请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- H0 x9 d# h9 I/ b: T, eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


  Z' X4 n- Y; c- X; _

9 O. |( n" p* B  j

8 W$ _) @! }0 w) _  c" s
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' b6 g+ ]$ [, h+ m: o: a) O              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 ]# f# }, e9 G5 k( z  j) a              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, x7 L8 F+ I& X0 |; A4 F) r) [( |              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
& C5 R) n+ d, }/ H+ J$ XHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( G* W& a$ {3 x1 A             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) O& r" y/ [. e/ a$ Q; p: G             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& r% B! A5 {% m9 xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
+ i0 A' M0 |. b& W) m2 H3 o* Z               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" T" }0 x/ B9 [But........         
  z- |. p  m, A  w. v6 C4 M' {Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
& m; E7 g. J% s* ^. `* G
. o' M/ i. p9 n& k+ h8 L

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
9 v' P7 c2 U7 h2 N2 c# i) h7 WSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 N) V' y0 k4 K$ t9 c* e1 ^Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: c% ?5 O9 i6 C* I: n+ ASomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

( \: L" `9 Z; M$ k5 }( R( N! gSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ O: j- H/ T- P( F2 D% C; Z* uSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" X2 b& f9 A4 j- eSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
6 A7 U  B  L, x; Z. S0 p! RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, d$ _0 b' r, s" \' u' uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 N2 C! J# X! _+ tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

7 B9 c7 T4 @1 ]0 g$ `( X+ R3 a2 `somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- H7 d. d/ `& r/ r" J8 x) k2 }=====================================================================
( e; X1 U8 L8 u1 @: `somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% {$ b9 S' Q8 J8 y我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' s5 S$ i5 w+ d. N哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？