Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 K  f, S0 p6 ]; o. K& dCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* C/ ^; D1 ]8 yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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2 g8 Z" H: c6 DVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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' Z! {9 Q/ k5 l5 o- E/ q( y: PP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 `" X4 d+ y0 Z4 d! A: ?BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ z) O* s& m) l& N. NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ Y; g! d$ e& r/ K- GSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

6 }) A& T- q( ?' \% fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 F8 c% S3 D+ j. y$ GFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

+ {7 U& C! j- g- m' g% CCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

: Q- a4 N. a) ~3 a) vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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, Z7 b, N, p+ |5 l8 B$ lPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) f% ]. V( l% QBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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& L5 n5 o0 a! f0 Q, U/ hPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵