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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:, e7 E2 v5 ]! F: }- u: s
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
. ^' f9 `) w9 eDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
4 M' c  d- \$ Z( C0 c+ a$ y) w
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JOB DESCRIPTION:: T4 L- v/ {' I% O  P
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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0 t# A8 v: z' f" w  @% [/ bpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. 2 G8 Z9 o! @* K/ P, f+ S/ F$ _
Candidates must possess excellent communication
) b0 s0 z- w# z  W8 band organizational skills and be willing to work
/ E3 ~1 ^6 `3 bvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends * g$ |9 J3 A/ ~: q" ?
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 1 z' {4 x, B6 Z
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
1 m$ ^, {: J; e# V1 hprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and - r8 `1 S1 \  v' {7 v
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! + @, U/ m" s% `8 j$ X( [
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 7 I: B  O( W, ^. v: W
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:8 {3 m2 S! e- _+ S( U
The rest of your life. 1 d$ o% F3 d: K0 F& `
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
8 Y- K6 O0 f$ P0 o) o3 h. auntil someone needs $5.
3 |1 [0 X8 }0 S5 n, I7 rMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
* P* b3 R, k& |0 WAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
: E- f# l$ k  U8 t; eand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 0 L. @. w5 i- ], a) K: h
in case, this time, the screams from 6 P9 h/ e' @5 E! h1 z
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. $ ]3 a% X1 j/ L
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
# o- I, ~, y6 f, @; o- xsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
( X, e2 ^/ z: L3 h9 }and stuck zippers.
, H& Z( {+ |2 E! ZMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
1 y/ ^/ B* B, {& s9 g& q0 G0 Kcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
9 k) [$ b7 b  K2 C$ _3 M( }2 y% |Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 I" j1 P( f( D) EMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
9 i4 d: B9 Z5 a1 E3 Nan embarrassment the next. * k- k" q( u$ w1 D9 l; Y1 J1 m! `
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a : ~7 @4 y+ S4 b9 {" M1 G
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 0 m  R9 H# a8 X% Y0 U) f6 W) h1 c
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
. L+ J5 Z% e6 `6 D  GMust assume final, complete accountability for
0 ]1 L! J5 C9 [  K# N0 `) vthe quality of the end product. ( S6 P) J3 J, u, L9 q
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and , G2 r9 c5 g( P: v) M
janitorial work  throughout the facility. ( p  @& I& ]8 G: _- D

; V( }' ^6 J" |' ]$ ?5 UPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:" ^4 b' k6 c' L1 s. J0 Y
None. 9 q/ R7 G! ]0 D0 S
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
! z$ |% Q4 @* \) q  D$ u9 ^without complaining,constantly retraining and
0 p4 x; D* Q$ zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
: ?/ [# m2 G+ y3 G: ccan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
" R! U* N" w8 j9 l* a# LNone required, unfortunately.   Y! X' a' H( s7 g: v2 A( n9 C# Z
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 1 B7 q; w  f! ^4 ?) \# o
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
* W( [. |2 t: a2 M8 PGet this! You pay them!
0 S5 a& D; J6 x: }0 w6 @5 B0 a  KOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
6 X4 t+ g" F" W: h2 ba balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 0 S. N' k; s7 J% @5 W( H8 H! f
of the assumption that college will help them - K* Y/ [9 k& q% ^. |
become financially independent.
& k# g1 p8 }% rWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. / W' o9 k7 `4 \# Z1 M8 W+ z8 \& i
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
& ~7 T# D2 t$ g7 T+ F6 Oyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. * ]0 k& E+ V) v+ l$ I& H
& K6 }- k% Q9 Q1 M9 i0 d5 U
BENEFITS: 3 z. B4 J7 f6 ^  f* {
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ' M, ^* h! z9 @9 K3 a/ J$ O
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ; ?, r1 j; S, v( K9 o
no stock options are offered,
0 `& g+ z9 |) `0 J; z& z. l  P/ ethis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
* Q& ^6 T- H2 H3 O& [6 _0 f* Z  l7 F  ?; P6 o( Z# f
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right." g! [/ e7 r# W3 S8 ]

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
# F$ D4 D; B" C: s7 }letting them know they are appreciated 6 z2 Y9 L7 x" @& O8 o& s7 {
for the fabulous job they do... 9 |# T( Q7 Q$ C: d+ l& Y
or forward with love
3 t# V/ J5 {% Pto anyone thinking of applying for the job., t/ Y- N: W2 ^+ O
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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