Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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- t+ b, _; I0 @> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
+ f0 V3 w/ d! y( q' k> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
' p: X- I4 @; V$ v% A% t> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
, W, A5 x1 e0 {7 k$ _* F  C" j6 P/ E6 \> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
1 v4 T: X& j7 Z8 O+ W>thinking."
, }4 v% h% H/ V- d1 N, f> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, ]5 q: O) X7 r4 h> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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+ T. ?3 `* J* ?) _1 x( b> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
! T( c& c- G+ G4 W2 H: u> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
' Q+ _4 a, @8 \* h* x( Y> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
; d$ d: E1 v- B9 |8 F> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
; W, ~7 B( B1 H( }2 Q> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 {( [( p9 Q, W: U% T1 H> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
9 M# O' I, Y1 @: w" n> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ e9 F* F" `+ P> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
1 u- n) c# D# o2 W. |: d5 _: U> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
- z  f& w* |' O: J4 J) F> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
+ X. @! X  j7 H4 f0 |; ~( a> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 }- y1 q- Q/ U> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
7 w& I. s" s) z% O> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
% O4 @! [! \8 r8 z; F+ f- G. `  ^> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 n1 M2 U9 j  N- {> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% k) O" P" v+ s. ?9 E> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
6 U6 g' }* p/ H) I  ^& i3 z> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
& X: c  E9 L. t! @1 s2 o1 o> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
; ~8 ]# M. ~! h3 t1 d> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
* g9 S& F( i% |" K7 ~0 }# c+ r: _: h> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
* ]/ p" r4 R7 I3 o% u% ~> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
; F) M1 S6 d  L4 ~> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
  O( J' ?; J" L0 Q2 o9 C1 r> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. }! m! F6 v6 \1 G> > > >beautifully."
" d. t% R/ ]" @- N$ H) K> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
# ?' S8 j8 ?4 ]0 h3 I$ h> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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* u9 D2 ?- X) j$ _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
# @( e. q5 C: H6 D; ?> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
% l1 A; R; n8 k6 {> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
: ~5 M7 A0 Z9 e! Y1 x> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
& M5 {& L* u) h' _1 j$ R" v> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business