Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
# D" E8 L* ~! u, U) c* c+ C$ jMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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! ?+ A" O0 x: u' i: }JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,

  h& x4 u( m. Ppermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
- E0 D9 {+ v8 K) Evariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
. j! U% M! J0 |5 }1 cand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
; u+ R. x! F+ j8 g$ \; o" KSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
7 z( ]2 w9 O3 e, jendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
9 @, r1 Q- k9 y9 w$ D$ B6 m/ YThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
; Y% r# W: l9 U; Cuntil someone needs $5.
) Y- G+ x$ D" l% x4 c( g/ rMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
0 ?* }+ G( E- [in case, this time, the screams from
, [- M. V% b* C% C, q1 fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
4 E, M" A0 u8 R4 sMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
3 S  }+ O1 N" P$ A( t4 Dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
% P* Z5 H% W! O3 v" Ucoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
4 b4 ~4 N2 `) X$ @3 q9 \" @Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
! I- X3 q; h8 XMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
/ [" S1 H% ~4 s+ nMust assume final, complete accountability for
+ o  E- h4 @3 E; O% Q, y% Tthe quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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' c6 B+ d- }3 e% m5 x  L4 NPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
3 V/ \+ B, r6 D! c. eNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
0 c' w2 r8 _( R; ANone required, unfortunately.
7 y, S* T: G$ @On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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5 C2 z  }& Q5 h. N  OWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
2 E+ d( K& l2 G. h. l5 o8 c9 OGet this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
9 N  g5 a/ P% q1 Sbecome financially independent.
. q$ M0 c; |1 x7 I1 W& MWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
$ N1 s" B0 W& A* P( gWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
. o# N2 x3 j+ G! rthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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) d) N: B4 _# N) j1 ?! Junconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

2 ~4 a9 R% T% l0 X4 Sfor life if you play your cards right.

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2 P7 U* G7 \0 c4 c** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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, I" A! _  u6 r4 c/ p% r9 nForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.