Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
+ ]0 G8 m4 q) N2 s> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
  W3 i: S$ u( [& }& V>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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. A9 x. m) ^8 Z- R; t> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
9 g' d  f6 ?1 u! n' c3 @> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
9 f* x* r2 N7 e, b2 |' S+ Z> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
% O! o# \8 ?' Z# ~) T> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
6 c) H. W; M8 d# ~; E& W9 ]> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
7 D- }3 A7 b; u2 }% S$ a> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
, p, W7 `' G$ m> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
% k7 i: s7 t  ~# @$ g: p$ R> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
" @; L6 j. s* U( x6 g, o> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, [5 Y* C- ]; \1 W7 @7 d/ z> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
! d- G+ [3 v, @0 a2 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
  p* \! S2 v9 _& {. @+ Q6 C> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
# ~0 g( @+ P4 h> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
6 I& X3 X! Y7 d1 X- h! Y. X> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
* z' w( r- w2 T* u  \5 B> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
# B) D4 q. t# s/ m! g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
- D2 n" m5 E+ L# k> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
1 q# ?) R4 l, x1 d3 |1 J" `1 Y: {> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, b& y/ r6 l7 ]$ d  X; X2 j8 G0 w: j> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
4 p. c/ z& s" @$ Z9 J, p> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
( q8 p! U' |% }& g4 S1 D' H> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
9 s* x8 P3 _3 s> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
8 A8 I% Z0 V# Z# u; |> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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8 \6 c1 s/ O6 v6 w) R- S: h1 w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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# d) c7 |  X3 D- A1 v> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
8 l% X# v( A: s> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
, k2 b! Y2 ^" X; ^) x> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
, _/ A# J/ m3 ~# s: X4 W0 _> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
% Q( h" ?7 m' S+ q7 _> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
8 `3 i+ g) e* j. O* a> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( S3 F* v' O& |. S* c  g> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business