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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
; l# F2 E1 S0 P; q) P; eMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
2 u; j1 j  A. N: @' l, U' v$ {1 BDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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. Y" {) \- L' t/ ~JOB DESCRIPTION:" Q# i# o" R. Z, Y3 v; c
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. ( i% h9 W9 y5 m" g0 e6 K- r
Candidates must possess excellent communication
* V; M& o- T$ }8 j0 f' O) }/ i# k) ~7 zand organizational skills and be willing to work
' f9 K3 j6 A; p( L) }' svariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 0 D; D( o2 I2 j3 B
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
8 h, S7 d$ o- ~: v: FSome overnight travel required, including trips to
' F% q7 V3 w* Q' W% m" Bprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 2 u/ R( D/ M  _% |$ j' }
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! % j: R, B. }5 X( x% B. P! M
Travel expenses not reimbursed. . z( b7 b  n& y' |
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
  w9 d) }+ ]9 D# [& _The rest of your life.
0 [- N* V( x/ K0 N; WMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ) r; @! M8 o3 ~% l  W! b! S* ^8 A
until someone needs $5.
3 u0 e+ L7 U5 |Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.   F0 N; R! E; k: q; \/ N
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ( P0 Q+ g3 M6 Y( d0 Z
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat * y/ b" q# @& N/ \1 B9 [
in case, this time, the screams from
% Z$ b8 t& E1 v2 k& Wthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. " v0 i+ O( C% k- K7 S. {
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
; g6 y% c/ D6 Jsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets ' H) c3 ^: y% @8 L# a2 \
and stuck zippers. 6 K" L$ b0 j! ^4 B
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
. W! ~" Q/ ]7 @coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
' F/ m: k# x' H0 x9 r3 EMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
' I! t# P: P( q  ^2 pMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 2 g* k& s) C2 w
an embarrassment the next. $ U4 }+ V7 l; V+ `& A5 ^
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
) J( X/ V8 g& O8 E4 J" Bhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. + j8 n0 A" Y# X- q6 X: f* u
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 0 P4 ~; q4 J  u3 n
Must assume final, complete accountability for
) z' ^3 Q! z& ]/ m, i. Jthe quality of the end product. ) J0 S8 i) l. ^5 h' V
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and * v% @+ y; J# ~% G& @& U+ r
janitorial work  throughout the facility. - Y5 J4 }0 V7 x$ R& A( A
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
% k& a  J8 }& n8 KNone.
& P( `* a8 \0 F9 ~1 QYour job is to remain in the same position for years,   w! z4 j7 X- Q( Y  Q
without complaining,constantly retraining and
% F# w# H' j3 a5 [updating your skills, so that those in your charge
, r  M) G% T7 K6 b, O. O; T9 vcan ultimately surpass you.# ^5 S# s3 Q' c+ E+ k
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0 b9 }( [/ e; M2 w1 j: j; t( y. G5 |PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
* _% i3 k1 L- q* fNone required, unfortunately. : I2 f. L  F- _3 p7 t5 Z
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. : D! m* n3 b$ f- k8 _2 i' Q' X

2 V  b% G( j- OWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ) R: B4 |+ K/ X3 _# v. P
Get this! You pay them! ( ~5 i! R1 B: i, D& ]
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. $ s3 F/ W9 t3 H1 p) c/ k
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
' j# }* P2 m! dof the assumption that college will help them
; ]; \  l3 X7 F. g$ Ybecome financially independent.
& a6 g3 r" w; @  }" t+ d) {" ZWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
  @7 @: T. `9 O6 c# TThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that - w& N; g; ^! E- k: Z5 m1 C! K7 u/ p
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: 4 e% W. G$ s$ m. e
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
) c0 [! _( Y2 m% @no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
5 ]" L8 D) j2 `' g, i' X( Ano stock options are offered,
# ^  j: _. R) s& y2 hthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 2 x. l) ^- o% p7 j- n

" [: o* t# V( I" p6 X) c& v) Kunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ' L7 {8 m% {3 G/ M. d1 M1 x3 s: o" A
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for life if you play your cards right.. x6 b- X6 \4 k* i6 J, Z/ d, N
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **8 m8 z9 h" p7 H. w* b6 |

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
  u4 [, q+ [  g0 e6 tletting them know they are appreciated $ `  l+ d6 E6 }8 c: }6 z' K
for the fabulous job they do...
: F4 x7 `% g6 o5 Y. \8 j" m2 l' ^& nor forward with love 3 R1 u/ \' U4 u+ u! B6 P  r* c
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.. U4 X: Y5 f2 d0 o
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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