Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
2 n6 F! j5 W! G' t$ M5 NMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- P2 t5 W- q) ADad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
2 L4 d, t7 w: s0 I- u

2 `/ C, e" C. A$ i$ x/ j" d* qJOB DESCRIPTION:
  w' s* \. c# w5 eLong term, team players needed for challenging,

permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
% i1 c, ^. ~$ I& O! j$ g; c4 pand organizational skills and be willing to work
) H  H8 ^$ o. k5 H" Pvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
6 {" x  u' D  S, mSome overnight travel required, including trips to
  [/ f' T& f+ G$ @primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
  s/ m. c3 y, y2 E: ^1 s$ h- fendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
% x. a* g$ n9 U$ x  J# x3 I, {( B: fExtensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
8 N- b+ d$ U4 D- @! \0 x$ X3 i* E3 runtil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
+ \. S- J9 W- ?: K) aAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
# b6 f. s, H8 p1 S( b" Q. r+ `5 |and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
" B; [  G* `* g  H6 [, RMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
, L9 H. H& h8 {. u! z) ~9 Hand stuck zippers.
" S; F! L) z. U+ cMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
" ?8 T0 h6 U( x% G" |* kcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
% A6 f, J' @. y' aMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
* @: `6 d: ~, s7 v2 gMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
7 N0 m9 l7 F6 z. ~- Z* w. M' W& Man embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
  L5 A" h( I( zhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
/ ]5 w$ {0 m6 Q0 C) A% Z/ v4 z. k0 q0 AMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
9 p5 B, t, L$ t" SResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
/ N8 {2 _+ r3 ?8 g# r4 u
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
6 [0 k  p2 S0 d/ {& @) bNone.
  [0 z" ]( f2 n9 l7 I) CYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
. F: F/ ]$ B  B( l$ k5 U8 Vwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
  v3 z: u" Z: t8 _# {' ucan ultimately surpass you.

3 F! F! O6 n3 r, \+ r/ x
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

9 ^4 P: j5 k% z, ~) U# v2 R& UWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
0 N( a7 a& p; _- M6 ra balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
8 m1 V9 }! \4 g1 c4 D- abecome financially independent.
) J2 N7 Y/ [) ^0 u1 ]9 c$ t! w# OWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
( B& t7 W, O4 B6 S8 `The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
" ?3 R7 z: z) v2 Y4 _6 Nyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
, ^5 F, {/ {5 \0 x( e% `While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
. }1 I# g$ m% D4 u' Lno stock options are offered,
5 K6 O# p4 N1 e* y  n( Ethis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
! `/ @/ a# {$ u. Q
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
- B$ p0 _$ [+ n' S# g0 ?/ j
  r3 L4 O" b' S9 ^for life if you play your cards right.

; L0 v6 f. p1 ]  g) [5 j0 {

8 |+ O! G* u6 o8 k. b+ H9 c" ^2 u- M
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

# S) O( L0 g! L" Q% `0 K
4 w0 g3 W( F- t& P* ]; `# A+ v' ^
7 E0 F4 I7 x  O1 Y: A" t7 X0 kForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
6 y' W9 C* ]- y* A5 ~7 Vletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
( e7 s6 g% Q) {9 \3 A8 e9 F- R5 Xor forward with love
. U% @9 V" Z# K5 G6 Q) gto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.