Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 R1 }! v2 X% H% y& L7 n4 _> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
% P9 A: g! ^$ C  X6 f! [: {5 Q9 r> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
1 ?& v( p2 M' u. G4 f5 c! {/ p4 z> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, v; _8 W6 K, b1 {& ^1 a> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# D+ p$ J% J" E8 G7 a4 X" ]> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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# T  Z$ F6 ]" P" K> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
/ P0 S4 }$ M5 c4 w; B) m> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
# a, s' y) q3 c& {+ }, Y6 Z> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
  Q& @! K5 t0 T& f> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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1 ^4 U2 Q9 w' [3 N/ y0 |> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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% C( s. v' P, i> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
+ G, ?/ G6 S' f2 P> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
! P8 {& z- L! a6 {8 Z> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
4 J1 z" X# ?; ^0 S> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
  U6 |1 X( f+ B7 N" t> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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" H1 ?/ I- k3 b7 S# S7 \> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
3 R/ K2 T" J: \> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
* K( {: c7 ?- D0 R> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, n2 y; i9 Y/ c! I- J> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( m( a2 ^& W+ P& w& K> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
1 u& W, g& i$ J( O/ p* d> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
4 Q+ o1 [$ m2 z) C> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; C5 V( d) W  j2 k5 P2 ?$ Q> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
2 q' T3 t2 O6 s$ L1 X> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
3 L( N  i' o( {  z; t3 Q$ C> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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2 W% p3 }( O- }: g  {9 y/ c" j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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$ G8 P0 `! C- `- I! U> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
1 p: o+ e7 H* e1 ^( c$ V6 M6 M> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
6 X) K: D+ g7 u3 f% b> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
) R, C! Y6 C8 d! x$ _> > > >beautifully."
: J0 U4 ?  T! v0 g& L> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 R) T4 r5 I' J9 \$ j. ], U  F% R2 [: q> > > >called on little TONY.
0 d% h5 X9 M" G' D) @  S# n: E3 l> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: e# f* {" l/ }' W> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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' o5 G5 p4 T* p0 @# |+ `2 [# w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
( t4 j) W9 C0 R; E; X> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
1 `3 j) a9 a- e! v- V; X0 b* a. }> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
0 p2 j$ j; P( r6 l$ v> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business