请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
! A0 _, X. \% i7 [- c4 j, dBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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) }) d% i. n2 u& V" @7 eFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
% q+ M# D" t% h% M4 r$ w# I2 S+ S              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( ~$ E$ \8 L9 W7 z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 c9 l5 D. ~4 p" s! F7 ~& [& {: Q2 k              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* R: ?; V; |8 `& i4 n. j  E             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 m, w2 K3 O, s6 K5 `             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 ]& d  V; ~' q' hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" R* G5 T. X0 q9 B9 H. L1 n/ {             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
+ A0 w/ i. S5 M$ C' L  w# A4 F6 LBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
: E1 K: I8 w$ y: ~5 f/ W/ {! hSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% U  V2 u& T! |1 ]Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ ~8 l% K: r2 ~
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
# V! x  X" [; w6 p$ iSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

9 f" K, V9 `1 }' F' [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, Y  t7 q1 b$ F# F/ LSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 C  ?4 r6 Y/ B" }  RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" _$ r& R6 ~; b* J0 y================================================
, U6 J* H0 k; G/ j/ \) |However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
( }. o5 p4 S5 q2 ~. osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？