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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
7 e1 q# d& M* tMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma * n' ~% F' O) L; M5 H! G& ?) U
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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) i) i3 T' _# y. {0 uJOB DESCRIPTION:3 R/ |; M# q9 H+ h7 b; R
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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. @; v: V' ~% b3 l/ w% dpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. ) F4 `* T' S, i' O. K6 P
Candidates must possess excellent communication / ]- q9 i( [" f
and organizational skills and be willing to work 3 H' ^" @" O( w8 S; Z6 B3 h
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
) Q9 l4 x0 }3 f5 l) B/ zand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
- \* `, V8 _* [) ASome overnight travel required, including trips to $ C3 Q9 B9 V( D5 x1 R
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 3 y) ]: F! S5 O8 ]6 y. }
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! + k& J/ L0 T4 {9 o
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
  {) e/ g# ^! y! bExtensive courier duties also required.
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; S9 A% E& F# n, ~. H  r& q) |RESPONSIBILITIES:
2 q! S( v$ Z! H) VThe rest of your life.
  p6 b& T4 h. I. Y! NMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 8 w: h0 T! j1 w9 v+ ^' O
until someone needs $5. $ t7 ^$ J* T- d  \+ R: o
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.   j. J2 a4 \  h
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule * @3 x8 N2 }: z6 y9 Z* g* G# u
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat , g6 N* p( c( V1 A( h
in case, this time, the screams from ) q, M- Y: s9 Y2 r5 d$ C+ r
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
4 }2 b; q# y/ W, t  Y; A& T) A: CMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, + U- U7 [8 A- k) Q2 G; k# a
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
: a. N  v$ F5 ~and stuck zippers. ) s* |* b. t1 z" v
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 2 Z- U2 `: f1 r" B3 ?
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. % z/ e8 u# t  T4 S( H4 c
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
0 \/ e+ C2 m" K1 X1 KMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 6 N8 h: V: e% X* d8 e2 R; m
an embarrassment the next.
3 A/ [8 C) D5 d4 k! q4 fMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a 9 D$ v$ J5 x: e& [
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 5 D, L8 }0 D5 l
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 3 U6 }0 A9 R- R; W/ x
Must assume final, complete accountability for
- J9 ^" g2 s  t) b* Hthe quality of the end product.
. K6 W# k; S: A6 D% eResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
5 K/ _$ h# Q% s0 s) pjanitorial work  throughout the facility. % m8 n. C* c  }4 V4 i' c
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:, ]0 Y$ R8 f% ]* T3 z$ Q2 U
None.
) l5 N/ f7 O  J6 `0 J7 [3 A$ z: WYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
% ^7 Q. N* E7 K/ bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and 9 Q  X' N; ?8 r2 S0 w0 U6 M
updating your skills, so that those in your charge ! Z6 R3 ]* U) s# }0 Q
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 9 J* a( Z* j2 P0 k; j1 u0 [) |% F
None required, unfortunately. % T/ J6 F0 A/ U. l( j  k0 x# C
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 8 M) w5 U( F4 _8 P

# J8 E: ]# w3 h- v6 \) O( l0 c6 dWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ' b# B4 s  [) [# p' w+ Y8 r
Get this! You pay them!
7 r2 H/ ^( Q) j1 T" @# Z# pOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
+ e' ^+ A8 \" g6 h- ~a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 0 m% _7 h  }/ G8 n; N9 l
of the assumption that college will help them + U  ]# k' G# ~( \% ^: E
become financially independent. & h2 X; a) L: E; s1 P! `+ }
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
/ j  q' S# [( ^4 K, LThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 4 r( S9 O. B' q& r8 F
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: $ ?1 X3 r' K/ u5 @& U
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, * e: W# K: t5 d" c' G* y2 d
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 4 h( o( }0 O5 R8 }  @4 Q
no stock options are offered,
3 v& v' s6 C( V6 Q, C# J+ gthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
. u: U3 i' q9 h( x8 u; O( v6 {5 S9 R$ D$ _" D, b1 \2 k+ Z& I. q4 y
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses $ i' r! V* W& _8 s5 @( `
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for life if you play your cards right.% F; {4 s. _% i6 ?3 R' [& `6 d
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
  t) r" O$ V1 Q' \7 Lletting them know they are appreciated   Y' y9 O0 I0 a/ G  W" \
for the fabulous job they do... : |. [2 P  |3 u9 P! D
or forward with love
2 J' ?; g8 p& [9 S, |1 i3 fto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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