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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
3 U' g( H* G& Y; z/ K) wMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
' v+ @5 L  L( x# KDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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* v4 @  b; r$ r+ n" W4 d& }JOB DESCRIPTION:; V  ~0 Q- _: ?0 N
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. % \% Z2 h  @- f# c5 X
Candidates must possess excellent communication
& H3 ^6 D9 U) H) qand organizational skills and be willing to work , X& \4 b* ~4 y- p5 B, c
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 8 B4 o- `+ ~, r: a
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. % R: u; q* s: f" u+ A1 x
Some overnight travel required, including trips to   U# A" F* I) h( \
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
8 q/ G1 N) Q0 j6 l  mendless sports tournaments in far away cities!   P, ~2 d3 I6 C1 C, H
Travel expenses not reimbursed. : v2 s6 g. v# q: J% S3 Q( Y
Extensive courier duties also required.
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5 o# G7 l$ r4 x0 ~$ \' ZRESPONSIBILITIES:  n2 d3 E9 W' d- u( b. @: m
The rest of your life.
3 o# u: f; f! A7 H" z) H) ]3 tMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
) d6 S/ e+ Y1 V: @! ?/ Vuntil someone needs $5. & U- R1 w  ?7 P! h% I# H
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
8 z/ W+ ]. \/ y( t' q* |Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
- r3 z' x4 L; W# f* Tand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
: M4 p! @" A9 B2 d& Q3 G1 Din case, this time, the screams from
' ?; p$ a; H: R  Cthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.   m  Y& J3 A) ^& b
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
! |2 X3 n7 \0 R0 psuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets   Q6 s- b9 Z% o: Y0 z
and stuck zippers. - r' q! u  j' f/ b* h
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 5 g+ E( w) l# m; W9 ]
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.   _* X. a3 D0 _+ Q2 ?9 j$ [* c
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
$ v3 e  N8 B7 {& b$ O) ~! Y  ZMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
& O3 t* k- G8 z+ H7 dan embarrassment the next. # l$ Q, y  H4 O
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a & W  U+ e2 T* f8 Q6 T1 w
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
- m6 M+ T% h2 ]$ |& x" ~& oMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 3 E4 l0 S' ]; B! P" q0 P( w5 H: u7 \
Must assume final, complete accountability for
+ l) I0 u# c# q" U8 l: p( b2 p: W" [the quality of the end product.
+ L0 @0 h# i8 J! P6 D6 kResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
7 Z, H7 h) W5 ^3 T% n5 Kjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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2 p: X" ]8 Y2 Y# xPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:" L; {' V+ ?( _* n3 w
None.
, g. h0 V: d/ Q3 {Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
* H3 p+ x6 K: `8 V  C5 A  e. Gwithout complaining,constantly retraining and 4 C, R$ u$ ^) D* m
updating your skills, so that those in your charge # w! J8 X7 W" h* T
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: , B$ ^) G- ~7 x$ f
None required, unfortunately.
0 H' F6 K$ a; e, Y7 uOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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- C# D/ j: u! {7 e4 M: p' X. }. \; wWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 1 h' \4 m. I; h4 Q3 ^
Get this! You pay them!
& T! {+ a, O' C( F7 f/ L) _Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
$ e$ L, }' C9 |( z& p" wa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
1 c  u" B3 i8 K2 Iof the assumption that college will help them $ ?1 c; K  j2 f$ c/ d2 J
become financially independent. 0 a. B9 j0 \+ [4 r4 g- u# D# ^) ]
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 1 `$ c- r$ u" |
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
3 v7 a& \2 z8 h) f( wyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: $ W5 t! C. `8 h. e7 P- U5 G: ?9 z
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
7 I: |% x+ W# c3 c. s" nno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
/ \# V  [: |0 j" R" l4 x  v& G) nno stock options are offered,& L+ i8 `0 e- ~1 O8 d% x
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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0 k. ?& w+ K; l. g6 ^& I' cunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses - R$ F1 C' e  C$ d
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for life if you play your cards right.
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: [! U) ~3 y% Y! S* |/ g% d** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **. _+ l* S$ ~0 R* _0 W

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
  _5 Z& I  {2 E7 t- o+ F. Q8 Gletting them know they are appreciated 1 R" Y6 P& |1 N; P1 {
for the fabulous job they do...
3 A  H, ^, e9 {" cor forward with love ) S. r  h, H2 A( _! E- }
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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