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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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U- [' D2 ^( p2 H/ H4 ?- ~ 1. Bring your own house.
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2 R# ^4 i" ~+ ` 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and& y0 m0 Y2 }) U# l8 r
hospital.0 B3 M( d, h8 o6 p
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder: `$ G7 D$ A( O( R$ V0 q/ v! p
capital of Canada .6 Z# E4 M# V" |( @3 K
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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4 o0 a4 N* M/ t: z7 R2 K+ T 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug1 p" l) _2 t! p3 w
capital of Canada .; D: b+ E4 ^% R% R( u
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
) R* P9 {+ f6 X$ Z4 C9 w( i2 s$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
8 K# C0 \% I: d0 R* o- z8 X/ qon a 15 year holiday ?/ a9 B% E; h6 s
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
% Z+ ^! S: H9 f" v; U' nprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
8 u4 }* o( R- U8 D, |) L) Z1 There sick.) V* b% I9 K& n
" D- v4 q& k2 s; H: g, b- }$ h* N! c9 O11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12" G; f- ]; [+ r2 n: ]8 A. v- ]
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.& V; i: K& G* T2 p$ z
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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% V* | D! J, _, @9 `1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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3 ?( a/ ~6 { h2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
7 ]& t) [. e# x h- Y4 R$ @is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.+ l7 D& V- p4 `5 K/ O
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its) v0 K; z" K! P, g9 H! c
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest& p) x$ E) Z ]+ d
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
$ h( G' o, k: K& o/ K% H# T, sgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
5 Q5 [: `" b( O5 f6 B1 hphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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2 o0 ^$ @0 ~8 k4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,6 Q2 z% c; j4 l; M8 H) U; K
cussed out, and possibly shot., l& G* u8 E0 B0 @. H% ~1 t
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that u+ l$ g: d8 M# o# @) Z6 m
can get you shot.6 |) H& N* ?3 _& K( j* l8 S
$ W+ [! l# N& T( Y8 m. v2 s. h5 p! M6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
3 S4 y/ L( X6 _4 q, B; Ubarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next+ F. B) n. Q. ^. h4 l. ?
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
' m$ L7 w* N! U3 ?( Bmore construction starts everyday.- o/ F; e7 E$ k2 q
4 [" h( ]+ y$ U b, @ 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,, Z: m7 u: G8 J5 I
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
, e" F- T5 f+ }$ ksquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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* m" m! c& t( S- b; g9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the; A% J$ F: ~, {4 G4 w1 A/ k
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally2 `- M, h) _* P4 u5 _0 W
activated."
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
( _* Y& g. C9 V& \- [3 r9 ?zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
; J w, {' K, |. waccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.& _ X$ C' O. |, X/ `+ p
/ i( z, B+ g$ m6 j t( |" _4 k11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
8 `' E3 J/ D \) }1 ~lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
3 S1 U* }+ N3 L) Hblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is( X7 L' x/ M2 c% D
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
