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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence 0 P( }/ W3 E( X$ M$ Z& H
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on $ `: W7 h5 R- T6 y3 R4 i. }; @+ Y
> > > >little TONY.
" e+ O4 w+ I k2 l0 F> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." 9 U2 ^6 t& d, _) `& z4 X
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your ' ^6 l4 h2 n1 r3 S2 l7 U8 l
>thinking." # u4 e1 y% y: v* A. ~7 r
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
6 h2 ^) o/ d9 k+ y$ p: \> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the * |1 D( g" X5 i& j2 E
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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& a% z4 e: S( Y1 Z> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice 6 j. @- ?# Z* z* U7 j/ a
>cream. * U% V# @( M5 E1 e
> > > >Which one is married?"
* g9 D) u: u8 w( q* V> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
3 P5 v1 N' B; m \8 m+ `4 Y! g+ f/ h> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
6 a/ v& K& N; U, v% C3 P0 C$ b> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with 8 M! ]2 C X0 d. K4 i+ e, i4 b+ u( }( M. n
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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! N5 @" Q K$ _+ A1 M> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
! J8 a" T# L2 m: \> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, f* R0 {3 _2 f0 Z> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY. : p5 D, h) ^, P9 B
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
$ }, @4 G8 {" q* b- K. W> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' " , B7 l" }2 q1 j% z$ P6 f! [7 ^
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
( m: t% r5 D6 b9 S8 D; e; x$ c0 |> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
5 d8 @8 e! B+ Z8 f# U# N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH ! b% g& `% [. k2 M' r: U& y
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
9 B" l' C8 C* e% h) g. n* ?> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an , c% \$ l4 j$ F4 A/ L2 J1 z
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
* _) R$ [8 U, r1 T2 e> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
; ~% n7 z! j6 ~7 o5 |# C/ e1 p> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." 2 y% @' I; h( \4 {- E
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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6 J' @( R: ^* B6 z7 h- G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR 1 B C9 F( {: X8 v; x/ I
> > > >
8 W, K+ n. Z' B3 [' A- S$ p4 ^% k5 x, J9 }> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
% @+ l/ L }$ g8 h> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
: g( g( a% F: `2 f l7 a> > > >piss!!"
7 C- B. A# i% ?4 t5 W: e$ Q, y& a( a> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use 0 d! F8 ]! E% ^ v1 m9 F
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. 3 n% o0 |. k$ Y
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will - e1 Q5 U6 A& V/ |1 p
> > > >allow ; G* r& ?: l* h H
> > > >you to go."
+ g$ {% @; i& t" A- A. g% @> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but ) d7 a) t; F0 c0 C( U4 b
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" + e' N0 J' A. u8 u; }/ f" h
> > > >
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! o! @' G E% C5 }. Q7 l> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR 8 D, n/ a! W" q0 \
> > > >
$ ~9 b) G* l& {( R6 ?5 R> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a ' A5 p6 S1 ~% s9 l! U& C
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the " b6 E' V( M9 W2 I
> > > >same sentence twice. - a; F, }" M d7 j3 C( W. {
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father " n: O4 q5 d& Y/ p$ \- E1 F+ w
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." * a' s# T: y, t3 i0 k
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
$ P" @3 e0 u8 z, h4 k> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out ' d& m2 f4 j. I
> > > >beautifully." ; s6 x( b( p! u+ N
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly 5 j7 p) X6 _7 i& j2 z
> > > >called on little TONY. . L6 b3 {% Q7 D8 n& X+ Y3 x
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% c! r! E/ Y6 @2 O7 M> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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. I- O6 N& P3 _# Y" j, u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER , d# G! P( l8 a( v4 D) X
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar & B9 e) W* i! f' j z5 W" w
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him ) q/ T8 C6 C' Y8 [/ {9 `4 j
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It $ V/ a1 \6 r7 C* _* L
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." 9 i% d% h5 g( T- x/ G
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." # [% N) y+ }. e) e) B' V. |
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" 4 f; K- n4 q$ ]: k+ x) @ z2 ]
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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