Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
5 i" }8 \' [4 z$ ~0 w> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
" u5 V) v% @$ c+ {% W/ g- ?> > > >little TONY.
* G0 w+ ]( C6 M; D4 u) j: }> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
) n5 S& y( g6 i0 x/ P! Z2 D$ w6 D>thinking."
0 t9 C& P! z# [# k- G& I+ _- N> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
6 }* k" ~; Z! }> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
+ g8 t- p6 x" e( x> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
3 i) i9 O+ O9 [>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
- S! C& F- @9 ]1 ]4 K! Q> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
& u7 E+ v6 J0 Q6 S> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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4 C) a# q& Q4 V; \- n8 u/ p. _. _> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( S9 I0 u0 G; N. f# {/ X6 s9 y> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 N5 o$ O, a( g6 u# o> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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4 k; b1 g; O, S" T6 e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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8 F$ C- M& l, ]( ~6 O7 k' P; u> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
* [7 {# W" u' e/ r  H> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
; {8 Z: u, P4 x! G> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
" k2 c7 D1 L2 L& `> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
; M2 [) o4 L9 O, k1 |, o9 i> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
: n1 U. Y/ D6 f( |- m% w0 ^> > > >piss!!"
& C5 s; L7 B) l3 f2 r> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
  P- T( j" ~* Y* X  i, g> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
) u6 V0 j% N/ a! @7 Z" K% e> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
; U8 P" i' ?3 _: ^  i( _> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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, Q+ v9 b. V- m1 U4 \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 [1 j1 o* D/ O; d> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
7 d! M; x* p( l( g$ j* V  L> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
; }3 E) r/ o2 l0 G, N' c. w. ]> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
. \" {% L0 |1 B9 s8 F% z> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
, O' F: H3 M9 d& G2 G( {> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% k/ K) T$ \3 X( y7 u: A  ?> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
$ m8 o& L  j0 W' c5 ^> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
' P; w$ I6 A0 x- v" n3 ^> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
! X2 j: \9 R- ?& R8 L7 z> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
3 Q- w2 }8 Y7 D& b+ \+ X) o> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
4 o1 c) \: S2 l" Y> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business