请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
4 ^  j) Q( X6 M- t2 U  CBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 P6 B" S9 g0 K2 t8 g              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
* ~9 d% ^0 T  C) S; [2 S# [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 M2 ]2 o, Y5 N              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 l6 [5 O, y$ h! Q8 S8 q# i! _             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, W& ~% c; i* e6 P             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 C5 c% \3 e- F9 d7 X, v3 F             somehow I lost myself inside again
. }& o) C. X/ |6 XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
5 b& [6 D* a6 i1 z% `, o- O& M- NBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
: V3 S# y# i9 E; \6 T( Y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
/ u, ?; a3 k9 u
5 p) s, w. x) [" Y' _( ?: \卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) p% ~: ?; Y/ ASomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: U6 O' I$ Y; q) L9 w) b0 g: x  n; ~Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 R2 I) J2 C+ U6 d! ^* Y2 R9 q* dSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% o# |- B0 [- @+ d8 qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. T1 b( q- Y& D2 D7 q  Y  K
7 u) g" T4 d/ f9 g7 y2 _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- [0 B7 E$ v5 uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 N5 e9 @# c+ x2 ~" L; RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 U# D5 a! R" U# hSomehow I lost myself inside it again
( ^& E. t% y; m& D% }! N4 q) W
, E7 q! E, `' k" e. _3 x/ c' Y& M6 r1 z* VSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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- |% z* U* q7 Z! g( XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 j' I$ e0 C" _5 T我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' g* Y/ b. M) P+ Q( o$ x% c/ c哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？