weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
+ p1 l8 B5 \7 T6 @Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
- }, T7 R$ P0 i4 K4 tflock, will you give me one?"

- y& O5 p( M8 g) Y& n/ gThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

9 u8 C% _- ~2 BThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
1 z( M/ V1 l! \  Y: P* ?1 zcell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
: x# h: O4 x7 {: u' |/ N. vand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
1 J- @) p7 D0 gsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
; p( I0 Y3 a; G7 L* j
( Q; F7 U1 R( Q. ^1 f% d9 h"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
# J$ n0 y0 q5 }. ~0 i  Z
He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
4 @- v' s5 h5 b, c; c1 V
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"

; j4 ~0 z# k# P/ f9 q3 K7 \# ~"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
3 y8 h+ V, q! J) D6 G0 w8 n# c
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

: R9 ^1 e  A0 ]# W( _% R( h"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
5 z1 i; M' g+ A1 J0 Tquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
# p8 Q: s& v- G, RNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
1 i3 p# c- R# U" F( l* O, @into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
# e; c1 a2 P  A8 a4 g; {open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
  F" f4 j0 q0 Z- D, Z# G0 Kresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
: _+ e" f7 k& E( B: @6 Fbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
. I' i; ~  ~% ]where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.
  s  d/ w6 j0 U! [: K; b
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
9 }6 u2 n  m9 R9 cNurses are known to be hot to trot".

) ?8 Q9 r0 g( z8 uThe second man married a telephone operator.
0 ]* N2 x& C2 z! \* s: n& g0 S
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?

The third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
: {. }+ ^( N- i+ F' d! obut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
/ ]9 m; F! {- c* W2 v! vpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

$ a# Y3 c" h' j6 N3 jDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
2 I- c  W# }/ D. ^7 B/ o) h, x2 Pwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

! L( H: l! i+ Y7 z0 ~" CAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
- x0 d/ `; e. Y( i8 F8 Kas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
% y# |' \/ L4 |. u8 ^in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
% W: G. Q. D: H* q8 L2 ^2 h
0 m' I/ `3 Q# L) }# LDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
, U9 a, h$ o) e$ O2 }! ]their voices."
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The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
+ Y- a# g6 a- s2 kthree minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
# {3 p/ G3 S( s" u: t- _% T
- {/ P! P3 S! i& q5 \, K) JFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
& [1 v! Z9 g) j6 A3 B2 @man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
& N- {' d2 o: t8 J+ mhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
8 M  f9 _; U6 ylegs.

$ l. [* E  q- |6 p6 b0 @  R" dJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
- s- J/ z) q8 u- Z; H" p8 @0 p
/ I3 j; x' K% b9 R# s) |) S( M7 xThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing