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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
: O0 i9 y, k7 @7 H( H; iMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
3 `% I, y/ L9 ?5 }* d% aDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
% y8 I7 P  h8 H& N2 _4 I. H5 ILong term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
. W7 \9 N# u2 ~' k; c6 {Candidates must possess excellent communication ( g! I6 q5 C# c. U9 K
and organizational skills and be willing to work 3 O9 y8 g5 _# h6 b! c$ K; u. _
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
% u; o  O. b  U/ ~and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
2 O5 G7 k  o/ W$ \& p) C4 JSome overnight travel required, including trips to
( t% P; l: E; Y' V" I6 Pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ! j" c* [1 b' l9 c* E) j/ l' D
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! % S: _! m+ c) y8 o% ]
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
7 d( D2 c& N& h+ l) \Extensive courier duties also required.
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; S8 O- z! A' k$ Y4 x: i# b9 CRESPONSIBILITIES:
) R$ i5 ?  I0 sThe rest of your life. " [; f9 a5 w3 r* [
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, , A" q% N6 Y& n  S) E% i% l  b: V
until someone needs $5. ; j7 e) Q/ i, H% z: P+ m
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. * J8 Q! \% T: u
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule % b$ G( m4 J" n8 c' G8 {& i
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
) m! C0 M3 _; [5 s+ H+ U! bin case, this time, the screams from
8 f8 ~0 L0 k3 [, bthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
& }; t2 u% r7 q" U" t' cMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 7 k( s" C* |* H' t; f5 I5 Z) ~
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets # m; d* K2 Q- M9 r9 w3 W" }6 u
and stuck zippers.
. N) ]. \: m* AMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
4 @. {/ m. h. z7 f& B. C2 T5 x% jcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 1 y. K- s6 v' B0 O* ?, n9 B& P
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
) E4 @2 |# @% ^Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, . Y( f; y0 i' p2 w# K
an embarrassment the next. # j1 ~& u4 v4 b2 n8 e- V( m
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
0 D8 d/ ]) g, R# ^( R8 q, uhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 1 ]5 S( l9 G) J0 p0 U
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. $ K7 p4 [; ^" C; O9 v
Must assume final, complete accountability for ( ~6 w' d6 `, {; W6 q' ]
the quality of the end product.
  }/ K+ Y5 \; d/ @Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 1 z, }/ e2 x2 i1 u
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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% u+ q- G! G% l, c- @1 a4 APOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
) g# x0 }3 H% G( H3 Q: E+ JNone.
* \" _: d. G8 Q1 }* PYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
' @5 P! O2 g) }& T2 t" Swithout complaining,constantly retraining and
; `1 ^3 C+ M) ]( F+ Nupdating your skills, so that those in your charge 0 a' F' K5 ~# I( u$ s1 K' e; a% ?
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
8 K1 |0 U. E  d) z% f5 i$ CNone required, unfortunately. " Z( U" u0 B( o! |4 r5 u
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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- {! E. q* r5 \$ xWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ! u6 z) u2 J% U% }/ C8 x
Get this! You pay them!
' G- I, \7 Z  ~7 l$ @; v. {Offering frequent raises and bonuses. * _- U8 X; d' }: A
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
# h  g* |0 F* @5 t! P; Gof the assumption that college will help them
4 P# ~% N  ^& Lbecome financially independent. - l$ S% z7 ^' R" J& g! d' c# d
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
1 T' x3 e! j* w4 c2 o. S( ~The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
/ v  R  d/ |$ N5 ^1 t1 G+ @5 s! ryou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 9 h+ e0 p- J; f5 ?

( @- C9 }8 ~; G& K9 e0 {# A3 PBENEFITS: 9 N2 D/ i* o. C$ a; s/ n
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
* p7 B* j! d0 B! {: e; `no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and % ~" j3 E1 a. b. p: L" ]
no stock options are offered,% i5 f3 J% R% m& j+ H5 M
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ' X) l. L- s; @% _
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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) C( a2 e! l4 U( W  AForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
- }2 ]& A7 c; \4 Dletting them know they are appreciated
  U( J7 Z6 w4 |/ E8 X; bfor the fabulous job they do...
# I  X1 ]# R' Hor forward with love
7 G  l: L8 ~: V7 L( Xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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