Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
- K( B7 j6 c7 n- l> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
+ u0 j8 k# U- i* P> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 @1 p" {# B& ]. }+ @8 ~> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
# j' g: S) S; X9 O: H/ Z$ O1 ^> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
; [: g+ O8 A  u8 Z! X( S* d' J# s> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 c0 K; Q4 e+ i7 d> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
. S# h: j2 H1 Q6 R0 t> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
$ T3 D# O3 q0 M4 o  |8 S+ l7 S> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
- h( }' ?+ F& ~( T4 H. A> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
" ^( g) x* ~4 ^/ f> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
" w! C) v1 v% x7 v* |> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
( T  f! E2 @/ o6 r> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
, Q( S( t+ t( {! D> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
! @5 I6 w& }1 D3 F* [, w( D; B> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
9 }  r8 A0 a/ `+ _# ?' t  h> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, S" @9 G4 @  j4 S/ g6 q> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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, D" E% v( R+ }. B  R0 a/ y3 k  Z. q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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6 z" z" I$ U, }4 R. f> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
$ g, G- P5 h+ I6 ^! D> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
1 H; e0 ~- g3 D9 ~0 J' f  ~> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& |- R5 a# t' h/ Y% k, @) @> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
7 a' x- {3 `! h$ u> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 Q% V: t; w# ^2 C: L> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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: A! h$ u/ {, u" R) u& @, y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ y0 E2 M* S4 t> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
+ e1 |5 M; \/ K. w0 M4 h4 h1 D: d> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
" Q1 ?# |2 w8 D0 R: e" i- x> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
  }7 n2 J, X) g: V% S8 W! r> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
9 W' O% ]3 ^3 `, k# k& e1 j> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business