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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
0 D; W& z3 J1 l7 b' mMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma : V) j8 C$ z+ r+ n+ c' M& k3 r
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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5 l3 u: t* r: B8 k5 D  mJOB DESCRIPTION:
' o4 K  h; F: ~% n6 a  aLong term, team players needed for challenging,/ ?+ c: c$ K% z/ v- o% a
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
! {' f# R" K$ b/ p/ y5 W  ~4 B0 y5 BCandidates must possess excellent communication + d% k% T3 Z0 f% F: \
and organizational skills and be willing to work
6 o" w2 }. P, {. D$ A* ?variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends * p# E7 \) r. `. `/ e
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
$ q+ a1 S9 H" r+ K) wSome overnight travel required, including trips to
+ U% s8 t, g; rprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and & g& S  e9 X, N9 I  o8 k7 _
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! ; I) Y- V" a0 M, n" F
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
  ]- a/ v! V( N7 NExtensive courier duties also required.
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6 n+ j, H4 ^! Y6 f# M! j' BRESPONSIBILITIES:
  k! p. U3 e* u$ j* S' F7 @The rest of your life. % R' B: {8 C" q% G( S% m& r
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
  H, }% W) H0 `- P2 s" ?4 \& Buntil someone needs $5. 6 R+ ^5 ]0 ^  a
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.   i  J9 n  i: X! |. a& o
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule , }. t& P; y0 O' |8 }+ `" w% B
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat # f! X$ }7 V+ R" R. s3 ^
in case, this time, the screams from ) v5 Y& l$ g- L
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
/ r7 I- ?# d& q% c$ ?Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, / c! k" Q, m6 j& `3 o7 j
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets * x# Y6 K" l; Q$ o, t$ D" P; K
and stuck zippers.
9 q* r1 W! H! L" v' M5 S9 |8 oMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
, I( h0 ?6 r6 u# ^' H2 A1 Ccoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
+ X0 M" U' x2 V- m/ D( @% }Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. " i2 e% G! Q5 F8 j6 v9 z2 N
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, - S9 G/ J& j8 }( ?  E
an embarrassment the next.
2 B; g9 ^7 s' C, O  u7 q; ^Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
, o1 v; W& K$ f% B9 Z* k& [$ D- ahalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
$ m: m+ T. Z" H2 |Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( @+ E# F/ o3 P( i
Must assume final, complete accountability for
+ v, c. A6 s4 ]: A+ L# Q$ A1 a) ]$ }the quality of the end product.
5 Z4 c  S. o; l4 jResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and " Z! b- t5 r0 k9 _
janitorial work  throughout the facility. . m( n+ {& X0 ~6 u! r1 Q8 q
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:+ |+ g" |% v9 _" q, h
None.
4 f( ^( P0 D6 u! j( _: CYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
+ x, _9 g, _% s/ \5 ~8 Kwithout complaining,constantly retraining and ) ?# a/ M/ p1 |6 W
updating your skills, so that those in your charge ; s1 z, A0 V% n3 I/ }3 w
can ultimately surpass you.
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2 m& p5 g6 Q7 c) m, \7 ZPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 8 ~6 _' f$ W8 v
None required, unfortunately. / h" c6 e$ D, a  ^2 E
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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% @. C* V: I0 {' Z; A, h7 u  iWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
# J: O9 j0 H9 b9 B0 t* K9 u6 r6 q6 vGet this! You pay them! . F$ b  G  k4 X
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ) r  E* g. @$ [& T" \
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because ; J1 I, J; O) b
of the assumption that college will help them 9 q2 m+ b) w7 [0 T  Z2 i
become financially independent.
- `7 G+ G, V: y. ]$ t& `9 \% zWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
) K5 l) u3 D: B5 R$ p/ HThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
8 W4 C0 [5 k' }9 D7 v3 o! w2 z  k% h+ Iyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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$ D7 F* n+ E: h; g  |6 w3 N5 W* KBENEFITS:
7 \5 K. e: L+ ]6 j6 DWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 3 a7 r5 W! y8 |0 X* e
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , Z. o+ v: v* F7 e7 Q
no stock options are offered,
( I% A: D/ O" x8 |$ v7 q* [3 ]this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ( V. G& K# R) P

# p, p" n/ X3 i+ Runconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.- t0 d& G7 e# p! q; n* V

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! i3 i5 {/ T2 w) e0 H# ~8 C** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **5 |- l7 S) z( r) s- w

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, ; r7 G+ x5 m3 Z
letting them know they are appreciated
! B7 B- ~6 D& f+ G# L1 R8 nfor the fabulous job they do...
1 a6 Z/ a  W3 Vor forward with love
$ ]1 z" t3 p: p' ~2 ?to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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