Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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  k& |; H. l0 _) B/ c2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

1 W2 r) ^7 C3 B3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

; k9 F: Z# n+ W5 ?4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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0 c# W- S- i1 ?6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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, S# e& F- h1 @! y10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

5 a% ~2 D' m1 U( C) o- A( E12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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+ F" n% ~7 d( X7 J13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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7 c6 I  x' _: q' j. u1 a15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

, o/ S- a: g" k+ L) O+ I16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.