Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- q( {; d8 ?- L1 ]: U1 RCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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3 V6 w8 S* W. Q( x! |  s& EBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( B$ O0 w( k- v1 S) ]) w' d3 M) D4 j7 HBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 _* j: U$ w! @& C# V2 E3 j3 }' TSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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) p" ^3 Z9 `8 ?3 t( `4 ~STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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8 D: T' f3 W) C+ W7 _5 V7 a; EFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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' `" L6 r  X) Y! x) h% r  t" b! KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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) t  a1 ?( u+ i3 D9 ]! mCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

( }. I6 i0 d! BYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

0 q' U- A6 \+ i* c) N+ W* KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 o5 n" Q$ @" `0 DWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ M4 s5 c/ a$ `  E) m* |- dWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' v$ S. f9 F- }; ~  J; NBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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& B* x# e5 \, h  X4 Z& `" |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

7 m& R! y$ K: b  C1 k                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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# M4 q; p1 s3 C, @5 XPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵