Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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/ W8 e, g2 N) J. |0 y7 A6 u  j) p" cJOB DESCRIPTION:
+ K  a/ z  i, o* @0 {, S- ^Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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: q: U9 g% l2 H& _: v, c' ?, bpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
( G7 M6 g. C; t& }3 M0 @9 fand organizational skills and be willing to work
& u7 ]. c) f0 q1 k! F* Q& [variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
+ Y" n" _5 c* e& R% w% C4 q) `and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
% W8 j8 ^, C9 k& T6 Jendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
. v. u$ ~: T3 BTravel expenses not reimbursed.
; o" h9 ^  e. T5 p4 H! FExtensive courier duties also required.
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! S$ [! a+ n, z; C  G) h2 _RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
0 E/ r9 V6 N! V1 h2 Q4 y- tMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
7 P- x1 j3 X% f; {9 y% k5 oAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
% L* i9 Q, m, e) L" ~* ?and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
! q% O( |; S; n6 a" Hthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
/ z; H, o& u3 h  y$ T5 B1 i( C  ncoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
8 T- Q+ a- D3 h$ W/ IMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
  N& ^  \$ x  KMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
* ]! y$ y$ M  U# W+ nMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
6 m" c, H+ V1 Nhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
; y) d9 s6 r7 |  ^$ yResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
) y7 ^$ ^* X5 _) o9 qNone.
% T; p* v2 t+ |# V( c* H! S! i) ]Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
1 J$ R+ S4 ], v' @/ C" y! Gupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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, g) h" b9 a8 [: G) RWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
# d" W; i& m3 KOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
9 R. Z8 e8 \2 }4 {" [a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

- \" w2 o8 p5 }; lBENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
' s1 {0 E! H1 w- g' b% [  Ono tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
( o' @0 E( B( r, e- x. L7 mno stock options are offered,
  o$ x) Y1 J+ [this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

$ j+ p2 s2 }) h/ z9 t1 Ounconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

4 t: M$ _$ B% e/ v- B7 @for life if you play your cards right.


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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

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4 J( S3 r! S) ]/ `Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
( y4 U. J$ d# t6 V% r5 yfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
4 J4 T! S4 s% n+ j: R: `1 xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.