Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
, a# t; ~; M- x8 k> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
) |  C2 D1 m; i  K4 D  X>thinking."
2 }2 d. K2 t/ ~# w9 c# v* {/ g> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
8 @1 a) w! B! U; g' W9 C% ~7 G> > > >Which one is married?"
& `( o4 G8 x( l, c% i1 A# v> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
/ ?' N1 r' ]) s& X5 c> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
# a! a! q. B/ ]  P+ \$ K9 k2 q> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 _1 |3 t: ^9 y- z; f& v7 K> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
; \: C' Q/ ~1 J8 i+ b. o> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
8 l- n" U. ~1 i> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
/ ]9 B2 O: |2 m& u7 h/ d2 Z> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
+ b2 k0 @4 _# L3 V7 b9 r> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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+ y. K& V% r2 Y1 j/ N" r/ L> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
4 e% U" @& J4 G" a+ B3 A# s! j9 R) v3 S> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 ^0 s4 C# L' g! A" Q' x7 R> > > >piss!!"
5 U1 w+ s0 x4 Y) A4 b# Q4 h7 G> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
$ ?; I& Y( O! [> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
  q) E" R& O& W2 o/ @6 u> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, [) h* i8 e  V8 [% v' m: J> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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9 y$ q+ D# B& S! d/ u) f> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' `! x7 C) o# W> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 N/ o; `* F" r. Z& |+ S# y0 D> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
' Z0 D! \! {) [$ n1 x5 q% Y> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% U# x! L, s$ I9 @/ Y8 j> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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+ Y8 Z. `4 Y6 v1 a' K> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
/ v! S; M  M  @/ C  w( Y> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
: G( k( T" o, Z> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business