Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 r6 ^, v. w& O, `9 H0 }$ KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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* }% l8 R6 ], g6 v2 E/ Q* JBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- W! R% ]% F. t$ f- i& Q& bVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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9 }% I: V- W' J3 ^% |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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* V2 _7 N, k- o) U; C6 c6 n2 O! y- Z; EBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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( p( Y: Q; b  y% G$ ESTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

5 T' }! J% Y/ _YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  c- O6 i# U, ~2 f& dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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1 A! {9 q8 ]: P, F7 y$ CWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. Y' b/ n8 |. d2 z6 a+ l3 d, T                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵