Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( o5 l; U6 K5 }, [- y: \' j> > > >little TONY.
7 l/ o  Z6 H1 e0 s* r: r2 b( {1 ^> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
$ V2 Z* Q1 P* H5 I. `$ C* y> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
1 c7 P" ^" V/ V8 X( v6 Y( T* G4 \> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
" Q  I6 \" D3 M>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
; S; ]9 L6 A2 J7 w' g3 o, u> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
: w) j) P% W* _1 p' Z> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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" n. e* {1 O/ P+ C, H2 \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
% z4 g0 `4 ^5 C4 Z6 V% v> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
: M( h1 N: {  d! a$ U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
% x0 m5 `4 O1 m2 E$ N> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- E, E- c3 U1 b$ B8 t> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
5 m! p" G) B) C# `2 u% h5 Z& G> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
" s1 f/ H: m* J8 T9 H. S$ ]: W5 y> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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/ I/ {- }/ m3 K> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
" u2 X/ G, K  }+ G  p> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
1 u5 V% |& Y, H  O3 p( L> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
( I& _0 }' C$ Y> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
9 r5 o/ q% d2 i) h. p> > > >allow
: g1 v" X6 ~, v$ D) o> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
1 S$ H& _! W) h0 D, R> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
. U- Q) @1 i5 Q, s  [. A) Z> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
8 L: P( h! {' b! \( y> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
. `# \+ j/ K+ L9 {( U2 t> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
( P' [$ F9 r; p% ^! ^> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
. F& H! d. x* y5 Y3 a> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
" E3 ^; {4 h% V# l2 l7 ~> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
+ a/ ~4 m1 T, r4 U( u" |> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
; c* `5 u8 r7 k' O# H> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
4 ~6 C5 H! J/ t- W, |> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
# F8 I' x! f3 x2 Q- q> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business