Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

2 B" K3 s# @  ^$ Q( @& C' kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ a( |6 _7 e  S& s5 U) DCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) G- l+ {! l" H" P' ]- d4 H' i) iBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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1 a" \& v5 y! q& hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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' o) p/ {5 R! Q9 p6 Z4 RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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7 J) G) Z$ Q/ z9 t* E) j/ VBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

. b! j# w; F  r3 mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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9 M- R. r, {, {0 sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

& ]' ?9 Y$ T8 h/ r4 y1 }3 f' o2 J4 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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) }, u2 s# e$ T1 [2 V5 @INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 a8 h4 }0 V. m4 O# ~3 aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: m/ E0 C$ Z9 m4 D. lBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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- V+ \  v( k" W" W3 MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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5 E/ F0 M& K( c: U% m4 k  ^* c, N                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 o/ A# V  E% \* T/ N. f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵