Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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2 @# g9 I) m% u/ n  b> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 P8 l% w1 T, g" r; L2 c> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
; j+ s& Q" S& K) T3 _> > > >little TONY.
# D; k6 w% k8 }6 z: T> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
5 z, x+ o4 n" R8 O6 s1 L> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
) \' R6 T$ J; Z' @% j, T>thinking."
8 M. n+ v" f  f6 D6 T/ a> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
5 O- ^3 z* ^' G8 f- s8 K% ~> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
5 s0 O5 Y0 Z+ }$ w3 `>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
* b) Z$ P; t0 p5 `: M  R) g0 E> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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4 c: O. M# L/ Z+ S> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
6 I# N0 _. H9 T* j> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
  ?9 A8 n/ H0 l* [7 H) b  Y> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& c5 ?; D  I. F' q* j& Y& z/ R3 m- n> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
: r$ m  U- l' C1 m> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
$ s% k1 L9 e6 k3 r> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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: D) p/ _5 ~+ \. a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
! @& P: Q3 M6 z, w7 r& }> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
- ?/ l2 F' p1 R3 x8 k" s> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
+ F5 z9 \0 Y/ }& R7 q: e> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
2 @0 [2 q* g8 m- ~> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
4 K! m5 g+ K7 Q, R) u/ W% s1 S> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
4 ?' t' K0 L8 L  w- M+ G% B> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# [0 X6 X# I: r2 P3 e- Z; ?: R> > > >allow
; X' q2 s7 P6 Q% R4 D1 R' Z, }; G> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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+ j; X" G4 Y! K$ G: W6 x, k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
9 C, J4 y6 A* k- w( Z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
0 p' |8 S& B8 u! ], F' j$ u1 d. _> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
0 h. W$ s0 s! x* y' Q7 {> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
6 v" _% r$ }+ Z1 \/ `9 {/ M> > > >beautifully."
2 x4 `9 A6 q, O> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
+ z8 L5 Z1 e1 V! A> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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% K0 c0 a$ J6 p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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% V* z5 {3 [. ]' a% C) n) D2 z, F> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
! D+ e9 N2 j5 p( v9 Q> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
, f, ~1 a* _3 V; c; G" Y> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 \! ?* z  X- ?, B7 W$ v> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
, T1 k2 E4 N7 ^0 J! E4 V; o' |3 J4 s$ f> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business