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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:5 V5 i& N7 J7 x$ D$ D6 `
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ( I) |# _$ J. x
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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3 ^9 ]3 t* ~5 k, k0 n5 EJOB DESCRIPTION:
: ]6 J0 [/ t: u3 C4 |Long term, team players needed for challenging,9 Q9 ?( s6 e0 B! S- l' p3 C
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
* J$ q" Y  c1 I: n6 A7 m# k( _Candidates must possess excellent communication ; s: s- v0 |, K* Q
and organizational skills and be willing to work
0 ^. Y% `# c+ N; b- k3 _. Ovariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends   Q6 P  E8 Q. ^# Z
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
; E' F8 }5 _  v, y& l* b5 o6 C1 CSome overnight travel required, including trips to 5 t* R8 d: Z+ S) i2 k9 d
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and : K  G9 B0 Y3 t6 F' G
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
  x' }5 z! D+ Y7 U1 kTravel expenses not reimbursed. 2 @% _* \9 I. S- h% a! W) m% N
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
7 h; Q* ]3 O; i! RThe rest of your life. . G5 F9 n- Y( t7 |, o
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 1 w# n* u7 e8 Z
until someone needs $5. 5 k, n. P7 H- T( Y; m
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 9 J- F# E/ }% y( b1 K: C
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
% C) Q+ {+ G( }and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
) Z2 V& q$ n* f: ?3 l% Qin case, this time, the screams from
* L$ I7 t; G- _8 L! othe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. $ \$ p9 k% k) J; S& B
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ; v/ R% r# Y' i% g* y3 K& y
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
6 e/ S. g1 L1 i* L  [* S" x( |' Uand stuck zippers.
2 r2 [; P# ]& x' B0 `" |# Z7 BMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 7 u0 R) t  y# f% X
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
# V9 r+ p7 v! r. _6 A$ QMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. / Y1 q/ i' M. i4 v, F& T
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
" e/ K1 ~0 N% c( nan embarrassment the next.
) S# E( m# l8 y/ x1 @7 G( QMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
0 l2 Z3 @5 _/ C1 ?0 C! Ohalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
; W' A- I" N3 H' n+ k' c4 VMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
* V5 _5 P) L, I6 M  D1 I. oMust assume final, complete accountability for 7 y/ H- W* h7 m2 M5 @
the quality of the end product.
: a6 R& v8 l- ]2 D: D) K- jResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and ! W" u; R) a8 _3 B9 f1 d
janitorial work  throughout the facility. ) T( P( @$ C% b/ c! K4 ?
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
' v2 E, F0 p+ f( V, ?+ dNone.
6 g. A+ t* J0 @" x$ GYour job is to remain in the same position for years, 3 L- X$ l+ o$ Q" |& C. H
without complaining,constantly retraining and 5 D+ D7 k' |, h" r! y9 U! X2 U  ]
updating your skills, so that those in your charge + h7 m  n+ U, T+ |* W& @
can ultimately surpass you.( [1 L. w# |7 |5 k' u+ d2 z* I
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
6 z2 f: _6 }1 A2 w. {) ENone required, unfortunately.
5 W) i, L# x! a9 g7 n; y- k0 oOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
5 w, O% |9 c- P3 jGet this! You pay them!
* j! V0 l* q# Z' ^. uOffering frequent raises and bonuses. , a' I/ M& B' y
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
3 j. D$ x  g% X& Xof the assumption that college will help them 8 m; E( i( P9 [& e3 N9 \* ^5 N
become financially independent. " D$ S3 k0 ?# w# ]$ E) G
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
4 Q; H4 ~% u9 G8 h# V0 uThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 9 K) q8 a2 @& Z" b0 k
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
) G. P% [) q' W3 x& wWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
5 l) m/ [# A. h6 |4 B6 Eno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and & y. b' `% d3 J3 B
no stock options are offered,
) R; u  i7 I  I- K  c# [, pthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ( j/ u( M4 C( i4 v
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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# ], k# w+ }  k; Gfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **1 t4 n4 l, t# z" `7 T- _) r

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4 x  J; M8 I# d8 M. CForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
9 W/ S3 n) W' _$ kletting them know they are appreciated % c$ @# v6 u/ S  ~8 t7 B
for the fabulous job they do... * P( ^; }8 n; k
or forward with love
0 b/ l) g8 _: h% `+ `% uto anyone thinking of applying for the job.& T: q: }8 S6 A2 s: W3 x6 q2 q
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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