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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON ! c; `' C3 m- [
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% m( C* p" H7 c0 Z9 | V4 m> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
- Q6 K. B; J2 w8 O> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on / ?0 Z5 [2 W+ x
> > > >little TONY.
0 ~: P6 ?! q: u+ B> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." # v8 F% T6 g. B% k0 T9 Q% t
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your " a G! m/ k& o+ J2 }4 n# ^
>thinking." # V. d4 ^; q" K; c
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women * z: _; s' Z" h, x
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
6 Z7 H$ T! E' W( k> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice : x( r! I0 u6 I
>cream. 5 T2 i' O# `. u# b: h! {5 B
> > > >Which one is married?"
# y4 a& L: e: O> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 ]" J1 d3 y3 | Y> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
1 ^/ _% @, W* ~2 I' H> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with ! C% `3 {1 V1 t" U
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
x$ @; J( D: H( i> > > >"Why?" asks the father. 5 x( S- L* `# [( q Z, I
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 d F: S) X& T9 Y> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
+ n3 V0 ], u4 ~' ~> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 K5 x0 n/ B; N: u( D> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 @8 a$ [8 S7 J0 D> > > >"That's what I said!" , z4 [- @# G- u
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) e3 d' |" @ @$ [7 W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH + ~/ v4 W/ c7 c1 q
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are & p8 w0 f" d) d
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
6 X& U6 ]3 v2 [5 g> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
# |/ D# G r4 F> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
! a6 c! Z+ f( b* e* O& @3 L> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
) n: L1 D6 w+ i- E- S> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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. c& k; _- ]: F& U, g. i: a- k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ a! @, b5 q0 P# j) [! L5 U> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 J3 r! G6 [( L ]/ ~> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
' b, ?! _3 C+ x; v> > > >piss!!"
0 k! Q4 ?* v* u/ C; M> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
& o1 v4 a& N6 C* A" T5 x, C# I5 f" Q> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. # K E" n/ \4 U0 J6 i
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will 8 D8 V4 y* a+ x4 v
> > > >allow
* T1 U. c( Z9 D" Y> > > >you to go."
8 H4 S: @2 W& R& I2 I> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but & }8 z1 N% j. w* r$ h# ~
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" 5 ~' B& D+ a/ ~5 }2 H
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR # ~; s! L& B, b/ F0 K! O, s
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a 1 g4 o% a7 n* S m, c
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 s3 I8 m' a, ~7 @- p$ S> > > >same sentence twice. # }% N" |) @3 F8 V2 {, A
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father ; o7 K% i, L" D# {# r4 c
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." 4 C6 z) i( d1 ]3 D4 _
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
5 }' m8 e( q( F3 E8 E" q* l& ~> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out , u) x; b3 D. s# r$ x+ T" i! h
> > > >beautifully." ) F! q) \/ o9 o- O% s
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly ' k3 S2 S1 [$ G. B
> > > >called on little TONY. / @# ? M3 p/ h$ @% d4 ~
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
4 x& K: G* ^8 W0 c! `> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!" 5 z3 Y6 K+ @* m3 v# J! K* M
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER ; Y$ j% @' \2 K, P% u
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
/ t0 ?! m5 v1 ?/ _* N# a9 H/ g& i* ~> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
/ o0 c5 t. t3 o; b, j> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It 6 n G1 B- M( P8 d& |
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." 9 c- [' l2 K. P5 p: |) H1 j4 p
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
& v# W) c0 I' N3 j( P3 ^& ]> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" ( d) J" i( \; v8 ]5 i. t% y$ ~8 H
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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