 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
% a3 O$ s! B- K7 wMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
, ?6 \6 s: g8 S0 e+ w& X7 l! ]Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa! s/ p4 A; P, Q0 s; [/ J% C. ?# a6 W, D
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: J* l: g. |4 Q& Q. nJOB DESCRIPTION:
- @- _ [; u' c7 `) \/ T" I9 ^' ELong term, team players needed for challenging,5 p( V/ L) L8 i1 i/ Q
. C/ l* ` C2 _! opermanent work in an often chaotic environment. . g M0 |2 _( N* a2 A) r$ w1 a# X
Candidates must possess excellent communication : X' d }: h- k( Q8 i5 a0 f/ B- N
and organizational skills and be willing to work
0 V, u! F3 L* U6 ^* Ovariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 6 N, w& e$ e" W( R y1 }
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ) a% m6 h- Q# l* D6 S3 z' _
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 4 r1 k$ b; \ i# W- ?; m1 T' N
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 6 \) n% w8 \, l3 K% H% L
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 7 ^# g& h. v7 e6 [/ ^
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
! h& i" d3 K$ j' i9 u. X VExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:. }" Z% Y3 Y# L
The rest of your life.
% A6 U$ Q& E9 g3 B$ q" E7 aMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, & X4 s. P7 Z9 ~. m, w) S% Q4 ?
until someone needs $5. 6 V3 T4 h- Q/ O, E* h9 q' e' Q
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
( W3 S" `5 P6 ~/ l0 EAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
. r; S. G1 `. |# C( i5 N3 rand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
# }( G6 F6 V6 w) o. ein case, this time, the screams from ) |/ K. C1 O9 U m& c5 m& v. A0 a% `) X
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
U5 P7 ~0 @$ BMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ! \5 M5 u1 m) `, f% l1 ]& u( ]
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
) I/ h9 C2 |2 b' h* Z* k; O' B; tand stuck zippers.
6 G3 e/ k" `1 Y, y3 s/ f( sMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 0 q: p2 y1 d9 d' `! `
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
! n, t+ i5 G/ Q; ]Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
' n* `4 p; | C4 YMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
- } c0 z; d4 k% can embarrassment the next.
6 H1 ~9 D- j" x$ C" ^! W1 dMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a . y/ ?( ~" a# h) i
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 4 O: c& ` \$ R
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. : y; N* t( I. s6 q: j1 }, C& t4 x
Must assume final, complete accountability for / F* S: O8 N6 M) ?8 g
the quality of the end product.
" m+ ~0 k$ s0 t$ |; U# C- R9 f( ~Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and $ {" o7 k" q% }" u/ P& U
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years, , m, a- k5 B& i: E" w
without complaining,constantly retraining and " }2 B& e5 b1 M1 ~$ L' o7 D: h
updating your skills, so that those in your charge * G! Y T' p, u& W" [
can ultimately surpass you.
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, a7 A0 ^8 Q+ f. q- y; U! J' nPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 5 k2 E: J: J7 s
None required, unfortunately. ! M2 c5 S) C* V" K9 G% c: g
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
1 S" i& e: ^. f" UGet this! You pay them! * n& |2 n; k! c. D9 c
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
% W2 [" h0 ~: Ta balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because ! f( Y5 H) y' Z4 {
of the assumption that college will help them # R# j/ o1 b/ F/ q3 B
become financially independent. * S# y' u' o4 T' ]
When you die, you give them whatever is left. : L/ k7 U2 y8 V0 N7 q4 @
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 7 u/ \" I9 Z& v. n6 S6 q
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: ; b( C( G& M$ W
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
0 p) W, Y6 y2 eno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and % f9 C( Q4 G9 X P. U* R! X/ L
no stock options are offered,6 g4 v/ ]& r5 w) W! h
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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) }* j, S4 e* tunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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: I- y8 y4 W% Q2 Pfor life if you play your cards right.1 B! k+ B9 q& M
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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- B& ~+ t5 [: V1 G( S9 k) [Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 8 Y0 q5 |3 e0 w
letting them know they are appreciated
+ Q( m" q9 p% a2 R" ofor the fabulous job they do...
, S! ]4 \4 w, d, k6 W# T0 d- }or forward with love
, Z: _: U: j) D, w2 nto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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