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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
) x4 F" ~+ j/ ]4 o/ J8 M$ mBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( c0 Z, h- K: T* ~9 B  {( mHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem6 _" [: S( c( ]
Thanks a lot!!!
  V" s' `' |3 d( j* W: S; S: N8 T4 d
2 y4 E5 m& L: G4 _
1 T  k! H% b2 M( H
9 R* S  J9 T7 X  s

9 [5 f; `; s5 s- u: ~7 q) N* U8 p8 g7 ?- x

- _0 i1 u, Y3 v  J9 Z' f) O# ZFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
( @& A# ], f1 }5 E, e# G              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" _0 }( B/ F, d, N( g              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world   s0 O4 Q& X7 @$ B! D9 r' F/ d
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 9 O, c) i/ ~% @' j$ N3 c7 {
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind - d9 O8 b0 j5 G4 e8 }# G
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 7 B1 f% L2 H2 v" Y# M- r
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 L. C, w+ _  ?7 C             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 @: ?5 z' @- v& g  X7 w; ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, Q+ @1 h  X* M/ r, b: V
             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 ^1 E1 a' Z8 z' x( _0 CNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ Y' R0 v7 ]% ^1 t             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! c. k/ w2 q+ zFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................# U" u  N+ m3 u- O& |' }
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ b. t' y- N- B  c- t+ I* f$ |$ W               I am 一个人de精彩
, ?7 p8 v# ^3 [3 f2 ~3 k7 _               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.- z5 {: Z" p9 ?7 E2 h9 W! u
But........         
: j5 s/ ~! e! t% p8 uIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
) _; ~. H6 q: J6 K5 x
/ C! ]' ]2 [# |! j, z# ^8 K卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?# m  ^7 P# L- k7 w' V! @
; X5 a; l. i" [- l
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you . ~1 G2 V* `% A5 f
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 `9 W4 l4 v1 Z) U& K/ G
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 s% S2 u' W7 b% ?% _Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. r0 l8 a" h6 e% z( ySomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 5 j0 R7 I4 Y2 Q' P
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# v3 \9 a: G! T1 S0 v& R- i" ^8 F
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) A5 {! f, C* l% o. KSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 {( a; l% t: r! ]# P! s
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' n" }( h- @9 K4 m" k3 V' w6 P" k7 |Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 w  V  b% T7 L" ]6 I% L) I. ~8 O+ z: o2 Z
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion0 Y6 U0 w1 e' R9 k2 d- Y, X" @0 k. m
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you% o* D) Y. r# r: e; ^
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 ~* I/ K  o. {+ B
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; j- O+ _4 O3 X( x" I
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! M. K0 q, W, c* u+ R! m% u1 QHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday . V( {- i+ Z7 U- [

5 N) C8 K& M6 v9 J: fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) d% ^9 a* R# D. V; Y) h
=====================================================================1 C" P9 U0 x: H6 i% E9 [
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 6 l7 N: ?) A) H6 U- i  v
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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