Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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$ L( L8 ~- C+ i" U2 J7 kVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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9 ^& Z  n' V2 A) V2 O5 cP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

& f! e  @! M& k' A( ?. n, C: `& lBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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) k( I2 [- v: c4 Y2 bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

& ]7 X6 S! {) L/ zWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

+ g, z/ _! [: E& p- B; LINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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! H6 n8 O* ^# M# K- D/ R3 h# S! o: ]If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 r, l( J+ E! B7 ZBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: ?) c, _! ^6 Y& a. K/ PBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! H7 G! ]7 u5 a# k5 p2 f  y& q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
, e+ B0 q" X  v                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵