Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
0 k) D7 [$ d6 h, ~' X* @+ {* oLong term, team players needed for challenging,

permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
0 J8 J4 ?% N$ h3 N5 UCandidates must possess excellent communication
0 ?. d' s2 i, d  a1 n; R; qand organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
3 j7 N$ Q! v1 y/ H3 c' n- HSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
: z+ `" i. B$ H2 \; Q8 M! Z+ gTravel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
9 u" w" V+ B! P& u) M/ B2 @* eMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
, D% \' D* f6 q( MAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
/ s3 K( Z  {2 Z' \$ U$ ain case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
* p( I0 c) J; T* G7 Z8 O& a% u9 MMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
! v5 A& N* |. \( i/ fcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
& [- P! j9 N4 l- J$ XMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
5 A8 r: a% c2 N8 V* gMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
( s$ e8 n0 V9 X# M; y* i" Z# D  ?an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
3 [7 i) e) R$ ?% O- Qhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
( q# q- {6 N" i5 c* u+ H; TMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
8 G7 I8 H; L; V( sMust assume final, complete accountability for
' f/ Q1 S; ~6 T& p# S  e8 Jthe quality of the end product.
' H9 H9 a2 _( ~) }8 M$ ~3 NResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
8 I5 l' o+ v# w, F! u. A2 \janitorial work  throughout the facility.

1 O0 |& _# M7 a. V9 VPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
8 X! P7 Q- U3 l1 YYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
. B) M* \3 s% o( ]1 F. mcan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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6 x" }9 s! U5 k0 i' UWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
8 p. Z7 ^6 K, p+ H, z& }Get this! You pay them!
3 Q2 N8 g; {- h9 Y- X7 dOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
2 q2 c: v2 ], R1 ^$ ]( Ma balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
9 _( E9 ?2 M, P! _of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
" _5 |" h+ c* Q! j* lWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
$ i& K0 z% b% T" [% G9 E  bThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
/ f/ }& t! V$ k# }+ z/ iyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
% |2 m* H9 |* {no stock options are offered,
# \$ [, q3 w* n( P/ X# @7 o- n  fthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

' R4 t. ^: }6 P$ _" |- B2 ~unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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, E! b  |; A+ I5 bfor life if you play your cards right.
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( b! p" x; g% l; G$ w3 Q; z** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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" y, p* w! k: cForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
# G- d! m8 v4 S6 M- z. H0 ]8 Hletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
# L8 r( n0 Q% W# k; H+ Lor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.