 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
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Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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; M$ v0 C4 i2 Q; h$ L* F* d- V' OJOB DESCRIPTION: X( |, T+ r* I: Z# |; g
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
c. i# D% d# @Candidates must possess excellent communication
* q" |% q [) Z2 d {7 land organizational skills and be willing to work
. y" A7 v; x/ D# {6 d) t! D/ Pvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
' \5 e N( f5 M6 q/ C, land frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
6 F! N9 s' J4 K% H6 X7 E, YSome overnight travel required, including trips to . W8 p. l5 D/ @* @# z. _- `
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 8 K8 [( Y2 s. ^, q) Y3 a
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 6 _. B2 X( Y. d+ V5 Y' j- |
Travel expenses not reimbursed. $ h4 j+ o0 x" k1 n6 M$ [, z
Extensive courier duties also required.
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/ a- i7 M$ _2 ^3 URESPONSIBILITIES:. J6 O! R# N, o5 i( B
The rest of your life. ) g4 ~9 d) t3 n3 Y; u
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
; U! s0 J& K0 Z- N/ W; e1 Vuntil someone needs $5. 5 V0 h/ `. R( I- q7 M5 i: K8 P
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
& ]- ?# Z: C4 N* J* B& v- M1 m3 C( dAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
8 y, A" w2 ?6 O: P1 j( \9 i* hand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
. M# C2 ^( v* k! N- P# k' h9 `in case, this time, the screams from
; w- D2 ]% a4 _2 P) ]2 _5 q8 pthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
9 `( j% O5 v" I+ QMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
4 @- q. W9 ]8 N+ nsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
( l5 I# P. g* V3 nand stuck zippers. 7 h) H4 Z, L# i, @5 c2 _. \
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
' J8 Z) ?/ O9 zcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
, A- E3 H# P5 P: WMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
0 S, u$ z2 F# Y1 YMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, - x6 u1 x* R) h, P" ?2 m
an embarrassment the next.
+ A9 \2 A M3 s# X, f8 eMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
% L u9 u0 T! {- ihalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
& O7 [6 P3 T3 n( A( QMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
$ y" Z* J& s4 ^0 m8 `& L1 vMust assume final, complete accountability for
" B4 C& s) Q( F- B9 b3 uthe quality of the end product.
0 x6 o; w( f# X9 R- `0 z' s& nResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and % x% T5 r9 ^ {1 ]5 N
janitorial work throughout the facility. ( L+ _) s( ^5 v g4 I
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:( z/ G- a4 F- ~/ n: J
None.
0 x- Q0 ~; z( b3 q7 r6 }Your job is to remain in the same position for years, R) T$ ?$ p+ X$ }8 K- {8 v
without complaining,constantly retraining and 8 f/ e+ y6 [& E. X9 _7 G
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
p- m( M$ R0 ~* s! @can ultimately surpass you.4 w3 m+ c1 Y9 Y
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' l6 _3 p* o9 ~" ~PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
0 S4 w4 @ l( \, [; S0 GNone required, unfortunately. - @2 ^- `2 C4 r) z3 Q
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. : v; I3 d) S& r- I y `
4 w# b( V: e& g& Z8 \$ pWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
' J* T/ C: H; \/ A, `* a$ \; _Get this! You pay them!
/ G* C- {2 S% q2 \' R: M8 K' ]Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
$ d; K" e# k4 z+ j3 ea balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because # l, k, V% }' U* a7 x) w8 U
of the assumption that college will help them
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0 c E" U5 N: R0 v9 D% Q3 z% IWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. & B* d: o' _1 x3 N! D9 T
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
6 ]+ q+ |. S3 k" _% Hyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
; ^( D3 C+ [9 a( T/ ~/ [While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
! D- ?- L1 S+ {1 Hno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
" T$ t9 g) r; ]( q Q% k$ pno stock options are offered,. k9 x& |) {8 L$ x/ U# a
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 2 c, e' `! H# Z. k! Z
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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" C' _* `2 j) u+ F4 Q" xfor life if you play your cards right.( K" b3 g: M M% `' y
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** ~' G* p# a/ j1 Q/ g- _
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6 e( C Z3 [+ E$ U9 |% OForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
& r. B, G9 u% G6 qletting them know they are appreciated 9 U! @* u/ I% F/ n9 X; p; D
for the fabulous job they do...
8 C% n) K+ u5 w& C5 f# Xor forward with love
) m9 M ], H+ n# r( R* G& v3 `' uto anyone thinking of applying for the job.7 l* d4 O" w, e K
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