Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

* I( }/ {: h+ |' j( zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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% i, @& ?5 [% SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& _$ E% G+ s8 M) P6 ^BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* v. k, A( `% X9 t) S  `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) X7 X. f8 Y6 O9 N9 [( VSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, |3 Q! n: M' BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

9 T8 i  W4 \0 c) {3 Z6 I- wMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 ~( c- L# ?# u" h* U* YPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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/ C: n& k( s/ z& r* KIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! F" s7 U0 p! b3 ^, ~6 \" c! aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 I7 Y& y5 r0 i9 yWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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8 z* u6 ^+ T5 u* X0 W' HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 K1 v/ N* [  [( Y9 i                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! P- m& o4 [  ]3 N) m                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵