Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
. ^& }  N( }+ i# [' Q> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
, h# w5 E' ~% h+ c5 t( r> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
, Y- i& O0 i0 R> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
: `+ |, L9 ]  x> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
9 P& h+ z# n: x# i6 N, v2 g' z8 h& l>cream.
0 C* M4 f0 |: O6 A9 I> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
6 l7 a* O( d  d) m) X> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
+ @" f4 c& ?9 F; \3 a9 E, W> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
3 v% |5 M' T7 L" P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
. a) x( g+ _# j$ q- q7 `> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" h( ~  R+ ?4 J# @> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
9 |  i. T( f; e' Y8 p, L- ^0 y> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
# T9 N6 X5 J' T, f9 W  R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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7 N% h5 U9 A7 A. T> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
% J: R  o" t' S% F, J; X, |> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
; K' i$ p0 n1 K( b> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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! b1 i; a8 `/ k* C9 I! d) a- p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 \& Q: u# Q8 B( L6 y> > > >piss!!"
% \( J. I2 E- S3 \7 m; V, F, U7 ~+ z0 c> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
* l0 r# `6 ?3 E2 J. X. @4 k> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
# Q7 x+ l5 X! B# B3 \1 z, `> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
8 S9 q( q: I2 _% J" l3 g" g> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  D! P$ r/ D8 g! v. `( _4 E> > > >called on little TONY.
; a$ J+ x0 N  y* V$ J( L0 B> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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0 q' ]9 [# k, a' B" Q; e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
! p. M: f" x- J> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
( w6 w# R. C8 Y5 I& t> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
0 H% Q0 s9 f" b9 B  l( X# j> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
& V( ~6 v% ]1 T8 A' t4 r* c> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business