Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
/ q6 i& C+ d. i9 Y7 Z, s/ mMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
" w  W; I3 g5 x. s( |3 MDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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; D4 D4 `& d. N5 V: U" Y! DJOB DESCRIPTION:
) m4 G5 B! w; E2 b9 P! ^Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
$ ?* y- A) x* X1 I6 a: I! Mand organizational skills and be willing to work
: f3 q" J1 \3 Y9 e; o/ a% d# P9 ivariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
1 r- |+ J1 A5 N$ TSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
1 @& K1 T9 ], w! Y. Tendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
2 X! f! j& E& E' jTravel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
# b( Z* f: n8 ~The rest of your life.
8 r1 J4 p( z' H$ O- T2 [9 ZMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
9 L' l8 _0 P, u9 k) }- {  _) r/ juntil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
) x2 _( O" \0 m" T* D) I; Z' N7 S2 PAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
5 B. K2 C" x% {8 t+ Q) @7 Zand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
, g! z% g) v% o0 l+ I  @/ Qin case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
8 G1 \) _/ g/ Q' ysuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
4 \* p, N; x0 L0 T  [$ m( U, [and stuck zippers.
* \4 U" @; H1 f9 R# |4 O9 p  oMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
- F; o0 _1 ?( R( _) e* K# dcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
% n! h. V+ U, }; D! }1 B/ t/ ?( t/ JMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
: ]/ s% G% K# I$ }& g4 xan embarrassment the next.
+ V5 Q/ [9 O; q' H; T; [Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
4 l) ^6 y( o- T( q, V' E8 qhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
: W2 Q4 [$ ^2 jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
* l# \. T+ o2 vResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
; T( B7 j# A$ w5 Gjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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1 x% e0 Q" v! M& p! ]  v4 G# m+ V( yPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
6 F! ]$ i( Z5 p8 [* ^7 E( R3 GYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
' Q% ?& D0 k* `) zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
+ R% }) P) ~  X( H" p0 N1 |On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

( s# b0 e( K# o1 Q+ XWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
- t5 o& _$ @" z$ @, Z9 B$ ]Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
  K# Y: t1 r5 p9 [, W" E0 jof the assumption that college will help them
$ l4 o. G6 [' ?% N7 Vbecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
5 W6 T( q( Y& M5 O8 W3 n% _, m. dThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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9 E: K  }6 T: E# A* W7 jBENEFITS:
- k' r/ u4 ~/ L0 j6 h* GWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
  N# e' L- {' c/ A! i4 n; Lno stock options are offered,
9 o0 O' X5 _6 o9 q& k' Ethis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

$ q+ C: J0 R" a. a) X3 Y9 O1 Ounconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

for life if you play your cards right.


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5 o4 W, x3 _+ u4 r** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
  v' p) r8 m* ]- b) d9 Cletting them know they are appreciated
& \5 V1 y& v% e: N- Cfor the fabulous job they do...
  w7 }' r6 W8 t1 Q' Gor forward with love
: G+ S+ Q! ?. `) O# E$ zto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.