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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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8 ?6 C) _& l( Q/ [9 z1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush/ G, J' ~5 Q2 b/ _. m
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday$ j4 w9 l% X6 u* C. E, N* a0 I
morning.5 X3 R+ U( }. I- q, }4 m5 E2 @+ }$ R+ ]
8 [% }* A& e+ _- @3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,/ l3 P! i# x! E! R
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a; j, o7 X# V! t2 S
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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3 X8 m7 }8 a! K: x2 B4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
. z `, A( S9 F) Rown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest5 s$ U- {- {5 L( g# H, _2 t* `
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
& D D+ \( K* ^- K3 {# dgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell/ H$ z$ U+ D l' H2 ?
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.4 K7 u' R, M& Z
1 e$ K h9 ^) m0 h! s7 P5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,) p5 Z) Q& T* f9 ~4 `; ~# p! r2 \
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can. M' ~ K; P7 e( @* x. g
get you shot.
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" H; |! X6 ]) w- {4 x, e# g; a7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
6 ?) n* r% f, U1 e0 khas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
& P! v" f( Q+ I8 dthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot' M$ d9 f) q% A/ b( v6 l
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first/ I1 C; u+ C! R5 U9 o8 F* F
vehicle through the intersection.
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1 A% d; o7 L. V8 S3 S5 T6 I8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
8 U0 e% C- o+ y" }* E7 _& Hbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
* ]. R4 V3 ]. `day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
% V5 X L3 u7 `: ~" P, dmore construction starts everyday.9 s: s! a* V7 s& c( a
r0 |' g# j0 F9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
- o- \8 k' p7 gdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,; A8 t* o! M; L) H2 }( ?2 l
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.) z" ~0 O5 ]! D f
+ S! Y ^; Y- I5 b$ ]* q10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same! C- g# I' [( ~4 }6 ]1 u9 f$ w
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
+ T. u0 O# a4 u& H# o/ b7 URoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and! q3 r" ?6 ^5 ` l/ ?. x
66 Street are also the same road; got it?' e5 h4 z U, @5 r% ]
, t4 v6 C5 E+ k/ Q$ r' {+ J2 {11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the* U C' q/ _2 {1 i! h
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally8 h, a |- P* s+ L3 G( }& a
Activated.'
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6 c% H9 T7 U9 Z12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,. w% H4 B+ ^% K) v! P* a9 c$ w
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'$ u& {6 W6 a; c% \* [
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.2 U: B X# Z- i9 v
" f9 J7 m( D* z13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
' z% r: C5 \( q, T- Elined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
; ]) ?. |- H5 k2 _( W. wblankets in the vehicle. |
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