 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
: R5 [8 s' ~/ t j3 }: i$ OMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
) Q4 v7 p0 @- a6 ^; g7 I8 kDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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5 f+ } ?+ L. {7 v0 M/ e/ ~' M1 EJOB DESCRIPTION:6 u X5 V2 d6 L$ [
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
/ ^- d$ I! ^6 W$ L1 T9 B; h" @Candidates must possess excellent communication # Z$ I8 E7 B1 g2 ]. Z
and organizational skills and be willing to work
5 Z# F5 q+ ?- H1 \. L" F: `/ [; J% Yvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
5 v: a* ~9 N+ \+ k$ {7 [* f' dand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. " E" _. N( F% O: q! _
Some overnight travel required, including trips to v) ^& i& I3 h: v" H9 B
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ) r& l# d9 }0 E
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
% T9 i0 W; Z0 |& }Travel expenses not reimbursed. 1 E& }5 ?7 z) Y) l/ `' D2 q
Extensive courier duties also required.
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8 @8 m' v, [' ORESPONSIBILITIES:
9 ]+ z M1 m$ [+ `: O* @# v" q% cThe rest of your life. / L3 [. q; U: {* p/ }/ o+ p4 _
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
# S3 }5 E' F$ f" K- \+ funtil someone needs $5.
- R% g3 F7 z5 ], X2 K; ~' ^Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
0 V e( m4 y$ @# cAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ' |# o( { u6 y$ y( j) W! _
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
, \0 v8 I% i. ?5 gin case, this time, the screams from
6 I9 r1 r8 a4 b( jthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 3 j0 M' `' i0 W W7 L
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, : g* F$ D! o+ ]* `
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
: J; E5 Z! \& @5 V2 _and stuck zippers. 8 j% g1 v& ] _: i- j4 [' `
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
4 ?" O' d9 I) U% hcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 9 l' Y+ e" H+ B' c* q" B# }& \
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
8 `1 D+ n+ c3 @3 p8 ?: h0 }Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, - y% E% {7 N5 i* o. M% y: c* R' ^
an embarrassment the next.
* C0 Z! J3 }* ~Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
- u0 Q' D) a# dhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
' v5 h( F: m% ^Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
9 c; `' k! _- _ NMust assume final, complete accountability for . O, c6 b; v8 c
the quality of the end product. $ J% A5 T0 G, x/ |
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
9 L9 r m: [1 W3 [2 h' Mjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:% k3 o7 d4 J, \' S" I5 ^4 N! H
None. 7 s3 N6 I R3 t- O0 |2 ~! ?7 N
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
! O7 n1 r( x$ A3 { X5 @- |2 Y8 j+ Lwithout complaining,constantly retraining and * K9 ^) w# D' v
updating your skills, so that those in your charge ) a. j0 T- S3 a& q
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
( U) c0 V; g4 YNone required, unfortunately. $ h9 P; x8 B# I V7 |: o& z
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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7 r" X9 O2 Q% ~+ f) uWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
; V: S# {) V$ t$ ~! [3 ]- @ `9 ~Get this! You pay them! * m. k" V* _6 g1 t3 X& r Q
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
0 x4 c3 `/ D$ a( F; L4 u4 {a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
/ g( L$ ~: H3 l1 Yof the assumption that college will help them
# ]+ x9 c# I' u6 s! D2 O# v* tbecome financially independent. $ ]- q) j0 i j/ O. k! F
When you die, you give them whatever is left. % E9 P; y5 a# ?
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that ! U% [+ g+ i% k: W& N6 h
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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2 N; R- N# h! }- ^0 y' O) l" L0 ^: dBENEFITS:
) Q- p4 Z) S1 Y% I; yWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
1 J6 x. h9 }- X! Y8 Ino tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and % f8 t" R, m' G/ } Z
no stock options are offered,! ~" E c& B# r/ O: t- }
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 2 f: ?% T' r9 Y7 E
4 Z1 E6 y% z9 ^- n6 w% iunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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+ Y: V5 J+ `$ ]- qfor life if you play your cards right.' |5 ^2 w" l1 R/ G9 w1 O( I6 Z
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **- |7 a- L, o) s9 B+ ^- N/ f
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|; r8 ^5 j! ^5 }# m9 Z* {3 ^9 dForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 7 M# z: F3 V5 D" [# k) Q4 H
letting them know they are appreciated
1 |' X' h' T! b0 ffor the fabulous job they do...
4 l. }" Z S# E7 por forward with love 0 I0 ~$ x* `, y9 ]
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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