Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
! I8 N" U* m2 W( k8 m; s. E/ B> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
" ^; C' ^& C4 c1 h( t& I  r> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
* T% u# O* O+ ^+ R4 R> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
' ?' W/ X% L' H. e* G> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
2 u8 y# n+ z7 a> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
2 |3 {# d' X$ p. m- }! }$ Y$ e8 h> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 j7 @" X- u8 h$ s" I> > > >Which one is married?"
* o& q/ v7 t4 v> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 o% N& o* n7 x- t3 \> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
7 j( g+ \7 f  _, a> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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$ M9 @, }: ^3 r) f> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
) P# l/ \4 R0 V6 K0 U9 ?* R! a; b* E% S> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" |) a1 ]* Y. y" D5 r> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
  h5 @( q0 n6 t: z: w9 t> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
8 X- x! I* ?: |6 r5 T; c> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" N" K( t6 R+ {: q$ ^) _: Y> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
* l3 I' \- Y0 X% p. S> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
0 F: u" g, H2 }3 C4 b5 ]8 a, d( W> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
, X* f1 G5 b+ B9 w$ ~> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
6 q! r1 Z0 ?5 ?. p" I( e+ B> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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4 W* z7 Y1 P, S/ n) ]/ V1 O; t7 u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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" [; x' C* J$ {/ G0 N/ }> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
! s& h4 a- \& c8 T2 r> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
' t- ^2 v2 i( d* [> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
6 ^/ P- c: |, I3 i2 [* B( R0 \> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" M2 I$ U! n6 u; h- [9 Y( U> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- C" A2 J  c  E3 f& ?> > > >beautifully."
0 ^7 m( O) f; E3 F9 c> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
* q8 H# u& ]3 D& B8 C> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
; }$ M( U8 s6 l7 L> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
( B+ K, a; U, `' F> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
0 o. A6 k) i$ @8 Z- K> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
4 q8 J& e( V& {8 [0 G) M& K> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
% N  x: Z1 x. F$ A> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business