Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
, ]$ K2 u! Q* C7 tMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
; C; ?; M; L) E7 X3 ]2 Rvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
  `* J( y5 S7 N% {primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
( b8 I# F; N2 M6 {: d4 Nendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
* m  O1 w4 E' \. P: K) jTravel expenses not reimbursed.
) g; q, {6 u& e4 JExtensive courier duties also required.
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) H& E) S* n2 rRESPONSIBILITIES:
! Z9 c( d8 q9 u0 C+ ?8 h! I( e/ VThe rest of your life.
9 [' y. [3 y# P" LMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
2 P6 A4 i1 I2 E+ Q, S$ S2 Q4 d- A; e; dAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
2 F& w, l2 ^0 c9 V% U8 f3 c9 k. W0 Oand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
2 c2 w4 \6 v! }) m9 @in case, this time, the screams from
+ o) k3 `% k! qthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
( ~1 r) p; j0 i) U* ^Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
6 y9 n. H* p' l$ p1 RMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
8 C& m& y2 i& R9 \Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
  N# U8 G9 d0 ZMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
& d* \; n* r* ^4 k' |, o3 TResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
& f; b  o4 U1 @janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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) y3 f; v7 o% x- x; z4 |POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
; G% m! o# h# U  B( \5 G$ b) @None.
, J( Q6 G: l, d9 L" w* rYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
' [0 v1 g& \( h" E* n  \& owithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
. \& \0 O! w( A7 |9 s7 h" jNone required, unfortunately.
7 O0 t( f% k: `! [. |1 ZOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
! i1 L  }$ e/ DOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
/ G: `# S: k* ?7 d9 l+ N2 ]% `) Kof the assumption that college will help them
& L2 ]: R" p9 W8 s6 Kbecome financially independent.
, |& P5 F( y$ sWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
1 F# J& v; y7 tyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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( D/ R; |+ |* i+ Y/ Wfor life if you play your cards right.

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
, y1 c1 l- w5 D. a% s2 r5 I! |& Kletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
; S$ U7 [* I1 mor forward with love
' q' {2 C, W7 g5 q+ P+ rto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.