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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
" \, [9 W  j5 n7 X# b5 @& fMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
) g8 @5 X* R8 C# LDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:' d( G1 m- Z( G
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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' g$ K/ M( }/ R( R3 _1 U, x" X% Qpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
  P1 @, O; I9 r( e0 k. b# w; gCandidates must possess excellent communication , ^! k% J3 r# x- i7 c
and organizational skills and be willing to work
7 m, ]' E5 b2 z6 mvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
; O! l( q, _; ~4 \8 m3 hand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 6 g$ R, m0 M8 m: L0 P# J* T
Some overnight travel required, including trips to " f1 }. {$ {! z
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
  T+ X6 M+ a4 mendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
7 v8 I' ?1 A: {  ?Travel expenses not reimbursed. & E6 s( k: U( Z8 h: g: s! g
Extensive courier duties also required.
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. N+ ^* ~& t5 I! bRESPONSIBILITIES:- V% ?8 x) K* j) d, A
The rest of your life. : P# H/ t9 h9 |' f: y1 c& K
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
0 Z  o5 g& C$ G* n5 p; C+ guntil someone needs $5.
* i0 L$ B0 B) tMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.   u0 w5 V, {) r- r# |
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 8 T! |' s9 m' A- ]  M1 p( v
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
9 X& R( Q) a& x* }& `% p& Win case, this time, the screams from ) m) }2 L* A, u# W( \. P$ J
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
$ z: ~1 f# x/ Q- d7 M  EMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 C5 B; B0 E, L7 x3 E, h
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
* C; \/ _- l4 v9 sand stuck zippers. , t- F9 M# z. z) ~' @0 Z; N
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
$ l; W) P; ^- U* Q( P1 {8 s; Rcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 2 \) O0 \% U2 a! f
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. " |1 C3 A8 ~+ N3 M0 s" e
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, & q7 K+ _) t, L8 k4 y: i
an embarrassment the next.
( D3 b8 v  [5 Y. |Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a ! g1 T) |/ C" G1 ?
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. & Z" k  Y1 Q' t- i6 [% M$ N0 N
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ' \" F* S2 A8 o; J0 L2 w) a/ y
Must assume final, complete accountability for - N8 I+ [& n" @2 _$ x! B6 D
the quality of the end product.
. Q) _+ y  D4 g8 P: @9 eResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and " s0 F$ P  l# \3 K# `* q
janitorial work  throughout the facility. - u& J8 I0 g2 |/ o( Z* @# A; G
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
6 x, C# i+ M6 }9 JNone.
  E# b$ X# D5 @% N$ A- Z& q7 CYour job is to remain in the same position for years, ; B: T4 C, y: }; j$ N
without complaining,constantly retraining and 9 Q1 y0 P5 V6 _) O6 F" K) I* y, @
updating your skills, so that those in your charge & D( v9 a0 C+ ^; t+ ]; a
can ultimately surpass you.+ K' b; Y5 H" Q" P+ B' x( L  p. T
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
4 O% m; c) ~: o  N: LNone required, unfortunately.   p1 C; }6 e5 j0 A* P6 k
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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6 \$ s5 {& a5 k2 j: qWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
" N7 F+ M) ^7 vGet this! You pay them!
( q3 A8 B. O/ z# A( \5 xOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
' K& r/ h! R3 Z2 i5 ea balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
! Y6 X" P9 C% Y% _8 H* O9 K" mof the assumption that college will help them * F" s. y, p( t7 u
become financially independent.
% K2 Z  B# k7 g' J! V& G& e8 J1 j6 d  YWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 0 E) `4 h9 n# _( Q- b' w3 l
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
7 d! K6 y; F8 ~3 s( c) Ayou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: $ n+ P& ~/ c; ?3 S4 E+ ]
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
& y- u% W  U$ {" Gno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , u2 i. W- A( w
no stock options are offered,
: T) L2 C# s  c+ pthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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& O! S# `, }2 z/ Wunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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7 \) G1 O4 k4 v7 C+ m& ofor life if you play your cards right.$ l. T+ {& X) u* N8 a& _
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3 L/ y! n1 |! {* [7 L# [7 C# o** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, & P* v5 a' S5 d2 S( e  v0 Q4 L
letting them know they are appreciated ; e4 s( h6 c- j, r2 d6 E
for the fabulous job they do... # \0 k; u, E1 b7 L4 ]9 R" m0 O/ |
or forward with love
( T5 K5 P, g! L% F& m% ^to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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