Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
, f# x% O. Q+ {) i. i; P9 \BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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0 L1 S! T" ^+ T& N, ^- O& Y( |# BVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* U& `% K5 R& N. t6 IP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

! N. }8 @6 r7 R3 ]STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

9 O' q  a  {# [8 ~+ D+ D/ ]0 vSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

! F/ x& ~, ]4 t7 vCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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6 d% S- Q$ ]' y0 ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 R6 I# P1 _0 ~# v, |( TPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& C( ?) d+ i5 b, R( UWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

2 y0 F1 m, x' v; R3 H5 x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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  f4 c5 {/ g( ~0 H1 NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵