 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
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Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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: E( G* h) ^5 K9 a) |. @JOB DESCRIPTION:
, j( F8 n5 s+ `) T8 eLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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8 f, D e4 z6 W1 ^permanent work in an often chaotic environment. " E% U: Y* `, \; Q* q! X) _: Z
Candidates must possess excellent communication , t3 q e( k7 U# H
and organizational skills and be willing to work + M1 L7 Q& M" j0 \
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
; p+ t I0 B) ?3 y6 S, Mand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
+ J) [8 J. U J1 t u5 X3 @: o8 `Some overnight travel required, including trips to & i+ G4 g: c9 {% H) U) S+ R+ s* G
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ) h% R( j. _8 [, i4 t. R
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! + R$ {/ Q L, D% Y
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 5 @9 p$ E# {8 V: ]6 v' k
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:1 L [! b: f7 y
The rest of your life. |. f3 H, ^! t2 \6 c7 z$ s0 `0 w7 \
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, , D+ C# a. q& h" J1 R
until someone needs $5.
! A4 U3 v/ Z% @. h4 x* G: @5 gMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
" G! A$ t( Q. N3 Y2 hAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 8 U" w) V! I+ [
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
; D, A( w* ?4 tin case, this time, the screams from
- E& t* G0 [# |1 b8 v9 j lthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
x8 D, N2 x" k) XMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
7 w# ~2 L" J5 T8 t/ Qsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
0 D% @+ L* y9 C9 L3 _and stuck zippers. ' U+ }- h5 D2 u4 D
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and . ^/ C4 b% R# y" m
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
2 Y% ~( o; e" d+ P+ EMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. $ {. s( k% w# b6 ]2 I' C
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ' B+ u o! m. Q
an embarrassment the next. 7 }/ e4 S) r' c# W) t6 T
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
7 U, g0 @& A: [1 ~half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. , E/ R1 t, L/ t5 p
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
" f/ J5 A* d, Z( Y9 r6 F$ p' yMust assume final, complete accountability for
+ A% O! M7 i/ @; j$ [ A+ o! n7 {4 Ythe quality of the end product.
, l( n4 R+ g0 v8 ~( W7 N2 o/ dResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
4 q: y9 ^5 ?! S! [janitorial work throughout the facility. " j. J/ G4 J. s; ?% u; g5 v* N
7 z2 l+ b& j+ M" Z+ \9 pPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:4 C7 U, J& i' t3 I2 I- \. Y+ [
None.
) J- E @, f: r8 E+ yYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
! j% e( z' V2 E0 Q1 W1 o# L1 M0 ]without complaining,constantly retraining and $ k" [5 g( h- O: j" Y6 Q B9 F/ m" v
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
5 ]9 w* _0 b" h! q1 M0 ?1 ncan ultimately surpass you.' m/ }; J( j; g' x
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
# ^* ]0 T4 Q- x, }None required, unfortunately.
% o2 }6 ]! _4 o3 |On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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5 J- z! q9 n' _1 p- }WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ( k, u. R, Q+ e, h" U6 t1 R
Get this! You pay them!
8 d1 x: l8 X7 g) V9 J& gOffering frequent raises and bonuses. 3 ~1 E* D( E8 Z2 b$ `) ]
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 6 {* ]# d# S" M/ T9 G! ]
of the assumption that college will help them
& W8 y j8 }3 r/ E, ~7 Qbecome financially independent.
* C# ~- ~7 Y" A0 Z# E! g. W. PWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
5 U2 E. c0 g& X: S# J% ~" kThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
1 C' z6 k$ P4 W: P7 d$ k& `, r% h$ ryou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
% o; [! p3 N5 q$ ~ v. T1 }While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
9 N9 @8 ~. |$ \3 k8 yno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 1 d. k* T. N1 v q0 G
no stock options are offered,( B9 T6 \) l4 {% G
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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: u+ S0 a! s. `% d& ]" { o* |/ z* `unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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2 Q3 H- R" q5 r0 z0 K |for life if you play your cards right.
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7 r$ @! n% f% A: c/ m** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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* w7 y' @. W2 o6 v- j* P( `Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, a& G4 G! F; h0 X) O( F
letting them know they are appreciated 4 v$ \" f& i- Q# \" ]8 u& a
for the fabulous job they do...
0 y( U0 q2 _# K9 ?0 s$ jor forward with love
, ?: |8 l! H( s5 Ito anyone thinking of applying for the job.7 I/ f$ O% V2 K
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