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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
1 Y% e% k# O% E$ K& @Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
+ }7 E& D8 D+ Y4 J+ W3 ~- wDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:8 |1 l! y1 O2 e0 f0 j- f8 Q
Long term, team players needed for challenging,6 f) R+ B8 a2 j+ [. S! f, m
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
3 P, w7 O4 T0 WCandidates must possess excellent communication
: u+ h0 d. J1 j. f7 Jand organizational skills and be willing to work % i& v  x. Q0 W) I) [, R
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends * ~8 s6 e! T% w8 N0 N3 ?" x4 a
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. + q2 m) y$ O8 V5 g: {8 f- M
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
, e/ k% u0 D( c- tprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
2 X) o; y( }% u; x) V* o) aendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 7 n( Z, \6 P  R9 a& _% b
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
% ?- }& r3 O  w- T5 DExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
+ \3 D: V3 E3 F7 P% t1 Y, _The rest of your life. + v3 D; `# @" b+ m7 I
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
3 R) @# i" `* q& Luntil someone needs $5.
$ l6 |. ?% K$ a4 cMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
8 I  }, j, m: kAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
8 |! R5 M9 x  g. qand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
* }% k! `) m2 V: Q0 d3 ^2 L+ x; Gin case, this time, the screams from 9 |6 y5 p1 a( B1 d8 Q
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
  W* c- O) @& v0 \" O8 j! I9 SMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, * A& E: c) }2 L/ m
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
, E5 ]5 g. `+ u5 ]" zand stuck zippers. ! x* G+ T3 \! y9 U9 @
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
3 l7 k; X3 ?' {8 M. x9 wcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. , ^! S, F. L/ [. [+ X. j
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
0 E  b7 X0 `$ D" G" q8 bMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
9 _; O* }6 D2 `) j% _) u  Pan embarrassment the next. 0 O6 m7 e8 R$ h, z  a, |
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
8 S4 h4 W* z4 y" V2 Yhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.   Z7 |  o. n, A3 j- s, N% f
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
0 ]: H; W! S: h( hMust assume final, complete accountability for
; ^* ?1 r% l* Z; b/ o/ J2 t- j$ Kthe quality of the end product.
+ b  W2 u1 v( _Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and + O/ j. S- }2 U
janitorial work  throughout the facility. . c+ T+ S# ~2 K5 q6 _

% H0 D) `& K* P9 i8 ?* ^( f7 c- ZPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
1 [, P9 F/ J# y' qNone. 3 J, ~3 ?6 }5 v/ D
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, + c# q% E) R5 K2 ~* P5 s+ Y
without complaining,constantly retraining and
  y4 P6 E3 g5 g! ^: wupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
" n$ R. A$ @6 y7 h2 ?can ultimately surpass you.
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' z- T4 x& J% y, E% zPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: * _+ m! W4 C* v6 E
None required, unfortunately. + V4 _* u# {' p  O, {
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ( c7 m9 d( N: [  f4 v" O

5 X$ \6 ]) H; G; w1 v6 z- ]WAGES AND COMPENSATION: % V" Q( j. g% ~& ^$ N5 Q" @
Get this! You pay them! 0 {( X' K' t8 E+ h
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
, b5 x' b2 W0 ~. O- Ea balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
8 [# j9 V  e; Q1 z; gof the assumption that college will help them 0 [9 o- B! K4 S* Q
become financially independent.
5 Z! t) _# K$ n. UWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 3 U3 s" _& j: I2 i+ `3 `; O2 u
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that - f. D0 c  W: F
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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: g) R) n: c* q9 X/ |BENEFITS:
; J. A8 U  @2 G$ YWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ G( H) F  W- E& u4 P- fno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and / y# v' [$ T8 P
no stock options are offered,
+ w7 U, Z: s! [. l$ W: z: i4 tthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
; N3 ?7 g9 O0 ^, v; X; c* f/ p3 A7 `% q  B/ l# p# e: G
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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9 w8 Z! \! |  U/ I8 L% ]for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **1 f0 Y2 d4 C7 d/ j. U6 }# j

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9 z' [6 e2 r4 s! x* u5 }3 M, g: W4 \0 b- v% R, M" L$ e
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
% H& l1 s0 B5 oletting them know they are appreciated
0 L3 ]# z, B7 g6 u' C2 ~for the fabulous job they do... ' g  R; c2 D7 s! O
or forward with love 7 T, b6 J# _- n( m% [$ d( h
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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