Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

5 p# t9 |8 v, D- m" P( y2 NCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 u3 S# c- h: Y! i8 {; K2 @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

9 S' U- O2 Z2 I( W+ i9 GBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ \8 P# ^0 y$ H4 Q0 c$ {BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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0 Q: ?8 b7 U$ Y" CBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

) l4 e5 D7 t' J3 k- N9 p& ISTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 h1 C. B, |+ {" J9 q: ^- mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

, I- ]- |" T7 P( kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* u$ V" {/ K. O( K" B5 gMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

) [5 l4 C6 a+ \# AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) K1 s. A* m. M6 c1 HPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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7 @. R# c' R' R% O8 MIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 y) L" ?$ B" q$ G0 {% L1 }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
5 s- S5 R! h5 a& c/ K% RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) r" z" m$ g$ b( n3 O                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵