 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:5 f; z% l9 c4 l( X- T9 B: d( d
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
! c: H4 [. R& Z. w' {$ z* ?+ yDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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) u+ x8 A' a( [4 U4 iJOB DESCRIPTION:" A/ b% i) z3 I/ P2 J5 Q
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 5 Q: m% W |9 \' g$ V T' a
Candidates must possess excellent communication
0 o) d: ^0 K" P7 `5 uand organizational skills and be willing to work
- b1 f: n6 v- o/ J, Yvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends . H0 _' `+ ^* W- s1 \& O
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 4 ~7 x8 n/ ~! @: H; r0 h
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
N2 ]" |1 H+ p8 X/ B w! Iprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
( i2 L K& L2 M3 oendless sports tournaments in far away cities! : n; u e$ r& `$ Q8 d6 a
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
, K1 Z5 ~' D& |7 FExtensive courier duties also required. 5 J3 r! h) y# l }
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
6 r/ R3 G9 Y; w7 I3 e0 V! GThe rest of your life.
) x' M( t4 o6 s% b, mMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ( _/ J/ j2 D: h' K0 Z
until someone needs $5. 0 j; b+ O( W* |: p% m8 H
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
& N5 V& \/ w& U" R' dAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ) t. h7 y0 N" F# t) x: T; u% p
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
; A' I5 T4 X3 \1 o! C0 q4 k7 Xin case, this time, the screams from
8 g2 V0 _* r7 Fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , O4 x# Q. Q/ D, M: `' B1 L k& ^
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 9 Z, k: S t N R6 F- M
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 9 J8 D P! \+ n, Q% O M- ^
and stuck zippers.
% l9 t3 Q/ X4 nMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 0 @! b, Q5 j9 e( r4 K
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. w3 G6 V" ~6 V6 g0 H6 p
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ! q1 y, j! L+ B! L! w+ F
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
6 @ E9 c8 S; ]. v- van embarrassment the next.
. D3 N9 \* Q: X( O; \Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
& K1 y3 V) b9 m% F+ o0 [* Chalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
9 w- o; b, v9 P7 |; L) ?( q9 jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
5 P( v! k& y1 M9 M; R' AMust assume final, complete accountability for $ V# |' B8 @8 D0 N2 v
the quality of the end product.
% W0 N ]9 J. v3 D% JResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
8 f6 O% G2 r+ \/ r0 {! Jjanitorial work throughout the facility. : M& @3 v; }7 R3 w: h' u
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:' E" B& q' S4 L2 B2 w4 f9 p _, ~3 F
None. . l, k, f1 c2 g" c5 J8 d+ ]) J: Y
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
c/ R; {% O2 i2 L& uwithout complaining,constantly retraining and 2 s' |' I# {1 e" U( f0 e
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
& g1 U/ R2 Y9 S$ D. c# \7 lcan ultimately surpass you.! I+ z1 H7 u" \
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
8 a& J: g8 T# t G' @9 rNone required, unfortunately. $ C8 H2 k# i* G9 a% O
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. % g7 T* A- M" z
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
0 V* R1 i; l7 f; p" SGet this! You pay them!
V1 ?) g: L! d( }3 fOffering frequent raises and bonuses. . I1 {- q0 x1 n. x! ^. X$ ?
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
: C v5 d* |8 v: @1 g+ M1 J- Oof the assumption that college will help them
- }6 ^! p3 W: o$ \become financially independent.
& Q& w. s6 S) o9 x: kWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. ( E" a3 h q: `) {' P$ \
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that $ U- Q1 \ Z! B T7 T" D
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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. k' N: ] l/ k+ c9 IBENEFITS:
$ h% ?; L" p* T# U! ^+ YWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
+ Y2 `6 O& v- l: q2 W( ^no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 5 ~' n* o* d% U* g2 d: b& W
no stock options are offered,
& K* c4 ?" F7 c. w9 A& ithis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ( V/ M& m! `2 O
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for life if you play your cards right.+ W9 T3 I+ G: W' o$ S9 t
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1 ], H1 P6 K# V5 f3 j" y5 I** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **! K0 j# _ {6 O" D$ C# U# K
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, U) T* X6 m/ V6 e+ W. S8 k/ XForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
+ z; _9 a3 I) a: F; jletting them know they are appreciated
5 c" G- J! f& `5 `1 i+ V/ d4 dfor the fabulous job they do... ( Z/ I7 ]! T7 [+ _
or forward with love
) i; q' M& z/ e9 L1 b1 {to anyone thinking of applying for the job.& H Z- n: x1 o8 c. I: { ^
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