请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
$ S. Q  G) o; M% N2 u8 z; w0 MBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 t! ^( T5 p; Y* S. cHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ r7 U# ]+ s' z+ zThanks a lot!!!



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) s4 f9 d0 U) ]0 u* f4 t" {4 EFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 L' T) Z; |0 m' w0 W              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) w9 V; T  I6 A% U" t  w              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( f5 X! X2 h" _- Z' w; R0 {              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: b4 Z; S; {# U& B" A0 c6 J0 T0 I1 n  j             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ f" ^+ p+ K* ^* }) g& }* N1 T% h* D             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
& W3 ?4 i7 m) G  V* D5 h( ]( g* @             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% O3 q: K; ]  ?4 a, f( xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
+ e/ f8 M! @! A! RBasically, I almost finish this poem
" M! D. ^; B+ K1 ~5 o: c2 x               I am 一个人de精彩
$ k: P% b) z, Y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# q- v4 u0 S2 W( r/ j7 ZBut........         
0 L2 B: U; M6 H% B- zIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 a! l) M5 f: P, h: O; WSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 f  d' a; X' `  d' `Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: K' Z) x" o9 c* h3 f& OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 ?' s( A. ~) I( i+ p4 DSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ t# c$ `$ n* o, z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 t+ R+ x4 K* ~! A& b1 zSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' x5 C4 @$ v- w# I$ pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
1 g$ Q* @  k3 Q8 E! B) X: s6 c! ?+ RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
+ R! d9 R+ j  O, l/ \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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& d/ \) q7 L$ R7 Wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
2 k9 ^* G/ i1 w& M! t; ~1 M我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

  A& l0 J9 {5 Y$ r+ i( {: U哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？