Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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' k% l2 J4 q5 e" c> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
! c. E! F/ L" ~2 m; E, W! x> > > >little TONY.
" @( @/ E' B0 R0 v> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
) s& r) _4 e0 b" u2 N> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
0 [1 e* ^/ C% k0 k1 @>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
6 F( t9 O. Z; i8 f5 T> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
! w! R4 p; a& V- \7 R>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- R+ m5 m& F, c/ z2 K7 e+ f> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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$ A) M; o8 V4 p9 |> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 l2 B$ x- F  Q3 ^: j% C/ U> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
5 y5 O2 i' h5 ?$ N/ w7 i; E> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
0 v- n* X3 z) X$ l! O: ?> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 J( I: d9 r6 v3 _' S# p> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" B& q: l( V6 E% u2 s/ c> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
5 B* s1 R9 I) e5 b: V> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
9 \& i9 S+ {# t( e/ o  L> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
5 o8 N* Z0 ~0 |! I, j4 x8 U> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
6 A, P! s$ c. O> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
, t8 f+ o, f  a& Y7 e> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
2 G9 I( n  B1 k> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
  D5 L7 j7 v# B* x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) `) E# i5 p1 o5 w- K  T> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' d9 n/ N% h! z' `+ }> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
. [) P/ b. N5 J: c3 ^* c5 b  f> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
- y6 T1 `$ C& j% m! h/ j8 w, @! p> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
, D6 Q5 [% O' H) I: o6 X> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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- M& ^) u* Z* R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ W( T8 G( o$ _7 P* ^; k> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" l5 K3 F  b; ?) ^! j& u% k> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
; d6 d6 |' B4 c+ F> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business