Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
0 ?: r0 B- B1 n8 V6 _> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
0 ?/ H/ A: E6 Z4 j* T+ _> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
4 s: m$ ~( {: ]( w>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
( S4 l+ }' _% b: n2 y# A> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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" p, J, v! }" ^% @> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
# I( D: w1 r* @> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- O& o2 F0 Q- B% P3 o$ r> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
7 O, [/ e) r+ p- V) {' y5 o, j> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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& l6 \2 v( F2 _; C# o+ c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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0 G; V9 N+ k; ~5 K: e. S: P4 f> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
. [' A/ X- U6 r7 L> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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7 K3 _& X9 Z' s" }+ O1 Q% a2 m" H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
8 E( F- @$ P. I8 D; `6 t> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
  V4 W" D6 x, O0 \# `3 s% [& X4 c> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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4 V1 e( K& t" P8 q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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3 N& s4 G$ D0 g- Q$ e- r> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
/ C5 e/ x6 Q! X  Q" ]> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
$ P4 N  k# k  X# ?2 ?> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
# `6 V) G/ _/ Y5 J, B> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
9 y. b3 W0 b0 e; i: V. |> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
& i! v: o& o$ }! |  B1 I> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
+ c# u" x! ?# U# D( W> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
4 g: Q- F8 I: K) u$ c+ J> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
' O/ W$ x1 S& r3 R$ h, ?" T> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
( \. c# ]: u) c% T> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
. @$ u2 X/ B& T) D4 T' ~+ T> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
* N; v; e) r+ ]* A* `> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
  g# t  T+ i2 A8 g+ E> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
" H) X  ?6 v  J4 w7 ~: ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business