 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:& v# T g5 G7 E3 x1 w
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
) Q+ C) Q3 n+ c4 x- JDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa- D2 o% d" j9 ]5 W( a
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JOB DESCRIPTION:' t% u, b6 H& p% e
Long term, team players needed for challenging,& w7 s% g1 D0 J9 K& I
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
, a% M# }5 X: n. @1 FCandidates must possess excellent communication
p* `. d9 n. n. S' }and organizational skills and be willing to work + ]4 M! v2 d& W4 }0 l
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 1 E% b! T- v4 _
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. : ~) k% M9 J0 c, S0 ^) T# l
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 5 Y* \) i4 m8 i, t# A" e
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 3 |' ?+ o7 C# X: K6 Y% T+ j8 t
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
& [; H5 Y! W# a5 S% STravel expenses not reimbursed. ( E3 Q: j: m( T: a; y
Extensive courier duties also required.
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* y; F* T a G' ]$ Q$ dRESPONSIBILITIES:! r: W% R. }$ g$ k
The rest of your life. + M1 t; K$ _" \
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
: s4 F) d% B- P0 K7 @& J6 P D) runtil someone needs $5.
% y# j, V) F& ]# nMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
& l& j, F7 ~8 e, d; _9 UAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 3 t# I8 u0 c$ q5 e `
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
/ K/ r/ f8 r* n& C; k6 A4 g) min case, this time, the screams from 1 i+ U+ i+ W- ]9 x
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
" G# R0 h& k# Q- X2 N4 j" tMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, . y& u# u- f2 K; T& ~/ V" n" @$ K* W
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
v. h% Z4 C2 |" Xand stuck zippers. 6 d7 Y% t3 b1 a
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and , V. U/ E9 \- _0 k% J% E
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
# p f8 e4 N% ]/ {% NMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
- h% g3 }3 E5 e" k& v0 g% {# KMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, / m5 U+ y8 |8 t6 j) c8 G3 k
an embarrassment the next. ( u# M8 s X, I- {5 d) ~+ g
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
: E1 ?' e; M. A( m# hhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. % _, A% e9 M% u- Z8 ^
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
: a o4 I' u1 @1 k. r) D s7 GMust assume final, complete accountability for
0 W( S! `4 R* \0 b- fthe quality of the end product. " q' ^0 i8 L) e$ z! U1 i% K
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
6 y2 n5 O' W2 _7 h; B3 w* _janitorial work throughout the facility.
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5 E: |! H. ]- z* N G) g; x1 N+ D GPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:( J% E% H& m3 }3 ^% w: ]
None.
2 Y% K0 z5 h, ^& F& w% i% kYour job is to remain in the same position for years, Y! S1 O, X" A
without complaining,constantly retraining and
6 n9 N+ Y: u6 S) {: zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
9 X+ N9 }' x3 L2 P/ h7 c) P) rcan ultimately surpass you.! m7 e4 n( \# F2 v" a% d+ v
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, Q$ v' |, r* Z, E# CPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: $ p% D6 w, s% B9 h5 l6 ^ ]
None required, unfortunately. 9 w% I8 [- I& N) E
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. * o4 n4 M' a6 \7 u1 e6 a
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
1 y* X2 c$ V3 m6 ~4 ~Get this! You pay them!
* I6 K' ?9 C3 N) K( lOffering frequent raises and bonuses. ( G9 C0 z! y% p4 F% j
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
% t3 J" f! Z- U( uof the assumption that college will help them
* m( V' C Q# u6 F7 L! j% p. e8 tbecome financially independent.
2 ]6 ]: {( j0 nWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
( x7 I5 N; q4 q2 f H3 E: ZThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
% b" q' f: i% dyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
+ k: ?" d- ^: N! WWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, & i6 E! j' g' }% D/ y
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 5 N* C( R V- E/ a
no stock options are offered,
: i" s- B% I$ K7 P# Mthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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, T/ p" g" T7 ]2 R+ Jfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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4 p8 [: z3 k; w" i6 J1 }Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
% z, l+ t d' |7 t: {0 f/ W1 Wletting them know they are appreciated ' s5 i/ r4 W. g* g/ [; a, Z
for the fabulous job they do...
# ^$ r' l/ }6 r# _2 e9 gor forward with love ) E9 {3 @6 _9 d1 m# b
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.: V m3 [; |! }: u* d& s' U) E# M
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