 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:8 m8 W6 R3 f n0 _# a' \
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
& \- |1 p9 H4 ?9 z5 J3 GDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
- I( Y W; ~6 M! I& s) |Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
5 W, y9 v- v& o+ t4 t0 ?6 n% FCandidates must possess excellent communication
9 V( s/ J3 x: o/ }% I" Yand organizational skills and be willing to work ; o4 k+ g/ i K' E) m; L" @
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends # ^& D \% j1 c
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ' Y( ?, X, d$ ?, |9 _
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
2 Y" @1 A2 g: S. j- B$ b4 Lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and . P' c% U9 T; ]% _) a7 U
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! $ X3 r9 o( l9 [/ t
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
( p3 ~- ?+ ~. p# a2 m: M* v8 ?Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
4 U$ o$ h2 j: J' _* }! S5 ~The rest of your life. 4 K& N6 e% i }/ W% e) Y
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
% ^4 @" H: x; d! g9 F* huntil someone needs $5.
9 k# ]' W' H0 [0 DMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. S& f1 P* J5 r; |2 O
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 2 ^. |' W+ Z* M: H4 n, d, U
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
% [/ `# o1 ?' U5 H' |: Yin case, this time, the screams from # y' K, F7 m! { h4 n
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. # M f9 g* j. d( ] @
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, - o8 Z# d) Y, m' I
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
! T& a6 H+ } G" o' a! u5 gand stuck zippers. $ j* ~0 y9 ?% I7 s
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
( u9 S2 ~" S% J' I- Dcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( C8 a% ~6 t* a4 C- `
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ! F B" G5 `: {+ x
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
_5 ~. d6 `+ T5 x0 U( e; Van embarrassment the next. " r. |: M, e' s# X; \9 i3 b
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
3 h. l7 F ? s2 mhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. / u3 |( K- f! V7 ]( Y k& x
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
) n+ Q3 K$ h- i7 _' TMust assume final, complete accountability for . W! k& s, n, \$ K% }9 C; ]
the quality of the end product.
% x7 Y' X! m S! b% h" R" UResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and ; {4 l1 e S: N6 v' t6 c9 l; f
janitorial work throughout the facility. $ h2 r: |8 L0 B3 d* k% J& K4 l1 M. i5 w
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
1 i4 [: x7 i1 U: ~, v2 U1 sNone.
% \3 E( f- E! b$ n) F! K! XYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
' ~& L1 X" o Vwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
/ ?9 x0 `2 Z8 m! w' Y1 T: jupdating your skills, so that those in your charge 9 v, J; J# X# X8 x
can ultimately surpass you.
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. S2 X6 ^) c) a/ X3 {: l6 G" IPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) M+ H7 _5 S' d. t- W" iNone required, unfortunately. % }/ S4 y: U, v/ I- V
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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M3 m8 o6 |& x+ ]5 }8 S2 R2 tWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 9 H# [6 B+ h! ~" g! g0 [
Get this! You pay them!
! }7 `5 L# S" }# b" ?9 JOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
2 w! {8 U2 s0 g1 f* P" a/ D9 i( Ma balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 9 Q: _) ~! l; ` l% {
of the assumption that college will help them ! X! H: J) G2 U" s4 [( R" x
become financially independent.
% ?1 n7 H1 A" o+ AWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. % z/ J2 h$ B# g) ?9 n
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 0 Z- r# J' ]& d- f F5 k: R6 G
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
9 t1 h2 ~7 G7 L# @& p: ~% _: UWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
. f; H1 _( o& y' O* K2 v) Zno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and # `$ _3 ? Z; u9 x; g/ ~
no stock options are offered,2 B7 e% {6 t$ A' c) X/ X
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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: c- P. Y* N. U w G5 v7 j# Kunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 8 \3 M8 h8 m* c& k! [
, l, K2 t Y) X4 g: N' R; Yfor life if you play your cards right.1 k0 i, U' F1 r' {$ q8 t
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **3 H( g A8 ]0 I1 O
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, . h; ~. d' v. H2 m
letting them know they are appreciated 5 r; \4 o/ R9 O/ F- |
for the fabulous job they do... 1 ^) F9 [% z3 s* N
or forward with love
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