鲁迅的“祝福” 英文翻译 The new year's sacrifice

billzhao · 发表于 2022-9-22 13:38

本帖最后由 billzhao 于 2022-10-24 08:04 编辑

New Year's Eve of the old calendar seems after all more like the real New Year's Eve; for, to say nothing of the villages and towns, even in the air there is a feeling that New Year is coming. From the pale, lowering evening clouds issue frequent flashes of lightning, followed by a rumbling sound of firecrackers celebrating the departure of the Hearth God; while, nearer by, the firecrackers explode even more violently, and before the deafening report dies away the air is filled with a faint smell of powder. It was on such a night that I returned to Luchen, my native place. Although I call it my native place, I had had no home there for some time, so I had to put up temporarily with a certain Mr. Lu, the fourth son of his family. He is a member of our clan, and belongs to the generation before mine, so I ought to call him "Fourth Uncle." An old student of the imperial college who went in for Neo-Confucianism, I found him very little changed in any way, simply slightly older, but without any moustache as yet. When we met, after exchanging a few polite remarks he said I was fatter, and after saying that immediately started a violent attack on the revolutionaries. I knew this was not meant personally, because the object of the attack was still Kang Yu-wei. Nevertheless, conversation proved difficult, so that in a short time I found myself alone in the study.

The next day I got up very late, and after lunch went out to see some relatives and friends. The day after I did the same. None of them was greatly changed, simply slightly older; but every family was busy preparing for "the sacrifice." This is the great end-of-year ceremony in Luchen, when people reverently welcome the God of Fortune and solicit good fortune for the coming year. They kill chickens and geese and buy pork, scouring and scrubbing until all the women's arms turn red in the water. Some of them still wear twisted silver bracelets. After the meat is cooked some chopsticks are thrust into it at random, and this is called the "offering." It is set out at dawn when incense and candles are lit, and they reverently invite the God of Fortune to come and partake of the offering. Only men can be worshippers, and after the sacrifice they naturally continue to let off firecrackers as before. This happens every year, in every family, provided they can afford to buy the offering and firecrackers; and this year they naturally followed the old custom.

The day grew overcast. In the afternoon it actually started to snow, the biggest snow-flakes as large as plum blossom petals fluttered about the sky; and this, combined with the smoke and air of activity, made Luchen appear in a ferment. When I returned to my uncle's study the roof of the house was already white with snow. The room also appeared brighter, the great red rubbing hanging on the wall showing up very clearly the character for Longevity written by the Taoist saint Chen Tuan. One of a pair of scrolls had fallen down and was lying loosely rolled up on the long table, but the other was still hanging there, bearing the words: "By understanding reason we achieve tranquillity of mind." Idly, I went to turn over the books on the table beneath the window, but all I could find was a pile of what looked like an incomplete set of Kang Hsi's Dictionary, a volume of Chiang Yung's Notes to Chu Hsi's Philosophical Writings and a volume of Commentaries on the Four Books. At all events, I made up my mind to leave the next day.

Besides, the very thought of my meeting with Hsiang Lin's Wife the day before made me uncomfortable. It happened in the afternoon. I had been visiting a friend in the eastern part of the town. As I came out I met her by the river, and seeing the way she fastened her eyes on me I knew very well she meant to speak to me. Of all the people I had seen this time at Luchen none had changed as much as she: her hair, which had been streaked with white five years before, was now completely white, quite unlike someone in her forties. Her face was fearfully thin and dark in its sallowness, and had moreover lost its former expression of sadness, looking as if carved out of wood. Only an occasional flicker of her eyes showed she was still a living creature. In one hand she carried a wicker basket, in which was a broken bowl, empty; in the other she held a bamboo pole longer than herself, split at the bottom: it was clear she had become a beggar.

[she had
become a beggar]
I stood still, waiting for her to come and ask for money.

"You have come back?" she asked me first.

"Yes."

"That is very good. You are a scholar, and have travelled too and seen a lot. I just want to ask you something." Her lustreless eyes suddenly gleamed.

I never guessed she would talk to me like this. I stood there taken by surprise.

"It is this." She drew two paces nearer, and whispered very confidentially: "After a person dies, does he turn into a ghost or not?"

As she fixed her eyes on me I was seized with foreboding. A shiver ran down my spine and I felt more nervous than during an unexpected examination at school, when unfortunately the teacher stands by one's side. Personally, I had never given the least thought to the question of the existence of spirits. In this emergency how should I answer her? Hesitating for a moment, I reflected: "It is the tradition here to believe in spirits, yet she seems to be sceptical—perhaps it would be better to say she hopes: hopes that there is immortality and yet hopes that there is not. Why increase the sufferings of the wretched? To give her something to look forward to, it would be better to say there is."

"There may be, I think," I told her hesitantly.

"Then, there must also be a Hell?"

"What, Hell?" Greatly startled, I could only try to evade the question. "Hell? According to reason there should be one too—but not necessarily. Who cares about it anyway? . . ."

"Then will all the people of one family who have died see each other again?"

"Well, as to whether they will see each other again or not. . . ." I realized now that I was a complete fool; for all my hesitation and reflection I had been unable to answer her three questions. Immediately I lost confidence and wanted to say the exact opposite of what I had previously said. "In this case . . . as a matter of fact, I am not sure. . . . Actually, regarding the question of ghosts, I am not sure either."

In order to avoid further importunate questions, I walked off, and beat a hasty retreat to my uncle's house, feeling exceedingly uncomfortable. I thought to myself: "I am afraid my answer will prove dangerous to her. Probably it is just that when other people are celebrating she feels lonely by herself, but could there be another reason? Could she have had some premonition? If there is another reason, and as a result something happens, then, through my answer, I shall be held responsible to a certain extent." Finally, however, I ended by laughing at myself, thinking that such a chance meeting could have no great significance, and yet I was taking it so to heart; no wonder certain educationalists called me a neurotic. Moreover I had distinctly said, "I am not sure," contradicting my previous answer; so that even if anything did happen, it would have nothing at all to do with me.

"I am not sure" is a most useful phrase.

Inexperienced and rash young men often take it upon themselves to solve people's problems for them or choose doctors for them, and if by any chance things turn out badly, they are probably held to blame; but by simply concluding with this phrase "I am not sure," one can free oneself of all responsibility. At this time I felt even more strongly the necessity for such a phrase, since even in speaking with a beggar woman there was no dispensing with it.

However, I continued to feel uncomfortable, and even after a night's rest my mind kept running on this, as if I had a premonition of some untoward development. In that oppressive snowy weather, in the gloomy study, this discomfort increased. It would be better to leave: I should go back to town the next day. The boiled shark's fins in the Fu Hsing Restaurant used to cost a dollar for a large portion, and I wondered if this cheap and delicious dish had increased in price or not. Although the friends who had accompanied me in the old days had scattered, even if I was alone the shark's fins still had to be tasted. At all events, I made up my mind to leave the next day.

After experiencing many times that things which I hoped would not happen and felt should not happen invariably did happen, I was desperately afraid this would prove another such case. And, indeed, strange things did begin to happen. Towards evening I heard talking—it sounded like a discussion—in the inner room; but soon the conversation ended, and all I heard was my uncle saying loudly as he walked out: "Not earlier nor later, but just at this time—sure sign of a bad character!"

At first I felt astonished, then very uncomfortable, thinking these words must refer to me. I looked outside the door, but no one was there. I contained myself with difficulty till their servant came in before dinner to brew a pot of tea, when at last I had a chance to make some enquiries.

"With whom was Mr. Lu angry just now?" I asked.

"Why, still with Hsiang Lin's Wife," he replied briefly.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife? How was that?" I asked again.

"She's dead."

"Dead?" My heart suddenly missed a beat. I started, and probably changed colour too. But since he did not raise his head, he was probably quite unaware of how I felt. Then I controlled myself, and asked:

"When did she die?"

"When? Last night, or else today, I'm not sure."

"How did she die?"

"How did she die? Why, of poverty of course." He answered placidly and, still without having raised his head to look at me, went out.

However, my agitation was only short-lived, for now that something I had felt imminent had already taken place, I no longer had to take refuge in my "I'm not sure," or the servant's expression "dying of poverty" for comfort. My heart already felt lighter. Only from time to time something still seemed to weigh on it. Dinner was served, and my uncle solemnly accompanied me. I wanted to ask about Hsiang Lin's Wife, but knew that although he had read, "Ghosts and spirits are properties of Nature," he had retained many superstitions, and on the eve of this sacrifice it was out of the question to mention anything like death or illness. In case of necessity one could use veiled allusions, but unfortunately I did not know how to, so although questions kept rising to the tip of my tongue, I had to bite them back. From his solemn expression I suddenly suspected that he looked on me as choosing not earlier nor later but just this time to come and trouble him, and that I was also a bad character; therefore to set his mind at rest I told him at once that I intended to leave Luchen the next day and go back to the city. He did not press me greatly to stay. So we quietly finished the meal.

In winter the days are short and, now that it was snowing, darkness already enveloped the whole town. Everybody was busy beneath the lamplight, but outside the windows it was very quiet. Snow-flakes fell on the thickly piled snow, as if they were whispering, making me feel even more lonely. I sat by myself under the yellow gleam of the vegetable oil lamp and thought, "This poor woman, abandoned by people in the dust as a tiresome and worn-out toy, once left her own imprint in the dust, and those who enjoy life must have wondered at her for wishing to prolong her existence; but now at least she has been swept clear by eternity. Whether spirits exist or not I do not know; but in the present world when a meaningless existence ends, so that someone whom others are tired of seeing is no longer seen, it is just as well, both for the individual concerned and for others." I listened quietly to see if I could hear the snow falling outside the window, still pursuing this train of thought, until gradually I felt less ill at ease.

Fragments of her life, seen or heard before, now combined to form one whole.

She did not belong to Luchen. One year at the beginning of winter, when my uncle's family wanted to change their maidservant, Old Mrs. Wei brought her in and introduced her. Her hair was tied with white bands, she wore a black skirt, blue jacket and pale green bodice, and was about twenty-six, with a pale skin but rosy cheeks. Old Mrs. Wei called her Hsiang Lin's Wife, and said that she was a neighbour of her mother's family, and because her husband was dead she wanted to go out to work. My uncle knitted his brows and my aunt immediately understood that he disapproved of her because she was a widow. She looked very suitable, though, with big strong feet and hands, and a meek expression; and she had said nothing but showed every sign of being tractable and hard-working. So my aunt paid no attention to my uncle's frown, but kept her. During the period of probation she worked from morning till night, as if she found resting dull, and she was so strong that she could do a man's work; accordingly on the third day it was settled, and each month she was to be paid five hundred cash.

Everybody called her Hsiang Lin's Wife. They did not ask her her own name; but since she was introduced by someone from Wei Village who said she was a neighbour, presumably her name was also Wei. She was not very talkative, only answering when other people spoke to her, and her answers were brief. It was not until a dozen days or so had passed that they learned little by little that she still had a severe mother-in-law at home and a younger brother-in-law more than ten years old, who could cut wood. Her husband, who had been a woodcutter too, had died in the spring. He had been ten years younger than she. This little was all that people learned from her.

The days passed quickly. She worked as hard as ever; she would eat anything, and did not spare herself. Everybody agreed that the Lu family had found a very good maidservant, who really got through more work than a hard-working man. At the end of the year she swept, mopped, killed chickens and geese and sat up to boil the sacrificial meat, single-handed, so the family did not have to hire extra help. Nevertheless she, on her side, was satisfied; gradually the trace of a smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. She became plumper and her skin whiter.

New Year was scarcely over when she came back from washing rice by the river looking pale, and said that in the distance she had just seen a man wandering on the opposite bank who looked very like her husband's cousin, and probably he had come to look for her. My aunt, much alarmed, made detailed enquiries, but failed to get any further information. As soon as my uncle learned of it he frowned and said, "This is bad. She must have run away from her husband's family."

Before long this inference that she had run away was confirmed.

About a fortnight later, just as everybody was beginning to forget what had happened, Old Mrs. Wei suddenly called, bringing with her a woman in her thirties who, she said, was the maidservant's mother-in-law. Although the woman looked like a villager, she behaved with great self-possession and had a ready tongue in her head. After the usual polite remarks she apologized for coming to take her daughter-in-law home, saying there was a great deal to be done at the beginning of spring, and since there were only old people and children at home they were short-handed.

"Since it is her mother-in-law who wants her to go back, what is there to be said?" was my uncle's comment.

Thereupon her wages were reckoned up. They amounted to one thousand seven hundred and fifty cash, all of which she had left with her mistress without using a single coin. My aunt gave the entire amount to her mother-in-law. The latter also took her clothes, thanked Mr. and Mrs. Lu and went out. By this time it was already noon.

"Oh, the rice! Didn't Hsiang Lin's Wife go to wash the rice?" my aunt exclaimed some time later. Probably she was rather hungry, so that she remembered lunch.

Thereupon everybody set about looking for the rice basket. My aunt went first to the kitchen, then to the hall, then to the bedroom; but not a trace of it was to be seen anywhere. My uncle went outside, but could not find it either; only when he went right down to the riverside did he see it, set down fair and square on the bank, with a bundle of vegetables beside it.

Some people there told him that a boat with a white awning had moored there in the morning, but since the awning covered the boat completely they did not know who was inside, and before this incident no one had paid any attention to it. But when Hsiang Lin's Wife came to wash rice, two men looking like country people jumped off the boat just as she was kneeling down and seizing hold of her carried her on board. After several shouts and cries, Hsiang Lin's Wife became silent: they had probably stopped her mouth. Then two women walked up, one of them a stranger and the other Old Mrs. Wei. When the people who told this story tried to peep into the boat they could not see very clearly, but Hsiang Lin's Wife seemed to be lying bound on the floor of the boat.

"Disgraceful! Still ..." said my uncle.

That day my aunt cooked the midday meal herself, and my cousin Ah Niu lit the fire.

After lunch Old Mrs. Wei came again.

"Disgraceful!" said my uncle.

"What is the meaning of this? How dare you come here again!" My aunt, who was washing dishes, started scolding as soon as she saw her. "You recommended her yourself, and then plotted to have her carried off, causing all this stir. What will people think? Are you trying to make a laughing-stock of our family?"

"Aiya, I was really taken in! Now I have come specially to clear up this business. When she asked me to find her work, how was I to know that she had left home without her mother-in-law's consent? I am very sorry, Mr. Lu, Mrs. Lu. Because I am so old and foolish and careless, I have offended my patrons. However, it is lucky for me that your family is always so generous and kind, and unwilling to be hard on your inferiors. This time I promise to find you someone good to make up for my mistake."

"Still . . ." said my uncle.

Thereupon the business of Hsiang Lin's Wife was concluded, and before long it was also forgotten.

Only my aunt, because the maidservants taken on afterwards were all lazy or fond of stealing food, or else both lazy and fond of stealing food, with not a good one in the lot, still often spoke of Hsiang Lin's Wife. On such occasions she would always say to herself, "I wonder what has become of her now?" meaning that she would like to have her back. But by the following New Year she too gave up hope.

The New Year's holiday was nearly over when Old Mrs. Wei, already half tipsy, came to pay her respects, and said it was because she had been back to Wei Village to visit her mother's family and stayed a few days that she had come late. During the course of conversation they naturally came to speak of Hsiang Lin's Wife.

"She?" said Mrs. Wei cheerfully. "She is in luck now. When her mother-in-law dragged her home, she had already promised her to the sixth son of the Ho family in Ho Village. Not long after she reached home they put her in the bridal chair and sent her off."

"Aiya! What a mother-in-law!" exclaimed my aunt in amazement.

"Ah, madam, you really talk like a great lady! We country folk, poor women, think nothing of that. She still had a younger brother-in-law who had to be married. And if they hadn't found her a husband, where would they have found the money for his wedding? But her mother-in-law is a clever and capable woman, who knows how to drive a good bargain, so she married her off into the mountains. If she had married her to someone in the same village, she wouldn't have got so much money; but since very few women are willing to marry someone living deep in the mountains, she got eighty thousand cash. Now the second son is married, the presents only cost her fifty thousand, and after paying the wedding expenses she still has over ten thousand left. Just think, doesn't this show she knows how to drive a good bargain? . . ."

"But was Hsiang Lin's Wife willing?"

"It wasn't a question of being willing or not. Of course anyone would have protested. They just tied her up with a rope, stuffed her into the bridal chair, carried her to the man's house, put on the bridal headdress, performed the ceremony in the hall and locked them in their room; and that was that. But Hsiang Lin's Wife is quite a character. I heard she really put up a great struggle, and everybody said she was different from other people because she had worked in a scholar's family. We go-betweens, madam, see a great deal. When widows remarry, some cry and shout, some threaten to commit suicide, some when they have been carried to the man's house won't go through the ceremony, and some even smash the wedding candlesticks. But Hsiang Lin's Wife was different from the rest. They said she shouted and cursed all the way, so that by the time they had carried her to Ho Village she was completely hoarse. When they dragged her out of the chair, although the two chairbearers and her young brother-in-law used all their strength, they couldn't force her to go through the ceremony. The moment they were careless enough to loosen their grip—gracious Buddha!—she threw herself against a corner of the table and knocked a big hole in her head. The blood poured out; and although they used two handfuls of incense ashes and bandaged her with two pieces of red cloth, they still couldn't stop the bleeding. Finally it took all of them together to get her shut up with her husband in the bridal chamber, where she went on cursing. Oh, it was really dreadful!" She shook her head, cast down her eyes and said no more.

"And after that what happened?" asked my aunt.

"They said the next day she still didn't get up," said Old Mrs. Wei, raising her eyes.

"And after?"

"After? She got up. At the end of the year she had a baby, a boy, who was two this New Year. These few days when I was at home some people went to Ho Village, and when they came back they said they had seen her and her son, and that both mother and baby are fat. There is no mother-in-law over her, the man is a strong fellow who can earn a living, and the house is their own. Well, well, she is really in luck."

After this even my aunt gave up talking of Hsiang Lin's Wife.

But one autumn, two New Years after they heard how lucky Hsiang Lin's Wife had been, she actually reappeared on the threshold of my uncle's house. On the table she placed a round bulb-shaped basket, and under the eaves a small roll of bedding. Her hair was still wrapped in white bands, and she wore a black skirt, blue jacket and pale green bodice. But her skin was sallow and her cheeks had lost their colour; she kept her eyes downcast, and her eyes, with their tear-stained rims, were no longer bright. Just as before, it was Old Mrs. Wei, looking very benevolent, who brought her in, and who explained at length to my aunt:

"It was really a bolt from the blue. Her husband was so strong, nobody could have guessed that a young fellow like that would die of typhoid fever. First he seemed better, but then he ate a bowl of cold rice and the sickness came back. Luckily she had the boy, and she can work, whether it is chopping wood, picking tea-leaves or raising silkworms; so at first she was able to carry on. Then who could believe that the child, too, would be carried off by a wolf? Although it was nearly the end of spring, still wolves came to the village—how could anyone have guessed that? Now she is all on her own. Her brother-in-law came to take the house, and turned her out; so she has really no way open to her but to come and ask help from her former mistress. Luckily this time there is nobody to stop her, and you happen to be wanting a new servant, so I have brought her here. I think someone who is used to your ways is much better than a new hand. . . ."

"I was really stupid, really . . ." Hsiang Lin's Wife raised her listless eyes to say. "I only knew that when it snows the wild beasts in the glen have nothing to eat and may come to the villages; I didn't know that in spring they came too. I got up at dawn and opened the door, filled a small basket with beans and called our Ah Mao to go and sit on the threshold and shell the beans. He was very obedient and always did as I told him: he went out. Then I chopped wood at the back of the house and washed the rice, and when the rice was in the pan and I wanted to boil the beans I called Ah Mao, but there was no answer; and when I went our to look, all I could see was beans scattered on the ground, but no Ah Mao. He never went to other families to play; and in fact at each place where I went to ask, there was no sign of him. I became desperate, and begged people to go to look for him. Only in the afternoon, after looking everywhere else, did they go to look in the glen and see one of his little shoes caught on a bramble. 'That's bad,' they said, 'he must have met a wolf.' And sure enough when they went further in there he was, lying in the wolf's lair, with all his entrails eaten away, his hand still tightly clutching that little basket. . . ." At this point she started crying, and was unable to complete the sentence.

My aunt had been undecided at first, but by the end of this story the rims of her eyes were rather red. After thinking for a moment she told her to take the round basket and bedding into the servants' quarters. Old Mrs. Wei heaved a long sigh as if relieved of a great burden. Hsiang Lin's Wife looked a little more at ease than when she first came and, without having to be told the way, quietly took away her bedding. From this time on she worked again as a maidservant in Luchen.

Everybody still called her Hsiang Lin's Wife.

However, she had changed a great deal. She had not been there more than three days before her master and mistress realized that she was not as quick as before. Since her memory was much worse, and her impassive face never showed the least trace of a smile, my aunt already expressed herself very far from satisfied. When the woman first arrived, although my uncle frowned as before, because they invariably had such difficulty in finding servants he did not object very strongly, only secretly warned my aunt that while such people may seem very pitiful they exert a bad moral influence. Thus although it would be all right for her to do ordinary work she must not join in the preparations for sacrifice; they would have to prepare all the dishes themselves, for otherwise they would be unclean and the ancestors would not accept them.

The most important event in my uncle's household was the ancestral sacrifice, and formerly this had been the busiest time for Hsiang Lin's Wife; but now she had very little to do. When the table was placed in the centre of the hall and the curtain fastened, she still remembered how to set out the winecups and chopsticks in the old way.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife, put those down!" said my aunt hastily.

She sheepishly withdrew her hand and went to get the candlesticks.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife, put those down!" cried my aunt hastily again. "I'll fetch them."

After walking round several times without finding anything to do, Hsiang Lin's Wife could only go hesitantly away. All she did that day was to sit by the stove and feed the fire.

The people in the town still called her Hsiang Lin's Wife, but in a different tone from before; and although they talked to her still, their manner was colder. She did not mind this in the least, only, looking straight in front of her, she would tell everybody her story, which night or day was never out of her mind.

"I was really stupid, really," she would say. "I only knew that when it snows the wild beasts in the glen have nothing to eat and may come to the villages; I didn't know that in spring they came too. I got up at dawn and opened the door, filled a small basket with beans and called our Ah Mao to go and sit on the threshold and shell them. He was very obedient and always did as I told him: he went out. Then I chopped wood at the back of the house and washed the rice, and when the rice was in the pan and I wanted to boil the beans I called Ah Mao, but there was no answer; and when I went out to look, all I could see was beans scattered on the ground, but no Ah Mao. He never went to other families to play; and in fact at each place where I went to ask, there was no sign of him. I became desperate, and begged people to go to look for him. Only in the afternoon, after looking everywhere else, did they go to look in the glen and see one of his little shoes caught on a bramble. 'That's bad,' they said, 'he must have met a wolf.' And sure enough when they went further in there he was, lying in the wolf's lair, with all his entrails eaten away, his hand still tightly clutching that small basket. . . ." At this point she would start crying and her voice would trail away.

This story was rather effective, and when men heard it they often stopped smiling and walked away disconcerted, while the women not only seemed to forgive her but their faces immediately lost their contemptuous look and they added their tears to hers. There were some old women who had not heard her speaking in the street, who went specially to look for her, to hear her sad tale. When her voice trailed away and she started to cry, they joined in, shedding the tears which had gathered in their eyes. Then they sighed, and went away satisfied, exchanging comments.

She asked nothing better than to tell her sad story over and over again, often gathering three or four hearers. But before long everybody knew it by heart, until even in the eyes of the most kindly, Buddha fearing old ladies not a trace of tears could be seen. In the end, almost everyone in the town could recite her tale, and it bored and exasperated them to hear it.

"I was really stupid, really . . ." she would begin.

"Yes, you only knew that in snowy weather the wild beasts in the mountains had nothing to eat and might come down to the villages." Promptly cutting short her recital, they walked away.

She would stand there open-mouthed, looking at them with a dazed expression, and then go away too, as if she also felt disconcerted. But she still brooded over it, hoping from other topics such as small baskets, beans and other people's children, to lead up to the story of her Ah Mao. If she saw a child of two or three, she would say, "Oh dear, if my Ah Mao were still alive, he would be just as big. . . ."

Children seeing the look in her eyes would take fright and, clutching the hems of their mothers' clothes, try to tug them away. Thereupon she would be left by herself again, and finally walk away disconcerted. Later everybody knew what she was like, and it only needed a child present for them to ask her with an artificial smile, "Hsiang Lin's Wife, if your Ah Mao were alive, wouldn't he be just as big as that?"

She probably did not realize that her story, after having been turned over and tasted by people for so many days, had long since become stale, only exciting disgust and contempt; but from the way people smiled she seemed to know that they were cold and sarcastic, and that there was no need for her to say any more. She would simply look at them, not answering a word.

In Luchen people celebrate New Year in a big way: preparations start from the twentieth day of the twelfth month onwards. That year my uncle's household found it necessary to hire a temporary manservant, but since there was still a great deal to do they also called in another maidservant, Liu Ma, to help. Chickens and geese had to be killed; but Liu Ma was a devout woman who abstained from meat, did not kill living things, and would only wash the sacrificial dishes. Hsiang Lin's Wife had nothing to do but feed the fire. She sat there, resting, watching Liu Ma as she washed the sacrificial dishes. A light snow began to fall.

"Dear me, I was really stupid," began Hsiang Lin's Wife, as if to herself, looking at the sky and sighing.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife, there you go again," said Liu Ma, looking at her impatiently. "I ask you: that wound on your forehead, wasn't it then you got it?"

"Uh, huh," she answered vaguely.

"Let me ask you: what made you willing after all?"

"Me?"

"Yes. What I think is, you must have been willing; otherwise. . . ."

"Oh dear, you don't know how strong he was.

"I don't believe it. I don't believe he was so strong that you really couldn't keep him off. You must have been willing, only you put the blame on his being so strong."

"Oh dear, you . . . you try for yourself and see." She smiled.

Liu Ma's lined face broke into a smile too, making it wrinkled like a walnut; her small beady eyes swept Hsiang Lin's Wife's forehead and fastened on her eyes. As if rather embarrassed, Hsiang Lin's Wife immediately stopped smiling, averted her eyes and looked at the snow-flakes.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife, that was really a bad bargain," continued Liu Ma mysteriously. "If you had held out longer or knocked yourself to death, it would have been better. As it is, after living with your second husband for less than two years, you are guilty of a great crime. Just think: when you go down to the lower world in future, these two men's ghosts will fight over you. To which will you go? The King of Hell will have no choice but to cut you in two and divide you between them. I think, really. . . . ."

Then terror showed in her face. This was something she had never heard in the mountains.

"I think you had better take precautions beforehand. Go to the Tutelary God's Temple and buy a threshold to be your substitute, so that thousands of people can walk over it and trample on it, in order to atone for your sins in this life and avoid torment after death."

At the time Hsiang Lin's Wife said nothing, but she must have taken this to heart, for the next morning when she got up there were dark circles beneath her eyes. After breakfast she went to the Tutelary God's Temple at the west end of the village, and asked to buy a threshold. The temple priests would not agree at first, and only when she shed tears did they give a grudging consent. The price was twelve thousand cash.

She had long since given up talking to people, because Ah Mao's story was received with such contempt; but news of her conversation with Liu Ma that day spread, and many people took a fresh interest in her and came again to tease her into talking. As for the subject, that had naturally changed to deal with the wound on her forehead.

"Hsiang Lin's Wife, I ask you: what made you willing after all that time?" one would cry.

"Oh, what a pity, to have had this knock for nothing," another looking at her scar would agree.

Probably she knew from their smiles and tone of voice that they were making fun of her, for she always looked steadily at them without saying a word, and finally did not even turn her head. All day long she kept her lips tightly closed, bearing. on her head the scar which everyone considered a mark of shame, silently shopping, sweeping the floor, washing vegetables, preparing rice. Only after nearly a year did she take from my aunt her wages which had accumulated. She changed them for twelve silver dollars, and asking for leave went to the west end of the town. In less time than it takes for a meal she was back again, looking much comforted, and with an unaccustomed light in her eyes. She told my aunt happily that she had bought a threshold in the Tutelary God's Temple.

When the time came for the ancestral sacrifice at the winter equinox, she worked harder than ever, and seeing my aunt take out the sacrificial utensils and with Ah Niu carry the table into the middle of the hall, she went confidently to fetch the winecups and chopsticks.

"Put those down, Hsiang Lin's Wife!" my aunt called out hastily.

She withdrew her hand as if scorched, her face turned ashen-grey, and instead of fetching the candlesticks she just stood there dazed. Only when my uncle came to burn incense and told her to go, did she walk away. This time the change in her was very great, for the next day not only were her eyes sunken, but even her spirit seemed broken. Moreover she became very timid, not only afraid of the dark and shadows, but also of the sight of anyone. Even her own master or mistress made her look as frightened as a little mouse that has come out of its hole in the daytime. For the rest, she would sit stupidly, like a wooden statue. In less than half a year her hair began to turn grey, and her memory became much worse, reaching a point when she was constantly forgetting to go and prepare the rice.

"What has come over Hsiang Lin's Wife? It would really have been better not to have kept her that time." My aunt would sometimes speak like this in front of her, as if to warn her.

However, she remained this way, so that it was impossible to see any hope of her improving. They finally decided to get rid of her and tell her to go back to Old Mrs. Wei. While I was at Luchen they were still only talking of this; but judging by what happened later, it is evident that this was what they must have done. Whether after leaving my uncle's household she became a beggar, or whether she went first to Old Mrs. Wei's house and later became a beggar, I do not know.

I was woken up by firecrackers exploding noisily close at hand, saw the glow of the yellow oil lamp as large as a bean, and heard the splutter of fireworks as my uncle's household celebrated the sacrifice. I knew that it was nearly dawn. I felt bewildered, hearing as in a dream the confused continuous sound of distant crackers which seemed to form one dense cloud of noise in the sky, joining the whirling snow-flakes to envelop the whole town. Wrapped in this medley of sound, relaxed and at ease, the doubt which had preyed on me from dawn to early night was swept clean away by the atmosphere of celebration, and I felt only that the saints of heaven and earth had accepted the sacrifice and incense and were all reeling with intoxication in the sky, preparing to give the people of Luchen boundless good fortune.

______

[Note: old calendar] The Chinese lunar calendar.

[Note: imperial college] The highest institute of learning in the Ching dynasty.

[Note: Kang Yu-wei] A famous reformist who lived from 1858 to 1927 and advocated constitutional monarchy.

[Note: Chen Tuan] A hermit at the beginning of the tenth century.

[Note: Kang Hsi's dictionary] A Chinese dictionary compiled under the auspices of Emperor Kang Hsi who reigned from 1662 to 1722.

[Note: Commentaries] Confucian classics.

[Note: ghosts...nature] A Confucian saying.

[Note: 10 years younger] In old China it used to be common in country districts for young women to be married to boys of ten or eleven. The bride's labour could then he exploited hy her husband's family.

[Note: was two] It was the custom in China to reckon a child as one year old at birth, and to add another year to his age as New Year.

February 7, 1924

祝福

旧历的年底毕竟最像年底，村镇上不必说，就在天空中也显出将到新年的气象来。灰白色的沉重的晚云中间时时发出闪光，接着一声钝响，是送灶的爆竹；近处燃放的可就更强烈了，震耳的大音还没有息，空气里已经散满了幽微的火药香。我是正在这一夜回到我的故乡鲁镇的。虽说故乡，然而已没有家，所以只得暂寓在鲁四老爷的宅子里。他是我的本家，比我长一辈，应该称之曰“四叔”，是一个讲理学的老监生。他比先前并没有什么大改变，单是老了些，但也还末留胡子，一见面是寒暄，寒暄之后说我“胖了”，说我“胖了”之后即大骂其新党。但我知道，这并非借题在骂我：因为他所骂的还是康有为。但是，谈话是总不投机的了，于是不多久，我便一个人剩在书房里。

第二天我起得很迟，午饭之后，出去看了几个本家和朋友；第三天也照样。他们也都没有什么大改变，单是老了些；家中却一律忙，都在准备着“祝福”。这是鲁镇年终的大典，致敬尽礼，迎接福神，拜求来年一年中的好运气的。杀鸡，宰鹅，买猪肉，用心细细的洗，女人的臂膊都在水里浸得通红，有的还带着绞丝银镯子。煮熟之后，横七竖八的插些筷子在这类东西上，可就称为“福礼”了，五更天陈列起来，并且点上香烛，恭请福神们来享用，拜的却只限于男人，拜完自然仍然是放爆竹。年年如此，家家如此，——只要买得起福礼和爆竹之类的——今年自然也如此。天色愈阴暗了，下午竟下起雪来，雪花大的有梅花那么大，满天飞舞，夹着烟霭和忙碌的气色，将鲁镇乱成一团糟。我回到四叔的书房里时，瓦楞上已经雪白，房里也映得较光明，极分明的显出壁上挂着的朱拓的大“寿”字，陈抟老祖写的，一边的对联已经脱落，松松的卷了放在长桌上，一边的还在，道是“事理通达心气和平”。我又无聊赖的到窗下的案头去一翻，只见一堆似乎未必完全的《康熙字典》，一部《近思录集注》和一部《四书衬》。无论如何、我明天决计要走了。

况且，一直到昨天遇见祥林嫂的事，也就使我不能安住。那是下午，我到镇的东头访过一个朋友，走出来，就在河边遇见她；而且见她瞪着的眼睛的视线，就知道明明是向我走来的。我这回在鲁镇所见的人们中，改变之大，可以说无过于她的了：五年前的花白的头发，即今已经全白，会不像四十上下的人；脸上瘦削丕堪，黄中带黑，而且消尽了先前悲哀的神色，仿佛是木刻似的；只有那眼珠间或一轮，还可以表示她是一个活物。她一手提着竹篮。内中一个破碗，空的；一手技着一支比她更长的竹竿，下端开了裂：她分明已经纯乎是一个乞丐了。

我就站住，豫备她来讨钱。

“你回来了？”她先这样问。

“是的。”

“这正好。你是识字的，又是出门人，见识得多。我正要问你一件事——”她那没有精采的眼睛忽然发光了。

我万料不到她却说出这样的话来，诧异的站着。

“就是——”她走近两步，放低了声音，极秘密似的切切的说，“一个人死了之后，究竟有没有魂灵的？”

我很悚然，一见她的眼钉着我的，背上也就遭了芒刺一般，比在学校里遇到不及豫防的临时考，教师又偏是站在身旁的时候，惶急得多了。对于魂灵的有无，我自己是向来毫不介意的；但在此刻，怎样回答她好呢？我在极短期的踌躇中，想，这里的人照例相信鬼，“然而她，却疑惑了，——或者不如说希望：希望其有，又希望其无……，人何必增添末路的人的苦恼，一为她起见，不如说有罢。

“也许有罢，——我想。”我于是吞吞吐虹的说。

“那么，也就有地狱了？”

“啊！地狱？”我很吃惊，只得支吾者，“地狱？——论理，就该也有。——然而也未必，……谁来管这等事……。”

“那么，死掉的一家的人，都能见面的？”

“唉唉，见面不见面呢？……”这时我已知道自己也还是完全一个愚人，什么踌躇，什么计画，都挡不住三句问，我即刻胆怯起来了，便想全翻过先前的话来，“那是，……实在，我说不清……。其实，究竟有没有魂灵，我也说不清。”

我乘她不再紧接的问，迈开步便走，勿勿的逃回四叔的家中，心里很觉得不安逸。自己想，我这答话怕于她有些危险。她大约因为在别人的祝福时候，感到自身的寂寞了，然而会不会含有别的什么意思的呢？——或者是有了什么豫感了？倘有别的意思，又因此发生别的事，则我的答活委实该负若干的责任……。但随后也就自笑，觉得偶尔的事，本没有什么深意义，而我偏要细细推敲，正无怪教育家要说是生着神经病；而况明明说过“说不清”，已经推翻了答话的全局，即使发生什么事，于我也毫无关系了。

“说不清”是一句极有用的话。不更事的勇敢的少年，往往敢于给人解决疑问，选定医生，万一结果不佳，大抵反成了怨府，然而一用这说不清来作结束，便事事逍遥自在了。我在这时，更感到这一句话的必要，即使和讨饭的女人说话，也是万不可省的。

但是我总觉得不安，过了一夜，也仍然时时记忆起来，仿佛怀着什么不祥的豫感，在阴沉的雪天里，在无聊的书房里，这不安愈加强烈了。不如走罢，明天进城去。福兴楼的请墩鱼翅，一元一大盘，价廉物美，现在不知增价了否？往日同游的朋友，虽然已经云散，然而鱼翅是不可不吃的，即使只有我一个……。无论如何，我明天决计要走了。

我因为常见些但愿不如所料，以为未毕竟如所料的事，却每每恰如所料的起来，所以很恐怕这事也一律。果然，特别的情形开始了。傍晚，我竟听到有些人聚在内室里谈话，仿佛议论什么事似的，但不一会，说话声也就止了，只有四叔且走而且高声的说：

“不早不迟，偏偏要在这时候——这就可见是一个谬种！”

我先是诧异，接着是很不安，似乎这话于我有关系。试望门外，谁也没有。好容易待到晚饭前他们的短工来冲茶，我才得了打听消息的机会。

“刚才，四老爷和谁生气呢？”我问。

“还不是和样林嫂？”那短工简捷的说。

“祥林嫂？怎么了？”我又赶紧的问。

“老了。”

“死了？”我的心突然紧缩，几乎跳起来，脸上大约也变了色，但他始终没有抬头，所以全不觉。我也就镇定了自己，接着问：

“什么时候死的？”

“什么时候？——昨天夜里，或者就是今天罢。——我说不清。”

“怎么死的？”

“怎么死的？——还不是穷死的？”他淡然的回答，仍然没有抬头向我看，出去了。

然而我的惊惶却不过暂时的事，随着就觉得要来的事，已经过去，并不必仰仗我自己的“说不清”和他之所谓“穷死的”的宽慰，心地已经渐渐轻松；不过偶然之间，还似乎有些负疚。晚饭摆出来了，四叔俨然的陪着。我也还想打听些关于祥林嫂的消息，但知道他虽然读过“鬼神者二气之良能也”，而忌讳仍然极多，当临近祝福时候，是万不可提起死亡疾病之类的话的，倘不得已，就该用一种替代的隐语，可惜我又不知道，因此屡次想问，而终于中止了。我从他俨然的脸色上，又忽而疑他正以为我不早不迟，偏要在这时候来打搅他，也是一个谬种，便立刻告诉他明天要离开鲁镇，进城去，趁早放宽了他的心。他也不很留。这佯闷闷的吃完了一餐饭。

冬季日短，又是雪天，夜色早已笼罩了全市镇。人们都在灯下匆忙，但窗外很寂静。雪花落在积得厚厚的雪褥上面，听去似乎瑟瑟有声，使人更加感得沉寂。我独坐在发出黄光的莱油灯下，想，这百无聊赖的祥林嫂，被人们弃在尘芥堆中的，看得厌倦了的陈旧的玩物，先前还将形骸露在尘芥里，从活得有趣的人们看来，恐怕要怪讶她何以还要存在，现在总算被无常打扫得于干净净了。魂灵的有无，我不知道；然而在现世，则无聊生者不生，即使厌见者不见，为人为己，也还都不错。我静听着窗外似乎瑟瑟作响的雪花声，一面想，反而渐渐的舒畅起来。

然而先前所见所闻的她的半生事迹的断片，至此也联成一片了。

她不是鲁镇人。有一年的冬初，四叔家里要换女工，做中人的卫老婆子带她进来了，头上扎着白头绳，乌裙，蓝夹袄，月白背心，年纪大约二十六七，脸色青黄，但两颊却还是红的。卫老婆子叫她祥林嫂，说是自己母家的邻舍，死了当家人，所以出来做工了。四叔皱了皱眉，四婶已经知道了他的意思，是在讨厌她是一个寡妇。但是她模样还周正，手脚都壮大，又只是顺着限，不开一句口，很像一个安分耐劳的人，便不管四叔的皱眉，将她留下了。试工期内，她整天的做，似乎闲着就无聊，又有力，简直抵得过一个男子，所以第三天就定局，每月工钱五百文。

大家都叫她祥林嫂；没问她姓什么，但中人是卫家山人，既说是邻居，那大概也就姓卫了。她不很爱说话，别人问了才回答，答的也不多。直到十几天之后，这才陆续的知道她家里还有严厉的婆婆，一个小叔子，十多岁，能打柴了；她是春天没了丈夫的；他本来也打柴为生，比她小十岁：大家所知道的就只是这一点。

日子很快的过去了，她的做工却毫没有懈，食物不论，力气是不惜的。人们都说鲁四老爷家里雇着了女工，实在比勤快的男人还勤快。到年底，扫尘，洗地，杀鸡，宰鹅，彻夜的煮福礼，全是一人担当，竟没有添短工。然而她反满足，口角边渐渐的有了笑影，脸上也白胖了。

新年才过，她从河边掏米回来时，忽而失了色，说刚才远远地看见几个男人在对岸徘徊，很像夫家的堂伯，恐怕是正在寻她而来的。四婶很惊疑，打听底细，她又不说。四叔一知道，就皱一皱眉，道：

“这不好。恐怕她是逃出来的。”

她诚然是逃出来的，不多久，这推想就证实了。

此后大约十几天，大家正已渐渐忘却了先前的事，卫老婆子忽而带了一个三十多岁的女人进来了，说那是详林嫂的婆婆。那女人虽是山里人模样，然而应酬很从容，说话也能干，寒暄之后，就赔罪，说她特来叫她的儿媳回家去，因为开春事务忙，而家中只有老的和小的，人手不够了。

“既是她的婆婆要她回去，那有什么话可说呢。”四叔说。

于是算清了工钱，一共一千七百五十文，她全存在主人家，一文也还没有用，便都交给她的婆婆。那女人又取了衣服，道过谢，出去了。其时已经是正午。

“阿呀，米呢？祥林嫂不是去淘米的么？……”好一会，四婶这才惊叫起来。她大约有些饿，记得午饭了。

于是大家分头寻淘箩。她先到厨下，次到堂前，后到卧房，全不见掏箩的影子。四叔踱出门外，也不见，一直到河边，才见平平正正的放在岸上，旁边还有一株菜。

看见的人报告说，河里面上午就泊了一只白篷船，篷是全盖起来的，不知道什么人在里面，但事前也没有人去理会他。待到祥林嫂出来掏米，刚刚要跪下去，那船里便突然跳出两个男人来，像是山里人，一个抱住她，一个帮着，拖进船去了。样林嫂还哭喊了几声，此后便再没有什么声息，大约给用什么堵住了罢。接着就走上两个女人来，一个不认识，一个就是卫婆于。窥探舱里，不很分明，她像是捆了躺在船板上。

“可恶！然而……。”四叔说。

这一天是四婶自己煮中饭；他们的儿子阿牛烧火。

午饭之后，卫老婆子又来了。

“可恶！”四叔说。

“你是什么意思？亏你还会再来见我们。”四婶洗着碗，一见面就愤愤的说，“你自己荐她来，又合伙劫她去，闹得沸反盈天的，大家看了成个什么样子？你拿我们家里开玩笑么？”

“阿呀阿呀，我真上当。我这回，就是为此特地来说说清楚的。她来求我荐地方，我那里料得到是瞒着她的婆婆的呢。对不起，四老爷，四太太。总是我老发昏不小心，对不起主顾。幸而府上是向来宽洪大量，不肯和小人计较的。这回我一定荐一个好的来折罪……。”

“然而……。”四叔说。

于是祥林嫂事件便告终结，不久也就忘却了。

只有四嫂，因为后来雇用的女工，大抵非懒即馋，或者馋而且懒，左右不如意，所以也还提起祥林嫂。每当这些时候，她往往自言自语的说，“她现在不知道怎么佯了？”意思是希望她再来。但到第二年的新正，她也就绝了望。

新正将尽，卫老婆子来拜年了，已经喝得醉醺醺的，自说因为回了一趟卫家山的娘家，住下几天，所以来得迟了。她们问答之间，自然就谈到祥林嫂。

“她么？”卫若婆子高兴的说，“现在是交了好运了。她婆婆来抓她回去的时候，是早已许给了贺家坳的贸老六的，所以回家之后不几天，也就装在花轿里抬去了。”

“阿呀，这样的婆婆！……”四婶惊奇的说。

“阿呀，我的太太！你真是大户人家的太太的话。我们山里人，小户人家，这算得什么？她有小叔子，也得娶老婆。不嫁了她，那有这一注钱来做聘礼？他的婆婆倒是精明强干的女人呵，很有打算，所以就将地嫁到里山去。倘许给本村人，财礼就不多；惟独肯嫁进深山野坳里去的女人少，所以她就到手了八十千。现在第二个儿子的媳妇也娶进了，财礼花了五十，除去办喜事的费用，还剩十多千。吓，你看，这多么好打算？……”

“祥林嫂竟肯依？……”

“这有什么依不依。——闹是谁也总要闹一闹的，只要用绳子一捆，塞在花轿里，抬到男家，捺上花冠，拜堂，关上房门，就完事了。可是详林嫂真出格，听说那时实在闹得利害，大家还都说大约因为在念书人家做过事，所以与众不同呢。太太，我们见得多了：回头人出嫁，哭喊的也有，说要寻死觅活的也有，抬到男家闹得拜不成天地的也有，连花烛都砸了的也有。样林嫂可是异乎寻常，他们说她一路只是嚎，骂，抬到贺家坳，喉咙已经全哑了。拉出轿来，两个男人和她的小叔子使劲的捺住她也还拜不成夭地。他们一不小心，一松手，阿呀，阿弥陀佛，她就一头撞在香案角上，头上碰了一个大窟窿，鲜血直流，用了两把香灰，包上两块红布还止不住血呢。直到七手八脚的将她和男人反关在新房里，还是骂，阿呀呀，这真是……。”她摇一摇头，顺下眼睛，不说了。

“后来怎么样呢？”四婢还问。

“听说第二天也没有起来。”她抬起眼来说。

“后来呢？”

“后来？——起来了。她到年底就生了一个孩子，男的，新年就两岁了。我在娘家这几天，就有人到贺家坳去，回来说看见他们娘儿俩，母亲也胖，儿子也胖；上头又没有婆婆，男人所有的是力气，会做活；房子是自家的。——唉唉，她真是交了好运了。”

从此之后，四婶也就不再提起祥林嫂。

但有一年的秋季，大约是得到祥林嫂好运的消息之后的又过了两个新年，她竟又站在四叔家的堂前了。桌上放着一个荸荠式的圆篮，檐下一个小铺盖。她仍然头上扎着白头绳，乌裙，蓝夹祆，月白背心，脸色青黄，只是两颊上已经消失了血色，顺着眼，眼角上带些泪痕，眼光也没有先前那样精神了。而且仍然是卫老婆子领着，显出慈悲模样，絮絮的对四婶说：

“……这实在是叫作‘天有不测风云’，她的男人是坚实人，谁知道年纪青青，就会断送在伤寒上？本来已经好了的，吃了一碗冷饭，复发了。幸亏有儿子；她又能做，打柴摘茶养蚕都来得，本来还可以守着，谁知道那孩子又会给狼衔去的呢？春天快完了，村上倒反来了狼，谁料到？现在她只剩了一个光身了。大伯来收屋，又赶她。她真是走投无路了，只好来求老主人。好在她现在已经再没有什么牵挂，太太家里又凄巧要换人，所以我就领她来。——我想，熟门熟路，比生手实在好得多……。”

“我真傻，真的，”祥林嫂抬起她没有神采的眼睛来，接着说。“我单知道下雪的时候野兽在山坳里没有食吃，会到村里来；我不知道春天也会有。我一清早起来就开了门，拿小篮盛了一篮豆，叫我们的阿毛坐在门槛上剥豆去。他是很听话的，我的话句句听；他出去了。我就在屋后劈柴，掏米，米下了锅，要蒸豆。我叫阿毛，没有应，出去口看，只见豆撒得一地，没有我们的阿毛了。他是不到别家去玩的；各处去一问，果然没有。我急了，央人出去寻。直到下半天，寻来寻去寻到山坳里，看见刺柴上桂着一只他的小鞋。大家都说，糟了，怕是遭了狼了。再进去；他果然躺在草窠里，肚里的五脏已经都给吃空了，手上还紧紧的捏着那只小篮呢。……”她接着但是呜咽，说不出成句的话来。

四婶起刻还踌踌，待到听完她自己的话，眼圈就有些红了。她想了一想，便教拿圆篮和铺盖到下房去。卫老婆子仿佛卸了一肩重相似的嘘一口气，祥林嫂比初来时候神气舒畅些，不待指引，自己驯熟的安放了铺盖。她从此又在鲁镇做女工了。

大家仍然叫她祥林嫂。

然而这一回，她的境遇却改变得非常大。上工之后的两三天，主人们就觉得她手脚已没有先前一样灵活，记性也坏得多，死尸似的脸上又整日没有笑影，四婶的口气上，已颇有些不满了。当她初到的时候，四叔虽然照例皱过眉，但鉴于向来雇用女工之难，也就并不大反对，只是暗暗地告诫四姑说，这种人虽然似乎很可怜，但是败坏风俗的，用她帮忙还可以，祭祀时候可用不着她沾手，一切饭莱，只好自已做，否则，不干不净，祖宗是不吃的。

四叔家里最重大的事件是祭祀，祥林嫂先前最忙的时候也就是祭祀，这回她却清闲了。桌子放在堂中央，系上桌帏，她还记得照旧的去分配酒杯和筷子。

“祥林嫂，你放着罢！我来摆。”四婶慌忙的说。

她讪讪的缩了手，又去取烛台。

“祥林嫂，你放着罢！我来拿。”四婶又慌忙的说。

她转了几个圆圈，终于没有事情做，只得疑惑的走开。她在这一天可做的事是不过坐在灶下烧火。

镇上的人们也仍然叫她祥林嫂，但音调和先前很不同；也还和她讲话，但笑容却冷冷的了。她全不理会那些事，只是直着眼睛，和大家讲她自己日夜不忘的故事：

“我真傻，真的，”她说，“我单知道雪天是野兽在深山里没有食吃，会到村里来；我不知道春天也会有。我一大早起来就开了门，拿小篮盛了一篮豆，叫我们的阿毛坐在门槛上剥豆去。他是很听话的孩子，我的话句句听；他就出去了。我就在屋后劈柴，淘米，米下了锅，打算蒸豆。我叫，‘阿毛！’没有应。出去一看，只见豆撒得满地，没有我们的阿毛了。各处去一向，都没有。我急了，央人去寻去。直到下半天，几个人寻到山坳里，看见刺柴上挂着一只他的小鞋。大家都说，完了，怕是遭了狼了；再进去；果然，他躺在草窠里，肚里的五脏已经都给吃空了，可怜他手里还紧紧的捏着那只小篮呢。……”她于是淌下眼泪来，声音也呜咽了。

这故事倒颇有效，男人听到这里，往往敛起笑容，没趣的走了开去；女人们却不独宽恕了她似的，脸上立刻改换了鄙薄的神气，还要陪出许多眼泪来。有些老女人没有在街头听到她的话，便特意寻来，要听她这一段悲惨的故事。直到她说到呜咽，她们也就一齐流下那停在眼角上的眼泪，叹息一番，满足的去了，一面还纷纷的评论着。

她就只是反复的向人说她悲惨的故事，常常引住了三五个人来听她。但不久，大家也都听得纯熟了，便是最慈悲的念佛的老太太们，眼里也再不见有一点泪的痕迹。后来全镇的人们几乎都能背诵她的话，一听到就烦厌得头痛。

“我真傻，真的，”她开首说。

“是的，你是单知道雪天野兽在深山里没有食吃，才会到村里来的。”他们立即打断她的话，走开去了。

她张着口怔怔的站着，直着眼睛看他们，接着也就走了，似乎自己也觉得没趣。但她还妄想，希图从别的事，如小篮，豆，别人的孩子上，引出她的阿毛的故事来。倘一看见两三岁的小孩子，她就说：

“唉唉，我们的阿毛如果还在，也就有这么大了……”

孩子看见她的眼光就吃惊，牵着母亲的衣襟催她走。于是又只剩下她一个，终于没趣的也走了，后来大家又都知道了她的脾气，只要有孩子在眼前，便似笑非笑的先问她，道：

“祥林嫂，你们的阿毛如果还在，不是也就有这么大了么？”

她未必知道她的悲哀经大家咀嚼赏鉴了许多天，早已成为渣滓，只值得烦厌和唾弃；但从人们的笑影上，也仿佛觉得这又冷又尖，自己再没有开口的必要了。她单是一瞥他们，并不回答一句话。

鲁镇永远是过新年，腊月二十以后就火起来了。四叔家里这回须雇男短工，还是忙不过来，另叫柳妈做帮手，杀鸡，宰鹅；然而柳妈是善女人，吃素，不杀生的，只肯洗器皿。祥林嫂除烧火之外，没有别的事，却闲着了，坐着只看柳妈洗器皿。微雪点点的下来了。

“唉唉，我真傻，”祥林嫂看了天空，叹息着，独语似的说。

“祥林嫂，你又来了。”柳妈不耐烦的看着她的脸，说。“我问你：你额角上的伤痕，不就是那时撞坏的么？”

“晤晤。”她含胡的回答。

“我问你：你那时怎么后来竟依了呢？”

“我么？……”，

“你呀。我想：这总是你自己愿意了，不然……。”

“阿阿，你不知道他力气多么大呀。”

“我不信。我不信你这么大的力气，真会拗他不过。你后来一定是自己肯了，倒推说他力气大。”

“阿阿，你……你倒自己试试着。”她笑了。

柳妈的打皱的脸也笑起来，使她蹙缩得像一个核桃，干枯的小眼睛一看祥林嫂的额角，又钉住她的眼。祥林嫂似很局促了，立刻敛了笑容，旋转眼光，自去看雪花。

“祥林嫂，你实在不合算。”柳妈诡秘的说。“再一强，或者索性撞一个死，就好了。现在呢，你和你的第二个男人过活不到两年，倒落了一件大罪名。你想，你将来到阴司去，那两个死鬼的男人还要争，你给了谁好呢？阎罗大王只好把你锯开来，分给他们。我想，这真是……”

她脸上就显出恐怖的神色来，这是在山村里所未曾知道的。

“我想，你不如及早抵当。你到土地庙里去捐一条门槛，当作你的替身，给千人踏，万人跨，赎了这一世的罪名，免得死了去受苦。”

她当时并不回答什么话，但大约非常苦闷了，第二天早上起来的时候，两眼上便都围着大黑圈。早饭之后，她便到镇的西头的土地庙里去求捐门槛，庙祝起初执意不允许，直到她急得流泪，才勉强答应了。价目是大钱十二千。她久已不和人们交口，因为阿毛的故事是早被大家厌弃了的；但自从和柳妈谈了天，似乎又即传扬开去，许多人都发生了新趣味，又来逗她说话了。至于题目，那自然是换了一个新样，专在她额上的伤疤。

“祥林嫂，我问你：你那时怎么竟肯了？”一个说。

“唉，可惜，白撞了这－下。”一个看着她的疤，应和道。

她大约从他们的笑容和声调上，也知道是在嘲笑她，所以总是瞪着眼睛，不说一句话，后来连头也不回了。她整日紧闭了嘴唇，头上带着大家以为耻辱的记号的那伤痕，默默的跑街，扫地，洗莱，淘米。快够一年，她才从四婶手里支取了历来积存的工钱，换算了十二元鹰洋，请假到镇的西头去。但不到一顿饭时候，她便回来，神气很舒畅，眼光也分外有神，高兴似的对四婶说，自己已经在土地庙捐了门槛了。

冬至的祭祖时节，她做得更出力，看四婶装好祭品，和阿牛将桌子抬到堂屋中央，她便坦然的去拿酒杯和筷子。

“你放着罢，祥林嫂！”四婶慌忙大声说。

她像是受了炮烙似的缩手，脸色同时变作灰黑，也不再去取烛台，只是失神的站着。直到四叔上香的时候，教她走开，她才走开。这一回她的变化非常大，第二天，不但眼睛窈陷下去，连精神也更不济了。而且很胆怯，不独怕暗夜，怕黑影，即使看见人，虽是自己的主人，也总惴惴的，有如在白天出穴游行的小鼠，否则呆坐着，直是一个木偶人。不半年，头发也花白起来了，记性尤其坏，甚而至于常常忘却了去掏米。

“祥林嫂怎么这样了？倒不如那时不留她。”四婶有时当面就这样说，似乎是警告她。

然而她总如此，全不见有伶俐起来的希望。他们于是想打发她走了，教她回到卫老婆于那里去。但当我还在鲁镇的时候，不过单是这样说；看现在的情状，可见后来终于实行了。然而她是从四叔家出去就成了乞丐的呢，还是先到卫老婆子家然后再成乞丐的呢？那我可不知道。

我给那些因为在近旁而极响的爆竹声惊醒，看见豆一般大的黄色的灯火光，接着又听得毕毕剥剥的鞭炮，是四叔家正在“祝福”了；知道已是五更将近时候。我在蒙胧中，又隐约听到远处的爆竹声联绵不断，似乎合成一天音响的浓云，夹着团团飞舞的雪花，拥抱了全市镇。我在这繁响的拥抱中，也懒散而且舒适，从白天以至初夜的疑虑，全给祝福的空气一扫而空了，只觉得天地圣众歆享了牲醴和香烟，都醉醺醺的在空中蹒跚，豫备给鲁镇的人们以无限的幸福。

一九二四年二月七日

billzhao · 发表于 2022-10-24 08:05

上面是英文，下面是中文原文

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