 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
3 e- T- e! h4 uMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 9 u8 b% g7 g. l8 \8 W
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa1 H6 Y4 i( k4 C) o
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8 D- c% w3 ^8 i8 e1 |$ ?JOB DESCRIPTION:* K' F# j5 W6 n4 C
Long term, team players needed for challenging,6 n7 ~* z! U" C/ ~6 {* g
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
8 H9 H0 J4 h1 A9 ]' ]% CCandidates must possess excellent communication ( R% t0 f5 v. C h; o
and organizational skills and be willing to work
* m. E M' g5 _variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
: i8 }' S, F0 P+ g9 ]and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ) M) Z2 a& Z" h% n# E
Some overnight travel required, including trips to ) R/ _9 e$ P& B* `8 s
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
! q3 z8 Y1 n6 N2 K; i. g( p: O0 `endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
( F# }- M' Z% t7 X0 s; m# [Travel expenses not reimbursed. 3 L. X4 d" n, V/ D% V7 d) f
Extensive courier duties also required.
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6 D( w+ U Z/ L8 E; p! K* J( iRESPONSIBILITIES:% r# g1 ^, s. V) d* e& R& c# H* P
The rest of your life.
# `7 C4 h+ `# tMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ' j+ M; n& I @9 b2 ~
until someone needs $5.
$ d; K7 @( E4 d4 \, |3 LMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 4 p% h8 j; S$ L! e+ S
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
. B/ S: ^2 I* V$ A; C! t! Cand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat / P8 C) g# f! |1 k' e/ h
in case, this time, the screams from 3 u- n* f8 O3 V% a
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ' T4 J) L+ i4 B! m: N- D( ?1 q
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 ?0 [% T& ]4 I0 F Q
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
4 X0 }" B' f( q. X7 Q4 Cand stuck zippers.
$ R2 j$ S/ J/ W6 d! R$ VMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
5 V6 {) _/ { R& k) j2 N1 J! lcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. - T) s/ {8 X. e/ k' |6 A9 q! c
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 9 a) B6 y* ]( ]/ M$ {7 C! u- ~
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, , _) D- g+ N6 Z) Y$ E
an embarrassment the next.
) i: |5 \$ ?5 ^) e M! @' R. y0 {6 Y- NMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a " }$ P( J8 Q( |: E
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. , a) f5 p0 d& v: H3 \; T
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
% o% H% G% w$ H a! L( ]4 {8 V9 NMust assume final, complete accountability for
5 ^8 o; O+ Q- Z' R; v% T1 Tthe quality of the end product.
* P6 }7 e! Y1 ?5 {' c* p+ ?Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
" P) Y. Y' I$ J0 k+ k6 D& j& L6 Ijanitorial work throughout the facility. 7 q* Z+ R; r# D& B
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
9 O7 ` @# I& L* ^5 N( FNone. . Y5 ~$ Y0 U; u- k/ j. T
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
0 d. Y- K0 _' y: s/ lwithout complaining,constantly retraining and , X1 c1 L3 w' V3 v
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
9 P7 w3 r/ e1 Dcan ultimately surpass you.7 P1 x( Y: H) s7 w0 e
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: , t. X) b& B. H
None required, unfortunately. 3 \' I, p. h- v
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
# l, a# J. g( H- fGet this! You pay them! 2 y, {0 b# X# T9 R2 X0 s
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
% `6 c- a9 }' l0 s( N: @8 qa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
) J9 B9 S3 |' ]7 K; P8 }9 o( O! }of the assumption that college will help them : W: E, G, v$ }
become financially independent. C7 S8 U- k& h6 ?0 r1 N. u5 |
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
, k. a4 B4 z, ~" G3 ^( b. HThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that ( l, l ?- K5 j/ ]+ @9 F* b
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. & Q& S% E* J' P& x1 `* L7 K& o& m
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BENEFITS:
' f% b) f# A. @# F" S) pWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ( V& z, r) q$ t7 B3 c) w; T
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and $ o5 E* z0 A2 t( X8 r7 B7 I
no stock options are offered,
$ ], h7 Y6 ?1 m* T v4 othis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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" i$ v: Q5 q' Kunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ! ~1 y$ M' [+ f2 D# h7 s
: a- x$ q( N# [" B1 Gfor life if you play your cards right.3 E O% p; y0 b
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( P ~, ?0 J4 h. Y7 w** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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- \2 C0 u2 a/ e' zForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
& `* e/ _8 S7 e3 G, R* J) ?7 f9 Bletting them know they are appreciated
+ [$ d5 Y9 x* ^for the fabulous job they do... ( k4 F' R4 l( R$ X* D3 R2 h+ ?
or forward with love $ x4 U( l; B1 ?+ g9 E* I
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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