Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
$ @0 a+ \% y8 X% Y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
, e8 ?; n% e- u4 h8 o5 C8 m$ q> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
9 p0 a' {- w! O5 v! u> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
: p6 u* }& N8 w% t> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
% g. E4 H. \4 D/ q) l>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
: d7 {5 j% z/ r  L& a6 M> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 t' c+ w) U! v> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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9 r" y" I( D. _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* o& h+ ]5 _( S( L> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
- q. E+ `# _* S3 Z5 h> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
/ f; c* o* N) |/ _> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
: J3 e" L" o9 Y4 l# G7 q> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
/ `0 M* _" b' n$ }/ H5 g1 N% D> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& B- `8 S% j: ]7 w: a& B> > > >"That's what I said!"
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0 Z/ j3 M% h  P' F6 A: K> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
; J: x1 K6 u; W) L  Y$ c> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
3 ^' i4 A/ L& |0 [> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
) c' M0 z1 N" M0 L& K9 P> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
  P' h, z+ o" M/ B8 k4 Z> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
$ n6 m" m5 ~. G9 U  L> > > >
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3 F* C' j& {& {2 `, }; k; ^, g> > > >
9 J4 j5 Z. \: Z- O  `4 C  W7 V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
1 V7 }- s1 [, I/ S6 J  Z> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
5 J1 D9 F' I$ a8 I6 i3 E7 Y6 s> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, k' O) {$ w. S( a> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
$ I9 j7 S% X' z: d+ Z> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 j+ w9 S) k+ B. B3 \> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 o$ i& w$ `# w' n+ p> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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5 [) m' n) y! n4 H1 M- O; N; y0 c  C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
- @& E  B! S) X7 s* S> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
* C/ H. Y: S' C( V  H( S) W) E> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business