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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:; m* C) }. u/ N* t
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ( h" w  M" I" z+ m3 J% S
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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) y- t! ~# V0 R; d8 f) z& W( I  wJOB DESCRIPTION:
, Q# ~3 B4 _) g# m9 V" m) V- mLong term, team players needed for challenging,% D% |& n6 \' _$ x/ T3 i
$ i& d0 a+ i4 V% E$ y6 y
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
, ^9 M2 i  T8 c' R! G  w" D. LCandidates must possess excellent communication 2 v' a2 }5 O: j7 A
and organizational skills and be willing to work ! s6 G, x1 X2 ]3 h
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
: `, ?# }+ D/ L- @, Yand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
" W' r2 o- `8 [& h8 t1 RSome overnight travel required, including trips to
1 k6 b/ n7 o" x9 |8 k  E6 kprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and # s! o5 a2 r" Z6 B5 ?4 x
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 7 r) o$ l! M) I1 X$ p+ N
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 3 O, E. s& u7 h3 p
Extensive courier duties also required. 7 L" K, `; n+ S4 f

% |3 Z3 x8 I& N6 d6 |- LRESPONSIBILITIES:
/ P4 k: T1 d" O1 r7 V6 BThe rest of your life. - ~9 V& s& I! _
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
, W2 B* @7 t4 o% Vuntil someone needs $5. " q' H; L4 u5 Y- r  [0 G/ D
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ) L( `; H5 M2 Y
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
% B- C# g8 s! b) h" e9 land be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
3 l3 C; z! X& L  W, h1 r% m# yin case, this time, the screams from 2 [  v0 ~9 K4 H2 c( L& S, Z
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
7 X6 x0 f, k8 ]Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
/ j3 {3 t; c5 c2 msuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 1 }- [/ W7 `8 d5 ?. d2 C) L
and stuck zippers.
/ E8 a6 V3 f, A4 L; o. w  oMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
# q5 `3 K; I: d; r$ b/ Tcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
4 B2 l. _1 D" |  s3 fMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. , H) ?8 ], [8 w
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, & v8 i5 W8 j2 x4 v& x/ d7 x
an embarrassment the next. ! y( r2 A, p) I0 j
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 4 H4 n) ?. d# O1 X' S4 l
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
% ?0 w% h8 k- ~2 m# R+ [: a; W; RMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
" a$ b+ g. c! i+ J8 t. ]3 XMust assume final, complete accountability for 7 |1 z# Q, R8 a
the quality of the end product. 9 q( l# a& A( Q( r- r4 q
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 6 n/ S3 {0 ]: f4 m' z' i
janitorial work  throughout the facility. . q1 R9 F* Q+ U/ L& F

$ T5 k' O3 s) H, l* LPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:+ P! h0 Z$ Q4 w: S' ?
None. 8 v, G$ H# G+ e7 \
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
) t3 L  d2 O# c' l& B' J# bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
  W( I, P/ B$ v6 D. iupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
7 A9 u. n& j) }1 rcan ultimately surpass you.
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2 \8 @/ F. H( iPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: $ O2 J2 j/ e/ v) e5 V  o
None required, unfortunately.
4 j+ P, u; N& ?. \On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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' I+ M5 V# P- k/ T2 _WAGES AND COMPENSATION: + l) r  j/ Q& I; C3 r# A4 f; U2 S
Get this! You pay them! # b' E$ i+ _( O9 O0 f
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
6 O/ ]: b" \* @) S3 ba balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
- s7 h+ e: ?9 p6 vof the assumption that college will help them
8 h8 H& {0 g5 y% _2 kbecome financially independent.   m9 v* C5 d# n3 V' t7 L
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
' k; e; f$ V# [1 |The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
3 ]8 P' g3 D; Fyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 9 m% S# V; z5 Z8 A2 ?

) ]$ g; c  W- b2 R% JBENEFITS: 0 S- u& A/ ~& f% M) Z" f
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
* P! Y, N7 N" m% B5 ?. Wno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 4 x+ }5 @+ J' W8 h% _
no stock options are offered,1 `  E$ K+ ^2 D9 W$ |/ ^) ?
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.+ Q2 T/ I5 d. m& e$ w

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+ K0 `/ q( [+ K. J5 ^7 D** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **; e1 ?  u7 n5 @. f3 N

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& p, g! x( L# U* O! dForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 9 N4 a3 W9 E" Q! a2 j+ m
letting them know they are appreciated / _) H$ E! k$ q- o" b# D8 y6 [
for the fabulous job they do...
+ Z1 K6 U: b# E3 J( e( }, For forward with love 6 [" b( [1 @+ e2 F) x5 N
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.' e4 a; ]8 a3 b7 v1 K5 r7 f4 g$ H% R
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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