Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

& U0 g; ?2 `: j- h$ wCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 G$ ], O) Q& y% t& U& a, N- iCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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, T1 w2 d* @) G# }* ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  U8 Z9 t6 r  F6 Y2 bBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  x. _! {- q5 U! o) A( UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* N7 E8 A0 o3 yP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 f3 Q/ d; D+ ?$ J5 k7 X$ MBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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5 R: k( Q' B8 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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2 ^% z1 h. q* x# TMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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- c6 f. }( v( [2 p* A# Z5 hIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& g/ O- }! ?9 K9 o2 sWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 C8 I( v  r: w% B, y' m: MBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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3 i& |" _. L3 e1 c/ a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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* Y: ]( P4 X: O9 {/ o+ J& @Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵