Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
1 Z% N0 ^6 s) P! J1 d. h  R- X* R
' G# U- v* z( r( i& }CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! A; |( O. P- N% [1 Z. FCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
6 f  s& p) g% ?7 h. v0 Y
. Z' X/ r( b& F2 s8 sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
0 q- Z- m2 W/ Y6 a* D9 O
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

' J2 w1 Y0 D! T: I0 CBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
' K4 S+ d' Z; h3 \1 y' J
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

/ ]+ \! m( S* pSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
' x9 B$ n7 a' r
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% v9 m; P0 e# z  o& h. mMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
' z) ]/ ?3 e1 n/ w2 q( k5 `) M
! ?- M6 Y$ x# T% BCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
, l0 p8 `) {7 f5 D
" h! m5 l5 x$ J3 d/ a3 RYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
1 z  n2 {" ]* {3 Y, V: D
/ S9 h+ [' c3 X/ a2 `2 ]2 U) KWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
6 r" n1 C/ f. r9 v
* p3 E. e; a$ q" z' }( U- ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- Q$ \6 v1 ]1 t. jWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* N1 H4 z# H0 J* ?2 n# gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
6 ~! N# ^) t8 z2 M
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
. h3 u7 L( H6 `
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
" X* M9 W. n4 u. j
7 E* B, y- ?" t1 }1 H``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
/ r. k: }, f- T" [# a0 s* I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵