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it's hilarious, but i didn't write it lol
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Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parents is/are taking their sweet time:9 f( u+ m# C# e, n8 e3 O
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1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.& R8 Y6 b, j- f' u) p% } [1 ^8 Z1 @
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6 i1 X, \9 X9 f. ?. i, O2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
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3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.) h$ y) h: x8 @, i) x. B
. F, L* W/ M% y4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.( d5 S6 v; E2 t) M, w
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5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.' }- @. l8 ?5 l0 F1 r6 m
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% K- ?& B0 ?2 ~4 z6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area$ F" J1 f7 V0 U1 Q
$ U4 A+ T" z) _' s7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.( c! |6 I M* W) J/ ^# t( q
0 h6 ]4 l9 L" n. [& c/ ~$ ]8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
( j4 ~; _9 }, ~ C7 E$ a4 r'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'+ _2 P: F5 F' f6 b: R1 s/ D% |9 R
( U C1 v" H! r% \/ }9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.
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4 u" H+ @! V9 T6 ~& H% @4 X10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.+ |+ p( \% c! o/ B
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11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.7 o6 ^7 ^! B" U6 O$ R
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12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.! M4 {2 }: g( T) A
+ ^ Q; t" }, a, Z2 H! D13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
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14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
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15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" |
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