 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
2 R5 ^! v) @$ N9 ?: p3 a( ]Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
% n- Q- H! {3 yDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa# ^& J' A' k( T5 m
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* ]8 U% r. x; k/ \9 iJOB DESCRIPTION:( z0 j0 E: G; [4 h6 Z- x9 M
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. / E% P3 ^, C2 k8 }3 ^* L
Candidates must possess excellent communication
' g4 F5 s" v5 H" l: l! D! qand organizational skills and be willing to work
8 H, M% ^" q2 K$ wvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
8 ~; L) u# t' X0 ^4 n6 rand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
4 g! @2 M7 ~, Z5 i5 C+ R5 DSome overnight travel required, including trips to 8 {2 T6 W+ x7 H6 g9 w
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 8 ^7 g9 u8 x+ ?
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
& q! ]. m/ v3 H/ l- l: STravel expenses not reimbursed.
/ {, I T2 S% A- l+ m! L+ sExtensive courier duties also required. 5 X* [9 k4 N* q5 J6 P4 [1 p! Y
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RESPONSIBILITIES:6 H* |- B* ?( `
The rest of your life.
( H( M. v2 k W1 o2 ^, ~% AMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, , n! [4 L" b& y7 c! N
until someone needs $5.
9 P0 X% a- ?$ WMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
E( o6 k6 N& y1 o. u0 t( WAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule / X8 K; b8 D- x8 l' d7 {' {" _# q, \
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat - s) A; `7 I9 H5 h' Y _" g' e
in case, this time, the screams from + L" C3 l; t6 p0 }" |3 z* }& W: l
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , _) w9 i0 q* e U/ h" b
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
3 I0 t, A' F i% j. isuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
7 O& q k3 A; e N0 z4 ~& Yand stuck zippers. ! h8 i) w( D0 S
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
% {- V. A' \# A4 J' Pcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
! K) X( B9 W/ [Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ' N2 T5 \. m! w6 X; ^
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
* a. ]1 E U% i3 p# D, C. z$ can embarrassment the next. ) r! s8 o3 h. P" m- z1 s. v5 M
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
: L. b+ U! X$ Rhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
5 g* j8 c0 C, g( j3 i; t& hMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 9 ~4 e1 m p4 c( [; _) R" L3 W
Must assume final, complete accountability for / }' ^; [' C% p6 d
the quality of the end product. & A9 Q& R; H! U$ l" f8 Q( T4 q9 M
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and ' L" Q1 q4 K+ Z; Q3 b
janitorial work throughout the facility. " Q9 X2 ?$ j$ M
! m" g5 j. T. ]& L1 gPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:4 g/ f6 p) D* X+ d5 r
None. 0 F2 ]" l3 q" N4 r. Z i
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 5 W. K- L1 a. H) R
without complaining,constantly retraining and # I9 e" v; J( E( F5 e' f
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
+ ^1 c* `/ I/ X8 N9 ^can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
# e2 |# Y; @6 b/ NNone required, unfortunately.
4 v. X; i7 M6 M) \) ^On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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6 e. Z$ z, g) n' zWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
/ j0 @0 a1 m! f8 s; k) pGet this! You pay them!
H6 F8 a' m i! \9 T& r1 O; c/ `Offering frequent raises and bonuses. - U& B1 h* O7 t' I, T
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
! u" e" f. G. z+ Vof the assumption that college will help them
- f4 l- Y3 C# l) H0 K3 d* ]become financially independent.
: v1 x2 V4 w h7 nWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
! H0 N2 E# X( G& `3 k. ^2 rThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that D8 a8 X% I: u: q/ S2 Z
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 8 g0 y9 F% g7 T3 [* S& |
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BENEFITS: 0 J2 @# b% D' W& \- ]
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
, D7 f9 L. ~. N' Sno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 4 h+ x3 J5 J* ~
no stock options are offered,4 ?1 L4 g9 P. J) t
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ! [5 [7 A7 F( |% d
' u) E7 m6 {: U d! o, @unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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4 @+ V; g7 Y+ `' H, A2 Efor life if you play your cards right.- c- E! b/ z* Y$ k# y; e% ?
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **% l% p7 _% n% ^- R
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
0 E3 R3 j R! o1 z4 lletting them know they are appreciated + v. n# g. d' j0 Q
for the fabulous job they do... 6 j/ }, t3 r0 n; Z* _* ]' P' V
or forward with love 4 M9 R7 j; ~' w
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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