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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA9 \9 x( K5 A4 }9 L [9 E; _0 ^5 K# W
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and. ]% U$ M" g: g& J3 z9 F
hospital.
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1 B, r; C4 O1 a- Z5 S& l- A 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder$ e9 L# t& j2 e- W1 d2 s( j
capital of Canada .0 g$ k7 X6 j, A
3 x9 u+ C3 N8 s9 b 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .5 W. d/ f' d: b) ]+ X0 A
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug' F# X) q- K( @
capital of Canada .6 e0 z2 x; S0 }6 ^& g( j
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
3 r2 M, h( s- X F2 O% h! ` H$8.00/hour.) J }' u4 a/ X$ e
. l, t& N1 P5 W$ g 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.' H, i6 u1 l8 f! ]
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
3 m) \( g- L& ~* oprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage), w5 U& B) M& x+ p* }3 L
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come# T5 }3 B4 N: _/ t+ e/ o8 u
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
: F/ Y( n z# F$ myears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
. a. m5 }/ p9 S& Q8 I, _is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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/ q5 E. x+ x4 i2 q& G& L/ ?3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
; b6 W+ i, v- Oown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest4 O7 p& [2 M: I& f; S$ a% F. \
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
. s; z* { z$ ggo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell) M7 U. b6 x3 D5 P4 D
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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/ f {; V" v3 M( [& S* J4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
7 |% y* ^" m% ~& o/ N* Y. g/ n' Pcussed out, and possibly shot.
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/ q4 I/ f0 v3 X7 w# T. B* o5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
. v5 _8 t5 i t+ scan get you shot.- ]8 p4 K T' D9 y
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
$ K$ S; E1 z) [. abarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
+ \& Y( K- j0 Dday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
5 l% \+ K% U/ v- |, mmore construction starts everyday.! M7 q1 {" ?: k$ t+ h: F6 a
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,) S- t$ ~- g& S! a* G* f
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
3 ?8 i& s+ m+ `( wsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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: m( o5 Q- i# `- c m+ {8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
3 p' ?$ ^0 X1 S2 T( {the same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the$ |; R. \' S" X$ T5 G! ?5 u0 S
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally0 ]+ P0 u$ A/ z# k7 p, O
activated."
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km8 a5 _ y C* C! f5 [2 M# h7 H
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
" |5 I+ a4 W: i& n9 y raccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
2 W. X$ a$ k6 r, b6 slined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and. P4 z; D1 O4 {# q4 W9 M3 u
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is) X6 G1 D& f g* p4 X) O; Q/ F
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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