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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
* R3 T& R& p" D* YMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ! P: c: R$ b& r4 @; ~/ G
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:( V$ n6 c8 v' a/ s
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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8 p( d% _6 z$ j  e9 K- Wpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
3 B1 S' _. q5 n' KCandidates must possess excellent communication 4 n6 x. |( b  f& {
and organizational skills and be willing to work
, @/ t& z. g. }0 b" O. \) g% Lvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends - V4 [3 @  y! w) [. G8 k6 g) n  s
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
8 h' t/ l3 l- z) d4 ?+ c; bSome overnight travel required, including trips to
1 W8 R" h5 U! Kprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
8 g. E( b1 |! f, I) Q! }- M8 O8 qendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
. ?5 u7 ~: \7 U1 F) w) f: `Travel expenses not reimbursed.
; f0 K1 }6 k" p! s( j0 ZExtensive courier duties also required. 7 d3 y0 P" z5 g  X

$ u9 A7 ^. v1 IRESPONSIBILITIES:- g0 e% I5 y/ j* }3 L. [
The rest of your life. , j; S8 l9 C  X) @
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
7 Q9 R( a. F. k' u- c: g# auntil someone needs $5. 8 G4 t2 y. d" H! u) q: B3 z
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
! W9 J4 ]0 @, W8 ~Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule - v- r% y% V3 t8 W
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 3 H" H3 y8 @$ q& J
in case, this time, the screams from & Z* _! z, h& [
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. - ^4 P5 l+ f/ P# W5 t. T/ @
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
0 H4 ^: h9 A$ V' K6 o9 psuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets / S8 S0 q5 H0 U( N+ B$ j
and stuck zippers. 6 \8 L0 P2 m2 a# p# F# U
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and / C( K; t5 [. m1 v# A
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
) C8 H; i( m; r. H; ?/ hMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
! m0 T) n( S. t( J: c  M7 W. |, G  VMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
! e* b# |, E! T, P+ L# ~% W" fan embarrassment the next. . L2 E: u4 F  K& R7 b5 b; E) L
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
1 `6 F5 q9 \& ]+ W4 F4 D8 shalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
1 ?& M- g% }! L. d: M( EMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. + h! W+ m  L! J' c- V1 s" a
Must assume final, complete accountability for
8 T8 X/ Q3 b8 X" R2 t! pthe quality of the end product. 5 D. T4 p3 q9 [/ \7 d: Q
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and / o/ o+ ^# I* V! g  m
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
. ?; R6 G  l; d8 V; w. oNone.
4 C7 J  W% x" uYour job is to remain in the same position for years, 0 H4 T7 M8 m* L, F# N7 z1 R$ Y
without complaining,constantly retraining and
" g. N* W4 u& Z. tupdating your skills, so that those in your charge 5 [: A8 B+ U# A6 Z" x: }& m
can ultimately surpass you.' f0 L. q# i: d8 g" i# r; M* ~

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 4 K2 s4 z* L5 Q. c5 b# C( G! U
None required, unfortunately. / d/ p3 [. V! u6 l- m
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
; H. H- |% C3 }0 J* @+ z; X( V7 bGet this! You pay them!
/ h" y8 [$ P4 t% @/ ?# R; o; \Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
, R3 W9 _: ~6 Z2 B/ w6 ya balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 9 @! V7 ^( Y$ B: }+ o1 _
of the assumption that college will help them ; o: l# P+ f9 ^3 b8 b
become financially independent. 6 U& N) Y- ?. Y3 i
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 1 }0 E* o& a% @/ ]: @
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 9 Q+ j1 H! Q! c, B- M  G
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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6 Q  Y, r! U" YBENEFITS: . [! w/ n, D8 P0 p$ V# @% V, l  _
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
8 }4 o) g# i6 E1 S8 i; ~no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
- J9 Y' T! S, D& ?9 ~8 yno stock options are offered,
- q9 R. G4 f: ?8 Athis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ; [% y$ x# P' \( t8 w8 d. [8 A! F- m
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **" }' M) J% ?/ t7 z6 E
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  `6 a5 M3 K8 _! I+ w  R# s# OForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, + {' j7 ^% s: y/ R
letting them know they are appreciated
! a% f3 C/ \, p9 q- L. N. Dfor the fabulous job they do... ' s/ h4 \1 j* m" J  \
or forward with love 7 g; A7 J: y- d7 }# r
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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