 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:' H' c" |9 [+ N8 N! L
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 8 d* s5 D8 T( t H9 _+ Y/ E
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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8 k" _/ C! ]8 ^; z. T$ SJOB DESCRIPTION:- \) T8 u& V# [; b3 B
Long term, team players needed for challenging,- J' \/ R+ g/ s
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
6 `/ ?7 e0 [* t: xCandidates must possess excellent communication ( @* `$ v2 ^, h0 |& T
and organizational skills and be willing to work 6 F) _+ Y$ v) l
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends / m) j+ M0 }# R+ p, X' r" K" f
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
8 s% { E) G9 v2 W" a! C, YSome overnight travel required, including trips to 2 f% f K: K- ?- G
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 5 e4 R- @! ` ^
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
0 E" O' \2 P; j" S9 }, FTravel expenses not reimbursed. ) v8 v7 ^1 m& o8 i/ G
Extensive courier duties also required. : r3 E2 p1 d- \, x$ c/ P
; ~/ o! @7 L. O! ORESPONSIBILITIES:
7 `% ~' A' }+ [2 P) AThe rest of your life.
! K' N9 M3 n# [- m3 c- \6 \Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 2 q$ i9 s3 v* d& M- H2 {& m6 x2 ~
until someone needs $5.
$ |; z' h6 Z" sMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
3 Q" M' z3 z+ d8 L. R& V0 u; WAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 9 m2 t" ?% i0 w( ^0 ]
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
& W: H. o- O; j- V/ O6 T3 a7 Min case, this time, the screams from ) W8 r/ t3 p3 `1 ?9 C q
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 9 V, i$ L3 c( u+ p0 V# P
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
" N# W, F7 [: Qsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
9 R5 b/ B" ]' Y- cand stuck zippers.
+ Z( s2 ^# d' c+ bMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 6 s* y O& c, `
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. * X& V( O: \/ ?5 q) N$ _( X/ K
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. : z& j7 s; V: @& y( |' M5 d
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
7 v7 Z9 t3 C6 n! R( |2 F6 G% F0 r) Xan embarrassment the next. $ U/ E d! [4 ~: `1 ]
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
0 U; H+ \) B6 M6 Xhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 1 Q- s; ~$ C% U6 p3 F
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
! @3 o2 H; [1 ZMust assume final, complete accountability for
4 s. X; K% ~, t$ l& {0 P1 Ethe quality of the end product. + e6 A# R' s( }# Z Q' n# o
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
, ~8 j8 m$ q4 t0 F1 H( Gjanitorial work throughout the facility. ! k& ?1 d6 h& b# a' @
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 0 ?) L3 p0 y! P3 G4 `
without complaining,constantly retraining and ! B, ?( F2 D6 O2 A* i3 C
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
6 \" g$ T( t0 Y0 T( M( B2 Dcan ultimately surpass you.( S* E* w" ~1 I
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ( I+ X) ~4 }2 v* c0 \! L/ g# g
None required, unfortunately. 9 f: N7 L) v0 v/ w! R0 ]
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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3 H. i& p1 s: m9 lWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
1 [2 K+ K) q( V/ N8 {) |Get this! You pay them! - s: n5 Z8 _# U: o; a: E9 r
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
* l+ E( X5 s" t; h- o4 g# oa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
4 Q& m! Q; v( [- n5 Bof the assumption that college will help them
- {- a. c8 O; \5 b& Nbecome financially independent. 2 a- e( X( k/ S5 d, E- u' B! p* Q
When you die, you give them whatever is left. $ |# |9 ?# o0 r: r, u
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that ! Q9 R3 |6 ^+ ]$ S3 E7 X
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 0 ~' ?1 s0 F$ W! @0 \: b
8 n2 z, d0 e& _BENEFITS:
- a. r% T. C, Z" x2 `While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
( e% I8 F1 H" Y% {& _5 d+ Ano tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 9 V4 A! ^. C% |3 r5 ]3 r+ Z
no stock options are offered,
! U% [6 V6 x# D9 |* Fthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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$ b, x' W3 d) n# m; C! `for life if you play your cards right., p$ H0 P5 f& S: h5 K
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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3 y! i6 f9 \6 e0 ]) U7 qForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
w3 r5 z7 ^8 D* g- kletting them know they are appreciated 6 b! t1 v& i) o0 r: p$ F5 p
for the fabulous job they do... ) c7 g6 s7 L$ ^8 {9 V
or forward with love , Q+ i3 J9 ^" \! b* o6 j* ~; \" `
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.1 J) i; N; @* V8 A
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