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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:' p/ s$ d8 E6 {6 N  [$ Y
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , ~2 t- b+ X1 Q$ Z: j# S9 s
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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# \* o4 F% P" J+ R0 ?* tJOB DESCRIPTION:$ V* j4 Q. [5 F1 @2 w
Long term, team players needed for challenging,8 p( z, o7 t) Y! P" `4 n7 F# G

! `3 i6 ^4 N7 qpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
) w8 [9 u4 Y) {( u# {! V2 b: Q2 HCandidates must possess excellent communication
6 I$ x6 k# i- i* @% I6 x" t; j4 Q+ `and organizational skills and be willing to work 5 _; F( a+ M  T8 d; J( T
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 4 k8 x: U4 ~' O- j( i: g9 q* Q
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. , ^6 T# n8 R4 P& j! f
Some overnight travel required, including trips to ) w2 o# T# ]4 x4 R, t5 a- K
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 5 T9 O9 P" n' m: s  C+ s- y! g5 G: `
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 9 e& L7 L3 @; G7 o
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
1 @7 v7 c5 J, k# F( r" t# MExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
8 W! [$ ~* c1 S8 XThe rest of your life.
$ w4 G% @. h7 H( Y/ q2 B: TMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,   C/ H+ ^, P: X* \1 W' C
until someone needs $5. * t+ t8 [. m$ A; O
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
7 ?% p  O0 E) M* H9 v. nAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ; F& [$ d! G7 P$ }5 A
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
$ I9 X' N* t7 x; B5 gin case, this time, the screams from . k- a* q# p( g/ ^/ a4 C; D
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
* w2 W( P9 J" P$ p5 PMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 3 ^2 G6 i) x# H+ E
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
# A4 Z7 s6 u/ iand stuck zippers.
! f8 j; x8 Z. q" f% kMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
/ |- ?' E9 d& N0 g) A3 H; u. k/ i$ rcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 4 |) K% \9 c' P/ X& ?( G8 U! U2 T
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. & @) W# d$ l6 V
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ' I( p. n5 E% _! u# ^0 t
an embarrassment the next. $ a, O6 u: U+ p, H" b
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a ) \. I1 G% F, I, r' [
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. - r% C: K, b) X, X$ F# W
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
8 `; ~7 ^& T7 F% u3 v5 `: {Must assume final, complete accountability for
' E8 F* l# M  rthe quality of the end product. 8 I& O/ J$ m5 Y/ R
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and - H. {- N' R# z& U) x* b$ W
janitorial work  throughout the facility. 0 s5 M* D6 y5 Q1 u9 u/ m5 B* h

- z# ?6 l# ~' T. vPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:9 T% Q; l1 v% s5 i
None.
# h- Z7 ?7 }6 v8 N8 ^Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 4 J. E" S# @; W- [, L* i' Q* Z  z
without complaining,constantly retraining and
2 y" L6 J7 t' r: Q% ~1 Gupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ! Z+ K" x) k# \
can ultimately surpass you.; @# @. ^) h5 K5 y  v

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8 l/ m3 K* ]6 s2 P* j& FPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
* \7 A+ e) I% J) Y, _) e  tNone required, unfortunately. : w2 t, `  |" Y
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 0 M# x. ~8 l" [% \8 u. e
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ) x5 S+ Q9 I( J* m
Get this! You pay them! * }% o0 \/ A- [( B/ J+ Z5 Z
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ' Z* G$ j7 S6 f6 L
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because $ K7 f) c/ h& \
of the assumption that college will help them 3 p+ e) @2 o( F! w- m( V
become financially independent.
: k! d; |! I1 V  h5 B. UWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
, F/ ~/ t2 A! ?2 BThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that & r2 V# C, f1 Y$ q
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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6 t: Y! V3 `3 }2 \" M8 IBENEFITS:
( E+ \9 p+ i* D8 j' e3 H6 R/ OWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
0 r( O/ j) V: Z; ~( xno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and $ m6 ]" Q  h8 @3 _( U) x
no stock options are offered,
, S, }& r( N( k* Q3 b7 Q+ r! Fthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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% T5 C* ~! w+ h, o) sunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 6 ]- J9 Q) B. I

3 j* {" V" L0 i, g1 pfor life if you play your cards right.  w) v4 w5 |) _; b/ z
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5 I$ G* g  V; \** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **  j& {# l) n$ u% k; {

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: R6 o3 J6 A) C; z; ^( z+ EForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 0 X+ C* N0 A. ]  t  n& p
letting them know they are appreciated 2 w6 Y3 N9 G9 V- k9 k
for the fabulous job they do...
! v; E5 U9 D, `2 \! d# @" L6 _) lor forward with love
: R2 x' W  f4 {to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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