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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
& \# R& A3 |% A/ [. z7 A) @) _Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 3 G* X; ~& V& U% h) a. M* h% R
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:2 O1 ?, ^1 J. Q1 l' v
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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: I5 [/ `, b! e; `' q/ ~permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 9 ]2 l" u( H1 v& F) h% d3 d
Candidates must possess excellent communication " k0 u2 t: O4 w7 R
and organizational skills and be willing to work 7 c1 h( `/ ^6 g& L
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
  Y4 ~$ U5 u% w8 n$ Qand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
$ U: O7 m2 T1 {4 }! VSome overnight travel required, including trips to
* ^$ ?( M$ {/ S, pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 2 _3 y, e8 \& V2 F
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
( N2 l9 {, n' T! _& W# q* d4 Z1 KTravel expenses not reimbursed. ' a( @( E: Z, i$ M% ]. L( o
Extensive courier duties also required.
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) M# W$ L' m# e' r9 S9 ERESPONSIBILITIES:
% ]2 e+ F/ U- [- L1 V2 ]& AThe rest of your life.
( W! ]1 N9 H5 n* u; @Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 2 A# q/ T: @: V+ R
until someone needs $5.
# L6 s# X2 {, KMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
8 O/ j  ~# ~' B' L6 p3 hAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
! P( Y: |! S1 P- y( @: iand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 3 w* H+ l, N; A8 y* M% {( a2 m
in case, this time, the screams from
1 h1 [; d2 ^# P' @" v! uthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
5 a. {2 k! ^/ n: C+ d0 WMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 \1 q  n9 Q) G: [: m( A& D/ s0 F4 b
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets + d+ L- A: _- |
and stuck zippers.
9 N2 ]% e' L' r. e8 }' tMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
9 T% s4 z2 ~9 w+ o& D% Qcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
# H) {0 Z7 j  U7 q) F+ LMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ( ?' D7 s9 }$ n
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, / v( T3 m5 O" @% i3 m1 Z" V
an embarrassment the next.
2 T( {/ T, f/ k; r4 Y( UMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
* O8 \- c: f' ^: m. b, U: ~half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 5 H  g/ ]* g  U1 ^4 h
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. + Z7 ]4 ]# g3 w) V4 N! c
Must assume final, complete accountability for
) Q0 O, f6 l  e1 zthe quality of the end product. / }1 v; B" [- P: I$ U2 H
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
( A) Y; {6 `! ^; K0 }$ M/ \janitorial work  throughout the facility. : J( t' L5 M; y3 t* K) f
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 2 v: F. X* Q9 ]- x& F
without complaining,constantly retraining and
9 c3 M: y9 V: A1 l  x) V1 _9 Supdating your skills, so that those in your charge , W0 A, W  u5 h1 m  V
can ultimately surpass you.+ n# r1 X8 I4 a$ J% d
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) J8 `# s8 r' {2 g# o& rNone required, unfortunately. . k, ]* J4 b& `4 Z% Q
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. - b/ r; k" d" C1 b" t. w# N

. Z) D% b6 _! B8 ]9 J4 k, c3 A5 T+ dWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
+ F7 s3 I/ E7 d/ mGet this! You pay them!
$ h, A, E3 u* nOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
6 b( u# v8 C" u- qa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because " \! ?$ ~+ L  v! P8 c4 l
of the assumption that college will help them & y( \9 r' n/ J5 u# o/ T
become financially independent. 0 R* C/ V( O3 I- G- q% L, ?0 x3 U% f
When you die, you give them whatever is left. , H8 q$ F+ R' h. I& }5 s( B
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
7 _+ t2 r9 R) @you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: , P9 H, p! _) H5 b7 a# q
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, : |' D1 h- h2 h$ H4 p2 m
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and   U) `+ c& m9 C" S
no stock options are offered,
. Q# u$ d, h# g: _, Qthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 6 C7 L% R4 _4 ^$ J0 S2 n
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ( h; Y5 A: Y. l9 ]8 ~+ w

" h. z2 M* v: zfor life if you play your cards right.
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$ o. P, ?' j: ^% i** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, : l8 v! u4 E) K
letting them know they are appreciated
5 W& S8 l8 R# P5 r0 Nfor the fabulous job they do... . b. _; f5 U3 n# t1 d1 x3 x5 j. k
or forward with love * C8 m: A1 d: U% T
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.* h3 u7 A  B2 u+ Y! _
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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