 E8 x. v: ]4 D- z1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
! d7 |* L! t+ d9 ]* J- X9 t2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
! L: D; ?. v' ?1 O; f: A9 z) z3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
3 L. }- u! m8 y5 K+ |4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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  I2 h4 j8 ^/ v5 z. f) CBathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
# f3 z) U* E1 a  a# Q& u2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
6 l& Y. W( Z" P  e3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
; C! I0 Y; {$ P: X4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
4 ^: K! J: I/ l7 v: Z: z  N2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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$ a$ j7 V, \/ M3 zThe Management

) H, p0 V1 g: _) Y* T1 O# g8 n3 p$ b- gPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.