请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* i5 I  b, u6 DThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) c) j1 o' ?' w* i9 {' t5 ]              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 q: r7 k' F' p$ K: `0 p              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( h+ |3 `/ X4 }5 y7 r              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 h- K" r, j/ {( M1 J              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' e  {; @- u" b5 f: v1 OHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; }* R9 b1 b  X' O) I# c' E             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- q+ H* R) [, D             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
: B* @. l, r) \4 l: \& S5 ZBasically, I almost finish this poem
% |, V& s7 n* Y- ?0 p( `2 o               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
* h6 i# C( `7 \But........         
5 v* o! L( D3 S7 z, BIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
3 K' C- Y: S5 Q  o5 o: LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 P" c) V( O, b' x$ Y) H8 T# SSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! r* |+ n% f/ @Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
' ?) ^. Z' }( Y! K7 X' p  Y- H5 ESomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ u& Y) k9 T) J% m' C% g
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 U% p" \. \% BSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
; R  K4 Z5 B# A, a! \6 V3 XSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
* {. h* T, z" z) ]2 Z' N1 N: s" J
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ B( D6 l5 ]# p: Q* wSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
  d$ A" d5 c  s: w* d! W$ g! jSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' z# L$ h( e0 I8 f5 Z0 rSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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) ~+ u7 k* E5 ~2 V0 gHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

6 ^( G1 t2 C( S' q: `somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 m9 N: s8 S' x! U我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？