办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
+ R7 R! h9 S- a: ]1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2 ~2 |- [) O1 L, u, Q7 H2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

  Q7 o3 [: g1 W. j8 `/ zSick Days:
( G  P1 w: L- z' ^; _We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

3 a: p# I* e8 J4 l  b" uPersonal Days:
5 D, H! D9 d# m1 C. ]Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
1 ^- {9 {( o( ~- |% k, _- M# ?
Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
0 t4 Q: a# k$ U, s! h4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

  \/ X; o5 f" R# l+ c! _  O+ xBathroom Breaks:
- n- U1 i. d  ~( E- t# r5 T1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
. C4 \6 g$ A7 i1 V. W( b4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
9 [( L1 r* M* q0 z' H6 ]
Lunch Break:
7 g- h! i- O6 l& U! y1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
! R# A5 Y$ b. q' d+ L5 ^3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

5 O: E  ], G# [0 m2 {Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

; g3 t  f3 N6 [The Management
6 K# l" Q% J- s. I4 g' ^$ c, N
4 ~: _. k2 D) Q. Y* F' g( gPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.