 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION: a) D. f5 e3 F0 |8 J4 z8 y
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
. z9 {( a3 b& Y; QDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:& g% E% q: y/ `
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 5 a4 W! U0 D* ?5 C
Candidates must possess excellent communication ) m1 |. e' e `) E1 w
and organizational skills and be willing to work
8 u2 x- p6 F6 p; a9 Jvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends ) ?3 @- h7 K- r2 @6 l/ F H2 O; R
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. & E: B2 p0 q4 ^0 i0 C
Some overnight travel required, including trips to $ W) x. C0 {; i, ~
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and . w& L. Q0 g- E: s' s
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! ; L' t8 w @! p, J! D o
Travel expenses not reimbursed. & U! z, k) B: s$ v+ ]* d
Extensive courier duties also required. : d4 [1 G* V Y
, M. F1 M4 w3 ^) n, l* v# ?( aRESPONSIBILITIES:
H) p4 {2 s3 T8 iThe rest of your life. 7 ~/ t9 j' s. T
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
: Z( v1 H# m4 L. I1 u( G4 l) Juntil someone needs $5.
6 W5 a ~6 j: N7 a1 L6 y/ vMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. % d8 ?2 I% b d' T
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 7 L X4 n+ ^2 k1 h m; K
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
6 G5 b( o! u2 Z" din case, this time, the screams from
) o0 O! J7 X; h0 i& b- ^: nthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. # X6 y m$ z+ j# e/ S3 H9 v
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, * D/ [0 D% E+ t" S+ R
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets + S# E) l* a2 W3 i, x
and stuck zippers.
: q# b( x& b2 [" m. I1 }Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ' f8 g$ a" W, _
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 2 c5 |# Y, c' w# D3 I& [ }! H- S$ h8 Q+ n
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
P" \4 \% ~. s: u; sMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
# T4 C: }+ ?2 h/ f( G- t$ Oan embarrassment the next. . w$ G4 w w( U) W8 C& n
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
* E8 |, R8 g$ T0 P- M, j$ fhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
0 D4 r7 ? R. g4 jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ) t5 L# A6 f: b! ?$ ~0 n& J
Must assume final, complete accountability for
1 v' P6 D7 |8 G* p; bthe quality of the end product. / X0 L: `3 ?% s. J) m' ?1 D
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
4 S4 q: c1 d, o- E2 ]+ r" y- K9 wjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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8 f/ _ {+ O) F! j; U! o5 aPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:+ W5 W9 `8 O+ d2 M5 C
None. 1 ?7 H9 y# S# @0 `4 Y- C8 U
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 7 V2 C$ }& V7 S8 v r0 S# ^, _: S
without complaining,constantly retraining and ! B) f' g( y' R! m
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 8 t) c" i4 j g5 h+ x
can ultimately surpass you., n0 U* R8 g8 T9 q; [" h
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) J1 ^# b8 o x; v. G* vPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ; N2 r: U1 ]+ Z; j# M
None required, unfortunately. ( ^$ o1 H* {6 B- {
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
6 Z) M( e: Y/ [1 X3 _* J( dGet this! You pay them! 6 n- @2 \1 O: X ]- V5 g, ~. x
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
: b# Y2 S5 N6 Q+ }3 V- Ta balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 0 C0 |3 u8 @" S9 R. h
of the assumption that college will help them
9 n# M1 H' d7 i/ J& L, g- }become financially independent.
. w* a7 ^3 t9 h( a# `+ g: ?( WWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. ) U+ J3 y# z* k# x+ d
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 6 j. Y2 J1 `% I4 Y3 W# _
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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8 ?0 |3 A3 d$ j' G4 H5 r4 D. K; cBENEFITS:
. G4 J+ M- w6 t0 c+ D6 G8 O! }While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 5 g7 \* e8 {* c# Q' \) }- L
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ; s# p& H% e4 a2 P' Z8 E1 w
no stock options are offered,
. S$ E a: @ @' l6 D6 D2 Nthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, $ S0 f. K+ W G- R7 e- |, s
* n8 z$ U c o8 ~4 sunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 7 q H5 [- Z3 |
: f3 S# b* z# l7 m& S+ B; T+ Y) ~for life if you play your cards right.0 ]; B' S. a" t6 \
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
9 S8 N2 ]9 U' x/ e5 \8 Vletting them know they are appreciated , ]- N, { T8 a/ H& D. s" x
for the fabulous job they do...
( d) c6 ]" ~* n9 l6 @or forward with love 2 ~! _+ i/ f1 j' G3 S; Q
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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