Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
0 r. T5 v$ e' E: j& p2 O: HDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa


JOB DESCRIPTION:
# P. A) \4 p& R7 [" c7 jLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
* y& U( m: C& G% `8 V7 u: s) oCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
6 s' ~& u. x, X0 Z+ n% Rvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
. D$ \; j% d7 e+ W9 vSome overnight travel required, including trips to
& I; Q0 b7 O2 ^4 V$ D9 x0 Cprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
% @& m. o2 O) x5 H5 e0 E( a) D& qendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
% H' Q% _5 t: }5 i; p9 D4 [& F. eExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
+ c# o+ x( F8 q3 v3 UMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
  Q% V4 T/ Q% G/ nand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
) M' z; U2 S6 X: N3 `- G6 F5 [in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
# d' x2 \  N1 ?Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
6 `% I& c( ^6 ^( ksuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
9 Q! Q1 q! \* G, d* r( }and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
% b' l" q8 k9 p& x: Y  GMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 o$ \7 w) d& A7 lMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
* F5 ?+ ]6 T2 ~3 ^' ~  L) yan embarrassment the next.
" f8 _* p& H- V$ L/ }Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
+ K( U/ h! J. Q/ X. @8 PMust assume final, complete accountability for
! ]% K; b2 S, }' ?  M& f! Athe quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.

3 u, `/ Z' O1 ?POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
0 h( e/ H, Z5 @None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
8 U( D2 A7 E# @7 |7 d3 Qupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.
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# J- ?2 ^/ r8 K5 r6 L4 xPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
) K+ g- v/ u3 A  i9 zNone required, unfortunately.
$ o1 x) v3 J0 d" [5 \# HOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
+ Z; I1 q8 @+ t( za balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
2 }' B* x: W! D8 v7 B+ {of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
+ i+ f$ o. ?+ GThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
/ {! K# f- F; F; eyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

( E' R! \( c1 i# U8 L5 g" m0 YBENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
0 n* M; F! A' o$ |no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
0 F9 }+ i3 ]# E) S3 e# ]3 e7 c% w/ Yno stock options are offered,
& E; [# @" Y& kthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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- g8 o. N4 R) ]  E5 _  ^** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
' }* ?+ ?4 H* B# k: I/ G  \% V5 Uletting them know they are appreciated
# U1 H& N. v( A( M3 Efor the fabulous job they do...
! c- g7 U6 h" Zor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.