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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA! u* v$ P* q6 T+ U! W
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and" @/ Z1 U9 n+ U/ K& V
hospital.( h# Z+ b4 D) S7 g
$ m- f% N1 C0 v: P3 a5 _ 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
2 O5 X+ A: d0 t9 w+ b' dcapital of Canada .7 K& W1 |* C8 s6 G( Z/ W( e5 ^
$ u, z: b# @2 t8 Q2 l2 Z 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
' t) W* A/ z: N) mcapital of Canada .+ j) n2 a$ _2 k, p h5 Z
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is' w% j) o8 j" [
$8.00/hour. I3 m8 I t9 e% H" H# T
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.% w$ V' d; c" Z7 p
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money* ^$ z. O/ A9 H3 K9 M6 \
on a 15 year holiday ?, C% V! T' P" n% M8 s
( n# k9 q6 c! S; i* [3 P7 e$ k: t1 d) o 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas& e; k. J; [' b( ~: o; a
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)) r+ n4 V6 I5 z3 z. V; f# w
' _- P& t2 f S3 v3 E: A$ M10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come2 C& c* _% C( `0 ]- C* O! Q$ @
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
6 L$ ?3 m r' x8 h. K; [years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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& B5 v6 | z/ ]' b4 [ THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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# v- Z" b3 x( `: f0 q1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".3 X4 G! {" K% C* W9 y
; {5 g3 c& r7 O# @# o+ G/ X# a! Q: `/ d2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
5 ~. x, g- o5 d9 bis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
( z. G* v5 ]: z% E, H. Uown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
* N; C+ {( r \& {5 y7 {3 j \* ymuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
3 J9 @- w* Y l( ]' L6 Qgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell- _+ e: Y. T9 p, u
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.4 r0 K. k+ S9 P5 Z4 ]# J0 o y
' b X% i- F8 D5 |4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
6 z* A: m& _6 R9 I8 O% D# Ncussed out, and possibly shot.: V1 h3 }2 V1 Z4 J
. b! G, M/ i5 U( s, F% [' ^5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that- \7 m9 o! X( w. i; y
can get you shot.3 y, U" R {6 N' F: K: Q& R
' D" d6 Z7 ~ R; h/ Z6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
3 b1 z4 S) `+ y Q( Y1 K. Tbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
* V' A5 t4 D' S2 \day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
4 `% }; A! X1 r1 xmore construction starts everyday.& A% D/ j$ Z; a% o+ \0 t
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
% F! o* O" b+ edeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
" {) c7 N( Z: i( g0 V1 x8 Gsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.1 A' V* o! d% C) E) `( Z
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the9 y1 H- I( B v
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km/ X7 N- Q2 g; a. `
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"+ d7 J9 F$ T. K2 r: g
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
# W8 c9 b5 B7 s5 T: F& r' {lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
' W. Q" ]' t6 x1 g9 s U: Q5 Vblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is. ]" V! S' K, q6 P$ @4 h$ }
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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