Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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$ ]5 ]0 h" ?  k/ J# A1 Y" u& `> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 `% x1 f5 o" e# x' |2 y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
* a& H( \! q+ V- V6 w( v; k: Y6 f' H> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ p1 h/ C0 y0 Y4 U, G/ Z>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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7 r$ c; S. D; J6 Z6 @> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 g3 h6 f# k2 f>cream.
4 I3 [1 s! m7 Z1 D7 I4 _> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
, E6 ~# B2 @! N  \" R2 w" w1 \> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
) ^" ]/ N1 Y% Z> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
0 Y* q' o; c& k0 Q> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
1 A. l, [4 ]1 b; `) a> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
. _' a9 A9 m% ^9 |5 _> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" g7 r" ~" ~" q0 n> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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8 q9 q9 m8 b, y( A% Y* K! x> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
7 c% h- y0 T, W& R' j. e, F$ O' i> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
. M5 l- Q- r! `2 n0 B> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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3 Q: ]* g9 u+ R1 ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
. \1 s# g; K) {> > > >allow
0 y) u0 z. H3 {" v) J3 W$ l> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
8 v7 ?8 s" N! M- C> > > >
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, o' g1 s& e+ X; T+ S6 Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 v3 J$ c+ v+ W3 _> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
+ C* j* X/ H5 G% E> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
9 i- x+ n" W: U) }> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& x" `2 v- ?9 O; g$ [0 S  a: A) B> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
1 d/ m$ N5 H8 Y. a- i> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
* N( T, o4 N( q0 C; D- \4 m+ U> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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/ N; b1 x8 _3 q& J: ^2 R1 n> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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. D- y1 \8 U1 {> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
7 g1 T3 D) w5 ~% A/ P; U> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
4 E# {! Q+ O# k, Q; ~$ A+ d> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
/ R; q2 h/ c, F" h# H& x, a9 ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business