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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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2 B* y7 \" H7 _5 a1 {9 C *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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( w$ p; A$ H3 ]# [1 `  w A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
' @: E# I# v8 JThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,7 c* @; y" m9 `8 W) x$ H3 }
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
9 w. @: n  q/ P Before she says a word, Bob says,. \. k3 M! {# Q3 }0 Z
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
3 h0 q  ~& r3 p9 j+ O' kAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.; t! }1 r4 H  u  `4 x
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
1 N) B# u' g5 dThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
0 y5 B6 S6 y% _/ d5 Z$ GWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
% y. V% i! I4 u3 [) F* [ "Who was that?"
+ y. e' A0 {7 D' i2 N! `5 I/ ^" s"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ! u. u; Y, w3 n9 }% Y
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"! E8 F  R. O2 X  T- m/ k# o5 _
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your5 D+ @0 V0 G  L7 x
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
- [# N; N# D/ W7 o) M9 r$ e A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.: K7 m+ h7 h' t* B
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
3 a  T7 R: l: H0 s/ IThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".6 F; s3 X# `6 f: f( L& u+ g
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 5 H% f  M/ ~9 R0 J3 C& h
Poof! She's gone.
! K+ A8 ]# o. t- n+ l8 c5 m7 c"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
, g" C* g) `' t "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 3 O6 k8 Z% W' Q( l
Poof! He's gone.
. l5 S3 h+ X5 I$ \"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. $ b7 E0 u8 o9 z5 C: B
The manager says,6 V* v. N. V1 M
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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- Z. A2 \. w- y1 S: b. z Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
" b- [* Q8 n' D0 r*Lesson 26 T4 e9 g3 M3 ]5 A% g" r; V! @, F0 O0 `
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.& X$ |$ V& {7 j7 {  n
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ) V( f( c# h: a' N/ Q6 y7 Q% u. Z
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
6 O# u/ o& M: @3 k$ L- ~ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
; @9 l6 P& ^% c  x9 g4 }The priest nearly had an accident. * u# W9 m- r1 V5 I$ I0 U
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
# A3 ?! i8 u& d' E7 Y! eThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 6 e8 k* Q& K; @" M# f
The priest removed his hand. % u  I8 h8 Q6 N. G% M
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. % j# B* Y- b* j0 n( n0 P5 t
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
0 ^  x8 m, G+ S: xThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." " Q8 h6 N) d6 D# j! p+ ], }* C
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
+ G: O5 F) F* T) x5 X3 N On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129." l7 E6 J: |6 z! {% `" X
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.": z# ^* n& A" E1 F

9 E+ C& E9 ~; Z) S Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
5 ^. ~, n8 B6 w7 {3 F( p$ S) [ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.& S7 E* |" {1 f" `  {$ R: d
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"6 C3 {( ?2 h! p" ], y# A$ n
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." : c  H5 a2 d. @* S* n6 z3 t
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
: o% h% m7 O/ w1 J A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
7 x8 j# j* H1 C5 B" M Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
3 w# J* @. L9 v) o$ Y) ~# e0 c- ? A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."% k% Q% i) M2 Z& R
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
! L3 {& v+ ~! L( U' U  H/ k' C* s& uThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
, t8 d0 n4 b8 b3 PThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
2 C% B1 k) Q. k  m5 j0 }7 ` Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.  L! k& q3 N) |4 s) T& m; f( N& t
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.9 p" |) _& G0 F9 n& ?0 Y
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
) c* w" _7 [% G3 S# P+ i A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.0 _/ Y7 S8 u  P2 r, O$ p
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
" d7 S& M9 @& a As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
, P% \5 ]. V1 W- k8 TThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. & J2 }3 N; Y1 {% Y! K2 H! d
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. - ~6 m7 ?; g# k+ _1 d/ {" o) X9 K
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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6 Z$ K% y8 e4 w& a5 R Moral of the story:
/ p& J: y% t$ C7 ~3 c, H% T. m! t1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
. Y1 v# U3 A( j" \6 n1 { 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
9 p. ^* e  i& ~! u* ^9 y; \ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won." L5 E5 Y2 b# y3 E" Z" ?

6 x5 H2 l5 q: x5 i8 j, f; c2 bThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the! s: {2 o! Q8 z) G0 w/ |7 |
race again and it won again.
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  S- m. N6 h  nThe local paper read:
9 e4 z- Q1 L( N/ d! w) EPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.7 v' P/ }3 X/ L4 v
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the- h+ Y( ]9 e( s5 ^1 A
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.  H7 z- p) V( E. \( [1 i' x$ _; x

. }# t+ A# E1 l: K2 l/ j; T( pThe next day, the local paper headline read:
' I* O2 f9 N# s1 y" C# i2 DBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.% M  T& y' g0 r% A

4 [2 U- F- D. |, f- P( F2 M. zThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
3 t4 c2 J0 m/ Q  ]) `' i/ Yof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.; ]3 L" L% f( l7 U/ H

$ S+ w, h' y7 p8 V9 x! N+ pThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
6 Y  G* e6 l6 z9 {0 u  ^NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid, r. M7 _7 L6 |6 g
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  _6 ?5 `9 B+ i
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The next day the paper read:
  H3 m3 U% {5 P' {NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.# o; b6 r! _: L8 g" B: B. L$ |9 V7 u

3 @$ `" d3 Y& V% A' r! E/ ?This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back5 M' O3 X: P+ _; _' _
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
4 R  g' U1 \* m5 y, m& h) J- dNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.+ _4 k- F2 g  H1 s
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The bishop was buried the next day.7 o  n- T; v! X; Q! x
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion# `" B& m, A1 Y% C
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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* c& g/ X4 X0 B  ~* V5 T$ N3 m) q* lSo be yourself and enjoy life...$ e% K( w0 u9 E+ r: m( [3 u- I
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier/ B% R5 I' `9 p6 X) B- e. b
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ( B$ f) V) j9 }* h5 D

  J, b% ~4 r$ s0 i& lJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?". A/ n$ y. c/ q# G& Q2 u8 G
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!) J9 E% a" F( g& f7 q0 P* s

, a8 S7 a' z" {3 E2 ], L/ S7 }Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 2 u' z5 b! X  \' ^( T
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. & l: I" V! [9 W9 ~" V4 i

: H6 y/ P) \1 F( {2 n3 a: DWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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+ [) f' m" p$ }) }$ sAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 2 {/ G% h! K) ~" l6 R
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. - }7 T1 `( E! c& y

6 E1 I4 x& W: t, u8 nThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.3 v" T6 w" p3 M- {2 A6 T2 v8 d
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 ) \2 u, b% d8 |$ O/ n
Thanks for sharing.
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4 |4 ^7 h2 q+ @* U5 x$ WI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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$ n$ B, }; e5 R3 o, D! tYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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