Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
; ]+ ~' Y0 K2 M, f> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
) f$ U/ I( @6 N> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
; C# m2 Q' b2 _; z  o' d* z$ M$ j2 s3 T> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
8 ^* E! D* K8 [/ T> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# w; H. Z* j1 J" l> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
# ?+ I. _7 N# h. n- f$ N$ v>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
, Z  ]$ H! y9 w) `. r$ P; T+ Q- L# E> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
! Y! r: r; F, R6 O> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 d- f" a0 V" Z+ l> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
7 G- |) e: j( g! {' m* N. X- J> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
+ i8 B! {7 e( x3 E> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
- w+ _& a* |: J% G) Z) r> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
8 ?5 c& c8 q5 O/ }2 A# o> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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8 l: Y1 @9 k# R6 d  O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& F1 S8 Z# I3 S% Q7 O4 N> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
1 [6 c1 K' K4 s# ~* w2 V> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
1 A, \# f" @  B( T0 q" b8 J: A' |> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
* I7 F0 j% d3 A" b> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
2 s, R2 V% ?, m9 ^) T- g> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
& x$ v4 [3 U- ~. o1 F, {8 \> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
1 W. M- x; b5 C1 ?1 f> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: r- c6 P& n# F# K> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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/ y8 a- G& m8 p; W/ N  u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ n! o2 Q; [5 T3 W0 T> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
& J+ K, r3 p6 b- I% x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
& N: e0 m7 K3 l  q* e, D9 ~: m; p> > > >same sentence twice.
4 ]# [* S( Y6 p) E- U> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
! Y. e; Y/ j' y3 ~> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
0 \5 u- o# N  S> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
" s/ U% k1 a1 ?; `7 p> > > >called on little TONY.
5 X) Q8 r' ]2 d4 i2 j/ I> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
- X8 B% |  F9 g2 h1 y1 s> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
$ J5 t$ x* w, k  c+ D$ _, O  V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
3 l8 I9 |9 m' ~( w" G) |> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
8 ]5 `. R% I- a- `- H$ F> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
, f* c( E) Y: I) f4 D4 q4 V+ u; n> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business