 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:9 B9 U8 z: d1 o) f" N
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
3 H. d& S3 o* h( a0 g- t6 K' A- bDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa3 E; R' Q, h" _2 `- Y- @
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d; p( h" e4 G x* X" N3 Q/ `JOB DESCRIPTION:/ Q! R X7 y5 G; C, z& J8 F& _
Long term, team players needed for challenging,, R0 ^: d3 A, M$ { d: y" H1 Z
E/ ^2 U) r7 R% Opermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
9 ^8 p7 W2 S k Q% V9 `) hCandidates must possess excellent communication
* n% p. M) m# D. n5 W2 M Nand organizational skills and be willing to work
5 o9 B0 @3 g' C/ U! I& m7 rvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
' ~$ b, }+ B% t: ~$ q+ tand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
: P4 E% [4 e6 kSome overnight travel required, including trips to
) J3 H. ^: u, Y8 C1 U* @: Lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
! B0 Y ]; H+ a! c* x$ eendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 5 O& m! G) h: q6 p
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 3 j/ ?; m) S+ d' d- r9 @
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
4 d( F) ^6 `3 L3 nThe rest of your life. ( M9 o& v/ E/ c1 a9 J/ ^* ~
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 6 |5 B0 o E. i5 _- b e( e, G6 o
until someone needs $5. 6 G* }' L4 S; K1 L& b% g: c- w) n
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
; R" C+ E/ o- @5 z# ^2 ~Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 4 _1 k8 h0 u: S& e; l' j
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
/ e+ ~5 y) Z8 i' [, b0 vin case, this time, the screams from 2 P0 n0 Q! f# `
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Y) r+ M( T; C
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, * a Y8 e# ^: s/ Q: m9 h3 m
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets - _. { h. p! t7 E0 I: R6 @4 {& r4 R
and stuck zippers. & D& D% w- O) e, Z- Y
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
) Y3 m0 `# L0 V q- }/ pcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. : t6 ~8 K6 I0 z+ y( `5 _8 j2 f1 g/ r
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
8 K6 E; n; B a* Y. ^6 n1 nMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
) F: H% U6 Q! M/ n7 aan embarrassment the next. # R% K1 I( ] a. `+ e c
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a # {6 d. @, i. H, `: u' M: q
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. : ]) Q( W3 Y! B
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
& h" v6 Q2 {; B0 QMust assume final, complete accountability for
& I. F# p$ A( I6 o5 @the quality of the end product. " ?! _, D j& R; W5 ^
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
8 o; o4 a* ~4 }, \+ Pjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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# d8 N4 _6 m* Q8 \" i* ZPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:: X# q9 J6 c; h8 }. N9 h! u% m
None.
) K+ W2 F* B1 e4 K4 ^' pYour job is to remain in the same position for years, 9 p: i1 j" c! b
without complaining,constantly retraining and , u3 A# G+ m1 Y
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
- r9 E3 f1 d4 _+ @! Z* r: D9 qcan ultimately surpass you., ]0 p: L: u+ U$ F" f
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
5 z3 @1 E2 \% B, }- v3 a2 `9 MNone required, unfortunately. ) k6 c+ u6 Y! O2 w: b3 A2 N7 C
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. " w: o" }2 f4 ?1 } b
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
6 H% N% t# @9 ?6 |; _, tGet this! You pay them!
) y+ q) E4 N4 }' G2 v; {7 xOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
, h& r$ {8 c& E) Oa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 2 s+ I; P9 X1 O" P: \- b
of the assumption that college will help them - y9 c5 P1 d4 a, L! j
become financially independent.
( S( u7 g" [& w: }: bWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
\5 e- I/ V) R( u- S0 EThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 9 ]# ^& f) {$ z2 D
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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9 ? Q5 c5 Y; J" E0 \& dBENEFITS:
( D( ~1 b9 _, [; z3 ~; oWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
% v- ]% [, o3 G: V6 X9 `# Tno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and g) q8 S. G& e( `- X; W
no stock options are offered,4 L2 s# s* M# B' q
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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' K" x8 z" _/ Z1 H0 cunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 2 O- g% K" ~9 m& Z3 D
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for life if you play your cards right./ t, b0 B; V5 W7 p0 g$ ^
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **7 `6 E4 l. Q# U1 Q
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1 C8 ~4 b. X+ C! P* j fForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
/ B- ?% r. q) _) o6 T0 Z/ F% dletting them know they are appreciated + K5 I* M: j& Q1 V
for the fabulous job they do... {+ }( b% e7 ^1 |7 R n# v
or forward with love
" r5 G7 L9 j& b7 Y& |5 vto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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