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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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. Z3 g! X9 T& Q 1. Bring your own house.$ H& ?# C: r' I+ n4 D
* r8 f- s u1 Q3 `! k1 h+ \% }' Y 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and1 X3 t1 y0 c8 _" A* w5 a
hospital.5 G5 Z/ E+ A" E) `0 S
( ]8 w% E/ U0 P 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder3 M7 F X; C5 `4 a/ l
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada . S# h# B0 w# |- f( I
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
8 g; Z% J% A) p. icapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is( S- D# k J% @" G5 t' W
$8.00/hour.
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! t2 P6 O* I w+ P! p% ]1 i& F 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
: u) ?# w+ @" R. Ion a 15 year holiday ?0 N# p" [% O) c3 [& \
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
! M, k) b" V9 @" r8 `, zprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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: |& H1 Q1 ~! H |( k2 e10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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) B6 J7 V& f: C5 u% A) _11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12; m$ W/ `7 C' `( H' `8 A# b
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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$ S1 U/ F: q; ?7 d/ z8 ~" }2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour; W. n9 K, o! t
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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- @. D9 B4 O: `' J _3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its% U# R, n! e9 C2 U7 n
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
8 m+ V5 s& u0 U, J9 C$ ~muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
3 k( T: T% k6 Y7 o8 ]8 l- r1 }go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell: j' u/ b& U& N( }* L+ ~7 U2 g
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. a: O" f+ T. D3 m: W6 G0 l
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
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4 R @' I2 T( I' M: K3 q5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
* b8 S& P2 C# ?" S* o1 t. acan get you shot.; o8 F5 l5 j- ~* _* b
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour% W2 {3 t. [/ h( n) w9 J
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
' u" i5 s6 X2 h- q+ Aday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
. P' r, R+ g) \more construction starts everyday.5 m% Q- f- J% ?+ }1 m1 _
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, B, O6 V& J0 W" G+ a- ~$ N
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,; y0 l1 ~7 W" R$ C. K' D! U
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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) G5 b M. p" {( O" Y3 u. G) t4 j8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
% p# e( u; c9 r* G$ h- g8 B' w, ~the same road.: i8 i, L; S6 B) C5 | m7 y
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
( [" `: e7 c3 rshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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$ h/ W p6 u( s5 y" B+ n10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
8 j( u+ R. p% V0 _7 Izone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"2 f/ x, E6 a. R: q* c
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur* G" l* B8 x; g5 J7 r, K8 r; g' T
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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