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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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0 ]3 ?- z7 [# D: q0 N" d *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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# e$ F. _+ D6 s1 ?. v$ e, n4 z3 g1 [ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 9 S6 a; \- W1 a6 F
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
. S) _8 w. r% x9 y2 a" J there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.8 H1 o4 \; |+ c0 P9 R% H5 g
Before she says a word, Bob says,
; n9 t& x6 ]9 A# d+ t! O "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." - {  Q7 J! i* l/ G
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
( B3 d' x' F' C1 w0 PAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. / q1 @2 a& `- m/ U/ b/ a6 z# Z
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
8 Z2 h, k4 J9 Y3 z# V% {* SWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
5 ^; C( w, s8 q, _1 V. x* y! p; r2 x% m "Who was that?"
7 i/ a0 d, S- a, `8 ~, M# l"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & V0 G: `4 m+ s. ^5 l$ S1 m
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"' W0 X- @; N+ A: E2 J4 O
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
* N8 v# X' Z2 p/ H, g" m4 | shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: l  G2 Q; Z- j- e3 I0 P
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 q3 E( ^* o. _9 l* v% S* F$ hThey rub it and a Genie comes out. " U4 q- ^9 l5 j5 k
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".2 n" H9 W5 m9 K' q0 ?0 L
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." % N4 D& @2 v( U# {" ~# A
Poof! She's gone.
7 v: @2 K) X7 m+ q: n. B"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.3 ]8 U' [+ r0 H1 g
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ( j8 i! E& E) N+ t  y  l5 z
Poof! He's gone.
. G; |# a+ [7 j8 k- n2 t"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ' s( k  U' b7 U0 _- z: I
The manager says,
7 ?" s/ [4 E- J' I: j "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
; M" [" K% e( N" G& h) E* c# |' e*Lesson 2' \8 G7 }$ Q9 a, u7 y; M' B
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
0 U' J9 n& C+ W. NThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
( H, K) [$ ]! m/ R/ PThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

+ E  P, v2 r$ X1 `+ o7 h8 i( L4 nIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*$ V; H/ t# n1 S- `) U; t4 F, ]
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
: }, W. q/ Z* q  K5 g3 F) F# bThe priest nearly had an accident.
: ?0 B9 e6 m7 w/ _, Z5 gAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
8 b* p1 p. z2 K) }$ ^) ^The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
/ O4 A0 ^% [1 u8 H) mThe priest removed his hand. % d* b3 r  M% x3 o6 v! l  z! r+ {# ?
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. * n; Q6 R* x- i7 l" v  P
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
- |- i0 f: a) iThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 s7 G% @; ?$ C+ _" K' G9 aArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.: C' ]% u; O% ?: ^* O8 C
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
5 c: b7 D) Y1 f% Q5 N" K* U- s It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
, Q8 p) G" ^/ `' e& ]: b A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.! Q2 e! L. ^7 i' W
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
* z( O  s0 h/ ~: _The crow answered: "Sure, why not." + h, G4 T3 @4 [
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 }# c& ^/ G0 B* l; P
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
1 L# z- ~$ A8 \ Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*5 c2 v+ x$ |; y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."8 N- I- z6 t7 |
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
' ^0 F2 z, U$ f# z0 F2 u  a4 hThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
. B! \( |" W) e4 Q: U. h+ r6 N1 GThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch., \4 a5 z! K' U0 J1 f# w
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.% A% n) P( Y6 v8 H$ b8 W: M/ K- Y# u
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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/ K7 ~/ A! z$ G3 c0 oMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
8 z2 R% Q3 C9 \6 z. Y, T) u; j A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
" |# Z' `+ t. X, F3 l2 E# u; M While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
2 J. R5 O' m  |! i  O- X. ^- m As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. ( j! L2 q, K) N
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. : \) q7 \5 Q) d3 ]
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
% B/ V4 |5 U0 C! |1 ?Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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; ~: ^; y$ f% }  M6 e5 [ Moral of the story:
, h2 C) R2 v2 |1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
; y6 u3 F% e" j, o8 m7 \' f! w 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend8 i, _) L( U1 e5 s: ]3 ^
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.( x& B! @! n3 Y. N' t  }4 Q" e/ b
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
1 h9 B' M2 D' _& M: }0 o race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:- |  a8 D* ~2 b7 [! r
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  H  X. z' U1 C1 t/ S5 J7 t  I

+ y( B% k8 T3 W7 X' k! iThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
  T& H# p6 t8 tpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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- O, _/ K1 R* h9 W, `8 q* lThe next day, the local paper headline read:6 z5 R7 r- N# A# ?* X) Q% X
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.$ q/ o* _: `/ Q( C* m# r" ]

' N0 [( ~1 I7 `# N& P$ z/ Q$ bThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
3 x* @- s6 l; j+ gof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:" V( N2 a5 Z9 a- B4 l/ |! r+ H7 I: V
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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6 H$ x5 P' H. z4 WThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid! F/ m$ H+ R$ Y) E6 n# A
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.7 b* E& I& S3 Y3 R( ?# b8 L7 w% S
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The next day the paper read:0 L) i. `8 |( i2 H
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.4 y* e* i* R: Y, e4 o8 M
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back1 S* H) G/ D+ W& k0 {+ h! N, W3 m6 G
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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) ^, ^- e* G  b- p- e$ CThe next day the headlines read:, l, I# U0 y, h
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.' ^* _! ]; e" {: P+ J8 V$ f7 d

2 l, y% ^8 ]0 d7 L- {( [# }# N% hThe bishop was buried the next day.
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% E' K1 H/ |1 V! [3 @2 mThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 o' d% @: m: t: C4 H7 b' @% X( ^can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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" _) j; b: p2 Q. uSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier4 ~/ b4 D6 V: T. \8 v6 ~- {
And live longer!
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7 Y; W' B( X( dHave a nice day!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"/ I8 D# X7 ^- x( ^
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!. p- @5 ~" F$ ?5 d' B3 E  z" J/ @8 O* r
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
( {" S" X# v+ ]1 O* M* JThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ' U( N3 s9 A7 ?: O2 D/ O/ Y; s

9 J- E6 h1 F2 a, O, |; f( g+ g& GWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 1 d1 q+ y# ^  I# g

3 N4 S- B! g  s) C# N0 z  X) `3 ]Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.# ]. ^4 K& W$ C  M

, h) m+ t- m: j' yI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 1 e4 ^* P" U1 k( H4 l6 I

! J( _8 C) V, I  \$ F  BAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 1 u) v+ t4 D# ]# b
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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* _# s$ g  h( P$ L3 GYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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