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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
- {3 {  X" o' JMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma & B8 u5 w9 ~3 D7 ?0 A9 }
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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1 Y5 {: _. I6 p6 m- O) B9 G8 yJOB DESCRIPTION:# m# D0 Y& ~3 N8 q, `
Long term, team players needed for challenging,* Q+ h# u, S2 R3 j) W, m
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 0 I& ~7 {# E# B! o3 c, o
Candidates must possess excellent communication # Z: ]9 t: e" t; w- o
and organizational skills and be willing to work 0 J1 E# o9 ~0 _0 [( l
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
0 V  d8 t/ o) B" Y" Z* Kand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. / [6 F  ~: a4 m! m9 r4 A$ E
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
  u3 M0 N, d6 z. D( b7 L5 Mprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and $ W7 Z- S/ K: p' R- g7 D" E' m
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
* @" V- Q7 U$ V+ C# f4 vTravel expenses not reimbursed. 7 r: e/ s  V2 N- D6 V
Extensive courier duties also required.
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5 l% x( I8 Y4 V+ ?" I- YRESPONSIBILITIES:; W  C7 ]1 R. J" s0 S* K6 q. t
The rest of your life. ( Z* Y9 @1 ~0 ^; O2 n2 o
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ( j5 \5 d* A% x& A6 R
until someone needs $5.
6 J" P* J6 E, l1 [4 \Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
+ ]: T7 u) l, X$ ]" j6 hAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 6 b% `- B% p, ~, D( Y$ d
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
6 S9 l; S/ B! g7 t& S& z- c( Lin case, this time, the screams from
: w+ Z% j/ ~1 z: a9 L7 @/ c" Athe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
; M, z$ p$ H8 x6 M) q) O1 M& K+ i( H8 }Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 8 s$ w0 p; U! x: i& o9 b8 k
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 0 V" p0 q, d2 _7 J4 F( B
and stuck zippers.
/ Z# n3 D  o+ RMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
7 `( G* o8 h7 ?6 D9 M* u  P* ~coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
8 S0 p+ X9 M- m( K9 t  OMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
* }0 ~% d1 l, f$ C, m, V8 \Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, : X0 V8 j: _# X; {1 [
an embarrassment the next.
4 `2 q. E4 ?: l& J' K7 D! xMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a ( I' g8 \1 w- H
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
* ?- f6 y' ^# N& j; S, s7 XMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
8 B) ^+ l. n( t, W) SMust assume final, complete accountability for
( F9 z6 P% `7 Vthe quality of the end product. # r6 O5 U5 n2 ~' [0 g- p
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
4 k: y1 O9 g( N" Sjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:1 c- P3 S$ |# V0 @, G$ |
None.
  J7 N  N1 G6 w3 S9 ~: r7 aYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
- h/ N1 `3 d/ Nwithout complaining,constantly retraining and ) B* z: y9 P% L& N8 T# d' {
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
- F/ X/ S& W2 r8 b* pcan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
+ D6 j9 L1 ~4 ^; M. jNone required, unfortunately.
2 _" x5 z  h* Z5 F. }& [& zOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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( O' n% u# Q$ z' @WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ! D7 p3 Y7 s0 u  D" W8 Z# v
Get this! You pay them!
/ R: Z9 m% E% R( DOffering frequent raises and bonuses. 6 R8 T2 a/ V# s5 c% T
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 8 |- k8 c4 A( P; u! x, ]
of the assumption that college will help them
! C4 y2 ~* }5 u) z( Zbecome financially independent.
1 T" l1 D3 {( a" t6 q0 M7 A* hWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. + a9 @' l: U' j8 h% X9 \" {! B
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
; D. K' Y: V$ \  \you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. . z3 o" p$ c+ a0 x* F8 l
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BENEFITS: ) a0 G5 C+ ]5 {4 F4 m
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
8 t- S1 q# a# P7 c8 H2 Tno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and / d$ }: N" j5 [( k( G: n
no stock options are offered,9 x( E  u& y$ D! L; ~1 n
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,   }3 ~3 g+ u* d+ q8 L+ n
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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. _! q4 a" p- S. A3 \) G3 Efor life if you play your cards right./ G- R" N# _  m) F
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **1 K! N( C7 Z& m
& ?7 i) {3 f  \5 v2 _' r$ l+ ]

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9 K$ A5 A. G2 ~" X& }* mForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 0 ?; J6 y! a+ [4 ^2 b, l
letting them know they are appreciated % C! V4 U) C: j% y) d; Y
for the fabulous job they do...
; s, f: m. j. j. q" A* g! H3 qor forward with love 5 [. H' L# L4 s: w) f. }8 ~
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.$ ?7 A! c2 z1 y8 N+ d

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大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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