Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
2 [& l+ h3 L5 S' Q  @> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 U5 j. W5 z0 x0 P>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
4 _7 O& F/ j4 K! S- w- j  q+ I> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
; v$ m! R5 H% t> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 Y' M# b, D4 ?3 E* X1 I6 }> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
& V0 E  {; a$ w7 C  t> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
/ b# ~+ n! A; s> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
' X$ [- U2 x5 u& i5 s( X8 k2 w1 ~> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 r3 x; r) J$ R% U> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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4 x$ N/ Q- e. w) n- Q; w! p) @  Z> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
1 k: t$ l) |2 C% g4 T$ s> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
3 F9 J8 F6 S- p# z$ s; ?> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
! H, ~* O" n+ P5 @, U1 i> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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2 x9 \& @  z, t3 N  z* R3 }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
. g& t( M5 Y! g1 I  v$ q: j> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
9 X" r+ v) o5 \& }5 k, x> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
$ Q) S' [2 C9 P, `/ d9 _  s> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
* N# U" e* T: D- E' U; T> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
$ v8 M4 P5 E& \1 D2 z> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 X" q2 {7 a! F) D  e> > > >beautifully."
7 e( N9 C0 F/ U" j8 m> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 a9 x) T) w' P' `  C& B> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
1 E" o8 w+ P7 X4 Q> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
& j( W+ L0 f! K+ [. X+ ~! N> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
: J$ T) M6 b/ G) ^7 h7 i# V7 \# }* X> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
( l& f; G. R" z$ Q> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business