Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- }7 @" d- N) F% GDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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; T$ C& u2 @* O0 e2 R/ w  Z4 hJOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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( \% L+ ~# z+ v* U0 Vpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
- u* b. m6 u9 b7 e) \Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
  S7 S8 ~$ x2 \$ l% k6 n1 j. [Some overnight travel required, including trips to
" `2 k* i5 k! @8 }0 [0 L6 h: Yprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
* t9 N! n1 [. b4 u9 e( yExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
* w2 q0 Z$ y* ?Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
* M1 X; Z5 S5 y7 T- C3 M: @and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
/ O3 K& Z6 c: C+ a, v) [& |the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
( Y/ r- n4 ]) m5 V/ s  z6 i& jMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
) ~5 B0 M$ `9 dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
) F: z$ h2 ^% c7 Nand stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
4 r2 b! x, x9 ^' [* Mcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
* B/ |/ _, X6 Y  p5 z. h. ^5 xMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
: G+ X, S6 z% Y3 t; V3 t- ZMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
3 ]$ k. D# S2 n6 y9 W2 ahalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
. s4 r: `6 M) c+ S% ?Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
6 b( L! r; l1 q9 t7 CResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
* F" b& g! T. a5 wNone.
6 V2 l5 s5 d4 Z1 c( D5 c& _Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
: u# L3 E, h! G$ y# s# o+ bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
% F6 _  q8 }! n- `( V( m5 X1 `None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
# ^# G/ r" v3 D# a& F5 `Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
' J& [4 P& X1 e& Hbecome financially independent.
5 ~! s, R  z0 z/ X4 ^When you die, you give them whatever is left.
% \% Q$ S# k( v6 @3 p; WThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
$ R4 f# f: U7 B, T( ~# cthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

* X: J% a9 s( y' f  Q' xunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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1 d3 F; R% C! w# T! S: O; p: zfor life if you play your cards right.

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0 H' \5 F4 s4 |( Y' [: Y** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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7 P' c5 ?- H" Z& A* sForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
( y' D; y4 O  T" ?  L; mletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
- j) i0 p; {* \" X  E( uor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.