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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:7 {2 `5 d9 ^% g' s
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ; o& e) ?# j& d+ b$ \
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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* i. K! b: V& s- pJOB DESCRIPTION:
' C: D5 L, T2 _Long term, team players needed for challenging,2 @" u. o; U8 }% s4 j% l
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
3 N1 j/ p. Z6 }% F* |Candidates must possess excellent communication
/ }: D4 \- ~7 @" Y& I; G* ^- I: M6 Hand organizational skills and be willing to work . S+ \1 y- A, |
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
0 B; P' }* Y2 z" E* yand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
0 a, t% z6 p% V1 f4 V/ }Some overnight travel required, including trips to ( ~9 ?0 _! |/ T8 }! ~+ L4 c6 k
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
3 D2 @$ x  g6 i! |7 xendless sports tournaments in far away cities! ! m" b& h6 [, k, n$ l9 `8 Y
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
. [6 p7 Y2 G% S7 E8 ?5 M) D( pExtensive courier duties also required. # T0 Y" e8 v& F8 U' i
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
$ Z& n: h0 \' T0 {6 AThe rest of your life. 6 ^# C/ b1 r1 F7 q/ `; J$ B: E
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, * L! M' Q: N: d- b  R
until someone needs $5.
2 r; H' @: c' m/ G( uMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ! {/ k5 l' t# L9 N6 `
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
5 s5 n, N: V2 t- K- T, d4 T! |and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
8 M  T" `0 Y  ^$ f3 K/ R+ J5 ?in case, this time, the screams from
  b. B" x/ B" p6 ithe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. & G1 u! Y: Z- n# H0 r8 n/ c. V: e
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 3 r% N. E8 E9 ^1 U! x) I7 w
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets . S+ ~+ X8 B% ], ?& p, i+ \
and stuck zippers.
& ^3 H5 ?8 ]; K* n* RMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
8 [, {" B. w, P8 U8 W8 G7 D& S5 `! Dcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
5 J9 o- `. S1 ZMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ) t( y( Z( M2 P; ^: p* c
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
9 a: o' v- c' ~& L" H7 \an embarrassment the next.
/ }2 l* h2 ~9 B, ]. e& ?6 [' r3 SMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
$ u) \7 u" I" V: Z0 [half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.   m  g- n8 F1 S% X* \, j8 V
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
, X* M4 q+ n* ^% G$ w5 q: \Must assume final, complete accountability for
. e( P8 ^' O4 o6 mthe quality of the end product. ! R0 S7 r; a9 O; [& Y  B
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
6 q5 G. q2 j( G6 D' S; I. ujanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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  n: I# ]6 y4 ~9 d" g8 a9 U7 V& PPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:6 }( c  D6 c1 Z! B: i
None. ' ?. O+ u9 c; O0 V9 K* r
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, " o# w6 p+ L. Q- H( u9 m
without complaining,constantly retraining and
1 B6 d* P* }) v3 ~; U" Iupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ! K7 t- i% s' \9 I. J
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ! B. Y1 U4 V' p( m9 C0 ^
None required, unfortunately.
  |! y% x7 m# f; f" c* Z( COn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
# L* \; y7 o0 z8 HGet this! You pay them!   L- t5 P! Y' c) ^6 b8 ]
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. $ p# u: u/ m/ A' \. _/ I
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
  B, [) A) ?. U5 g' Lof the assumption that college will help them
; ?9 C5 n1 |! ~0 vbecome financially independent.
. H( P1 P' I7 v+ W( u( @. |When you die, you give them whatever is left.
1 S" K& z$ h. rThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
& B4 w& S, s. T& Dyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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/ f5 k0 s4 z% z: ^: HBENEFITS: * P/ l; ^, b# I( k4 ?8 E
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, % m  W" [# n% {& `
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ; }$ {* ]( A& B% V) \) r! x& S
no stock options are offered,: }7 ?: m. `7 T# j' b1 }( x
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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6 S: ^9 {. y+ l1 K) W7 I6 X8 Lunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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9 ?# M3 u4 O3 D& H) ~for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **( L# _* k' W2 L! i7 f
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
% F% C& \) ]7 {: T8 c; |6 zletting them know they are appreciated
) T' z$ v$ Q+ Q4 u6 X' u* jfor the fabulous job they do... 4 H& X# e0 p4 R$ E. H
or forward with love
6 e6 ~6 w9 o2 Ito anyone thinking of applying for the job.$ ~3 b* n7 d* d" t- U

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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