Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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- _+ O# w5 A( O2 E5 F: W> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 X$ N7 J" N4 A+ P* \* U0 e> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
$ G! k) [, F$ x) |0 B3 X> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
% e4 [9 Q9 W4 l- S> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
- G1 l1 y5 Z2 g; S7 c> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 z, h- G5 u# U> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( a: ~8 @8 J. l, X/ |. x>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
, \$ I9 `4 {9 u8 a> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 W! P# i7 ]: E0 b+ ^: L& D" y; m> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! b0 W' E& k% U5 [9 N6 L. x. ?+ @> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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# h( o4 @" d! K( Y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
2 h+ W1 v8 X8 h$ h" a5 {> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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& S  r# P; N  m3 T2 p: p> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
* V3 A  c( u+ g" R> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
! E# w* d; K0 j> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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3 c& Z6 J+ q! y  d4 A' H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 N6 w9 o, x$ \, r$ q* a> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
/ j- ~- y: z) {5 _  @5 e> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
& W' O8 z& y3 J% s% |. g> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
0 A( k9 k7 ]- j) m/ Z6 y> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
9 [" ^2 z: Y/ a/ ?> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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. m4 D7 k$ `2 K, w> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
8 z0 _0 i6 {) d1 I" k, X- P/ D> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
9 C3 T/ K& {' C9 _6 A> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- ?8 v  _* [) [3 P' K2 h6 _# s> > > >beautifully."
/ d% Y/ _0 ?/ F> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: T3 m- `# J( U7 w2 X$ x  B, B> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
) {- @) f5 e1 }# k> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
: ]! o6 W0 I; X> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
4 q/ q0 q; W4 |3 K0 ]+ I> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' M3 V+ c2 @) m% P: N! I> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business