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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: , w7 G) u9 Q+ H% g
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   0 {! p7 q2 [8 g3 S+ n& y
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 7 s% l& \, S* v
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
8 Y, W8 s; a! `2 B$ D0 i! z& }4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. # \8 D/ B0 p$ k( j* g

) i% c4 y+ R4 y2 H# PSick Days:
) m1 V2 O4 P# P: \  u4 E  TWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 3 O& W; L" B  }5 N+ q; W

; Q# j# w$ \$ p5 B8 Q* N6 G' gPersonal Days: * Z+ |. B! k7 |' C
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. ; n* C* @& A) d6 `
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Bereavement Leave: * Y  L8 D3 C( T0 _- d% `! R
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   6 Q! n3 _% x" \# m  u- i
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
' Q# n2 x3 L  O) R7 m8 i7 O3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   5 r  h: d$ \) a' p3 E
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
* s3 R/ o9 R5 H5 G; I5 q) p1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   ' C2 F% k( Q4 D/ S8 S
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
# e' ?9 S2 @+ q( a* P& k* Y3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   - V1 A7 R8 [+ w% `& s3 z) J
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: , K3 L3 j& T. N2 z" Y, X
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. $ I6 @9 P) w1 h: G. o1 e  ^) K
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
6 S1 N7 l5 A* c8 h! n3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. . w  p$ Z4 f- V2 L

& v, v' Q- o& p( L" ^  GThe Management
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5 E7 s7 v6 r( SPass this on to all who are employed.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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