请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ Q) D$ q9 p& e+ T$ w- f$ \3 fBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
0 y; W9 Z5 N5 f4 c& C. I



" t, n* [" K; U; X


. V5 D2 U# ?1 b# L8 UFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
, B7 k# H! t4 k9 ?( ^3 c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) t9 f1 Q& j& f7 [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" `" c/ j3 V& Y; B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 v, u% C* k5 V! O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( @. j$ P/ E4 t( g) tNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
+ R2 _- l- r7 X! f/ f9 s% z  z( @             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( Z! [  m! |- z4 s) E- OFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
  J- Y5 q7 n3 X9 e6 Z               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
4 b' D& D: G/ u0 JIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

  w" e( q* d5 S# r  S) ^  ^( H卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* U1 f1 M/ v# q8 ~$ w/ l  @. h2 `Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' v- o1 x* o1 C* }5 j4 `8 ESomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 t- l5 L# o* ]5 D; ?& sSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) v' _) U! |8 c- {) tSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, a3 T! D9 ^  @' o* u% [2 b5 aSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- Q$ b* e& a7 j
/ }; x7 U3 x" I) q8 ^Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

  a, V7 h) E3 X2 Z4 YSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  Y( g; y" ^- |8 ~# x1 [Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& j, _% D3 Z# U8 f================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* F/ O8 g4 U5 F5 M0 T3 ^: u; d
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 K) {6 c; W5 k/ R1 s=====================================================================
$ M  O2 Y$ H- ~$ {. @9 m2 i' {somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( N6 y" G6 i) }5 f0 }7 x$ o4 C哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？