Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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/ s0 N5 `1 n9 eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 q4 i  A" M5 f+ Q7 G5 W: d, B7 ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

8 p- y- F: G- |% q) j4 q2 O( cBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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( w0 j+ T1 @) v% V. nVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& c# e7 @  B! ~1 \8 w- qBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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9 O$ O8 g' R+ v) t, ^. SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

2 r" u8 x2 m( ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% E: Q7 e+ A# sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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% j+ J( P' Y) L# Z; FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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7 O" q  c6 m, b0 T1 q& P3 NYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; @( t" a1 w/ \' Y& A9 oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' Q- d% p$ Q3 X0 X& N! j) Z6 S% jWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' G+ l! V1 z% EWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
  W) e4 [9 s$ y; Q" a* ^) QBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 O4 f! |3 P: JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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. F4 Z0 V* r0 J. s3 s8 kWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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; x) c. d3 e- t; C8 v% N5 s6 H                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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% N7 F5 q+ A' A& aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵