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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
0 q5 i/ g- u% Y) X7 Z8 |Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 0 e% O' C; |2 d
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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4 \6 t2 c- r! m$ a5 aJOB DESCRIPTION:" u" p4 H6 g5 S( g2 ?! y7 j
Long term, team players needed for challenging,- b) E6 L. p% ^* M6 Y) Z
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" N" o' y: z" sCandidates must possess excellent communication
  O. M; w! n4 y! u& ?$ @and organizational skills and be willing to work 2 W/ V+ ~, A3 s/ Q& J
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 7 f  M9 A4 Q  q  ~
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
, c5 R/ M$ r9 G4 OSome overnight travel required, including trips to % p: V: p1 k3 o) \5 V
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and : O2 v& ]& `! z6 Z
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! $ C; ?1 s& k. E1 y- T6 O
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
" }/ d; h) U- @Extensive courier duties also required.
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4 E- r, Z4 x' h6 k' D+ jRESPONSIBILITIES:1 q7 w! U+ ~4 f+ |* H
The rest of your life.
) r+ _% n, X' ZMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
% o8 C. @0 K6 C" t, d+ K: ~7 Auntil someone needs $5.
! n  M' W' K- t) p. ?7 K5 r& z, AMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ; y6 @# q: R( ?+ ~
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
) A) i, i: d" `+ k) @( Y4 @and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat % k! j2 s( S. L2 w
in case, this time, the screams from   F4 J4 K# W9 g
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ' H3 j) H8 u' [# {" A
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
' q* @* N7 m8 y- o. Fsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 6 T% O* r7 ~3 b: |* Q
and stuck zippers.
7 @! S) ^+ L4 N2 _& y. L8 @Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
3 Z5 ^3 @# j2 g0 Y$ {coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
5 c8 o, x4 [. O6 L$ rMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
  A# b. r7 G! B8 `, |. wMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, * n7 ^3 T" ]' z
an embarrassment the next.
- Y) U, t/ C0 ^9 R, d- nMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a * t0 d! M7 Z# s3 \  _- j5 ~7 D. t
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. * F7 I& J) t. u, ]2 l1 _
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ) H$ U& T( u( X" U, x) }
Must assume final, complete accountability for 4 p0 d: a' a" S0 d4 d
the quality of the end product.
2 u4 M; n! K: Q" e) }  UResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
; N; ~- N( p6 ?$ @janitorial work  throughout the facility. + B1 [& Z8 \9 B- B# O' ?( B

, P- |' v. z) ]POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
; G8 c; W- n# h+ w# }2 |None.
* E+ m3 P# J/ H4 f! ^% h. pYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
* V4 g! N7 Z9 @/ Mwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
5 ]% X: m: }+ k5 w  Y0 n2 \5 z: ~updating your skills, so that those in your charge , T: ]% X6 [7 V# g. R
can ultimately surpass you.) f, v/ E1 i, A& q/ V
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& u8 s, M& z" @( Q3 UPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
% H7 ?9 C/ s( T( Z' yNone required, unfortunately. 6 z' A8 L( Y* z6 Q2 w) G
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ) q6 Q  a! v; w. a$ S' ]2 g* X

6 D1 c0 H- w- w# YWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
0 o. G+ z; d6 L4 SGet this! You pay them!
; s& P( ^! E! H8 oOffering frequent raises and bonuses. ' n, c5 R* M2 X0 a" h  C( h! j
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 9 r( Q  @% g& ?, ~" b% c. E
of the assumption that college will help them 9 _4 t9 K. k: [
become financially independent.
4 d, Q3 I6 O0 U" @( r3 Q8 TWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
* |" h7 P! ?3 X: ]The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
# k7 S+ b2 U2 ^# Kyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 3 e& e. l# _2 q
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BENEFITS: , b* i% P( [' |0 B" ]
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
: b( b6 W% R: b# M( T9 Tno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and " X# E  b. G% f( D; F" w# _" h
no stock options are offered,  A4 [7 u9 p! c! O7 K
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, % u0 k, o. Y$ ?* t

. U; ]# p4 |5 D+ |* ]8 d$ Punconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 3 r8 m: i: S4 b. n# [
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for life if you play your cards right.* ~" b4 s0 {) ?  p' h! v: k
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- P) ?0 I( r% E, n- C** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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5 f) w( }2 ^3 c! ~- A# M, I& rForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
5 j* a# e6 Y1 |! L# M+ @# F" ?) yletting them know they are appreciated 8 y7 \. g* C4 }8 q+ J4 ^4 b
for the fabulous job they do... ) P! E8 m1 r/ Y
or forward with love ! i6 j/ F) N) [8 U: f# J
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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