Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
: E  O7 x$ T. K4 b> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
% G# D- `$ y: C$ }6 q) O> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 B' x( q1 A' d; K$ k2 }7 Q>thinking."
2 m8 X9 _9 q* a2 q, K. D$ w. x> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
/ Z+ ~& |5 P, `> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# P! N* @) F" t2 t  }4 o. R2 D> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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4 c6 o& Z0 ^# h) N. l9 n> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
) K6 s' B$ n" R% J6 L>cream.
# N& D& e+ V, K* R/ t> > > >Which one is married?"
9 w. k" }+ g; W0 `& D7 ~" _+ r4 e> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
, u1 X; @6 F& V8 [/ c6 I  b> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
/ p$ d8 S' {/ c, W7 ~$ T. y; a, z> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
& u/ u$ z5 O+ n' G5 b> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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6 c/ ?7 E. q6 ~( f> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* G) l9 P# a+ w  u9 U5 c> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
* e" d" e, N* G8 `/ D# f> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
0 o* z8 c# c$ W- q- m> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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. b: ?$ N3 b, z. Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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/ W7 E; R( ^5 J& N( N> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
1 ?8 A- D  ?* }> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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, v$ x$ C5 ?4 E2 `8 c+ d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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$ I: Q$ e% Q) Z1 |' s$ |8 G> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
" W+ @1 n! k; t( M> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; b/ L) P8 \2 ^  f1 H1 x. J/ E> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
! ?% r6 k, H  R* |5 P. B> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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9 k  s2 R  d6 X' ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' ]9 ^- c0 V3 G, e9 ^0 t% u> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
: @* X% E, L. N> > > >same sentence twice.
- G3 Q1 S- y! W> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
! B2 g" J  o0 J! J4 R8 ^> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
' g' \( `/ k9 u5 U% O> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
/ {$ k( [  G- ~6 [- g# ?> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
* C$ ]* T( e  ]9 l: ^3 k8 r( R% W> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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/ p" J# S0 j/ c0 e' G+ q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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, T" K' J  z, s4 v1 \> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
6 P  f9 i" q$ o5 v7 K> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
0 n0 f) r* U  P$ ?$ z/ D/ d5 g* T. _- r4 I> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business