请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
+ L  U! x, C+ Q9 {' C' ~. ~7 hBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! \% f) H# n1 T3 f5 }0 kThanks a lot!!!


( t) ]+ x' Q3 r1 I



$ T# Y- b8 X3 _( ^3 E
/ ]/ l/ w  T+ rFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 ?# ]3 `4 y, t. S8 F' ~              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
7 J5 e% [5 q6 h$ w7 B0 c; Q5 O7 M( r              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 B2 O8 M3 V, A; r8 K6 Y* MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: [3 F  A% W" l- h$ {9 F             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! @) v& x% l4 S3 ]) L. r- g. n, ?             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 D1 \3 b4 O; \Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
9 F0 T9 }5 E; G8 jIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' x0 D+ ?/ L8 [& F/ m2 o; ?Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! F( j2 r) Q+ LSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
8 l/ E( p" i" |  q( |Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
2 T$ E& `* u$ V( TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

( o8 n6 F/ K9 D, n9 KSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- y; K8 t( O, B* k7 D5 G! cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 s: N  ~9 R" r' F# K: j
' o+ c. w, _4 O# n6 f, MSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ ^( ?7 Y; H5 B/ ~2 sSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 R6 q3 M+ x  V: c================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
5 Y3 ]2 r+ a6 Lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？