埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 985|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:: O& i# _+ E8 F0 I7 t) e

2 B" K3 s# @  ^$ Q( @& C' kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ a( |6 _7 e  S& s5 U) DCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
. g  P/ F* J' k6 g
) G- l+ {! l" H" P' ]- d4 H' i) iBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 3 y8 O$ T/ m+ N# C2 [
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
! F; K7 J; O; O5 w9 l
1 a" \& v5 y! q& hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
" m5 s9 X. l" {+ K+ c: _3 N6 y
' o) p/ {5 R! Q9 p6 Z4 RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* Z: N) L% x: n# \. k
7 J) G) Z$ Q/ z9 t* E) j/ VBROKER -- What my broker has made me. % j. ^, k* b5 g4 U% J' e

. b! j# w; F  r3 mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
7 D$ E7 Y# n- K1 x% L& q! ~% a+ x8 e
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
* @* {; w4 D* k0 w6 e6 u% n8 q$ |! W9 z% A1 r% d$ F  U+ C8 j
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
- s. u) k, z: u7 ]: A1 g. o# A, C) t& a2 X; k4 s1 w1 F
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
$ d$ Q, E0 B5 t  k
9 M- R. r, {, {0 sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 2 I" u4 l8 R2 M4 [- ]
8 d9 c) d  y, p- p2 z! y4 C: n3 e
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 3 `- [( s( H- S3 M) @  u

& ]' ?9 Y$ T8 h/ r4 y1 }3 f' o2 J4 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. # c9 e6 R" Q* I6 D
& P* ]- R) J5 q# s) h
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
5 b* ?5 y( O$ q0 ~' J1 \
) }, u2 s# e$ T1 [2 V5 @INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
+ B- m$ z! @% ~
3 a8 h4 }0 V. m4 O# ~3 aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
, D) |; o0 Y' ^  a2 L& d  Z 6 D( Q6 B- j1 a  Z0 H5 @: D
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  - J* w, e- U9 j& C; A: p/ {7 z  U
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.$ {# X7 J! Q" K
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.. T( l' {+ S9 Q
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: m/ E0 C$ Z9 m4 D. lBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ) E' S2 ]$ s4 ]2 a: X
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.4 f* k/ w: s) D$ X/ _7 M3 K

% k6 g' ]# w) s9 H# j; b' _`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
, q* Z; D4 w- H" f
- V+ \  v( k" W" W3 MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
( d# j$ }% I  I
5 E/ F0 M& K( c: U% m4 k  ^* c, N                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
8 }! P+ a) ^9 l0 t/ D  V
( R. Y% K( s& M9 H; \``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````. Z# n+ X4 @) U0 k( L
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
1 I2 G0 F, z+ `; B# m- ^# i( H     
2 o/ A# V  E% \* T/ N. f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
大型搬家
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-6-16 16:18 , Processed in 0.093777 second(s), 10 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表