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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:' s8 w; m! @' L0 `; z# F9 ]& ^+ l
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , f# O+ p: d/ T3 X8 e) i! _8 w/ Q
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:' ]+ N/ h: O, H2 H) Y% u
Long term, team players needed for challenging,. m& Q+ G* d, }6 E$ I

$ v& R; c9 P6 T/ e: x5 Hpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. - c! P4 l6 _4 z# R
Candidates must possess excellent communication / E, h4 m. n3 _! J
and organizational skills and be willing to work
2 q( O+ n) y0 dvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
: `6 g: K5 |) E( l5 hand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
" }6 W: H( N& {# ?, @' g1 q! aSome overnight travel required, including trips to $ L+ I0 l& l" J7 [, F( B
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
2 q9 y/ O! U, w% V# Gendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
' m( O& B9 L8 @6 o/ [Travel expenses not reimbursed. " h' B7 V6 |9 N0 A" }- t) @0 D
Extensive courier duties also required. 9 J0 Z1 x+ j" w! F. x: h
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
$ b2 m9 l$ q! t" GThe rest of your life.
; [" G2 G7 `8 {  q) OMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. q  |( U& \* |6 z& X; V( nuntil someone needs $5. $ z/ K% f8 V9 a7 H/ K! t2 h
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
/ H; M) Z/ d) F. UAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule + u: z7 n+ ]4 Q  Q% ^& j
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
) |  d, u% c# j/ n0 [5 ^in case, this time, the screams from . Q$ H9 i$ Q8 R* U- M5 s
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. $ Z" j9 a% c/ [
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ) p6 T. e( [& {2 q
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
( |/ |+ x" l3 r( x" fand stuck zippers.
* A, V& \' U& A" y) pMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
; l" o) i' j) ]! e: zcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. ) p2 `* x9 B  n+ ^6 ~
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 a2 G, C7 I  U$ U+ hMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 0 _  A' B$ \* T. Q% M( D  F3 D
an embarrassment the next. $ M* F3 n5 ~/ ?: \% Z/ t
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 4 `* }3 D$ I  P( |& d. T8 K
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
) q) G( l4 I8 m, ]+ Q. h* WMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. * @2 N1 r5 e+ t
Must assume final, complete accountability for
. S+ ^, s: H6 h9 T7 o- k# D& k: xthe quality of the end product.
3 S/ }* A* [; p0 dResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
, m4 `* E! h: y0 o. s3 ejanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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! z- {) S* ~9 N3 g% h' E: C: QPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
$ @4 h0 q7 ^7 @) o2 x6 tNone.
# Y8 ]' z. V" j; \" rYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
* X6 U! ?5 {. H5 T3 h0 twithout complaining,constantly retraining and # E% z3 ?7 T- E& t, \# e1 _, Y
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 8 s. e- V4 T  Y; _; s
can ultimately surpass you.5 Z5 I6 Y3 S! [. e
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: * o/ c8 D9 t. v
None required, unfortunately.
( y1 ?+ T# B- e. ^$ B+ wOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 9 _% x, [( ~  L0 m* p. d8 N

% W; }- V9 x* B$ H; QWAGES AND COMPENSATION: : Y3 N; u# x# ~* j% f
Get this! You pay them!
" S0 f+ X$ S/ K) t1 IOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
: H$ I3 L6 f- j) ka balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because # j/ V# d6 s) u
of the assumption that college will help them
, x1 j8 I4 G0 y0 Bbecome financially independent. 1 B9 ^& s2 g; D
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 8 I* t: V3 K4 C
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
9 S& B' A: E% k5 j/ ?* H5 Jyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. # a# b$ `4 b+ D5 u9 Z* i8 K5 J
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BENEFITS: ) o. B" ?) B6 d; y  T, f/ I
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
5 I& f. ?7 F, {  t% G( tno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
5 U  {2 G% v6 ^% F- @/ {  Y5 }# u6 X, eno stock options are offered,) Q! q1 U; y: [1 Y6 c0 Y
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.) E" o$ _$ |2 k# M! ?5 J
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **5 B: a" P& b) i3 n, q, J8 ?

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, ! }! S$ V! R( F' O
letting them know they are appreciated ( q7 G; O0 g: f0 f2 l, Z/ U
for the fabulous job they do... 2 r8 C# }' x2 `4 V& }3 u
or forward with love
# W6 H5 C' t; H2 @to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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