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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons * a& _$ K* s4 H
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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8 ?! B. u& E5 B9 L, B9 J7 B0 n0 b# U) B A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
, k  x; w" r8 E3 e6 H" uThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
% ~, L8 E/ u1 J0 q5 ] there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.1 C% B' z8 V$ u* H" Z  T! u
Before she says a word, Bob says,
$ \3 w/ v& i7 r3 Y8 J2 { "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 4 s8 S. w3 x/ C$ {" T4 ?4 y0 k
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
- m) a2 t) i+ `. ?After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
! F7 e1 ^1 p* TThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
, x1 u+ D' C- C, O. y# r) s3 z/ LWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,% M, [  V, x8 {' Q; X
"Who was that?" 5 N. `9 ?& ?" r( Q$ L. }
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
8 i9 m" `7 B) `) P4 c"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"! v" \6 [( W! N1 D& M0 z# v; Z

6 a( B. {, s4 _8 E" xMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your6 Z6 C. W9 W" K/ C5 E; @5 `3 p9 C
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2- W' K/ y* V1 ]
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
% ~: X) ^4 ?  {! [" yThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
4 R4 z3 `/ F* G1 wThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) Y4 }" @% A3 f, Z( Z "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
) C2 Y" D5 u9 tPoof! She's gone. 4 `+ K% Q0 {( U3 t* _
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.) c) s5 }8 j, v7 Y9 L8 m/ d1 A. X: u
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
) \' ^% G- n" P5 E# n8 ^  HPoof! He's gone. % A5 x5 U: ~# j$ _! S
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ; J1 G$ S7 D! i/ D0 Y& t; V2 j
The manager says,
/ x% d; T  ^, @$ W2 T8 O "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 " q9 f/ c" I3 o( D( q" c
*Lesson 2$ ~6 ^* ?% ~2 g  Z& F
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.' ^+ G4 _, ]+ C8 d2 o/ ^
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 8 A% I3 }) H, H" w
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*% O9 h+ M" ]. K
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
) ^! `, e: {, R9 ]" v4 R  Q. K6 q/ rThe priest nearly had an accident. ; g( b5 |7 L  w5 e# F% F
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
  L; q8 J) C+ \& \The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
  m" y$ L9 v$ }5 U2 t  `4 x4 S( }, xThe priest removed his hand.
. s- e9 T8 ?4 p. ]6 PBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 9 X+ s6 F* v6 T
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 @- u7 G! U: {8 J8 C# u' h- oThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 G. B( f# H* p' Z8 E9 aArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.0 z6 F* v) l- y; q, P
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
$ `; a( S% p! c9 ~; B1 R) ~* ]; |# r It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."; b4 Q" R( K  a: o- H. d% S

7 P* M. v" I& E& o Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
) L6 N: r- ], E: N* S$ b" K+ @& F A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
6 T' y8 i% _( T. U* A A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
8 A* _4 {' r4 W1 ^The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
) t" _7 L# F/ ?# o% g1 P2 Q+ FSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.: O9 p8 s( `! i8 R* W
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it." {5 |( g, H7 T+ ~' \8 u3 y
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*/ X( D, W/ \2 x9 N4 m
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."6 P1 c' W4 q$ J5 T+ `: O
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." " j1 f7 [2 _4 f1 p# k
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
; x0 n4 {0 H! I% @  u) KThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
, n9 a* N' y* y" ?# w* A. y* @1 L Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
* N) C; h8 m0 L  o$ s1 ~ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.9 a1 n# H: O) X' i: e

* y2 @6 F$ k- K/ i+ PMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
' x+ J# ], A; e A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.! @- F% A" |, R3 F% x: A
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.( ~+ w8 G8 l4 Z- ?0 J& U/ E3 E
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 1 [% J4 ~: I3 n
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. & a9 s' g" V7 N5 z
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
0 L; X% K" J* Q% p& S, w, HFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.  v9 J" U; a+ {+ u  \( Y( Z
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Moral of the story:0 b$ u5 g" t5 m$ P  L8 N
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 _; c' Q, E$ q5 F 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
% a3 B+ C/ U0 W# p# w7 G% \+ S8 }5 B 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
# |- c) O  U1 E, i race again and it won again.
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- R/ m3 e# v5 h3 y+ `0 fThe local paper read:
& o  W6 S0 N. O& S# i# QPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.9 N1 p7 A, }( T( b' z/ V/ C

0 K- k0 g2 O, r% L5 {The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the. R( n5 z  q. B# Y) V5 n
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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7 Z; [1 [7 x  e$ N2 P) L2 FThe next day, the local paper headline read:
! j0 {6 m  S! J, w( R) GBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.3 G# {1 i* k7 V! F4 P* |7 [+ i

; T" t! u, S. |This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
1 l- H% {6 G* R& b8 Bof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.3 f9 ?7 g5 w2 W6 e( [% q

* I9 f; R9 D3 U/ O' M" b& Y( DThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
: y3 w9 Z' I) Q* @; c: f. E0 VNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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: r" R+ f# O% A  v$ \; f2 tThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
& I4 `' `1 f' b( o: B# s7 w7 dof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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2 y7 @  A- h8 R& ~) NThe next day the paper read:9 }9 W1 q" F, g/ L  F
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back0 u+ t( Z5 w( x( b$ ~3 m# p% D
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.; I+ R+ s# z: Q/ u& l  N
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The next day the headlines read:
* M5 E% d# S4 u" J5 [2 f1 PNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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8 z. g7 d8 i+ {The bishop was buried the next day.7 Z4 ~. ]1 e; A6 w5 x

+ @' S  n, s  p8 r$ J% }The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
; F8 ~/ N% q7 G1 m$ P! D# N1 @& Gcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.4 J' }1 c0 a. O# F; L1 J
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
# [( V) U/ j* f% H! `: d And live longer!
* b9 r# D1 ^0 V7 @9 v2 G! m: v
8 P% V% }3 q, M! H0 l! n, @Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 5 Z/ ?. a6 x5 h9 Z8 f
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"3 Q2 f" F0 K5 O3 I& a
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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( F1 p1 w) K7 j- B" N2 S$ bWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
9 \& O; e6 X* ?# JThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
! v6 \: g  o0 K% @  m5 w+ u
0 R* X" p- W. q4 X. ~6 G0 QAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 0 Q3 v3 c" O5 V0 I5 h

/ @; n% \6 k. _4 B( s2 p( g6 r# b! b9 iThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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/ A6 _& {! s$ KI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
' d2 c- r1 U" t8 ZThanks for sharing.
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4 \, q, Z, l) T: WI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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