Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

- p8 N' ]1 Y0 H5 o) I1 Z# W5 tCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' D" u1 [- r9 K+ l# e% |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: C; |$ F$ H: @! ]* A4 lBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

3 D4 w. G0 D9 [: VVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

) [# k7 D8 O$ T& SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 @' b) K7 ]$ ~" Z8 aBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

' }  A/ E0 O( [2 R2 i/ X- QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

8 N$ R6 _9 {4 @( V: ^FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 s8 p! C* n& A0 Q! oCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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; I6 k: M0 I+ {7 W. |WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

' C$ _9 d9 z6 _4 tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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, q; t. {# @2 \* l/ dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
1 T' e  t2 E' GBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 u8 F* w9 v$ {7 f: PWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵