Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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4 u5 n/ c! X' n+ A1 E> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
! a  }, J- l9 J! B) r# z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
% q8 x: H4 a& k0 `/ R> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
8 J0 ]+ @' C9 T  x- h> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
$ q/ Q7 i! b% I  e8 d# l> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
* H, G  I: T0 {. [" k> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
7 ~( Q' e1 w2 M8 d  \  ]0 W> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
5 u6 g- b: P  y$ s> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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/ Z+ Y/ X" E" V- X4 M> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
# s/ Y% Y: k5 m! ~  Y7 [& q: q> > > >"That's what I said!"
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1 q3 t0 ^9 U0 H" H) A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
3 q7 v- `: H/ h7 U; @> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
' {( K, ~5 J4 W7 q* f9 _) X  G( n% ?> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
0 @4 }- {: \8 K0 r7 |' o> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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* F  ^5 Z) C0 Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 r* k, Q- B) Q0 c* a% A> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
5 E1 V9 t" u/ E# R( y> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
! N! }1 g2 _8 m9 q> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
  u' o, K" c5 t5 N" m- t8 |> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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$ f+ T  C- G; z; m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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  b: [7 [5 p  Z! i! I, ~% s> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
" ]8 H) P( x$ `- g6 f3 N2 A> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
/ Z0 N6 G: ^9 R; _  f+ f' S> > > >same sentence twice.
, f" p$ |' i) Q( g0 f> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 g/ W2 f1 Y/ _> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
+ l- z; f$ O: [* [( N% ?, j+ N> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
( b3 T) a) J/ B! g( |+ D7 Y* w> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
* r0 S5 e7 N9 D- y% N) D' h> > > >beautifully."
7 K7 a% L- X7 u* y7 |- a# c, q> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
- _' M. q. D0 ^$ ]# P/ t2 \+ u> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
( a8 A" b) g* \3 J; @8 k> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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1 n: l) M6 P- U% d4 }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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! Z5 a. v; q6 T* g) ]# k> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
. h  K# a. q& e* Y% Y> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
8 D* D5 e+ r( p0 m/ s- e> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
% J" f6 d; K* a  ^2 C- }> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business