Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
) f  F% K, q& M0 c
5 v+ G3 B! U0 g! T7 |The following were some of this year’s winning entries:
4 |" s5 t9 k5 g+ u7 K
& w, |7 m# U" ?  b6 p0 f( @1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

# a' d0 \' o  U9 x6 O2 M* u3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

- v' V) M) M! c1 {# _$ j4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

- x2 @) v5 z  L3 q: V6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
" |1 p' Y- o$ g1 q' O8 F
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

! L5 o0 w* {% ^* p! W8 E& o9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

0 v  e0 T3 U6 Y7 t6 J0 H10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
3 ^0 ^: P3 T# a9 w9 u9 @
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
; @- _6 T% B/ P4 |& o; g& z7 G
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

* V! ?4 Z1 Y: ]' k! _5 Y- d+ h2 |13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
; k2 X% y# g. N
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

1 i' p: B5 U6 b( h+ Q0 w" {$ _6 o% p16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.