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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
4 ^  j) Q( X6 M- t2 U  CBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.+ `* `. Q+ b( j) e
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem! J5 \1 z3 O( Q0 s9 c) ~7 ]5 i
Thanks a lot!!!) P1 V- t0 X: D. C2 h
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$ n: N7 ], R. S+ J: l$ p8 p/ p9 F( N3 ~7 R# j, s9 J3 k

; d0 L/ |0 a8 v$ a& Q) t& ?  F: E7 ]8 \6 N: C" t, ]' I
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 P6 B" S9 g0 K2 t8 g              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us " f: U0 ~! l3 h1 u6 w
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
* ~9 d% ^0 T  C) S; [2 S# [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ; P, m0 P; w+ d! V
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 M2 ]2 o, Y5 N              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( z' w6 P8 U( c/ F6 d: w
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 l6 [5 O, y$ h! Q8 S8 q# i! _             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, W& ~% c; i* e6 P             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 C5 c% \3 e- F9 d7 X, v3 F             somehow I lost myself inside again
. }& o) C. X/ |6 XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog / ?3 b6 r% O* N
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 E2 p& a% j" J1 S
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
5 b& [6 D* a6 i1 z% `, o- O& M- NBasically, I almost finish this poem' u0 W3 d6 c4 `
               I am 一个人de精彩
: V3 S# y# i9 E; \6 T( Y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.8 A$ Z: ]5 Z( \2 ^5 f9 |+ w2 X
But........         9 c- S; R8 F. f- u% }" u
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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5 p) s, w. x) [" Y' _( ?: \卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?: g, b0 i, x: a, W; F; O

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) p% ~: ?; Y/ ASomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: U6 O' I$ Y; q) L9 w) b0 g: x  n; ~Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 R2 I) J2 C+ U6 d! ^* Y2 R9 q* dSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% o# |- B0 [- @+ d8 qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 5 [: W% X3 K, |0 a, X# Y$ l% S
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. T1 b( q- Y& D2 D7 q  Y  K
7 u) g" T4 d/ f9 g7 y2 _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- [0 B7 E$ v5 uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 N5 e9 @# c+ x2 ~" L; RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 U# D5 a! R" U# hSomehow I lost myself inside it again
( ^& E. t% y; m& D% }! N4 q) W
, E7 q! E, `' k" e. _3 x/ c' Y& M6 r1 z* VSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion( o# q+ U* B) u* I. s7 Y
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you  ^& j- @1 }. b! L( o
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself$ B6 O3 W: v+ {$ ~. e" T) b
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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- |% z* U* q7 Z! g( XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 7 X3 I: c: g, O6 L% k8 j
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- m- v* [& e9 m3 L1 E9 i8 o
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 j' I$ e0 C" _5 T我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' g* Y/ b. M) P+ Q( o$ x% c/ c哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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