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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
" w+ q+ R% L6 ]. f- {Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- s$ n% m( [* eDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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3 B5 G" U$ N5 ^, p3 Y0 N6 FJOB DESCRIPTION:  _) k) e/ q7 `, @) z# E7 m
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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7 B- c7 ~; l4 Y& @$ H' D3 Apermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
% [8 H" `1 H( f, i6 c" u; oCandidates must possess excellent communication / O' R  X5 U# a; g2 x0 H+ l
and organizational skills and be willing to work
0 P- j, F- o- i+ y. n* D- ]' g$ qvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends $ S  t6 p$ }6 A- V
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
* M7 k) ]0 C3 O( pSome overnight travel required, including trips to
9 f2 h& F6 E0 pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and . `$ i9 I8 o. W# y( M" N
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
0 W/ \$ ^  q: Z9 K( N9 I  M! d- tTravel expenses not reimbursed. : A% I: ?" n+ H1 h0 q" h5 y
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
  J; @; T) z- _5 z+ fThe rest of your life. 1 V$ l: x: ?$ W4 `& u# U( U
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
- t/ N! r0 j6 I' z9 s4 A) ~until someone needs $5.
% d7 H$ b$ i% [; `Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 3 l, u+ }3 b% L# ]) Z8 X
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
7 P2 ~" x1 l8 c) q6 R! f7 |' T4 h3 o0 Wand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
1 O4 q- g, j" J7 Z/ Xin case, this time, the screams from
: k- S$ _- W8 Q7 P5 l3 a3 a' m% }the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , f$ H. m3 `1 p
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
+ E& M3 Y: G+ ~% Z: Ssuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets . L8 i+ Z; `: c4 A8 l5 n0 r. {! g4 H
and stuck zippers. 2 i4 b! c6 k8 ?: @; R
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 8 v: Y: H$ W+ a8 K
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 7 k$ B! I2 N: d8 A6 t
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
& T" `% n' I) H6 _" @Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, * P' L% ~2 p+ P% `" m1 G! X
an embarrassment the next.   V7 o1 t8 m, e) Z; U& D
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
, c& ^* w; v9 G4 D2 U7 vhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.   H, f! m9 x, X7 H& n1 D$ w
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. # R1 H# _* `( c# q6 {  d- c: x/ I
Must assume final, complete accountability for % w  W8 W2 i  }' x4 e
the quality of the end product.
5 @2 m* J5 v8 Y; u- T$ H* IResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
) x* Q, b$ A' S" Y% U* Zjanitorial work  throughout the facility. $ R* K2 O6 s3 x9 y, V% x- I2 T

" w& q4 P' r: E5 [% D( p7 JPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:7 S" l* ~5 c8 X% @# \' X  l
None. ( n+ X. N+ g1 X& q  D" N
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, . _# s6 t2 k* G
without complaining,constantly retraining and
3 C2 S+ b" v( `8 p( V9 Q4 {3 Jupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
; H. S+ Z8 n: o; G/ b& @$ K5 G& Jcan ultimately surpass you.& f( M! _: i0 ?
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; r7 r- j) m. |' X( j$ KPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
6 c* p& ?. E+ GNone required, unfortunately.
( P3 d1 M' D% }; Y+ l3 y  ^On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ( ]4 _" U' |* v: P; @2 H# I- W8 a

7 |) y& F+ h* E6 j# e( [. vWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
. L* |! c6 K- n. P# hGet this! You pay them!
2 e9 U8 X, ~3 \0 t3 \Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ) v: G$ z' b* Y) M8 V+ Z6 |
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because # N6 I3 |5 R* d4 n6 M. ^" y
of the assumption that college will help them ) I2 c' p* g1 E' M& z# u
become financially independent. . ]5 `/ k/ {- X( m2 T" l
When you die, you give them whatever is left.   w' m" u  P/ S8 R& g( s
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
( S- }7 O3 x! O; o  ?  Jyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
0 B1 ?6 _# }3 t/ E8 p7 D* o- BWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ! ?& L% q% X/ ^0 g7 g# ]" @
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
- d  H; O6 D% }6 {no stock options are offered,
) w0 v* l( z: e: Fthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.& e( I, j1 R2 O4 o
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8 R% v' n( S( g+ E) L* N/ [  V0 k** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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- P5 X# |4 _% Z0 E: a& |8 T0 A: GForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
# ~9 b: c% f* t  L' lletting them know they are appreciated   H6 x/ Q) I2 s- e# O3 V3 @9 O
for the fabulous job they do...   X) M- @4 ^: D# z
or forward with love 2 ]' e' R9 r& I; K6 d: Z
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.: f3 z* b, o+ }2 i6 F# s8 ?7 s

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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