Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 h9 `; [! X0 }8 v$ t: [: H* h1 nCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* g1 W. L0 _, u( W$ {5 x# B" @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 d$ D2 ]$ n) G/ l% t6 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

( P$ H0 z5 @- F" g, D* Z' ZP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ |9 x" n6 h- Q+ cBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

( z1 K' Z4 n! g9 M2 @# qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( z9 e2 r5 J# y6 a! t& _! q/ qFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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" A+ }( C+ V! H( k9 R0 OCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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- d" c0 v2 o: u" L5 b% j- S, I" `YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

% {" ^# j8 B9 z$ G5 R4 EINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- j% \( |9 X* B. h2 W. |If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' o  u  q  _: P9 j4 EWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 \9 Q' \: I* x1 z- Z. F2 w( BPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
" o( c  c8 j5 F2 o, V! l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵