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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:) f$ t! q3 r0 l1 [  i0 W( |- `
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
& u. D; s. H* yDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
  N7 R* m% w3 MLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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/ W' U8 r& ^0 a, o2 L1 Ypermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" L; E+ i' V$ w' @$ i* kCandidates must possess excellent communication
2 p$ n3 f* W# c8 v' ^/ |" _and organizational skills and be willing to work ) x# i! ^! q' u- N3 ~1 a8 E; g
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- D$ z9 u$ y+ [; Q) band frequent 24 hour shifts on call. + R8 m2 y* s6 u+ q$ E* ^1 c# x
Some overnight travel required, including trips to " {% n: w8 P, e! N, U: b( K9 v
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
4 U( _8 j2 u1 L- D; F$ |( a# ]endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
7 Z5 {* K& Z' T# JTravel expenses not reimbursed.
* f, l3 D" @* @. w! e3 rExtensive courier duties also required.
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' e3 O( b9 b% TRESPONSIBILITIES:0 e% v( s/ A, `0 \, g
The rest of your life. - ~- s! ?' y% P: O1 n
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
1 m+ h* q- q; {: Z8 e* F" ]until someone needs $5.
2 y6 `3 _( c! Y9 z5 f) g, E6 F$ gMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
  O* Q& r; Y, \+ u( CAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 9 e7 k- r) V0 D  S  A5 b% R
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat / M7 M  Z) N3 ?
in case, this time, the screams from
' l. z* k/ r" L: y5 Vthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
, L' T, Z' z3 pMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, $ H5 l( j* R" c5 L7 x7 m; |
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
7 I9 Z5 R) E" ?and stuck zippers. " O3 {) ^6 N+ A
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
# X2 L7 t0 l2 O0 ?( b3 Hcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. " [: L  V* \1 n; q
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. + s7 ?; G7 B9 v2 f' G0 K# @
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 3 n! k9 j& U! s6 q+ C1 {0 D+ j5 H
an embarrassment the next. ) Z9 f; I2 L: [7 l6 t4 \
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
6 X& W7 Q! `9 e. k$ ghalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 9 o% i: B5 m- m
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 4 G0 Z  y4 e6 R9 Q; A/ s
Must assume final, complete accountability for % a1 V  [) H" J" l
the quality of the end product. # V/ m, a) O  D/ u( B. \8 V
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
; P4 W0 X8 o7 d2 {janitorial work  throughout the facility. " [: F, ~$ R2 x/ f7 h
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:$ V) p3 i' ]& Z5 z/ q( U' R
None.
! G" I, Z" _# ]1 `0 J  FYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
% l2 j* ~# I% r. x/ Kwithout complaining,constantly retraining and ( E" o6 N" Y0 [( g5 b9 |
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
6 w' h, g: _2 i0 j7 Lcan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: # ~! q( w& P- ^7 S8 j& N
None required, unfortunately.
" C/ l! w- x4 R) lOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 9 z0 R0 s3 ?$ \) j" w5 j

) ^: f4 u, O  K" D4 I4 P6 M, Y! AWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ; F1 ?; W; U! S- I: l
Get this! You pay them!
( c6 h1 m) o- t2 n2 k% \5 L" Y+ cOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
  G* G" U  l/ z0 F! g3 D4 ea balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 0 z, }: a0 T7 q8 h. w7 q
of the assumption that college will help them
4 {% f/ U9 o( f3 p8 T9 Abecome financially independent.
+ h# r/ u$ z3 A4 \. R0 n8 YWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. + l0 @4 c3 l+ I  d2 V* J/ D
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 6 }: y3 G# `& i" x' i7 P8 Z: X4 J
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.   x" j1 ]7 y% B

' {* D/ c) b0 Q' L; A, t2 V7 {0 ?BENEFITS:
4 _# e* b. j2 w$ d% OWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
# o$ v0 L  |0 t! p4 Y* x- Kno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ( `/ B% A5 ^1 f$ q- F
no stock options are offered,
6 T5 a8 Z% \: N# @6 j& xthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, . B* K8 A3 z6 I! Q- O# q

; X8 V$ ?% a% d' W" _  r4 V$ |% Eunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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  g( h, V4 Y8 J; G5 `) q% P5 Zfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
8 {# w5 m/ \" D/ p& U! Wletting them know they are appreciated 0 [2 e* t; U+ J5 G2 H
for the fabulous job they do...
8 p6 ^9 x! E/ l! p4 H# X/ Sor forward with love 8 l2 w7 ?) a- I8 i* ~4 u
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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