请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


! w% D" U, h3 \1 I" \  h+ v/ L* V
2 h/ p! A8 f) M: m' {
/ a, F" W1 b( p


. O/ l$ V6 |( K0 Y5 g- y! LFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
% {- \' f9 O5 @3 |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* q" o  c) Q2 k, F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 f3 M7 B' V- Z7 V* e$ U              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; \. P" e: Y3 N. s              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
5 u$ _; @  f5 _' u8 T# t/ v4 C2 z. T3 ZHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
# D5 c( k. e: q) e, d& ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" A' Q" H6 B' R# w             somehow I lost myself inside again
* j& n2 t; x8 n/ }3 r- d2 \Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 F( I9 y" Z+ k+ {2 ?$ U3 x             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( b; M7 ^! F% j* K7 lBasically, I almost finish this poem
/ Z5 z: A& F1 `* P  u1 d! s" @               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ K) |; S. Y, d* W) j" h( OBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
, u# e/ l: P6 _2 j
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
- N# g: Y& _2 r3 s& y

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
, X% j, T! E: @( r0 M  [Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
# U. f6 U" ?0 C( G7 rSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. N* c/ y7 s2 ]# R8 |/ lSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" X0 H0 F3 \0 n3 D
* W, r8 j( b0 b7 ^3 o$ ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 n0 j# f" m9 e- I4 D  aSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) @, q8 N- j9 k' b- Q" V, lSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
( f" W2 ^3 a1 jHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

5 ]- t/ V2 s0 M% {- [! zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( _3 j1 u# Q6 c2 x9 \( f- j1 q=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ l/ z; a+ w* _0 d  {我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) [; [9 C, h$ W/ m& C/ l哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？