 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
! a6 u9 o+ L$ u# @/ O/ JMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ; H& f4 O" N! Y% B) s$ ~' X
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
# [( _, @ T, v+ G2 V5 a6 b& `2 lLong term, team players needed for challenging,: ?1 t4 O$ b* D
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
: F# I8 G* a6 lCandidates must possess excellent communication
x! e: U/ p: }8 r% H6 [+ t2 j) Nand organizational skills and be willing to work
: F2 E1 I: B' N) o4 L$ Xvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- j m+ h2 m- V- D' i; jand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 6 V" x! U6 @+ H7 z# O. w
Some overnight travel required, including trips to * G) g5 k* `! H1 o
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and s' z( M2 ^ ~$ q* `* i) z! S3 P1 G
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 3 F+ A$ u. V7 Y5 |
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 0 S9 E0 R2 W9 H- T" X9 h
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:" y1 Y7 n( Y. }% V2 o5 e3 B* s" D
The rest of your life. 9 ]8 p8 B: E( t& v# a
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. u3 A( p# f9 S, b0 Luntil someone needs $5. 6 n7 u! f7 _* e% \) {) j7 H
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 9 G! C8 v, P7 G- i6 N5 l, @
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
$ P ]- u+ Y6 ?( s: `- @ A) Xand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ' o3 |& U! @- }' \$ g
in case, this time, the screams from
! v% S' i1 q! L! ]* fthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
& p, q! G- ^4 d% R* A- A0 m2 a+ }0 t9 DMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, w6 e D- p" A8 W+ S0 _" h
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets " q& T1 h1 B! }# N2 v* _
and stuck zippers.
+ d$ r: V+ _4 w xMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and " b1 |! M0 \& y3 ]# E. F; h, Q* j
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. - a& F" X6 Y- L+ z
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ( V$ f7 {( P! x6 L7 f% f
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 4 J. d) f0 t8 ^" q/ ?, q' W: [8 M8 k
an embarrassment the next.
+ [1 t9 j C- e* l# E) N# sMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
) o/ ]( B6 C& }& E% E$ M' ohalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. / M6 o7 f7 h' Q3 }* m! o7 w
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 1 s. P1 t# _& G$ F2 z( ]; Z) }
Must assume final, complete accountability for 5 b6 [8 C8 v0 a/ Z6 H( n
the quality of the end product. . w5 z$ a! k6 M6 T+ l
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
, T; u. `( ^0 g4 g, _2 R+ Bjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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0 G+ H2 q6 v0 p- C) mPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:2 ^/ @! a( M$ ]. @- I) A3 [
None.
. _9 D4 ?) U. I" ?Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
, v; Q2 E% p& bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and ) V* O, K3 k- {! |$ Q1 T
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
9 H: |. Z. y: {- vcan ultimately surpass you.
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2 g6 T% s3 i2 M/ H2 i& r$ bPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
5 q7 P. w; t$ ~: d2 e$ l' \None required, unfortunately.
9 v! N O- Q! ~% r3 `9 t8 ~On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: & Z( Y9 X' ?, q& J- F2 H5 c L
Get this! You pay them!
& A4 z E6 b2 M& N. v# l9 g! L/ ROffering frequent raises and bonuses. s4 N9 h- U- W, Q+ f3 N$ h3 k
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because * h3 G# l; { n+ w/ T! n3 z
of the assumption that college will help them ( u v2 o4 O6 y" T! d0 t$ ?" K. [
become financially independent.
7 |8 e! R+ a f& [7 R; k) X ?' hWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
' |2 a3 v, B& d3 o" ^" WThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that & d2 |3 G! p, F/ i3 O1 T1 o1 E
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: . n1 c0 O+ B9 G( @+ k
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
% w* |: M- o& Z |; }" f0 Gno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
! F+ v! d9 D) I7 @6 Uno stock options are offered,, X3 ]' S: E& L
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 0 b& F$ A& J8 T0 v0 l3 P
6 B7 }/ s* o, Z: c$ I3 X4 d: O8 ~unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.; x) f Z( U, a; T; a& ^% i
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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3 J" r* O# Z# u& x6 m$ WForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 0 i7 l7 @" z$ c& D( R% a
letting them know they are appreciated
c! F' |/ E* _: I" dfor the fabulous job they do... 4 @; b% O0 i% M. k4 I; t* f
or forward with love
* ?1 I7 f: h! @" Z4 [to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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