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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. $ i" L+ H% |0 H

$ T+ |/ A  j. k7 p$ H) t& X7 EThe following were some of this year’s winning entries: ; T8 S2 e/ ?2 U6 \* v

. k1 H8 Q( q2 m: d1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. ; S7 B" p9 F4 y+ W. i9 ]" ]
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 9 [: I2 D% R+ a6 U) E4 P1 X" O

7 D6 x1 w  P4 k9 {4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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) D4 q( ]: ?& `1 n8 Q! i. c6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. $ j# a3 u  m5 k
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. 0 e; h- S1 @* y
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 3 R* T# M: c; w/ u8 l* w1 ~
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 3 x4 T9 f) R* D

1 [% `* w5 s" |% f11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. . Q7 N; v+ T: z1 W
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.   g5 \: F. \) h( l! o

' U$ Y0 l3 u# o  p  ?+ D& u. ~14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. , y4 `2 Y, d' g
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. ) Q7 I, s3 h' s1 y/ ~! o

' v6 y  C) E! ~  Y: A5 p4 J16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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