Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' X7 [% d( R$ P# U5 P# SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

3 `" C9 ]) H) pBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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, o4 \- |2 k0 ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

/ K! o5 i# B* n7 j/ z) _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ b% o4 u  N+ I5 K8 Y( a- l/ DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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# B" o7 c" Y- s3 I, G6 }# OWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ d7 D' R) _1 V: q5 k6 T5 z7 p9 ^2 VPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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: d% k2 p5 H8 B, [# OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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) q0 x, K1 r5 g4 w+ a, V4 o                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! Q5 T; {- Q7 P& p* x! C                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵