 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 POSITION:! t# R( `6 Y! Y# i( x# C; U# q
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 2 _: k; h/ {& U6 X4 D
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa# i# b2 T& S4 l2 ^7 O# x/ L
# J' G. N! u; a4 ]) L3 D. W$ }! w3 U
JOB DESCRIPTION:
& X3 S: n5 ?; ~) I" ?) i. c- r% _1 DLong term, team players needed for challenging,) {- {5 X6 p* s. z" F0 ^
1 M4 k- r, d- ~( N, c2 _: b
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
& |( v! \. o* A5 }' Z" n( DCandidates must possess excellent communication + _( E5 |1 e% X+ f
and organizational skills and be willing to work + C. ^: l! ~+ R- M. o% f
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
* \, R( U' g' {# @0 ?and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
" ~! w9 V. I& m9 M3 ]Some overnight travel required, including trips to
. L% A: D3 t3 L/ I0 J( |primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and & H3 x3 k8 A& ]% w7 ^/ ]) ^5 o
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! ( L1 f, [: d2 C0 S% W
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
X, C# z6 P7 zExtensive courier duties also required. & ~+ A0 R6 z/ d' L
; |1 v5 |) c$ [$ j3 m4 cRESPONSIBILITIES:6 g! @2 H$ n7 v g- G S
The rest of your life. ; Z$ s/ N; Y- C$ _) S+ N8 U* R
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
, v }. \9 b+ g* iuntil someone needs $5. 9 Z" t; |) ~, j @$ [
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
" B# h+ `) Q; t/ `, \- W% c5 W8 V( fAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
6 {* R& \4 ?4 \6 X, @& ^and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ' Z; w* y k e+ l
in case, this time, the screams from 2 B; P' p4 B" Z) u
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
0 U! Q: h8 ?% a7 E) pMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, / O& b$ T: W$ f- C* m1 m: s
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets $ F e. X- O" h; Z: A" d
and stuck zippers. / w2 F1 ]- M2 i4 S! o6 \3 o& O
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
/ h9 A) i1 Q$ X" r+ J& ~% ?coordinate production of multiple homework projects. " G. ` _( ]/ S4 j( b* r
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
, C5 k. o* b5 |% o8 W; UMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 3 z" ~- h& L6 R8 W: L1 y
an embarrassment the next. 1 U! k* D5 {8 S8 Z8 t5 T
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
' \/ m# S" J, i' zhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
; B6 F; i( _) F% kMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 1 A" k+ c0 G0 o9 Y+ u
Must assume final, complete accountability for : N6 B! c( D' Q" W4 T6 s" b! ~0 s- G
the quality of the end product.
]( @1 N$ K9 n* rResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and / G7 Y. y9 y& Y
janitorial work throughout the facility. 5 {8 j. i$ v8 q4 h! S( B$ H2 h
! S9 Y4 ~% L; I8 \. G' wPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:4 ?* t: @6 N8 V5 S h+ X1 J
None.
' H1 g M) J( p! a, {Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
& o% u. S6 Q' m2 {9 O9 q0 }without complaining,constantly retraining and 7 I( `' p) \" }+ T1 s# z
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 6 h5 J9 ~5 R" {; U* F Y
can ultimately surpass you.5 B4 X% X8 W& [$ T0 t" O
$ G: r( B/ [* F2 Q6 j
$ y+ F. G u3 \# h$ r! A0 EPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
- P: H; h7 Q2 }# ~' A# aNone required, unfortunately.
* ^( g* D2 R# R0 _On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
8 h' [3 m. ]; M) p7 t! f4 g/ s) L$ L! U, w
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
5 i2 s# a. R5 P; I% B h0 j2 n( RGet this! You pay them! - P5 j6 C1 a! O3 [
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
$ |7 k/ [- j0 g, b- Wa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because # G- @3 T \' w+ @1 ~5 \) e
of the assumption that college will help them & T1 m9 C7 N; i! R- S
become financially independent.
' A5 }, g, U6 B+ h% pWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 0 j5 B& E+ L& G2 q
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
/ C$ L; x" F1 C- I& M B& ~you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. % H& [, ]1 M2 B* n" l' ^
2 p* C9 I9 x* V% x/ l$ a
BENEFITS:
) K3 x: c8 C# e1 TWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
, D2 L2 ~5 C. P7 g1 i( w( dno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , K0 d8 y/ w6 y& @$ ^; o2 o
no stock options are offered,6 Y1 R5 D3 n( Z* P& ^, c$ n
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
& k v k c5 w# Q& P J# v- G! X; r% k2 H" ~: d
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses p4 U `5 Z0 n, R4 W
: @& p+ m- E! Q5 a
for life if you play your cards right.
9 _3 {: b' r [) k, Y5 w
# T. u+ `2 u4 u8 m7 Y$ ]9 }% a& k( @
# i- i# ]" f- M) I3 N# m- H
Z6 v+ N4 O" ~0 i
. R" ~7 Q# x, X/ n3 b9 ]# E** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
2 T0 A! j7 {4 o! P% W9 L7 @: r' m- V& b+ Y+ o" Q9 ^; e2 p- H9 A
0 G7 r) B$ _2 A2 r" o" N( S( _% l1 b5 }; W1 ]5 J, M
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
9 H0 {* Y. w6 ]* T' Xletting them know they are appreciated : q! W8 G, q3 M7 Q# G% a
for the fabulous job they do... 0 C; P3 l: ~3 }3 F9 a
or forward with love * [ @# P! C* A0 x5 k, P8 a: w# Z
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
" x" [6 U8 L+ k" z2 X
! P' G6 q: R& [' ^ |
|