Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
5 X1 R% z0 y. yDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa


JOB DESCRIPTION:
: X4 ^. ?/ ]# @5 n# `  dLong term, team players needed for challenging,
% L  X& V2 h6 V( d7 e& G7 x& s" j
. U/ }  ~) @9 q7 u* H3 \2 hpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
& p# R8 ^" j# e* j9 m0 zCandidates must possess excellent communication
7 o$ y  @: H+ _$ W/ I. U+ y* ~5 A8 band organizational skills and be willing to work
: E& [% K) |7 M+ G- {& m; l4 Z8 X! R4 kvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
4 {* w) i9 H) iSome overnight travel required, including trips to
* t- w- A$ E6 u, ?8 r  bprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
, c# W4 D& _; W" m6 g! P3 W( `! @+ Lendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
) n& ]/ n' i8 `$ }* A+ QTravel expenses not reimbursed.
% ^5 S+ q# T' bExtensive courier duties also required.
+ ^1 L0 l" v8 P; H
$ g; f0 Y0 n. URESPONSIBILITIES:
6 x, i& ?4 [+ B3 d+ UThe rest of your life.
1 q" T0 S  T- u2 H2 m( G1 z# S% _Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
# F" z) F. D5 e6 Z5 i( BAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
& y- M; v8 l7 j5 r$ E9 r; Uthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
4 F. \* R4 L3 k  E- m6 p: W( X5 ?and stuck zippers.
& M1 e2 a5 |1 D" `9 g6 \Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
0 L. ~! b0 s0 S/ k2 X- h% ~coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
+ i6 S1 {  \+ Z3 ^$ ?3 ]  S5 ~janitorial work  throughout the facility.
5 l, {- G( E% a0 |8 `2 f5 w
1 I8 ]$ Q, h( y" j0 `  DPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
  f) Z% ?# \: N" T3 J/ ~7 cNone.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
/ q* A  D3 {) A2 K5 Kcan ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
0 @8 ]; g9 ?7 k+ f; z) tOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

1 c' ]" v9 X- f5 K; lWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
. X8 k) R) |  p. o0 w/ \6 \a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
- J# r4 B- ]0 H7 t3 `: b/ Iof the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
# b/ X+ Z; a+ v/ W( wWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
+ |5 J+ u& R2 z) \you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

$ F! W, G5 @! O+ y6 zBENEFITS:
( K& H/ t* }: ~9 z& p$ u) f0 E& ~While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
% Q1 C& u3 H8 v: x; r8 |$ Ino stock options are offered,
7 t' e2 y* X2 D: @this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

; d) [8 Y/ ^1 u+ {3 gunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

9 \, d  f3 ^: ]  S( sfor life if you play your cards right.
, ^! W# r6 n# p( Q! W
0 @! q$ }9 H* I' R. T
( i) j5 a; a6 f1 W+ S" Q% D
3 R- S5 _( {& l
" l" _, T$ `1 A/ w1 R** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

( Q& O* v/ I/ i5 D  `0 G" |5 u- V: F* O

! C& |' P( v7 c5 V5 d& {3 GForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
- R  C: Q( f/ X* Dfor the fabulous job they do...
. M( w5 _5 }2 p1 W- s" Qor forward with love
  h( U8 i5 @9 l6 e* ito anyone thinking of applying for the job.

5 H9 b; e, T; c% t8 o( h/ x

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.