Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
( c$ M. e+ p  _
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' P* q1 e" `' K# |, B5 jBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
: Z% t$ W' |' W6 A
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
4 w& E% {3 H; j1 _. k
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
  ^; h" g4 _/ Y$ ]( A
; i8 c6 C4 R& j; I- ?/ k" t! @STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
* d. c0 v, I/ K1 L" `( o
, N" J; K" h, |( p9 [4 w3 ~: ESTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! u2 _+ O& |$ }8 m; u  ^$ X" RSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( l! ]& ^" j9 t0 Y7 O) x3 kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
# Q( ~4 H: {2 b( _. Q' A
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
& `4 [1 }* U: {% S& v( r( U
! A" [" g. ]4 v: S; ?/ k2 ~1 N+ aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
7 j4 x% n4 }2 @8 J
- w5 P1 D* n" F" _2 @( QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- A- z4 o/ n8 K; H3 m, V2 |* Z: cBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
% J0 t9 N+ q& _9 \
% Z3 l* B& I2 P, \" Q& }! p7 ``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

4 u$ F! B( E- m1 U3 h# v# o' u                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
7 z  r3 p9 \) K. s0 A) K7 MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
, T( \6 e; e2 h! |     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵