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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:1 ]7 L# q* c  B, s
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
' M8 m) s+ ~: \+ TDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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4 G9 Z5 C! Y% L; h* Q# g+ DJOB DESCRIPTION:* M* C; J9 w* w- `, j: K* e6 D
Long term, team players needed for challenging,1 O1 `4 |) k$ b: W5 |
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
1 O2 ~+ ]5 Z9 G! l5 gCandidates must possess excellent communication
8 F3 x* o: g% q. X- b* Jand organizational skills and be willing to work 8 u7 ^% z- u  t
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends   v0 z$ M! ^4 h: M* \3 j
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
! q4 Z0 i* `; J. l4 B. QSome overnight travel required, including trips to
* b3 S7 t7 h: R5 M  f5 l/ aprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and / @! h/ y  M- e
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
4 }$ ~& e' j4 Q9 U# T" OTravel expenses not reimbursed.
* r0 x0 K& O7 N8 M( gExtensive courier duties also required. # x. U. X: y7 L8 z8 J

, H/ t! `( k# P1 w( N3 S7 I5 M" J8 d4 e0 ZRESPONSIBILITIES:
8 [2 V2 O, M' A2 s: {1 V, }, |1 Y& wThe rest of your life. / E# A6 [1 N: v% a
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, & G2 Y3 s- o! y) @3 j
until someone needs $5.
* J; I6 T# V8 Y; ZMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
. W1 N) O2 d$ C; ?" M$ {# {Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule . k3 E2 m' h: Y" E) i# y# a' m
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
7 r2 @6 I% O8 A# U, Ein case, this time, the screams from 6 C3 g! O' ~! T' v
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
* F  S" F0 j6 M+ yMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
) ?# v  }$ ]6 e  ]8 {$ l3 W  [such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
  A1 p6 V& \; b; N! G! Kand stuck zippers.
, ~7 a- Z8 N, [4 ?Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 4 I, d: I% m- j- O
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
# @% a, y" u# B: Z  ]: JMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 9 Q. T9 b2 _2 m( t
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
) l6 n) k- q2 A+ [: W% X9 fan embarrassment the next.
/ S4 l' k; z8 qMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
* G: w! m* \' h! Chalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
6 R: _# l# u5 h  @* K8 NMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
+ k, m8 h$ Z, l( x' nMust assume final, complete accountability for
1 X- A% X1 B$ d) U6 ~; T6 Lthe quality of the end product.
" Y) v) |6 E( V3 bResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and   l/ R' M% F7 v' M1 |7 ^6 C
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
8 \: G4 T$ t3 e4 I; k$ p2 C3 gNone. + ]- `3 S/ u3 T; L
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 5 j/ m- W: e+ Q% z5 r5 B5 q
without complaining,constantly retraining and - O! P' \. ~3 q- Z
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
- C$ l2 |  ~3 Y2 ^. Z' \; Lcan ultimately surpass you.+ n  Q# F: g9 d, c1 C, g: ?$ B
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) _+ C& T% P$ h/ W; jNone required, unfortunately.
; @' X7 d; {! W7 p+ z% FOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
* W; ]0 d; S. g# {; a' [Get this! You pay them! * B/ Q4 _2 ]$ Z. S. e  A
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. : U( q2 y# S. I4 J! [% Z; b
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
/ o1 @( T- a- ~( P1 ~# e: Aof the assumption that college will help them
( U) M: m% p) b! p' S! Jbecome financially independent.
& T, v" B8 i+ |* A. X+ oWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. , p! u1 e! ?5 |' l( i! S: e
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 8 [5 ?2 R+ v- J: h- g
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. ' a) I; e. D5 f: a6 |6 ^4 A
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BENEFITS: 7 }1 F4 q& N. C" K1 E9 W
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, # O, n9 Q+ t. |! M
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and / }% C( A. c+ J
no stock options are offered,
: H2 e- J5 H# n2 w! v. w  j) S" h0 rthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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% f$ A% [& Q% m% C( Q; ?- ]unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses + l( `4 U/ ^+ ^- G9 u

! Z2 f; p& f' k. Wfor life if you play your cards right.
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& |3 G, w6 D9 P9 s9 R# c2 K$ x** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **# D! ~. |* S8 G7 J! o  q+ V  O; y

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, . h, e) u: `: a' H8 v* J  W! p
letting them know they are appreciated ' ], ^6 ^( i2 u0 A7 _& }' J6 K
for the fabulous job they do...
( q6 F  `  z. S6 v( q0 U& v; K9 `or forward with love
0 x7 h1 j0 Y& \3 C% Sto anyone thinking of applying for the job.3 N* a- J. z6 B) _

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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