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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
# s  D, B) ~: \" M: f; \. s2 MMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma / y/ l7 p' ?$ O% L
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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8 M) E( G' ^. L$ yJOB DESCRIPTION:
- ~1 M% b! d3 H- S3 d' {; ?Long term, team players needed for challenging,
/ S" E! i+ _) O% Q" C/ B/ \! z; d  v5 m5 n( X" X& K
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. # W, S+ e3 `. Y  O+ G& \
Candidates must possess excellent communication
2 k) q3 ]2 h& ^3 Y7 jand organizational skills and be willing to work 6 ~2 |4 X' h" D) c5 X, N
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
+ ]" ^  z- x! D: c1 T% v8 {5 A4 S( fand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ! F. D1 v- Z! q' o, Q2 L! M1 u
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
1 ]% H# t( a5 Q: h" m4 U# Nprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
5 q" _, x9 q6 [& x& Y  J! [endless sports tournaments in far away cities! & F1 _9 o! `$ R7 t" w
Travel expenses not reimbursed. , n9 a" v# U4 c2 A6 w, P8 z. b
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
  ?, G9 p5 p* f: e0 F% R. DThe rest of your life.
  P% i. w1 F. F0 g  fMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 3 q# l) i$ Z: y! U
until someone needs $5.
) b" N. p$ n5 G, j! n- `/ t1 IMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
2 L4 v0 f0 U( c4 ?4 [) E5 q* KAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule / ?- p" S: c# F& [
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 5 h; s) Y1 ]$ O; J. A
in case, this time, the screams from
4 v) O8 P# u- l# F: Z1 W7 fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
: ]6 n- K/ a  S" i6 ~Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
% V7 w! ~5 m! }) x& o3 ksuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
4 P. l: m1 L6 P% z8 I( Uand stuck zippers. " E; V7 q. X/ p: i. ?* T
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 5 \/ N! A/ r* V1 `
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ' k4 P( \% K. O0 t, G' k
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. " f/ @8 @* ^8 u$ y1 d* ]
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ( T6 w/ G0 O  x
an embarrassment the next. 8 |- A7 `2 u5 |4 b% r
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a ' s; h& V$ S1 |
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 0 T/ q  C6 r- w7 w8 e5 p# @
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. : j- X8 ~  ~8 o4 l: N
Must assume final, complete accountability for
/ k( A2 ]' d, v# O6 Hthe quality of the end product. ! [* t6 S5 E# L2 T5 ]- I( L
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and , r# h5 A9 v6 `! R
janitorial work  throughout the facility. 6 O5 \& x3 ~5 F" v' ^, w- P

7 R2 c# A2 v8 EPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:' {# b9 \. W7 X# m
None. % [2 i3 p5 B( ?8 {, T& U1 j1 ]
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
2 i& X' n1 i* ?+ d$ H8 _" D. vwithout complaining,constantly retraining and & M% t( ?9 V5 I5 Q6 d$ w1 c0 P
updating your skills, so that those in your charge ( \& {0 B, q# _9 ~; ?! I. |
can ultimately surpass you." w: p7 A1 o: i" ^& O
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/ Y6 y% _3 T  t$ f( xPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ; k, g; E; X8 t
None required, unfortunately. 8 O, j7 |+ M. @( P* Q. n
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
, j0 H8 s/ N  \( A; N$ V) h9 Y9 r8 v, OGet this! You pay them! # ?2 `; n9 g+ g" B
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
, Y0 q9 K+ y1 H! `a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 7 Q' s8 S1 _7 e" P
of the assumption that college will help them
. Z* S& V' t6 O* Mbecome financially independent.
3 j6 ~6 S" g0 d; WWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
  k: c, H9 `1 \  L& ZThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 4 l$ ^' R& Z1 P/ H6 v+ a
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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7 m& r# K) \1 c2 _/ z9 H- q3 Z$ o- UBENEFITS: * o3 ~7 M0 s2 ]! G( ?  d: h
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, - H9 V; a6 }, K
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and + a6 b; t  ~: B6 F+ z' v
no stock options are offered,
$ j* }# R( i5 R: Q! {this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
" l9 _9 `0 {5 u' |/ p& U/ V: x! I) c0 |  }' P2 x+ @  u" M* M
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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8 W7 V) ^4 }0 d( ~) F" {2 jfor life if you play your cards right.1 w* k0 S6 X. z

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2 @8 N+ f) m  y; s: i( w. \0 g0 k/ o& R9 q. E/ U/ Q! e* W
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **/ R, [" e+ z! G* b
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3 k9 W$ p3 Q1 M9 o6 rForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, ) W5 Z7 ]3 u% _2 B
letting them know they are appreciated / `# H+ t- s/ s8 c* q
for the fabulous job they do... 2 Q6 Z( r2 v* W! m* N
or forward with love . ?4 Y: C, R$ k8 \  {
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
大型搬家
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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