 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
& K6 y# N0 ~, k. d2 ~Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 5 S1 M1 e. P7 N6 A* Z$ {+ L
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa' w _+ C2 _+ y+ H5 _6 a& [
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JOB DESCRIPTION:& `9 u+ _& p. R% E
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. & ~0 o* X6 H0 Q8 A1 o: [
Candidates must possess excellent communication
9 X/ Y+ X8 V9 s# eand organizational skills and be willing to work 7 Z. V: E* B) s+ j7 d% }# S
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends : ?: V: v# R1 ~0 n% v
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
/ Q; m# V, z$ }: _ @' \! ~8 LSome overnight travel required, including trips to
$ N. A, x% t+ h9 |. v* o( D! Gprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
5 A, S* Z4 m0 T1 b/ aendless sports tournaments in far away cities! " m8 Q' ` b$ B: y- `# u
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 7 A! \) E: a2 ~' f1 `% S
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:: x! z4 C4 R( o; V
The rest of your life. ! V& Y( @+ e+ G# ` n; W7 x
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ; s ] b# N$ F6 E7 ?# M
until someone needs $5.
2 S) S5 L9 [4 KMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 9 G1 v2 L, p9 \4 N y- U) y- ?/ s3 `! e
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule + v* a$ p' x- o, A
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
2 u& u+ f/ T7 C. }/ S' [7 C: vin case, this time, the screams from ; o9 h' f. W, n# m' n4 G2 k
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
8 O _5 ?; I, LMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
i% \) v! X; k3 @* _& |' F6 @" {" Hsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
0 v) Q) H' A d `. ~and stuck zippers. # l: r x# ?1 o: p" j7 K! b
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
# D4 \. d3 d1 o+ O) O j! `8 M7 H" ucoordinate production of multiple homework projects. u) O$ k9 J0 [( h' K
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
+ E" h7 X1 h6 F) ^" wMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
4 z. w( R5 U; `3 N- F" U+ _an embarrassment the next. 1 K/ S3 S% C2 U+ J, U
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 9 Z, E7 l& G" ?# \! t, q. z1 [! G
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
) e' `$ @5 C* `5 aMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
7 F! f: e3 t1 q& L; XMust assume final, complete accountability for 2 u- k* X) e( ?
the quality of the end product.
( j# ?, D( h$ V. M, PResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and 8 n7 S% M: W+ J7 j8 }% B6 i1 J
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
' U4 b9 P# i. u- |. w. j+ _without complaining,constantly retraining and
) H) n& m) ^" V" c" d: [( z/ aupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
7 }( p' D! s3 F1 Lcan ultimately surpass you.2 S! {# _4 N. A0 l% h) ?; M
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 5 k5 |( p6 H1 ^: R% _' ~) G
None required, unfortunately. 8 Y3 M# A: x6 E( B' V4 m; }2 w4 D; O/ n
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. - E: D/ C1 P# R
- H4 Z4 O8 O1 _: f' M+ X; dWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
4 ?, A3 j6 C! H9 d5 W: ^5 JGet this! You pay them! ( @ Y8 e1 k E8 p$ b: \
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 8 A1 s8 _% G$ L; {
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 3 o& D$ M+ L4 E Y' g
of the assumption that college will help them
- P5 G( k1 I. i |become financially independent. ; S/ t) O1 h) U% H/ Z" P3 ?
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 1 t! Z+ P! k. C, S" s( V0 A: m# K( e
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that " N8 R) K3 |% F. g2 T: x
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. " K; l1 ]* p1 d7 k0 ]- F0 r
$ V- Q: C6 N3 l% }( N3 aBENEFITS: 6 a5 y* r% R) V8 J. N9 x
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
5 F: `! o' k( w wno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
/ A- i4 K8 N( @ D- X) }no stock options are offered,
% S$ S5 T$ y# p7 J0 pthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses . @/ `& y+ F. q4 Q K
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for life if you play your cards right.1 s8 e7 E9 ?' W
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3 {0 p% o) _; p/ p! g** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, " Y8 b! \: `8 L. p' V; J
letting them know they are appreciated / D6 [0 i, Q( x
for the fabulous job they do... ! U, G3 D) Q# e" y5 d- I' g/ L! O
or forward with love & T' l/ _9 W4 Q' M. G0 W
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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