Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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  p% J$ C, W8 \" i> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
5 t; _$ u# S5 E7 I8 v) @) ]> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
; t0 c' S$ S7 q) Y> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
0 P* r, g/ a+ x8 c> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, Z" E9 a% X0 E$ j5 Q> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
5 i) W8 {' W& O. x: \( Y" c2 x; s> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
6 S0 }7 E& X9 c9 @  l; `> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
: [' V6 d. q0 Z> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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% V, _# j4 D0 L8 M7 q: h4 q) D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
* F9 F$ |/ ^* Q/ c/ ?: P1 Y> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
( v- [. @0 Y! |' X! J> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
3 t$ G$ J8 t! G> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
) T8 t# ]  w9 N2 a' ?> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 w' K  I7 U" s0 T! S8 h: M> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
4 Y0 c; t2 j1 J0 J: h4 d> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
: Y4 ~- M: p" s' t. c> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 _6 O/ b3 T" Y/ J# \7 T: c> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
% r* S# n2 ]5 O1 U' B8 A* }0 G> > > >piss!!"
" `: e( w5 L! r> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
- y, J  H1 G6 q, |9 c* b# v> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
+ ]. \) ?1 I" D> > > >allow
8 z; J8 d$ S# `% E> > > >you to go."
! F# V$ v5 ~4 s! i/ b+ l> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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; u) V. [: x+ |9 u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 ^0 ~0 R1 h1 K7 G> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
# G$ g: _1 f+ @6 x3 c, Z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 [( \7 t! i/ _9 W> > > >same sentence twice.
2 ]; r# {, s5 X$ f+ N" b9 g6 k> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
. P- c  B& G+ k5 d, C, I6 ]( @> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
3 V0 k4 }( s8 G! V8 j3 \- G+ I> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
- x4 o3 w$ I5 s, r+ m> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
) ^+ G1 ^" O0 |# F> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
, H1 d1 O7 `) Q* Z% J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
# P# i% G5 o! A# a2 W; X4 n> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
$ r. f, w2 A! o* ~: F  \) A% j> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
* g; _0 s( {  {# c> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
7 a# K, K& u% |> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business