Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ l  t" ]& M& V3 |+ l$ fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 P+ D: u0 N5 g4 U6 ?8 DP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

( w7 ?& b1 `- [( {. x2 `. Q  M( Z. wSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

7 p4 M+ L' X9 k4 Y! b6 v  eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

' }3 [; }  P) ^4 Q9 qFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

* V( {5 j* r! ^9 n7 I' rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ Y7 |5 Z9 j+ ]" T- d+ }: k2 ^# }YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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$ N- j6 I; f% f. l) O" I* Z; tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 L) w4 P6 d# Z! j* ?! gBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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1 m. w8 O& P4 N3 B2 t; ]: B+ e                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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3 n: [- Y- L% X7 rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵