Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
6 ]  o; K3 y4 {- P8 V0 |+ |> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
4 p$ |- Y8 I4 g3 Z9 E>thinking."
$ O  |5 O, ^8 a5 E7 h. `# c> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
0 L7 k1 d, F7 i& E- A>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
1 M" n. Z  M* t8 B9 q. u' P> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
& a5 o: r- k# g, E0 b2 E> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
; h/ @- e+ E3 ?- u0 O> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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9 e# d! c3 g8 U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
8 v$ V* s/ `3 I3 z> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( n  i- C: W/ w- R, e> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
' N$ R# s3 v5 l  E2 a' a6 O# ]> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
; Z) A" e8 A$ Z4 @$ q> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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6 _) b$ q9 B+ H' e! |) X' ~5 b> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
1 t5 q, b6 l' K3 `1 z> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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5 y6 Q/ J0 W. Y> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
3 p4 e1 [, l9 D/ @2 ?; T+ B> > > >piss!!"
- p2 \1 U0 e0 O" R8 w' e, k> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
/ p$ z7 u5 o! K- n4 T5 t% i$ m8 O  p> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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; @- p. P; F3 w. H, x> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
- x" `4 f+ v& \! _! s> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
) K* S* j8 K7 R4 ~# |5 I8 N> > > >same sentence twice.
# C% i' E6 q9 S1 ^/ s- T> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
9 W# P( n/ z& }3 ?* U$ Z> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
( G: j% P  [) c, [' Z> > > >called on little TONY.
0 w% |' N7 h7 p! |> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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( _' r# O* q+ Y' L/ n, F! A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ N; Y6 ?! @- `. w> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
7 f# ]* j& B2 A. `" `+ g> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 M( C! w) _' q$ ^/ I' s/ J$ i3 c> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& ]1 V8 Q, ~5 Q4 m9 A4 h9 X> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business