 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code:
% d r- A( j+ {. S1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
3 s- X( E) N8 L+ k2 @0 N+ ~. a2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
# a. q1 n- J) ~' _8 w3 N3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4 `& o& g) C! j3 @( T' }+ C4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. # R8 ?( I; g8 T* [) C
& a5 N6 z3 g+ M5 NSick Days: + C# H; G& n- g3 M/ Z
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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5 J. {7 D! s/ N! d# v7 ^Personal Days: ; G9 v$ S3 p# M1 j% V- R Q
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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4 s! g7 m5 ]0 rBereavement Leave: " c3 i9 _+ F5 Y3 j
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. " }; u# H8 z% w& t- ]6 b* H1 Q
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. ) c2 g, N$ ~& I' ?, O8 |
3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. % F5 d) M1 ]1 d0 A' U2 N
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 2 O' n+ J, v# e, ~" k% l- s. Q% Y
$ l( ]" B3 [% q; x* RBathroom Breaks: 6 h9 t* o: t' L7 L4 l
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
6 L, e; R- K* a2 s k3 R2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. ' z3 d/ Z- L; S# {
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 }' ]% U# ~/ I; |4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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" R' y ]! y3 }1 k% g! s+ j1 \Lunch Break:
" w4 Y" y6 J+ O1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 8 j* A" m2 z' x" X" b% I* ~
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
8 i' C, f- T; P) Y* l6 R3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 5 y; H$ K I I1 g
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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