 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:$ q* S0 P- h* ^- j! V
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
& e2 X3 e2 N% P/ e* l$ ZDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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# S3 ` }6 R2 ]' v9 FJOB DESCRIPTION:1 Y% y% L& l& {4 \
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. / C/ @( R7 H E v& O* @
Candidates must possess excellent communication
/ F+ W$ _7 w" {. v# M- J3 I& s; Gand organizational skills and be willing to work 1 n' \+ U. K% K; {
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
% l- ] G. d& D# O3 ^/ l$ tand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
+ W. D6 Y6 U, O# y( W2 r7 L& ?Some overnight travel required, including trips to 3 }7 Q0 @" s' ]- f2 B
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 1 t: o, ?3 e( _# ?3 U8 R
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
7 |% V% P# c) Y+ C/ Q" MTravel expenses not reimbursed.
/ [0 o( m4 s# N" `2 XExtensive courier duties also required.
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, g* O/ c a5 cRESPONSIBILITIES:3 `. F9 }6 P% h: p
The rest of your life.
0 i. I' X; B. |& s* s0 |$ hMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
7 \# f* i, X- M" R# B! I5 U; n$ Guntil someone needs $5. ) Y: |0 b3 o1 Y4 R
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
- _$ z" v+ ]4 h/ u/ ]- A' o9 JAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule / m( \: f6 r' g7 |6 ?/ p
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
7 U- G0 B! z1 U6 Yin case, this time, the screams from 1 s! Z! ^6 u6 P7 z
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
8 x+ E9 e: }+ V" h L& eMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
6 x, Z! Q) Y1 Ksuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
/ U3 n3 J/ w3 b9 ?3 k0 w+ Yand stuck zippers. $ n! ]" i8 a/ K' |
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
; H5 ^. h% ~/ ]/ G; R/ Ycoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 1 N6 {2 z; p- q1 n1 G- W) A
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
! o1 u* u/ l3 XMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
: z2 x; V( q# Q4 `6 fan embarrassment the next. " m+ O* w& q, m1 D2 W6 |, ]8 F! u
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 2 O# Z/ y0 U! O1 `9 T7 X2 i
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
7 N! Z% c3 Q3 I$ p' x; uMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
& t) {$ y/ _7 q AMust assume final, complete accountability for
0 W. q: c u+ U6 Uthe quality of the end product.
! U. I8 A6 V" w" iResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
$ U/ ?, N$ j" r; @: {$ Rjanitorial work throughout the facility. 8 L- c1 [5 R& ?' o& }/ i, p
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
O1 Z! z) S' V/ ?; p: J% Pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
. i0 e2 Q! F2 \updating your skills, so that those in your charge
% c d k' l* f, `* Rcan ultimately surpass you.$ T0 E" V. }- R9 d) P; J
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
$ E) L3 ~4 e( [" F( }8 z; T/ Y2 mNone required, unfortunately. 0 Q" K# k% G* t7 {8 b4 U
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 3 Q A! j6 o$ t L; x7 Q
5 a. d" Y1 {! L$ uWAGES AND COMPENSATION: _2 B0 f: i& y3 ~6 r; v
Get this! You pay them! 8 t! k0 {$ s( d2 p
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. + C( S3 v( D# g( i: O E
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
! L8 h2 \' p: C/ l1 Jof the assumption that college will help them 5 E7 M/ H1 c& i, ]* v: b4 C
become financially independent. + ] E+ _3 ~0 j% A$ I
When you die, you give them whatever is left. t' d7 V; Q- e7 j: w
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 3 P1 K9 G. X1 U# P( A8 X& b% W0 [
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 7 h* T( h$ ^& ]9 D7 I7 O' {
; T& y* l1 q4 k. E( W5 [" r% KBENEFITS: 6 w, X# ~ w2 u8 r
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ; I+ ~' A4 X7 w: Z
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 3 W4 L. }) a7 @: k, `
no stock options are offered," f5 v1 O3 p% y; X3 b3 @, W
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 3 p" K; b# |' _: I" X: ` B: g7 ?# |
' V; R* ~6 I5 |! B* _; E1 Tunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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- q1 V9 M+ i! bfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
4 d! e2 Z: m6 Y! ~letting them know they are appreciated
$ O6 T9 l3 v* y, d+ y: Mfor the fabulous job they do... ! O* G2 N- B( E+ Q2 l: [8 e2 K3 p* `
or forward with love
! a0 q8 O& A7 f1 }& D: `; L6 [* s+ T& Fto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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