黄西在David Letterman Show上的台词[英文]

十年移民路_

Hi everybody. So... I'm Irish. I read a report recently that a man reaches his sexual peak at age 18 but I didn't know this... until I was twenty five. So the world will never know what a stud I was. No one took a bite out of this peach when it was ripe.

I'm not good at sports, but I love parallel parking... because unlike sports, when you are parallel parking, the worse you are, the more people that are rooting for you.

I'm an immigrant and I used to drive an old car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "if you don't speak English, go home!" I didn't notice it for two years.
' r% w; @, O9 E8 a
I worked really hard to become a U.S. citizen and I have to take these American History lessons where they asked us questions like:
, Y9 c$ q) |$ j, v& v' F
"Who's Benjamin Franklin?"

I was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?

$ ?. u) c9 J8 i+ C$ UAnd the second one was:

2 u: z$ ~1 l6 x"What's the 2nd Amendment?"

I was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?
) ]" w3 D, s3 y: Y1 n
6 P( _. U! U7 }7 g9 B  Y"What is Roe vs. Wade?"

5 k+ \% Y! K: r. v. NI was like ahh... Two ways of coming to the United States?
7 h0 q3 A8 B+ e8 y+ B
; D0 w5 b- H# E& }+ jI have a family now, but I used to be scared of marriage. I was like wow... 50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever!

I just had my first child last year. I was really amazed at it. I was in the delivery room, holding up my son, thinking to myself, "Wow... He was just born... And he's already a U.S citizen."
& |3 M% K, W& H
So I said to him, "DO you even know who is Benjamin Franklin?"
# E0 W) N" b2 _. C
$ Y6 e6 G, B2 Q- w# YNow I have a sign in my car that says ”Baby On board.”

+ j9 q6 R0 x+ t; J8 {, xThis sign is basically a threat. It just says that I have a screaming baby and a nagging wife and that I am not afraid of dying anymore.

' H) n. k+ Q8 p) O; @Thank you very much!

! a2 h( X2 B" |* h" M" @6 c==========================

Implicit explanations to audience with culture difference:

! l* [" g2 q4 R* o1. Ben Franklin's picture is on the US $100 bill.
# W# `& o9 Y3 G* V2 x/ M$ j
2. Second Amendment refers to the US Constitution for the right to keep and bear arms.
: ^5 c# L1 k* l, D8 @/ c, C
"Roe vs. Wade" is a famous court case that you'll learn about in history class that deals with abortion.
9 K) L' h8 l2 [
8 k7 G# M! e5 h4 E8 y* \1 J+ @, l8 ^Joe Wong used this case in a form of a question: What is Roe vs. Wade? To which he cleverly delivered the punchline "Two ways of coming to the United States".

: `: D& g: f% j$ A5 ZRoe is used as a play on words to describe "row", as in using a boat to "row" to the US.
& W% y4 }1 s. s
; t6 E- y6 `8 LThe denotation of wade was used, the definition meaning "to walk in water".

billzhao

the first passage is funny. I did not fully comprehend the humor until I looked for the exact meaning of stud, which means:
! P* I1 ~/ F( [; e4 q4 Ra young man, esp one who is thought to be very active sexually and is regarded as a good sexual partner 小伙子（尤指性慾旺盛堪为性伴侣的）.

cyz0116

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SHARING. IT IS REALLY USEFUL. JOE WANG IS A FUNNY GUY AND HAS ACHIEVED AMAZING ACHIEVEMNET.

billzhao

朝阳

this guy is really cool.

cyz0116

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
怎么理解？
& o$ g& ~1 ^9 h& M8 n, Y7 z. B7 i50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？

Tara2009

6# cyz0116

) H; w" ?$ A6 f) ^
- _- y. n) x3 ~$ k7 F/ S  g4 |/ E' \不离婚，白头到老

朝阳

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
: X/ a. f0 B0 i+ ?/ V怎么理解？
50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？
cyz0116 发表于 2009-5-6 10:12

我觉得JOE的意思可能是不离婚的比例这么高，（因为他害怕婚姻）可能他离不了婚吧。

Tara2009

8# 朝阳
$ ]7 J0 F3 v/ r$ R% @2 H
. ~2 P7 V0 K* t$ O4 D, b我觉得他的意思是离婚率太高了。

billzhao

同意朝阳的意见。原来没有认真看，觉着就是离婚率太高了。但是这样就没有什么幽默了，好玩的对方可能是为了迎合一些不爱结婚的美国人。从一而终对一些年轻人是来讲，不一定是梦想，却有可能是噩梦

Tara2009

表情僵硬。看第一遍没觉的，越看越觉的离专业演员差好大一截。

陕西闺女

东瞅瞅,西侃侃.