Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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6 y6 N0 j: V) l) Y! _* ]' O! UThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:

5 J. I3 L: n6 _+ s7 u$ u1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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  |! h* Q( N9 z- y. t& i* D# S2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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& _5 A* O! S$ g( Z3 F8 i. y) \$ G3 u5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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1 m& l7 J- ~) N1 w5 X  F7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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6 t. D3 e4 b0 i0 |& i& B9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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, v* \4 p4 k9 U8 C5 V10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

' q1 p: D( [; S( A* @3 |14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.