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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
" |3 j# I" h/ r, x; d$ @0 ~* x/ NMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ( v- V  H) Y5 K
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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* i! p8 d9 u! {$ y  {2 aJOB DESCRIPTION:) w- T. g) R8 m1 ?: C
Long term, team players needed for challenging,2 p7 m4 H; s# K% D
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
, a/ Q$ a& _$ b$ ~' X, p$ CCandidates must possess excellent communication % d9 M0 J* u" W9 ?
and organizational skills and be willing to work , H1 ]; H4 R9 R- ~) X) W. S
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- u9 R# E1 S  v/ _9 ~and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 9 g* K$ t6 l0 j3 p; Q% W
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
  B  R* q; S- a9 M; w: V7 Oprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 2 M2 h3 M2 f+ I# Z3 C+ i; x
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
! I- \+ e9 `" K* [  wTravel expenses not reimbursed.
. W9 ?1 |8 Y1 h1 \Extensive courier duties also required. - @' P' Y( B* @& U& W
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
) u! n4 `5 n" {8 ~The rest of your life.
  |, H+ m  @& z. l: Q3 \Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
# L. ]: B$ {6 Funtil someone needs $5. 2 U6 L! m* {0 `* g8 \
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ( O, K8 K. [' r: E
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 4 m3 O5 p# f" P' z' m; o
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
2 N6 p1 T8 C$ {( h  sin case, this time, the screams from
( M" ]6 t( z6 athe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , M* D0 @, B, V7 m( R0 `5 ^9 F
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
+ x0 _& W& f$ v  }  K/ n: rsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets ' o/ {4 Y! e9 \4 N1 t. P
and stuck zippers.
" f" p3 ]/ X! _3 t  eMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and & u+ A1 i' J/ u3 T% R7 z
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 0 b. }6 z: ?) S& N" r  X- Z
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ' }, l- s8 S9 A) t
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 6 R5 Q3 T: U* n8 H1 d
an embarrassment the next. 8 h4 W6 P( J) Q. r
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 2 J% j% R4 @5 A4 u
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
) t& r6 f) S+ T' CMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
/ R5 }' V) O) `  F* R; }4 O5 [2 {! d2 |Must assume final, complete accountability for
4 C" y8 {" L  f* c* i+ f8 l: _the quality of the end product. 5 n. B+ Q5 Y$ d. l5 L# K6 V! ~4 D
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
* b' w' W$ y0 X5 H' r% {1 w, mjanitorial work  throughout the facility. ) X& R: v$ T9 S+ h  O% x
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:! E8 _. L2 r% p
None.
2 r) e/ _( c6 V; n, y% \Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
) |9 d, O" q% |9 H) a. N7 [" Ywithout complaining,constantly retraining and # y. X# J4 M; |# E% [3 z
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
& c6 p- s# ?5 J$ y) {7 n+ hcan ultimately surpass you.
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6 w9 _5 q7 C8 p1 \5 sPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
  l8 n& Y- |, P  uNone required, unfortunately. 8 J5 J# W& q# p% S" {/ d
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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0 P* z+ T5 H6 `( ~WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
  ^6 J) v4 O0 M1 @* _" @Get this! You pay them! % d" O$ A; A! Y3 J, s8 v
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 0 ^! p) q8 r! ^" t* D( R4 M2 Z
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
/ m. B/ A) S4 r1 i0 g4 Mof the assumption that college will help them
" K; l4 }+ }8 u/ R; Sbecome financially independent. 4 a1 p! {# H* o/ ^3 r9 C
When you die, you give them whatever is left. ' c& H( }7 p3 k/ r% Q. [% C
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
5 ~( ^% j( z3 g4 H* A) W4 {you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
; O6 n, }2 |1 C# G# NWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ' D- O+ t: Z/ G; F  G
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
6 f- \* N( J& ^5 Ano stock options are offered,6 u. i: y. s1 x3 }
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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* H% q" M/ |' {: T2 g6 @  V& vunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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  O& s' [  J1 l  V* P) A0 BForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 1 F, V# {, Y% X4 _. O8 b
letting them know they are appreciated , m5 i! ~, j; r) ~) g- ^% Y3 b# x
for the fabulous job they do...
& U% n! t" @. F: J9 L4 D* w* B# @or forward with love
7 }* ~1 y0 ]! w. Sto anyone thinking of applying for the job.9 ^) J5 U7 X, s7 Y5 n5 Q7 T& t$ G

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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