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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:4 @' n7 \/ U! i+ q9 b4 n( E1 y1 |
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
8 K% p1 H3 _! |: M# q! D; K5 \Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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3 R% |! ^1 N" a5 ~! H- i0 _JOB DESCRIPTION:
! `" ]9 d4 x$ KLong term, team players needed for challenging,: I1 a8 H* X6 b3 p/ t3 F

: [# i% z! X) U- R( p2 C+ q* ]permanent work in an often chaotic environment. + F. u! T0 q  W3 C# N+ u7 E
Candidates must possess excellent communication
' y6 a6 Q$ H" Y; e1 y/ [and organizational skills and be willing to work 6 P" ]# P! @/ R
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
( l$ `+ Y2 Z' V7 \and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
+ M, @  B, X/ m2 kSome overnight travel required, including trips to
4 P& f( K4 Q& m) d8 w  Pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
$ c4 @1 [' }4 N( {" |( _( Hendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
6 f; k% g- ^0 R% Y5 g- RTravel expenses not reimbursed.
3 X& R5 G& y2 P) a9 [0 z6 kExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:1 K4 H8 a+ V7 y- e2 W* g) E
The rest of your life.
3 P, I# C6 g& L2 y$ F2 M3 ~" a4 u" W7 f/ OMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, * M8 w2 x. d5 R2 _
until someone needs $5. . @4 p) S* x- Z
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. * n8 k6 m+ y9 Q
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 1 F) m8 D7 ~( X& N5 ]0 j: p& Y7 r
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
3 |  H) Y' O. [3 Z! {2 q+ r; G) Rin case, this time, the screams from 9 m6 D5 D$ A9 F
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. " p* P. _  {! W' J% ^; H0 P
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
7 p7 x) m  X2 s. E( Dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets & y9 q* H; L; T7 Z
and stuck zippers.
! I' ^' N( g" G' ^1 p1 Q" wMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 6 D  z) V' T. n
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. # [' ]  [, W# P, b2 s4 m
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 5 x9 T; i- c7 C: f7 r6 n* u
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 2 r% q' H/ V2 x7 R" P/ k
an embarrassment the next.
3 D+ D6 g5 {1 jMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a : e" U9 I/ O/ p- G
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 0 B9 d' l: ]% I2 c2 Q
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( E: ~" C$ `* S$ J
Must assume final, complete accountability for
, L  I1 ?5 {& N' }) |5 \  C1 _the quality of the end product.
9 l  X: z3 x( i' s; }  ^Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
+ r3 {: G2 H% z$ Q0 ajanitorial work  throughout the facility. ; k# e+ c5 z0 R, [0 A. F

" D; o: h3 Y3 _6 H, R+ x& g& ePOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
5 h2 f, m& `# f. q- R0 i# vNone.
7 |; U2 R- ]6 Q( m7 }+ N, W# KYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
7 g0 |- z- U( fwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
, O( X/ |$ n( I: J: H# e6 Xupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
' Q* m% u4 ?$ a( ]. r' o/ \can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
3 ]: Z6 @! d# z4 ?8 YNone required, unfortunately. ' I0 z- E  D% \$ h; Q3 \5 K
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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, @8 U4 p$ ~9 r: G9 u  B+ k+ v6 wWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 0 f4 N6 C5 k$ m. \. u' q& v
Get this! You pay them! 1 p! z. o5 y  C7 e$ ]$ k
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.   }$ S) Q% s3 X- Q; d& ?
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 2 r& u  o, T; l! _+ u1 N1 ~
of the assumption that college will help them
) h; F5 ~9 t: B8 v% \become financially independent. / O" ?0 }6 K+ R# b, ~2 H
When you die, you give them whatever is left.   }5 D% T+ t. m: K0 m9 G
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that # S* Y  J/ `9 w
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
2 Q0 b  d, w% U( {0 r$ _3 SWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, $ O- s1 m  g9 e4 _. U( n
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
/ Y7 ~, y5 v  b- r8 j* r* hno stock options are offered,- G0 F4 G% M2 m6 J9 F( o
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
- z& B1 w; h' v$ m0 ?/ f$ H5 Z. p6 F$ |2 B! h2 C  q
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.  v8 `! m/ I" p

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8 l  u- a( ~# r
; d5 B( r4 Q7 Y+ q# m: i' i& d** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **' T; s( M" X7 s' o6 j4 H/ u" q, A, _

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 9 _5 i) a8 v# Z2 }
letting them know they are appreciated ) y# ?- p6 B7 c2 t! U4 }, x
for the fabulous job they do...
& A1 n" H" U  N: T4 Eor forward with love 0 l/ v$ B0 p+ g& u4 y
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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