 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION: Y% Z+ P( v4 a( D; [
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
! B- R1 C/ U. [, s# L9 q% ADad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa: I, w) V/ \3 }$ M0 W) m
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8 K$ u5 T, A: B. V7 J7 S# ?2 B! d8 [. NJOB DESCRIPTION:
" }6 g- D: R8 m7 E5 `3 ZLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
e) W, w# o7 w1 M8 jCandidates must possess excellent communication ' @8 _! G" ~6 g! f/ O2 }" D3 r5 S
and organizational skills and be willing to work ( N2 G. |+ c. T( O; X5 C
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- ?$ F' j" P% m, p4 H8 l8 \' o( vand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
) L6 U, }4 t0 k* O+ cSome overnight travel required, including trips to x! C7 ^) Y j; l3 L2 ^
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
5 I8 w+ C( v$ Q& H. hendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 0 o0 A( P' f7 [& D
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
" I1 S3 V0 `# _+ {9 L& t4 X4 sExtensive courier duties also required. / n. }' S/ T% }: @
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RESPONSIBILITIES:; i+ Q3 |( Y% j4 \( l, s
The rest of your life. $ `. m p3 J" P/ l
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, % F0 D d5 L1 ~0 f: F
until someone needs $5.
+ n, V4 t5 `( HMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 5 Y) a8 A, _0 C G8 V
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
/ M/ o/ x3 G& e1 K' u" T% x8 rand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 9 `, n. h2 j! m
in case, this time, the screams from
6 f$ Y% @$ B2 }* Mthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 7 D$ m- M8 i: [& ?
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 4 Z6 }6 y2 T6 O0 |2 p' g) g' S
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets , j$ ~" k6 W6 f4 b/ D' b# ?; @
and stuck zippers. 5 j: E9 p& y6 C; Y
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 1 a: }/ U' I$ H& Q: ]
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 7 y9 O3 S! @9 ~
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
9 h3 t. P( Z& _) q0 U5 lMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, + d3 ]- O+ |5 ~2 _' U
an embarrassment the next.
/ @% h& P0 W5 M/ zMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a : a3 [9 H5 c( R. X0 `; _/ V4 {
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
/ @5 @, R6 _4 _& G) x& JMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 5 A v+ d, Q- ~
Must assume final, complete accountability for
8 }! [* {- }$ Gthe quality of the end product. 2 E% [, Y7 ?; T. z4 ~9 c0 T
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
& t5 [: v9 d: m8 P: {5 J5 Ejanitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
( e% }0 i8 R/ t( {# a: B/ _8 U( Y" vNone.
8 `3 h1 r! a+ ^! V, R. y$ LYour job is to remain in the same position for years, , g0 R c; b7 M
without complaining,constantly retraining and
5 d' K1 _9 t) K( Wupdating your skills, so that those in your charge . e" j5 e! I& S7 O' q9 E
can ultimately surpass you.6 d; F6 s" W( c. J: r8 V6 i
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- p9 J+ P! W: Y O5 ]4 ? NPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: & C* d- J0 L9 m
None required, unfortunately.
5 j7 K6 H9 {! ^On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 8 ~0 x* l6 u0 T, E* K2 q& Q
Get this! You pay them! 4 }0 }% l/ r2 s1 _' N b8 B
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. % y$ A5 l T) c0 J5 v0 h
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because " Z& ~( O0 d+ x9 Y+ I/ n
of the assumption that college will help them
0 L! m% _+ r6 ~2 G. [/ O/ h$ b P/ `8 kbecome financially independent.
* O4 y2 o3 Y, E4 o! q0 i b1 {When you die, you give them whatever is left. ! R3 e8 x! c7 h' o$ t2 k- W8 \
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that ! G7 g1 S) m1 _# |9 Y
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. ! ?0 k8 C4 R' g3 {
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BENEFITS:
) x2 q# \ j! G9 wWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
- _% g3 n1 ]: R4 m( e- @3 P$ _no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
1 ` B# u) c# O8 \ c: uno stock options are offered,
5 w. d* d" q# g3 f/ ~2 Xthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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/ F: J9 P: R6 munconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 9 ~+ g; `4 G( Z# t- V
7 D8 ~ g* `5 i1 S* j0 Qfor life if you play your cards right.
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3 o# H, U" @4 _5 L) V1 g _8 [4 h** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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& ^+ d5 r$ U: P. k6 k2 Y9 E, `% J3 pForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, . ^) h' q; w7 l4 Q- Y0 e0 m5 B$ J
letting them know they are appreciated 6 P' W. U" a: p& C) x. j+ l
for the fabulous job they do...
9 C+ k4 N$ F4 \% y/ A7 bor forward with love
4 X: B2 ~& ~ w! Y8 hto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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