Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
9 r5 {5 v* ]# T) S, N> > > >little TONY.
* {* |( l$ k& Z5 T* y. G) A  h1 B* G> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
2 N6 o/ k, A0 \/ N>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
* ]  D/ s6 M  h8 |( P9 h>
% Q( t* |6 T2 P& |8 V> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
2 c, _/ `& m# M>cream.
- R; x) W; W2 g+ l> > > >Which one is married?"
' H3 {& c$ v. }0 S% W> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
6 v7 q3 M* ]2 v  |, O( ~> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
1 ~$ p$ {+ q7 s) P# ^) q> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
  l2 w) h) C1 J  D, i' [, A5 p; ?* T> > > >
3 `2 }3 r. K2 R& E& z% [( z, p6 O+ `> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
$ S  C) e- O7 ~" {) j> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
* W* g9 q7 n% a6 _1 P4 Z% t> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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8 m0 r4 m, Z& |" k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
! D* r4 [- O4 U: _  U6 b+ K9 H> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
* N6 L- c: @9 J( r, N  @$ X> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
1 b0 O" `% i: ~0 J$ X& v> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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8 P' J/ R+ p6 @" K$ _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
& r& X2 x9 Q) q  @# o/ f6 u% z> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 Y% a  f: U4 L  @, s! I> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
4 q5 |9 |- K* C4 t/ Q* b/ ~> > > >allow
  f" _% ?# b' l  K) W0 r> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: Q# V5 i  ^* c: H% d> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
8 l" }+ l2 G1 Y8 e> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. H0 S8 c1 t% h* y7 n* f> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
, a+ t) h2 o0 Z/ v6 i0 x# `9 y> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
# |) x! A( ~7 E> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  W- C7 O6 o2 ?$ P% v) @> > > >called on little TONY.
+ S6 r+ c$ `3 J* \> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: D6 k- l4 i# v! @; g/ }> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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" j/ ]/ Z" ^) Z1 z1 Z: z> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
) ~$ {% T) D2 u' M) \" |> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
+ }. I$ ]* J+ ^$ h. e0 u> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
+ ^) ?2 T9 `- u6 q& n, m4 f> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
& Y7 x9 Q" r% }9 V6 i4 M  [4 G> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
6 P, W9 m5 ~( t9 P1 _1 r$ _, d% x+ I> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business