请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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: c, B0 i3 d2 ^$ T7 lFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
- ?. x. [' y# F5 @8 b9 G* ^* h              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) i6 `4 h- g9 e1 h              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 |, M7 @; }! m; g              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) l( y( ]8 ]* E8 ~9 K5 v9 ~' x              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
3 {% d& e" V* y. mHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. z2 a* t4 b5 P8 _- ~$ z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ H% |; H& v) R% zNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% m& @9 d. |; |; Q             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  h, C" N: E. \2 \: p. ^6 GFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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2 y( ~9 K3 t3 g( `$ b卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
1 D5 C: g# A# d' g" nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
1 j5 c, G5 X0 iSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) G$ l# @% o3 H" ?3 ?# OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# A6 N  W3 I# @) D; ?! iSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' E, i7 E/ y' p: k
* }% G6 A" C6 e+ O9 w, W6 Y* ~6 vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 ^, k# z: W8 v4 r. |$ fSomehow I lost myself inside it again
0 p+ v- V& v. v2 T+ Y' M
7 o/ ~1 u' K& H9 B8 hSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 k; p; I. y% N" V" Z0 ?9 ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 ]( p8 O5 m8 M2 B, P================================================
: ^; X, q9 L' N0 ~However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% Y* i* K7 L( f, d=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 h, Y7 F% R7 n) g9 j) @' `我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？