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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:1 ?$ S$ Z4 j/ r1 Q, k
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
: ?# N; ?6 Q, ]" _$ t/ I, f1 JDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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- t# q* X8 v3 o3 oJOB DESCRIPTION:7 M) L; e6 q4 c1 W4 O' b' L0 y
Long term, team players needed for challenging,: ?% w* z  w1 M; x- K6 O! O1 `% W

& P2 P6 O: D# E5 y  b2 h, Ipermanent work in an often chaotic environment. 2 h5 a/ P" ]3 U5 L3 d# T. D
Candidates must possess excellent communication
1 ?6 p9 w& f* F4 k- }and organizational skills and be willing to work ; e1 R/ w* \8 G: s4 U3 e* j! m$ X
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends : L6 r; z  K7 {: V* e+ D9 B
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
: ]7 Y, t: X9 W& ISome overnight travel required, including trips to + N8 j2 g( g5 _
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
* l% l% J& `) B( n% s% kendless sports tournaments in far away cities! + M- u& U' U. A# X8 D
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
6 g* V& X4 `. `) i+ VExtensive courier duties also required. 5 I  g  L) ^4 `' a' u- Z5 T9 d- p

4 E3 X6 q# P& ]4 ^% Y. g! ERESPONSIBILITIES:/ c3 L1 w- v5 R6 _, h( l" X; F" L' p% J
The rest of your life. 3 J* o4 K. N* l
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
3 |( j$ V, L0 L: @7 R% Yuntil someone needs $5.
+ P3 Q. e$ _% k1 K# y; _, UMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. . F" F- @( _) e2 f, n' f9 a! e
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule " i2 n) Z  R: p
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ' \( A, ]1 P  `+ y2 E
in case, this time, the screams from
3 c/ K1 s6 A# Z  z# T) Fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.   Z$ M, c: s1 A4 d
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, . L) p* M7 {% G( M! o8 I
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets : n7 Y2 q& y8 h+ G
and stuck zippers.
+ T) i* [& a; ]$ F# l3 P" BMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
  Y# G8 y4 _" _% W0 [$ bcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 4 g0 @8 {' L( p2 V
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.   t3 m& K  P3 ?) d
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, / C% C& Z" r+ L4 A+ s
an embarrassment the next. 4 }3 [$ J- [5 e9 g; P
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
; Y1 y. T! [/ i, P5 u! C: lhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 9 s* e( m$ S1 k. k6 {% ?
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ! u" r4 Y+ h+ J3 r& K
Must assume final, complete accountability for % e# F: y4 D0 _* _" r; G
the quality of the end product. 9 w  l& y$ v8 R
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
5 n. i" `, K9 p& v: c$ T7 Vjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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$ F' M4 x/ p4 r2 x' b9 oPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:! n. x. v3 g4 d' b# v$ |6 a, C- \
None.
6 V( O9 J" }9 H5 k; y3 l$ M# e1 Z" z) }Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
; k# Y. s  F* \' }0 o9 mwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
5 M" D3 m. s! R" z/ }updating your skills, so that those in your charge
8 ?8 p% V* N# z1 \# l. }can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
1 @8 b/ |2 }1 BNone required, unfortunately.
/ b# j7 T6 z: c: _On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. . q/ |6 w* d3 J, x% ~/ T
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ; E% B  H0 l  D
Get this! You pay them! 9 C* s; Z& M; }
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
  ?8 z" J. F  c( na balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
& [9 D( P- t% _; w+ }# y$ ], b) Cof the assumption that college will help them $ B2 C' O  k# G1 w7 B
become financially independent.
- ~* p( h' q8 E7 lWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 6 e/ N7 g; Y2 E0 R( e( P  N; A
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that ; U4 I, o! t2 @2 z
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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  H, g9 C  j" r# ?  ]1 W7 @/ SBENEFITS:
7 K" H8 K, J1 d* C% _" YWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
( n/ B$ @- P" H! K, s& `9 mno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 0 b" e% i% B. }. U
no stock options are offered,
* {+ P* G1 l5 o1 Q* ?) V( jthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, / k2 I6 f/ O$ d, T- y4 G6 e1 N
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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3 G4 T: s- H" V

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **  t" O; h! P; n2 X! Y
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, q6 B" x4 Y9 h& m' p4 H8 N/ V5 DForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
) h8 }" h4 ]1 v% l; k" ^6 x+ f& rletting them know they are appreciated
: C. C( Y+ C: A" mfor the fabulous job they do...
# w8 T( ~% t4 h( jor forward with love " A% s' _! i$ T* H/ ~  q, V
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.( r. p) n3 U3 l" Z& F7 Q8 Q: t- y
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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