Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
5 v6 H$ G; t0 V) tDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
) J1 Z9 [9 ]+ i  r% h' l$ {5 ^' |
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
% {8 n3 t3 d! z& p  o, Hvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
& d2 D3 [* w6 Rand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
5 e& b6 e- P0 ?5 a& ]. ?; CSome overnight travel required, including trips to
; k" {- B9 g, C7 R+ n7 {. Z  P2 T# pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
# ?& b) A+ l9 @% QMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
) `3 y9 F3 Z: ~. b, C  vAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
! N4 O- O* m+ Z$ |8 Zsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
; k8 e6 v2 F7 i$ e  v7 DMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
' `( B1 V5 V" R  F0 A! Z+ ]  AMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
+ q3 p" {, u; }0 Ran embarrassment the next.
% ]2 |4 e& x: }! JMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
( H, o1 J- t3 B2 H; Ihalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
3 t! t' G5 H' U- q, y8 M$ bMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
) n* o; B- H; C# U! x  l9 Y! Q1 fMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
- k, M, \* A4 _2 p% C/ X! YResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
. G  A1 L& M$ m- X( x7 Bjanitorial work  throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
1 z  v6 i% U+ ?7 c/ e$ lNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
3 l/ l7 n% z3 v5 U4 d" E. owithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
9 w, I, v/ Z' z: ~5 q# {can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
/ @7 t2 |; a5 Z, t# XOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

# Q1 F, N; V% I7 w3 uWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
, ]  Y( a  I. x" v' s, N  `Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
/ d  J* v% o: X) ~( m) V4 @a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
2 j) z6 e, y: N$ r+ J" Kof the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
4 O9 {+ w# ]1 k, v, {. L$ eWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
7 ?& s/ R* m. Q: R" Z  OThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
# _7 c0 w! \4 |- B  ayou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

2 Z0 l" @1 }% J7 X' D8 `1 cBENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
" \- k5 _8 r( ?+ wno stock options are offered,
. G9 ]9 i* v- _7 v' Ythis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

5 s" T+ b$ w" J7 ], l2 Funconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **



2 p) s4 l: g4 hForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
! m: v+ ~+ C1 z' ~3 F' dfor the fabulous job they do...
0 o9 p& l1 Q4 Y7 B3 o" w; s5 c, yor forward with love
  S2 x7 F$ j1 U* _, f6 f, Wto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.