 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:, l% ?' [+ P! c
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
: w; f( x& V" s, f5 SDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:, i! p# S3 P; F
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
! w" i6 w* b# h5 v6 ?Candidates must possess excellent communication 5 f( F& n1 ?! F% q( `5 Y
and organizational skills and be willing to work
. ]% E6 p/ S6 m: W1 B( ^4 gvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
* E8 \. B: ~1 O: \0 X% M2 ~and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
, }# [( ^1 m7 M" qSome overnight travel required, including trips to - D1 Q# ^$ C3 g# \! ?- N
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 4 O6 @, w3 W( t2 ^1 p5 U" s
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! # i7 T5 y5 S* P- Z3 B1 L* G
Travel expenses not reimbursed. : y9 Q& E8 _+ e4 C+ O9 [5 M
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:; w. i. `6 _$ ` m# m" g
The rest of your life.
" M$ }, Y' m9 R" x# W4 @7 n8 jMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 2 p p3 ^5 N1 k4 {& ?2 x
until someone needs $5.
X$ P B* }6 Z e. ]' J$ |3 q* mMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 4 S& @6 n( |* w2 U6 H
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule j2 H$ T: C: _2 [" \! X
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ' _2 F i2 t/ l
in case, this time, the screams from
# [% A! q/ I- g5 Wthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ' u7 D6 O) L4 x) X; w+ j
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 5 d; f& w2 U9 S' u4 `4 B
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets ; t; b5 @/ D3 h e2 h
and stuck zippers. ( R& a* z8 H7 c7 g, U% a* H1 n
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
; k4 @; C8 h" r7 @8 l( f5 Bcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. % P4 v% |) {+ X1 ?' @. m0 \& |
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. % p2 V/ z; |' E6 M
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 0 j8 ?0 J+ ?! O! v& M+ g' t
an embarrassment the next. : d5 A5 t3 z& e( e2 Q# r. W% Y
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 8 d4 S) w# V% r4 x3 k1 g5 e
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. + N- S; t2 h! s7 f, ]
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
! \: z @' k- T2 |+ WMust assume final, complete accountability for
& c" H2 t* `- s' Z; f# uthe quality of the end product. 0 W5 a6 A. G- R `. X
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 6 E' L! `* o1 E5 s, A
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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( Q! J \9 q$ g% l/ K' QPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
; I! L" U( N h9 hNone.
( l9 g* ?4 ?2 I, _1 K! t' j" H, CYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
[; w2 O3 r" pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
- ^* k" O3 T* @5 _& m1 v! tupdating your skills, so that those in your charge * k8 }' A- ?- o
can ultimately surpass you.# ]* F1 K" S- O& W7 h& f6 x1 O
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1 @ Z! |3 C- i* Z6 Y; H' d* _ ~PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 0 o ^* ]8 y) a; Y+ Q
None required, unfortunately. 3 c9 V( \' b% M- J: f
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. # ^) ~" ]2 [2 i7 V3 R0 q( `
( `* j1 V1 {( _6 v" _WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
# `+ [; K7 l; }, e* G4 KGet this! You pay them!
/ F4 S( `5 a _ kOffering frequent raises and bonuses. # K& E' `( U: V+ K6 `+ |5 Z
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because ) i5 J; J- X4 x) Q2 M; m2 K7 X% O
of the assumption that college will help them
+ o( F7 `$ V9 Z+ p* E0 X& Gbecome financially independent. ( U! E" H. K- m( V4 a
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 3 r" D& U9 r9 k! i
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that * k0 o) a }( K' d& g1 f
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: 8 u8 U4 D1 g, |3 a- J+ W5 V
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
" P: L% o' u7 g _, }4 ~no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and " f9 h f! Y/ X& T, i4 }$ D
no stock options are offered,6 `2 y/ n) Z' S' S' o
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 6 E( i: l- I- Z' q
3 H2 T' O5 F& P4 {for life if you play your cards right.2 W7 O2 s- {% X+ b. s h
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **& K9 ]' f) D/ r1 X
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 2 B8 X/ Y) Y8 a1 h5 z( Z6 z
letting them know they are appreciated
8 R# i. V) o6 _- K2 u0 efor the fabulous job they do...
& {: v* Z3 I2 P+ r" V! Eor forward with love
, i; _# A% U6 t' q6 Cto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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