请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
) t! X) \6 U9 {( \
/ ?# J, \7 e- x" L! ^  o
$ i" w( x" a- d  o& V4 [0 r

$ ^" E% X4 t; `' w2 m
. G0 M/ E1 u5 Q

6 d; _* V( v6 Z5 A6 s& c% o" [' pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 Q$ p6 V$ z! }5 R              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" |- w! R; n  m1 h4 K              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
5 t4 L. d: C. a: {) k  EHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, \4 ~8 B% v  C             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% {: E6 P- C+ A6 B1 N- U             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 x9 R5 p2 Q5 }7 D7 ?+ Q0 e9 O9 XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 S! D! B7 Z! e* q4 J1 I$ y: eBasically, I almost finish this poem
! o3 P9 r1 s, q1 G               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
& \/ |; Y  A5 u3 ^) e( K
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
; a) [2 {$ G0 d
- u' U* M% s6 [) l: n0 s& `

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
& K3 u  s, w- h4 i6 b! e" bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 \4 K" e& _/ J: Q9 i4 @Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% L* H( A+ T1 S0 dSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
+ U! m, c  v: f
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 r6 a% N8 Y7 p8 MSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 D: z* E* F6 g& x; o" S: r# LSomehow I lost myself inside it again
# R$ d# W4 k' y% l% S
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( l2 m9 V5 D0 @Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
) {3 ?: c% `5 `2 v4 JSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; y9 n; J4 t3 B/ I================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
- r/ y! o" d) k2 R6 n1 x) N
; w. O; p3 w/ d# ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  ~8 L' C0 S0 d- k2 ]. i我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, v# e6 {3 H3 A) H哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？