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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
0 W0 h% M5 j7 \8 |1 f% z3 d* B4 EMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma $ U$ f# [1 e9 [4 x. p% M  ?0 Z& l
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
  q& c2 U: x. c  HLong term, team players needed for challenging,2 E# h% [; n( T' K& y
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. ( t1 W4 P4 m2 z& S' m; ^
Candidates must possess excellent communication & i! r$ q5 j/ L/ V2 D
and organizational skills and be willing to work
% B$ x6 T( u4 z2 E( h2 [variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
# G  b; j& O9 u4 I% g$ r9 sand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
/ r$ |; [' X( ^5 V, B7 p, _Some overnight travel required, including trips to
% r. n! r5 d0 T' k4 Wprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ( B8 ]( T- O+ ~6 T. r
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
# e; n: K. ^! N2 T9 M& Z( S* qTravel expenses not reimbursed.
/ u4 A+ w1 Q+ z4 B" d, _Extensive courier duties also required. + [  n# D2 R) e0 a: S# ]
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RESPONSIBILITIES:4 y- S* A8 `# q
The rest of your life.
( q; k. B/ _% O9 i3 [. {* FMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
, }8 Y" y, K* }8 U7 duntil someone needs $5.
9 d+ g+ d* ]: W& Z7 e- ^4 {Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 4 E. l5 e: t1 J, I0 @  a
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
% {, A" J, y8 B0 [# u2 _; g% Land be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ' f% n4 o* @$ |( M1 @
in case, this time, the screams from $ z0 ]' u3 n5 b! X
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 5 C) X  z& D0 l- U
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
* \  H1 D+ J4 z7 `5 dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets , T5 }6 D( u. E; {- y
and stuck zippers.
' [  m) D: A: Q) sMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
$ Q8 }, ~8 [/ s! f2 T  u; i" jcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. + l9 Q  g/ D; }& t: S$ D; B8 X* o
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
) A9 {& {4 C5 I" P$ \% QMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
( g  J8 n* s2 A$ K4 wan embarrassment the next. ! r" K( A$ _' O1 _) Q' A1 v
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
+ F" b4 ]2 W; N* E+ H* l) ?4 Zhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
: L0 E  e7 ?3 }7 aMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ; s+ K$ |% G, f% P' z
Must assume final, complete accountability for 9 q3 t! y* _% a3 E7 _: u
the quality of the end product. . t4 F# ^9 u( e. c" b# o
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 5 S8 O8 k1 u, I8 C
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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0 I# S+ P: I5 S  n7 v6 gPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:- g, i" Y; D4 X8 a: r+ y
None.
- R; e, m. R0 V, S) aYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
, r3 v7 w& l: I2 u' owithout complaining,constantly retraining and 1 q( C" F! n/ @' b  r/ n
updating your skills, so that those in your charge . A0 i' d  W" j
can ultimately surpass you.
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; o5 Z: |: Y: z& u* MPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 0 @# F. D0 \+ h+ R2 c2 |
None required, unfortunately. / E4 {8 b5 f; L; T- P* S) P. d
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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' F+ R2 w4 e1 a4 n) t8 O5 }& j6 M) zWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
  l8 q! v( P; b: t2 YGet this! You pay them!
; s* V& S2 e% LOffering frequent raises and bonuses. " n5 `9 \$ _* u! w$ u8 m3 ~
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
, Y* [0 i# @6 m* I5 e- {of the assumption that college will help them 5 [" C4 d( s6 m
become financially independent.
' ^0 T1 ~" o! K$ O: K# X6 o, z2 eWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. " F4 {/ x( D2 }+ o; T# g$ {
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
# R- c, X' v7 \, ^; fyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 3 y2 z2 {, G% H% C: ~; a/ M' U$ J. [

1 E) V2 w3 [! yBENEFITS:
; a  u' _8 o; l6 gWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
1 _4 s# c# M% b  ]no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
0 f7 R; |) D: m1 e2 m5 \! Ino stock options are offered,  ^5 K2 _1 e5 l7 y; w
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, - a4 O+ `& w2 K3 Z8 ?$ N6 M2 q) W9 I
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses - x- S5 Y  F6 j  j/ i. @" F" u4 d
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for life if you play your cards right.& ~7 w. n0 Y5 f: Q

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **6 V* q8 I4 s- c- E! k

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
8 I* h: K# c' L( iletting them know they are appreciated
7 ~  N- M' U8 Z0 N% G6 |0 Tfor the fabulous job they do...
" a. G7 j( b( k3 k6 d9 Wor forward with love
$ B0 C2 t, [  ]) x& ^; S& Xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.+ O9 |# {1 z; `' R# _
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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