我最喜欢的一篇悼词，再送COCO

三思 · 发表于 2005-5-27 18:37

这是我最喜欢的一篇悼词，喜欢作者沉隧而深情的文笔，更欣赏他把父亲作为一个独立的人格来怀念的角度。故而忍不住翻译来，收藏之。特来分享。蓝色字体是我尤其喜欢的片断。

Too soon, Dad. Too soon.

I was trying to think of a word or theme to cling all my seemingly unrelated memories together. 5 disparate memories persistently come to mind in a particular order when I try to get to the root of my Dad as he means to me. I sprang out of bed Friday at 3 a.m. and knew the word - it turned out to be my favorite word in the whole world and I think he's the source of the specialness of that word. My favorite word is "Cozy".

The first memory I recall is my practice of climbing into bed with my parents when I was little. I remember lying beside this big warm slumbering bear and feeling so safe. That one's easy. I felt cozy.

The next memory is rebuilding the Steiger motor on the front driveway in the dark and the warm glow of the lights. I couldn't figure out why I felt cozy about this memory, but I think it's because Dad impressed on me how much less clearance there was on this particular engine. So I felt cozy, I'm guessing, because this showed how closely two separate parts could come to each other and still be separate and unique, but working together in a family, community, in a society.

The third memory is working on the old Cadillac the night before I took the car skiing with my friends. We had to replace the universal joint and were lying under the car in the middle of the night outside in the middle of the winter. We were lying facing each other with a light shining where it should be shining, on the under belly of the car. And I felt cozy.

The next recollection is seeing my Dad after he had died. A and I went to S Hospital and when I　saw him I began rubbing his shoulder. And he was cold.　I kept rubbing instinctively trying to comfort him,　but this time there was no reaction. He was resolved　to sleep. We pulled back the sheet to see his hands　and I instinctively began rubbing them. I'm not sure　whether I was trying to get warmth from him or to give　him warmth. But he'd given all his coziness away. The　miracle is he still makes me feel cozy.

Now, that would seem to be the last memory, but my　last recollection is of a memory that occurred many　years earlier. After feeling triumphant for connecting　all these other recollections, I was left with this　one that didn't fit. Dad bought two combines about 60　miles away from the Tarka farm and he pulled one with　his truck and I drove the other. Needless to say driving a combine for 60 miles took some time. But I　remember when we finally got to T farm and　traveling on our own, Dad parked his truck and I　parked the combine and I came out of the cab to see my　Dad smiling and I felt cozy. And I guess now Dad and I　again begin our separate trips and we'll meet again　with smiles.

My wife, J, told me about lying beside her mom at　night when she was little and realizing that one day　her mom would die and she cried and cried and cried.　And I guess all kids have such thoughts about their　parents. But you're never prepared.

My Dad and I had a policy to hug each other and say　we loved each other developed after one of our stormy　arguments. Dad suggested we be allowed to say anything　we like to each other, but at the end, we put all in　perspective with a hug and three words. This ritual　extended to every meeting we had. And I'll do that　again today.

“太快了，父亲，太快了。。。

我一直在试图找到一个词语或是一个主题，将我那些表面上不相关的记忆连接起来。当我试图挖掘父亲对于我的根源含义的时候，5个独立的记忆，在特定的顺序下，连续地进入我的脑海来。在这个周五的凌晨3点，我忽然跳下床，我知道我找到了这个词，这原来就是整个世界中我最喜爱的一个词，并且我意识到我对这个词的特殊感受正是来源于我的父亲。我最喜爱的词就是“惬意“。

我的第一段回忆是当我还是小不点儿的时候，在父母的床上练习爬行。我的记忆里，父亲就像一只温暖的大熊，我躺在他的身边，感觉是那么的安全。这个事例非常容易理解，我从父亲那里感觉到了惬意。

另一个记忆是和父亲在车道前修理农用机，农场的周遭一片黑暗，我们置身于一环温暖的灯光下。我弄不清楚为什么这个记忆会让我感到如此的惬意。我想是因为父亲传递给我的印象是修理过程是如此轻松。所以我感觉惬意。我猜想，这个记忆还显示了：俩个独立的个体可以如此的接近，而仍然保持他们的独立性和唯一性。他们一起工作，在家庭中，在社区中，在社会中。

第三个记忆是在我准备开车和朋友们去滑雪的前一天晚上，父亲和我修理那辆老式卡迪拉克。我们不得不躺在室外的汽车下更换一个万向接头。那是一个寒冬的深夜，我们面对面躺着，灯光在它该亮的地方亮着（注：作者父亲总是埋怨合作者不能把灯光打准修理的地方），在汽车的肚子下面，我感觉到了惬意。

下一段回忆是在父亲死后我看到他。姐姐和我赶到医院，当我看到父亲时，我开始磨瑟他的肩膀。而他是冷的。我继续本能地摩瑟着，想让他舒服一些。但是这一次再得不到他的回应了。他下决心睡去了。我们拉开被单去看他的双手，我本能地开始摩瑟他的手，我不能确定我是在从他那里得到温暖，还是在将我的温暖给予他。但是他已经将他所有的惬意都带走了。奇迹的是这个时候他仍然使我感觉到了惬意。

现在，该述说最后一段回忆了，但是这最后的回忆发生在许多年以前。在成功地将前面的记忆串接起来后，我落下了这个单独的片断，不知道穿插在哪里好。父亲从T农场60英里远的地方买了二辆收割机，他自己用卡车拖行了一辆，我驾驶着另一辆。不用说，驾驶收割机行驶60英里的路程，是相当费时间的。但是我记得，那天我们经过一番苦旅，最终到达农场之后，父亲去停放他的卡车，我停放另一辆收割机。当我从车里出来的时候，我看见父亲在对我微笑，我，感觉到了惬意。我猜想，现在，父亲和我再一次开始了我们独自的旅行，而我们也将会再一次微笑着相遇。

我的妻子，J，告诉我，当她是个孩子的时候，夜晚她躺在妈妈的身边意识到有一天妈妈会死去，她哭呀哭呀哭。我猜所有的孩子都有过这样的想法，但是当那一刻真正来临的时候，你永远感觉没有准备。

父亲和我有个约定，在我们暴雨般的争论过后，拥抱对方并且告诉对方我爱你。父亲的建议是，允许彼此说出任何想说的话，但是最后我们要将所有的观点用拥抱和三个字作为结束。这个礼节在我们的每一次相聚中延续着，并且今天，我要再一次这样做。

coco · 发表于 2005-5-27 21:12

谢谢三思。

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