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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
+ c: e% C# u& j, X5 oBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 T& a* w* Z) W* fHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem0 C# `* @6 p0 o8 Y. V' C
Thanks a lot!!!9 D6 q  [' ?" |4 a% R+ B

! d6 ]. g0 Z2 D2 o7 H+ [1 o6 c4 g) t$ W* A7 q+ B3 s
  w( ?0 y& ?3 H0 Q3 I0 F" l5 z
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/ {# ^  E7 @, H" d: x  o4 ^) k4 m
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
5 @9 R8 G6 P( H) _, j) l              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 0 ~* f% y, Q2 [6 J" U' W. }6 w
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( v0 S7 Z. [, c/ }2 ]              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me # @" J- e% ~, N! _, k. m5 Z
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 k; h* }1 V5 z  f9 @9 h              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness $ k. [' j, l, ?7 l& m! R
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 C6 L* n8 m3 c( ]9 Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart - K* J) c/ O0 C$ `3 o
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 P1 G8 l' \9 z$ A* N* I0 O+ |             somehow I lost myself inside again
" ^- D2 Y1 ^! N' c) W8 MNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 8 ]9 A' N2 S* Q1 {$ ?+ d
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 \! X( |5 `! q& j, gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................( t& [" \# G; R  S
Basically, I almost finish this poem2 P& s! F& C7 L& @4 R
               I am 一个人de精彩
( W6 E8 B7 G+ z2 F* S$ s# X               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.% w/ c" B' l; K
But........         1 `  I' J! D  _) S
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
$ {; ^3 Z& F2 j- l7 ^% {- a  E7 C5 Z" R  Z" p8 j  z
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 [; N9 d2 a1 P; ~7 MSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
& Z& G& x4 M% ~' _) i* VSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ' a1 l( ^9 u2 B8 v: r! p1 [: ~
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   $ d+ r: ?) f. Q3 \
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 9 U8 w" V0 c6 e  }
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness # h. t# d" R- ~: v: E

* f6 ^$ I% L$ _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 }4 x2 L" c. m7 [! B; i+ B. u+ x
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* x1 I: o% \# B% T5 S/ A5 I$ uSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; M0 T2 }0 f% P7 M
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ' E* e* H4 L7 m$ u) I" p1 T8 Z
9 n: b2 i; R9 l& H: b+ g& u
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" I! S8 b7 w, n- b; C; b: i6 @
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 S! [7 D2 k. o+ h: jSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% @/ J0 ^; M, {- {4 bSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 L5 o. }) P, S0 j$ h0 g  `% o================================================
7 `, g. t) {1 u  C; }% z/ UHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; l' h' X; C& e: c
, h: ?  M7 c* R: {. e
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( |  Y: D2 \# e3 o4 O2 g=====================================================================
, R5 E, f0 ]5 I  S4 U+ D1 e# d' ^somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 4 ]3 ?  o* f* g& _( f
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

7 S% g! G& ^8 x2 B哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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