Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
# R; F  ^# N, r1 q! @4 @Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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: E( G* h) ^5 K9 a) |. @JOB DESCRIPTION:
, j( F8 n5 s+ `) T8 eLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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8 f, D  e4 z6 W1 ^permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
; p+ t  I0 B) ?3 y6 S, Mand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
+ J) [8 J. U  J1 t  u5 X3 @: o8 `Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
! A4 U3 v/ Z% @. h4 x* G: @5 gMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
" G! A$ t( Q. N3 Y2 hAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
; D, A( w* ?4 tin case, this time, the screams from
- E& t* G0 [# |1 b8 v9 j  lthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
  x8 D, N2 x" k) XMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
7 w# ~2 L" J5 T8 t/ Qsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
0 D% @+ L* y9 C9 L3 _and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
2 Y% ~( o; e" d+ P+ EMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
7 U, g0 @& A: [1 ~half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
" f/ J5 A* d, Z( Y9 r6 F$ p' yMust assume final, complete accountability for
+ A% O! M7 i/ @; j$ [  A+ o! n7 {4 Ythe quality of the end product.
, l( n4 R+ g0 v8 ~( W7 N2 o/ dResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
4 q: y9 ^5 ?! S! [janitorial work  throughout the facility.

7 z2 l+ b& j+ M" Z+ \9 pPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
) J- E  @, f: r8 E+ yYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
! j% e( z' V2 E0 Q1 W1 o# L1 M0 ]without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
5 ]9 w* _0 b" h! q1 M0 ?1 ncan ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
# ^* ]0 T4 Q- x, }None required, unfortunately.
% o2 }6 ]! _4 o3 |On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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5 J- z! q9 n' _1 p- }WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
8 d1 x: l8 X7 g) V9 J& gOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
& W8 y  j8 }3 r/ E, ~7 Qbecome financially independent.
* C# ~- ~7 Y" A0 Z# E! g. W. PWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
5 U2 E. c0 g& X: S# J% ~" kThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
1 C' z6 k$ P4 W: P7 d$ k& `, r% h$ ryou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
% o; [! p3 N5 q$ ~  v. T1 }While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
9 N9 @8 ~. |$ \3 k8 yno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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: u+ S0 a! s. `% d& ]" {  o* |/ z* `unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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2 Q3 H- R" q5 r0 z0 K  |for life if you play your cards right.
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7 r$ @! n% f% A: c/ m** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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* w7 y' @. W2 o6 v- j* P( `Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
0 y( U0 q2 _# K9 ?0 s$ jor forward with love
, ?: |8 l! H( s5 Ito anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.