Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
! a6 u9 o+ L$ u# @/ O/ JMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
# [( _, @  T, v+ G2 V5 a6 b& `2 lLong term, team players needed for challenging,

permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
: F# I8 G* a6 lCandidates must possess excellent communication
  x! e: U/ p: }8 r% H6 [+ t2 j) Nand organizational skills and be willing to work
: F2 E1 I: B' N) o4 L$ Xvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- j  m+ h2 m- V- D' i; jand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. u3 A( p# f9 S, b0 Luntil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
$ P  ]- u+ Y6 ?( s: `- @  A) Xand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
! v% S' i1 q! L! ]* fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
& p, q! G- ^4 d% R* A- A0 m2 a+ }0 t9 DMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
+ d$ r: V+ _4 w  xMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
+ [1 t9 j  C- e* l# E) N# sMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
) o/ ]( B6 C& }& E% E$ M' ohalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
, T; u. `( ^0 g4 g, _2 R+ Bjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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0 G+ H2 q6 v0 p- C) mPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
. _9 D4 ?) U. I" ?Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
, v; Q2 E% p& bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
9 H: |. Z. y: {- vcan ultimately surpass you.
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2 g6 T% s3 i2 M/ H2 i& r$ bPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
5 q7 P. w; t$ ~: d2 e$ l' \None required, unfortunately.
9 v! N  O- Q! ~% r3 `9 t8 ~On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
& A4 z  E6 b2 M& N. v# l9 g! L/ ROffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
7 |8 e! R+ a  f& [7 R; k) X  ?' hWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
' |2 a3 v, B& d3 o" ^" WThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
% w* |: M- o& Z  |; }" f0 Gno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
! F+ v! d9 D) I7 @6 Uno stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

6 B7 }/ s* o, Z: c$ I3 X4 d: O8 ~unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
4 W  {) d8 `: `3 g8 f( G, U. R) R& T
for life if you play your cards right.




** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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3 J" r* O# Z# u& x6 m$ WForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
  c! F' |/ E* _: I" dfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
* ?1 I7 f: h! @" Z4 [to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.