Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 p4 W6 S6 j8 CCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' [: D  R7 `; z! h7 i, \BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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# V, b" _# U. E9 I8 B% YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 t! D" ~% n& t5 S5 X. MSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 N, j' w: M2 ?; k: |STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 `9 o$ \& A. L2 b" z+ `CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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7 z2 a2 S0 g8 a: cWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' `9 i/ Q/ n' }2 IWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 F' c: G7 s2 t  O; zBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ t, `0 {3 I+ a' DWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; I6 U' Y: J. l0 g4 C) c                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵