 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:9 D \5 ]' B# ` G0 o4 c! A) v0 S
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- j; M; A6 m" A( FDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa- r% G0 q& u U, s
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JOB DESCRIPTION:: S$ L9 v5 i7 w( n
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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7 P0 S7 ?% t, K5 Opermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
' e1 c1 z- b! O6 P$ RCandidates must possess excellent communication
: |) M% @6 q. V# X9 b2 qand organizational skills and be willing to work 2 p. I: z/ @: Q1 ?- G7 L+ K
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
( p# F% o+ P; S' Jand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ' W5 ^4 y9 }$ d) v. A7 C
Some overnight travel required, including trips to " V* }; [' ~# U0 z1 o
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
) P1 z6 w% c! u: `! bendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
$ K+ d- ] H; g" y6 t& R% t, LTravel expenses not reimbursed.
- ]7 U' L1 a3 l0 KExtensive courier duties also required. ) L* y7 |$ i& }+ Z! Z
L' ?# o; T/ e9 ~: C6 ~9 ORESPONSIBILITIES:0 F% D5 g" B) L4 [# M5 M
The rest of your life. 1 f7 Q& I- b% F. [) \
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, F* F$ z5 C; J6 l4 x) q% F! C2 B
until someone needs $5. 6 E! o" C4 ?3 e) ?) r
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 4 z Y- T5 p! w$ ]2 t& P8 `! f
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ( B/ E+ N4 Q3 W5 \, ?5 s/ j+ \7 o
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat % y5 M/ @ R! ~) Y
in case, this time, the screams from
$ I, H' r8 v- |- H, |! f( m. e Ethe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
* h6 l' B P7 H5 T ?Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
7 l4 Y" @$ d9 c/ V) U Y- ysuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
) U X5 r) @9 K3 T6 Z2 @( p6 Pand stuck zippers. 6 ^$ K8 F# X G* }5 e. j
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 0 i0 ], S6 g# ]( X7 i
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 0 O2 w0 I% H: P/ \% W: j# |) ~
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 3 A/ n, q0 l2 ?; {: p5 c
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ! _8 m* \1 b, D* O$ ^/ l( Z' n: s
an embarrassment the next. 7 m2 [# ~7 ], K8 J1 J8 u/ Y
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
. Y7 ]4 H8 |- J# i+ qhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
% C. ~9 h2 O( x6 L/ eMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. / F5 J. J7 n1 L4 N5 {" a
Must assume final, complete accountability for
1 J% i) O- F8 p ]the quality of the end product.
3 e B( H/ Y9 H$ W% SResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
9 y7 u2 ?7 T8 f1 I$ M' m4 ljanitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:8 u5 F/ E7 T) e( ?" u: R
None.
9 o1 R+ o5 O/ s: \: K7 l/ pYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
( Q# j) t: V8 d5 |. t0 g' }without complaining,constantly retraining and
; K& T1 s2 E3 {updating your skills, so that those in your charge
( |8 X) B0 E. t3 X* Fcan ultimately surpass you.0 E9 A3 u8 v1 I8 y! C/ k! T
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 0 V$ i; P* K$ ~5 R; U& W
None required, unfortunately. , ]# w* z; X2 o2 V. m4 u
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. + l: r- c4 D' N; s4 V5 `1 v
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ; U) h% w# q& T: @
Get this! You pay them! ) e: x$ x( @: y, N5 Q
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
( J( n! `7 Z- v( v5 x- Ta balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
0 W( ~- Y( J0 G/ D2 _6 {7 j, Lof the assumption that college will help them
8 G8 e- D/ b+ @$ Lbecome financially independent.
" l9 b3 V7 D) a/ v! r) m/ XWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 8 N. j' C y6 ^& O9 A* x
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
$ D/ f- m$ J$ U! myou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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9 C, D. x$ z. R% D- SBENEFITS: 5 c9 F' N1 @/ T8 [0 O: v t
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
& q7 ]( B- K& s! vno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
' I9 l/ @# y+ F( m) D* J/ ~" {no stock options are offered,6 A( P+ t: Q, i9 W
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, $ |8 E3 x e/ g4 S; \. k' E
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right. I, \+ ~8 E: v/ x/ `' X3 L8 `
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# M: Y' I9 }) l& M** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **' f5 o( T/ v. U L5 j
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
9 ?& U- {* P o& Yletting them know they are appreciated ) I# B3 E/ n* U. Q) ]8 ^$ ^7 y
for the fabulous job they do... + `0 a; U( w2 Q% |6 J; y) k
or forward with love
1 u+ R+ l Z/ L$ W6 i% v5 e2 Xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.# ^- f1 j K% F$ Y/ M/ r' ?6 C1 u
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