 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
, Z' o5 t8 M* _Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
X# K5 m2 ^5 SDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa6 K3 E( t* Y3 @7 V. M; p
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5 I) k! p$ O9 p3 V- v. O2 uJOB DESCRIPTION:0 }2 s' h) P; G! i ]8 I- Q
Long term, team players needed for challenging,5 D1 y2 r4 W% o9 }6 x
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. z$ |/ `5 r( r. W- D7 t
Candidates must possess excellent communication , Y' Q5 Q/ Y, x/ ]
and organizational skills and be willing to work ) M" ^7 }$ |5 e% g$ f; f
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 5 G% Q S8 J5 _9 G
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. " Z5 P) ?7 c* |6 B5 C- \
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 2 {& h/ F" B8 R) b9 t; m. P5 f0 P. k
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and . F' H0 f8 ]* I$ y
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! + Y8 X, U, c" }1 f/ V
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
5 V. u$ q8 P+ A# m8 ~Extensive courier duties also required. % Z J. \; j- Z% r' k% [3 J
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RESPONSIBILITIES:% b! w6 a( G& W1 e1 p/ a) o$ ^
The rest of your life. u3 c9 n7 h) M% k# D4 \
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
1 X, i5 i$ M2 g, D4 s+ |. vuntil someone needs $5. ! L0 {. ]% s2 a+ t6 V0 X
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
i0 x. p( k7 D: nAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule * M& p& W- x# @% M% p
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
- L" @4 _2 Q* c: Pin case, this time, the screams from
! ]7 V4 j9 ~2 G( Z5 `the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 9 F1 M+ V2 K% f% [, L
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ; ~. I" x/ c9 a
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
" G0 X% m1 ^# L' q- y4 Yand stuck zippers. ! `* q2 G5 p9 W
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 8 m" ^2 M$ l% }3 |0 ]% k, b
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. l2 `! B9 s7 C& K& x$ u
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
7 d7 P, W3 d; t' e; d1 O: lMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
3 `6 j1 @0 w* r7 m' p0 gan embarrassment the next. % ]7 Y; ~, _* M( f& k, ^6 p/ V- y
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
$ }% F# G; }) m$ R9 t& ihalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
5 |% k0 {5 I% N- jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
& l b$ O; o0 FMust assume final, complete accountability for ( y4 B2 F" \3 h+ p
the quality of the end product.
5 q: T( U$ u" C3 ~* ^6 uResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and ) k8 k, h3 h0 q l! G5 ]
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:: x( g* @$ c( ^8 u8 v) D
None.
5 h4 X7 h, U: S7 r2 S9 y$ b0 mYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
) ^. \! L. r9 z6 S L* c+ J8 @/ U' Twithout complaining,constantly retraining and + s/ k, h! M& h+ x p& l
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 9 S8 P9 b3 x, n+ K% t. D* x6 j
can ultimately surpass you.4 O# u8 m" ]" N2 C8 L- w
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6 \* l: t% p9 I! b% APREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: U: V2 ^7 I8 A
None required, unfortunately.
4 |" {0 B8 ^8 COn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. : ?! @% H9 t4 _ I
0 n e. p# R% h5 G7 k5 Q& aWAGES AND COMPENSATION: # I6 z7 U& ]# F }6 s# T; i+ r
Get this! You pay them! * G. N9 C* O3 q" e1 C4 Y
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. * e9 l0 }! r! u, l3 U
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because & X2 F: ]' F& P' O
of the assumption that college will help them
# V6 c! Q8 g3 r E% _become financially independent.
6 D% i6 T% W% h; h) fWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. : I5 j$ w- w; m
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that . T. g' g0 B+ R% \
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. , ]7 e2 V8 ?2 Z, D# H% ^5 E! I3 F
9 }4 P6 T6 a# S9 ABENEFITS:
3 A& }% t5 e( _, G# k0 F5 X# QWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ( {' Q1 B3 A+ N: r5 L6 Z
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 9 l0 D" p: W/ l1 t+ [( B" W. S, C
no stock options are offered,
- E# Y; D4 x) Qthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 9 H9 W; c: K/ s9 d+ y* D$ q1 t* w
" c, a5 m# b" {. Ounconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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, g* `# {: H5 I2 j** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
& l; \- z7 X; Z& ]% D+ ?8 ~0 zletting them know they are appreciated
4 s4 s2 {; I7 E# z1 R+ n1 Hfor the fabulous job they do... # k+ c! L4 |, z9 b& F3 u
or forward with love $ R8 K- I4 f9 M2 a- }4 K4 S. D( t
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.- X+ z) U. x$ V( @
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