Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
) J1 o6 |& C- [; {& f' E! ~; I8 hCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
' E% |5 F2 E1 {. p* _and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
/ @; `# V. r% x7 ASome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
. E# i1 H, g4 F8 Gendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
% K5 _0 J9 J9 z0 LTravel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
7 l) s- R9 `/ @7 b- v& ~The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
$ q! m, G/ Z: o9 p/ d, k' FMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
3 m, {* X# N0 R; I4 i) ?# L3 X5 gMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
$ ~  ]6 z( l# m9 `2 rand stuck zippers.
' J* v& w+ F8 F# a3 NMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
1 ^* D. M! \* ^# I4 u' `coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
7 U) Z( Y) j9 p( {/ BMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
. d+ }! ]7 i5 @8 yan embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
- e+ M+ ?/ X% I# X7 cMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
6 N: X7 N1 y2 W8 B- N" C2 E0 YResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
$ ]0 ^/ M$ \7 _5 E2 B: ]! bjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
; d. N5 o! s" T) [7 ]( B3 ]# {Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
/ ?* g: p, x& t# ^# k$ Y; \can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
  x+ B. S! @: ?" X6 S2 F, _" nOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

* V" G3 Z6 K! N' NWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
* K0 J' \4 \6 {* `# I+ wOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
1 k6 [( o, ^( N' n9 H6 Y7 qWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
; G( n9 r2 b9 [2 `0 t' ~! xThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
3 s  n! l2 @' Eyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
; u# s/ s6 Y. x8 N, dWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
3 e- s. x- L. Q9 n  s/ lno stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

6 _  y/ H% I+ i/ S' afor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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, s: `# \: f9 k" b: j' JForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
1 G4 Y( j- \6 r% pfor the fabulous job they do...
) y4 O$ P+ a0 k* J0 m5 `: s6 gor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.