Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- B. Y" V6 W; {* N. h* x" {) VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% y( H4 U$ t( Y' }  ?4 hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

' t8 x9 K6 C  U8 {$ iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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& ^+ U; J8 |0 T* l) LSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 U- d( [3 T" z& }5 w/ pFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! k7 G; q- r+ DYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

, c/ x4 E& E0 ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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/ e; c4 D/ O9 }* @If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ e6 r- d" G8 ?0 |$ O: F: ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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( r! ~4 U+ k1 i5 O; \+ f9 b( fPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
# c2 l0 @5 y6 T1 ~; H! x2 v                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵