Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
+ H. _$ Z  k' [+ }% ODad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:
- b. @. F# d- t+ d$ P9 V5 A! F. jLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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8 h: \2 @& y# M# w) i+ ?* @permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
8 ~: b; @9 b- Q4 lCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
  ^4 }* y# F- A# Q  uand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
7 N# o0 I- J3 d. o& \Some overnight travel required, including trips to
; D: R$ v: G) h: N# j0 s- f( Uprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
; T+ T' v4 ~, h9 S7 `endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. P9 d6 H: b" n3 s. o3 @until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
. E0 S6 h% S, W3 Vin case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
' l  m8 f' f5 |7 G) `, w: }% k; UMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
0 w; k+ n+ T6 J) X) Y: k; v8 O  Csuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
5 A) X) T; t# P; G2 Z# FMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
2 F( E( U" }# O" C6 @! |# lMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
+ y5 q, `8 F( J* Q% V" I& T! w& mhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
" d( b2 s+ u; E) G+ [Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
/ U7 R9 r% u$ K  H7 zjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
4 V$ g0 g1 g: r& J' U  VNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
3 z' L7 m8 ^0 n4 Y2 J* p3 y8 G$ aNone required, unfortunately.
; j) O8 Q, h7 POn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
+ l7 I! ]) ?' t/ v9 lWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
2 \5 z' f7 [+ ^9 i$ tWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
- t5 a% A% o+ M# c2 Uno stock options are offered,
2 \' F* W  T" r) H2 `this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

" l8 s  P* u7 `& ^; a$ Y1 s" Runconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
! R. F8 X- [6 F' _+ E6 L1 L, G
for life if you play your cards right.

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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; r: n7 G7 t2 \+ G: j9 AForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
- r; f% `5 l$ M% U4 P& J7 v' d* {. Uletting them know they are appreciated
# s: U) X/ L( w  S) \% ufor the fabulous job they do...
4 |5 i. M4 h1 |8 Vor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.