Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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; O( M; B9 k) Y# W" H! `2 BBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ Q1 Q8 R; X; w5 R0 [, y* O$ hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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! c% m  O' s& S  J4 A8 mVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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) D) {# U% \- W3 NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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5 _7 y9 }4 g  g& YSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" t9 w2 z5 N9 @/ D" \! G' [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* ?/ u0 `! b' {) B( P9 RCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 t, p/ a$ w, U9 R- GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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# K0 E$ v% C% `, u( |. KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ A: i) x1 O( _+ w! J5 b; TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( n. }! ?% ~$ z4 u0 lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. Q" O2 b5 b" OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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- I/ @, F. a2 U% g' E% W- H& J; T& @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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) |% I3 K  P  G  p$ f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
0 z: `. u2 m/ ~                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵