 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:7 ^% S8 C. K$ {- f
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ) W4 }! i7 d& w9 b
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:9 { I9 l# q8 m. ^- Y; r; f2 a
Long term, team players needed for challenging,; m& J, L! ]& c, S6 y
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. / }$ R! Q- C) H
Candidates must possess excellent communication . l. |( p- v- B- f8 X% F8 N
and organizational skills and be willing to work ( ^3 P; W) a- L, v- C+ v. ^
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 2 f4 D6 i9 A1 o$ }9 k
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
, K$ p4 X: x+ p2 SSome overnight travel required, including trips to
9 t# R* c- Z+ X, _' b$ mprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
# I8 p6 T9 Q' N$ z1 x/ ]$ k$ E4 s gendless sports tournaments in far away cities! , V% l- @% c/ c/ f: ?
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
5 a- q1 d {8 R4 d8 LExtensive courier duties also required. O6 j P0 y3 f# \
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RESPONSIBILITIES:# ~6 n/ V" |5 Q( {
The rest of your life.
4 f: n6 Y. V F8 L- z: |3 B% YMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
% @& {; B5 @. funtil someone needs $5.
9 G: ?1 @" L1 O* K( bMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
2 {# s" ~$ o; _ _Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
?- P/ p( x3 U; p* Sand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
7 Y' q: n- X+ W/ C4 p% Bin case, this time, the screams from
/ q2 J Q9 A t" J; P6 ethe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
1 e6 I, a2 o# MMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 9 Q3 z$ {: |3 |5 G) o. b/ e
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
1 R _- o R8 i+ c L6 o, xand stuck zippers. - b r$ c# n6 K8 h/ `! M- z6 E
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
/ C# n* @% {) E4 X& Hcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. % x! t- |; P5 {9 @) U
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
3 v& `" Y8 u) E4 {" t! _Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
# O ]% m+ u( ?8 H" x7 Qan embarrassment the next. $ ?6 C& t& | ~; F9 S
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
9 p+ ] c- k2 c2 T. d* Zhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
9 D# I) p0 a9 q0 m4 cMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ; A! B" U: U& i, Z( {! Y+ x1 W
Must assume final, complete accountability for ; i. }: {* S. C8 n8 N
the quality of the end product.
) [+ [" W+ ^0 h" W' [, O; Q {Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and & Y# B- _# J" j
janitorial work throughout the facility. " a5 H/ e1 A) W* M) t2 u( s- p
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: ^* {6 G9 V+ J3 D0 J2 \: Z) h# J
None. ( X/ j, U9 }0 Z" D# O
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
0 Q T# p8 Z) ~: I" D/ V) zwithout complaining,constantly retraining and : W, n& o V% A& R" a, k
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
1 |5 L# a: N! R3 j" z: kcan ultimately surpass you.4 V" d8 }& I5 e3 {4 d
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
]1 P5 d. j3 f' p- l/ T' n% p" ?: k( z: yNone required, unfortunately.
* d5 J' g# h2 u q. o: \" OOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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+ T' c# b C6 vWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ! g4 q1 `* B& K2 l
Get this! You pay them! 8 S. B' p/ `0 `& k$ G1 E- D
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 4 r" e0 P1 J& x v. r, O; M
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 1 \# ~! a; Q# b3 J$ _4 C
of the assumption that college will help them
8 T' e1 y9 O$ C. v: g$ R* J* B; Obecome financially independent.
' E9 ~5 ]2 n6 V3 g2 s9 A, yWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. . R, @# k/ v0 e5 L! v
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
( l, j& t: H+ dyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. ( a$ k0 [/ S. Z
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BENEFITS:
5 R# v1 J b% f0 \0 R' z; c2 @While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 8 o( E& i% y, H, W
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and + H7 n. H2 R1 _
no stock options are offered,+ d9 e/ u. d) s r7 Z- s" G
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses , {- Z! K, D# O1 J5 Y& N9 {
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for life if you play your cards right.7 H2 B) P- V0 x) c" v
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% d9 V+ |: `, B) S** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **7 y! P! b& D; s
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, * M. `1 ~8 v9 }2 f, X7 O
letting them know they are appreciated 2 s+ u! l; p& \# G, a
for the fabulous job they do...
. w. d' B0 G& Wor forward with love ( ?$ h/ j+ {2 J: E/ M
to anyone thinking of applying for the job." W% ^, d, k, w( f0 ^) t X7 w
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