 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
& g& S6 H) h7 CMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
9 W7 }* b' c3 [9 _8 z3 c$ w1 MDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa. k+ o$ \/ A7 Q- \8 C9 y
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) X8 d$ \1 P( ^. }3 K& sJOB DESCRIPTION:* F0 o& J. Z2 o! W: y
Long term, team players needed for challenging,9 N n# q @; j) \1 o
: u# V* m' i$ \6 d8 jpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. $ \8 w; X% Z s5 ?1 |5 E
Candidates must possess excellent communication 6 C0 z4 o: r3 {% _" }: L9 |
and organizational skills and be willing to work
5 w/ c7 e; _2 _/ d/ X, p/ Pvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
$ r I% f. R# q! E2 X; B0 U' n+ Sand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. / W4 E, y5 b; I1 v0 v9 j$ E
Some overnight travel required, including trips to + I: o/ P" w" @& U- ~
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 1 O, @2 B! |0 Z/ {& ^- `
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
! t( u* d8 F7 m8 T STravel expenses not reimbursed. 1 G0 f' Q& n! V+ s9 j! ?( M: N3 r2 ]- F+ M
Extensive courier duties also required. 9 x) v3 g* F. s" R5 K
9 ]6 ]; f& { ~% A' o" B fRESPONSIBILITIES:
2 _+ C9 {9 H6 Q5 |( q3 K: J F8 ?! uThe rest of your life. 4 J$ z/ r a6 j
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
( l) R# y/ D% ~/ J: Q6 L! Auntil someone needs $5. 5 q8 n$ { ]" ]. {) _9 l$ s
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
, @6 b# ?1 B6 v- f. @; dAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule / V1 k3 V$ a% _* `. i
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
a( U) D+ N& S. J# x3 a fin case, this time, the screams from , H, X7 Q" }+ x1 x- q* L
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
& S7 e6 C& w& b; } p; c' L" EMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 L' r; E$ h! `$ ?
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 8 M$ N5 d, h$ [% o1 I# A4 I
and stuck zippers.
/ s/ K! Y# ]* o" QMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
* ~& T K0 j1 j5 X Wcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
1 Z7 k2 q4 i @- M5 h% X/ FMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ' t4 d l2 ~% v1 M R
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
3 x6 F' i5 i! S; U1 ^$ k! @an embarrassment the next. ! I: J8 t; r8 T, ]4 q
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 8 Y1 B: `7 G8 ~4 N+ I
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. . [# A4 J* _1 R
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
. `) r9 y ?, c. |Must assume final, complete accountability for
; d& j5 n2 Y. vthe quality of the end product.
" Q9 B% l4 H" t! d+ GResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
; y; O3 v6 K- Sjanitorial work throughout the facility. 8 K/ ^+ a" y5 z
0 a- h* g# t4 h+ |) p2 HPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:+ g4 |: ]( e+ P& E
None. 2 d2 C6 ]: r" M( ]
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, / G' i+ I3 q: _ x
without complaining,constantly retraining and : i& B. V( {9 V/ X
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
7 w' y( `+ Q7 O2 |- \# Qcan ultimately surpass you.( n8 _2 U& W2 x! x
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$ s# \. z! }9 E8 j/ N+ Y+ d. xPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
D# g7 j1 X( {) HNone required, unfortunately. 7 j5 q$ F( V/ c: `
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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4 ~! U4 O: M6 c. w; }WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
$ x6 [8 _( h# O* ?+ X1 ?Get this! You pay them! / }- ^6 s& N7 E R% q `
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
( @; ?, `( [. ^1 w( Ca balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 7 ?6 ]4 A) N9 I
of the assumption that college will help them 8 l% a$ A" L3 ~
become financially independent. $ f4 p% B' s3 r, s; O
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
6 i; `1 S) k* C" vThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
7 Z4 z! D# r( C( B. {& h' W$ ]/ o1 x; R* oyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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}; k) F. B4 |9 I; e1 g3 iBENEFITS: + i4 f* i M8 e5 h, w
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, : n3 x9 G) D3 f. }& w" q) d7 o
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
/ \ @3 N3 E0 G0 Fno stock options are offered,
/ e+ a& Y5 s" R/ n1 @" r; Ithis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ; v5 g: ~ a9 j" B' {
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.& [; S8 Z& C8 D P7 O
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) J& J# I% W) _. j** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 2 n% a: l* K6 q0 B1 l7 M! m4 @
letting them know they are appreciated
/ N$ j3 ^( Z; z; }for the fabulous job they do... - G( \# q, N9 _' C
or forward with love 8 ?# z* c* d; }- H
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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