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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
# D" E8 L* ~! u, U) c* c+ C$ jMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma & H, {+ D% [' X. C8 N: Q
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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! ?+ A" O0 x: u' i: }JOB DESCRIPTION:( c) W' W% {3 H( u' C
Long term, team players needed for challenging,7 ^4 k1 ]' Z, o4 g7 e7 q

  h& x4 u( m. Ppermanent work in an often chaotic environment. . J# Y" q6 y4 S. [; Y
Candidates must possess excellent communication ( v( p) o0 a- y# t2 Z6 |( B
and organizational skills and be willing to work
- E0 D9 {+ v8 K) Evariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
. j! U% M! J0 |5 }1 cand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
; u+ R. x! F+ j8 g$ \; o" KSome overnight travel required, including trips to   {! l( C5 w- T% m% j$ `) x
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
7 z( ]2 w9 O3 e, jendless sports tournaments in far away cities! , e7 R' C$ S$ B, B8 n1 C
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 5 E: n0 a  ]( X! n1 J3 ~4 ]
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
9 @, r1 Q- k9 y9 w$ D$ B6 m/ YThe rest of your life. , W) j  A  u3 Q% x9 e1 Q% o
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
; Y% r# W: l9 U; Cuntil someone needs $5.
) Y- G+ x$ D" l% x4 c( g/ rMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. - Z4 Z* ?9 J# i: Y% T+ p) w& h
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 4 |. O/ k; o8 {
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
0 ?* }+ G( E- [in case, this time, the screams from
, [- M. V% b* C% C, q1 fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
4 E, M" A0 u8 R4 sMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
3 S  }+ O1 N" P$ A( t4 Dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets ) h9 A# g- |+ v+ V4 F
and stuck zippers. 8 v  M7 k2 K( z
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
% P* Z5 H% W! O3 v" Ucoordinate production of multiple homework projects. , s, b5 }' y; W8 z2 `, f
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
4 b4 ~4 N2 `) X$ @3 q9 \" @Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 6 ]" I+ _6 H  ~$ g, A( ]2 Q
an embarrassment the next.
! I- X3 q; h8 XMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a ' S* K; c: g# D, R- a  U0 w
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. - x: }0 V5 r- u1 i
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
/ [" S1 H% ~4 s+ nMust assume final, complete accountability for
+ o  E- h4 @3 E; O% Q, y% Tthe quality of the end product. 5 e" V: _6 W7 D+ I
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 9 ^. M/ v+ V6 }5 ?, M
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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' c6 B+ d- }3 e% m5 x  L4 NPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
3 V/ \+ B, r6 D! c. eNone. ' \/ P% |: k8 I1 _+ F; N
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, ( L$ t1 T( z8 r; R& T
without complaining,constantly retraining and 1 v& i) Y: f" f: {: j
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 8 l7 B: Z$ h! r9 M
can ultimately surpass you.1 F$ w8 j5 K7 c# W
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
0 c' w2 r8 _( R; ANone required, unfortunately.
7 y, S* T: G$ @On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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5 C2 z  }& Q5 h. N  OWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
2 E+ d( K& l2 G. h. l5 o8 c9 OGet this! You pay them! , B) E' b2 Z4 |$ B4 y: Z& ?
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 0 M- y! Q- y1 o! n8 H% f5 v
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because : Y/ j! u. A9 b1 b( _, Z
of the assumption that college will help them
9 N  g5 a/ P% q1 Sbecome financially independent.
. q$ M0 c; |1 x7 I1 W& MWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 3 c; O$ y6 w+ l0 a. B' \
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 0 c8 ]0 j( x& k4 w! O+ E
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
$ N1 s" B0 W& A* P( gWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 7 N: }) E8 N; g. a& Z5 `
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and " d' _: m" @# i
no stock options are offered,
. o# N2 x3 j+ G! rthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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) d) N: B4 _# N) j1 ?! Junconditional love, and free hugs and kisses . ^. k2 z: C9 m( N

2 ~4 a9 R% T% l0 X4 Sfor life if you play your cards right.5 Y' J3 z8 e+ ?0 ~: ^

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2 P7 U* G7 \0 c4 c** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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, I" A! _  u6 r4 c/ p% r9 nForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, , j: ~! j7 k8 S: a7 q+ Q
letting them know they are appreciated 8 _9 g" x& N* A- v/ z5 H3 Z6 W
for the fabulous job they do... / v" |1 N+ O5 I/ t8 `# c! R4 j
or forward with love : @' Z9 W$ y2 H+ x4 N( |
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.) H# A. O% R8 j0 k+ {" H
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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