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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA% H; d$ `0 C% I4 D- l. F! ^
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1. Bring your own house.9 ~" o+ b+ V5 F9 b
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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, n; T$ t d3 Y# |6 _9 y 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder6 H) i+ d- y. Q! ?
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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8 ?' l/ E. x0 r 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug7 i3 @$ A0 h( F8 a8 h
capital of Canada .
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& V8 M9 f/ j4 O5 x. m 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is. |6 Z' i0 v$ I1 @' w2 p
$8.00/hour.7 p# L+ X; a- Q6 b
0 J; K- j. B2 l4 | 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
+ H7 m7 K |$ {* [. qon a 15 year holiday ?- V7 \) I7 J3 m: r
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
8 m ?, @ }8 u" j: ~prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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) P* c3 \- I4 V( [0 A- Q10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come5 S' d6 S) a% C" O& Q& M$ | Q
here sick.4 D6 _4 X9 s; `2 T8 D+ r: r. y
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12# \! e8 f2 }+ |# v, T" A0 Z
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.- i! b2 I6 z& s5 M; j
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% i$ l- z& w1 N& L THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :/ d' R0 f# b5 U, f
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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1 }2 c" L) S) p2 F# |6 J; X2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
. d' A/ U( l/ E8 g0 Q6 W( Dis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.# h! V4 @; b' T6 W' x d6 v
1 p+ x* y3 u8 n3 D% A& Z3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its5 f* f5 n7 }2 s) z6 F
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest) R! B0 B6 H, L+ l
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
# T3 Y3 v) ?( k, ` v( zgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell1 u# j, ^: J4 G+ X+ e
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.) y( W# P, y& Q0 @# O
5 W4 u* v5 s2 v, d5 N+ y4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
" v7 I5 w1 E" c/ u) n( `cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
, |' G, |1 V. R7 Mcan get you shot.
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; u* b* L5 w, P/ J) z# _( F0 Q6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour3 d# S5 u* [. ?
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next. E: f; i- i0 n8 f; M% y
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
4 y, a. U' P* u3 p1 Emore construction starts everyday.6 B* q1 V& @3 {# |
/ E+ G5 [3 @% ^8 z8 P 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,: n& Y, c0 M" m2 p7 s
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
( [7 F3 G) `2 @1 ksquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.. r5 _- y0 Q& D* ^. K
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all) f/ Z* X* ^( u- z8 @% h5 O7 f
the same road.
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+ x9 S+ K" \" c$ @9 f8 K9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the5 P0 @+ O" h" t, n3 S
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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+ O- u5 T2 n3 Y9 m ~10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km S4 ?; Z. y& M3 |$ M* `: [
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
0 u% q b9 N& f* T& jaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.4 w! b* C! o: b) h, ]
' [: v7 K3 j9 _( [5 p. M11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
: |6 g7 m" ~1 z, U; C9 ilined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and+ m" ~0 c* ]: q$ l& ^
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
" L7 k$ b. m5 c* n# Yvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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