 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
9 w4 Y6 J, F5 V I: z; IMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
' v& f+ e3 P* [. H) d+ N' hDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:- z/ O, p& D# c4 v) T) _- y
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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7 [4 |9 x" R6 D1 Qpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. ( T3 A3 `; } h6 {& u
Candidates must possess excellent communication
5 ^& V+ U5 f4 t, ]8 h% N5 Band organizational skills and be willing to work 0 R; \1 P1 V# ~' f c" B/ q
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends " S; ~" a, n# k4 l! J
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. + S4 n6 j# t6 E' h4 E9 U& ^$ m
Some overnight travel required, including trips to ; o4 t2 f" ^# S( P
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
( ^/ S/ s, L0 W' U% Cendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 0 {' C" [6 U6 }$ ^& D
Travel expenses not reimbursed. ( J0 Y) ?2 T7 r
Extensive courier duties also required. 4 b6 c" Y: X: U
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
5 g! s' G* I+ T/ w6 l$ z/ _/ a3 nThe rest of your life.
$ W: C' w9 G% s Q0 C/ d6 S" cMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
3 I, f. `' d; j, zuntil someone needs $5.
8 p' V& P- T; D% l7 dMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
$ |. }3 q( |6 ], }$ h# e7 EAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ; l+ {' [! }1 `9 \1 V
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
1 U: B7 P6 o0 }in case, this time, the screams from $ a; V# N3 @9 O
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
( u0 T8 O) z+ P# m4 {/ R NMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
' g. g' ]4 p; l$ L. Jsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
. g$ y+ F i$ d8 G7 iand stuck zippers.
8 o' M" z" Z) ^, P2 j& MMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
% M$ {9 X6 H& {( ]$ Fcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
- [/ @% `3 w! jMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 4 Y6 o" F6 E2 k5 \" D
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, / y2 C- d3 N+ a0 p9 C/ y. |" H( @
an embarrassment the next.
! b3 l- x1 P, l' wMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a " ~ j" K4 m: M. H# b3 q6 c
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
* Y( L2 l( j. p Q( H9 cMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. + D4 N0 Z, v5 b+ |! v2 {: x/ x$ V% M
Must assume final, complete accountability for
7 d7 A" v6 u3 [7 n. ]the quality of the end product. " M' K" p) N4 n! B# G# B
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and " A* J; ^- B" O
janitorial work throughout the facility. G- S' P7 X2 z& u1 U
/ z. [% a6 B3 \POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:, h7 f! @, S0 a! _' Q1 m$ P
None. , t: T' H( e n9 O3 t( ^$ a# w
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
8 Q6 d$ z6 a0 B# o$ n, k/ Vwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
! f1 h m' E8 T5 H% Kupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
- S( K5 E8 ?' h. D6 C* q; p, Jcan ultimately surpass you.
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3 G$ Q% Y, K% e+ F( N( v' D9 \PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) _0 t- `9 ^1 O! t) INone required, unfortunately. : q5 Y( c i0 M6 {( d1 Y7 Y# ^
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 8 M0 I. V% V' U6 U" [! G3 @
1 M3 k. x1 ^% U; D& B ]WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 9 m) A# V) U6 d: {3 s
Get this! You pay them!
! `2 u$ n) J; r) kOffering frequent raises and bonuses. ) H: s5 R: r/ o3 x) A
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because : S$ v& B4 M1 z% x) A. ~* B
of the assumption that college will help them
: V$ p7 R3 K+ R- Bbecome financially independent. ; M6 F- t t; {# K0 z3 C
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 7 V9 s2 k8 c# s$ V( e1 q8 T
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
( m5 t4 o9 {- |9 |7 H; a1 Jyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. * l# ?5 i* m/ i' Y
( Q9 u# T/ t+ [4 F; aBENEFITS:
) @2 x7 W* R2 Y' S! IWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
- z9 K3 S$ m0 V; G6 X5 P5 ino tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
( S M% y" q- t' ^- r6 gno stock options are offered,* p+ B+ a; w+ U1 ^- A* d) z% P
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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& o7 V$ f% @% P. v6 `) |unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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( B" O: h* u; R" Rfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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6 K8 I, G; ?; J. zForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
# j x) h) N8 S2 Oletting them know they are appreciated % F& o R" [ T+ D
for the fabulous job they do...
& V( u n8 d2 u0 G. R+ m2 K; I D8 o: Qor forward with love
0 M) ^2 H) n( O9 Y5 cto anyone thinking of applying for the job.& @1 R- \) z7 I' c# h8 H$ X% }
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