Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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9 y/ ]0 y5 ?. H% K0 A% c7 U2 Y2 @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 l. q0 N2 ?$ }% }! AVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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* x" K' H4 H: z( k3 R# `- ?. wBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* h5 n5 e- @( i+ K/ U7 y: bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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! O! f& A: ^3 c; `9 PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) q6 f" t% v: N# CMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 _& ^$ R% `" S3 VCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, w8 R6 U& s7 h: P0 ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

- F9 o% L1 p( x: M- e( mINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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' T$ R# L+ O) f, I4 q9 LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! L/ U  B, d& [. @% E; xWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. B2 D: H6 K, h1 ?+ MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 D6 Y0 \9 k! ^, T9 FPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵