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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:9 {. Q/ O6 \( H' r! }( H# c
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 8 ~6 u; w# P" m% |
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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! V: P* V( N1 m# t9 [JOB DESCRIPTION:, e  _3 j6 N) m' h% l7 U
Long term, team players needed for challenging,1 b6 ^" m! Y$ h- N5 @. c2 C
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
# @- d' |; r- k$ v5 vCandidates must possess excellent communication 8 p3 ~: }% D/ L8 A1 X; W+ n
and organizational skills and be willing to work 3 j) V- {2 W" x( E
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
9 h6 t9 I5 D* V) rand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
" s, f( ?" G) k2 m9 ~/ M2 {( \Some overnight travel required, including trips to
8 |% \8 J( w1 D- ~1 r( |7 dprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and - x* A4 b1 [% a- O
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
; f) s% _; M9 [) e+ _! ATravel expenses not reimbursed. 0 _- L  ^$ B! K8 T: f6 N0 N
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:  t* [' b" j4 E5 p" |6 y" ?! H
The rest of your life. 5 s3 m7 T+ n! y3 s
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 7 Y* a  j7 W4 r( z) u
until someone needs $5. % w- _) N+ _+ b+ Q* v1 u5 N4 Y
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
% O7 @8 [  Q3 e9 _  XAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule : r& u0 r. I4 l, r3 [5 D: Z4 z
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat * u5 T5 x" B3 `* B' N# M
in case, this time, the screams from , K! l( f5 Q# T9 A( n( F; z$ H; M
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
. R4 i! ~0 \- q- ^. B" ~Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
" T0 _9 f3 R( `7 C( N* Wsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
# R+ ]1 O; k9 v% e9 cand stuck zippers. . Y) G8 Z7 K% }9 q9 x
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ' o3 o. w" D: \$ t+ e
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( ^% S0 ?0 I6 R/ j+ {  \4 g- \
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
0 B5 m6 A( x/ i- o; S, ~8 CMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
; d' Z* `6 k+ l# `5 y3 Aan embarrassment the next. & s0 v7 L2 r. o% G. I  e
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
1 `( [: S! o% q. i' Uhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. $ J$ B/ X7 T, x2 |( Z- H
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( T1 O% E3 `1 B% e$ X
Must assume final, complete accountability for
6 `3 r9 A( t7 R# pthe quality of the end product.
9 i( M' H7 x% @+ H5 \1 r2 y2 G6 }/ EResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
8 o: n  q% H; G8 U( kjanitorial work  throughout the facility. 6 w0 s3 B3 N* ^; L6 J

9 |+ {- p1 o0 h5 T0 `8 H: g- L3 I* _; ?POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
, \* _  U/ i  L# }None. ( r6 I  ]# Y5 H/ U2 z
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
9 {+ ?7 t6 G  O' J- }" |* V4 kwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
$ t* E4 `4 e1 w% m9 Tupdating your skills, so that those in your charge & ~+ D8 F3 |. [
can ultimately surpass you.
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/ G7 N' q8 }" L6 GPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 9 ^8 R8 N5 H3 r; O6 V1 I
None required, unfortunately.
. E4 ?# l* t3 K' ^2 \" ?+ H# v% OOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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6 }9 o/ J! [8 `' t  [# A/ R+ D+ HWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ! I' O  h- B) K3 e& k1 X3 A" d1 |
Get this! You pay them!
7 }& a7 t( ^/ B$ c% I1 }Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 0 A9 b- p0 E! E0 k' v1 W& o/ b( _
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 4 b2 z3 C7 G3 ]- e* w
of the assumption that college will help them " h- }6 ]6 ?0 G. G0 K) e
become financially independent.
* |+ F3 d+ x& w% U4 {9 Z. AWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
  j% d; n, I( V4 BThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that # H2 T7 P8 t* U) v' T; T& a
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. : p% p) D; S; w( z5 c" u% G) U

6 H2 x; h2 ~: W) _* V* fBENEFITS:
4 k0 I' c+ `1 e2 {. ]) dWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ( a3 k1 L! ^5 z% {5 |: o& @* Y
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and / K8 N! d  x' }. _6 o+ ?
no stock options are offered,8 C  A7 J" Q# z, H( h# D
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, * p9 M$ V  d- t3 m8 ^3 Q

# U# S# a$ C# @" h; y8 ~, X  `unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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1 c) L* `: h/ q4 M7 Vfor life if you play your cards right.
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7 ]& K( \/ O0 ?+ f** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **8 F. j* B. j+ @" ^

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1 I3 O" P% I+ u7 a, XForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, ' k* e; o, {( y
letting them know they are appreciated
* E* A5 C* M( @! afor the fabulous job they do...
4 e: y! ]4 F& h  p/ Vor forward with love - b- P+ z$ n% h7 D) I
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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