Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  B$ A, v2 \# q/ lCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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! H2 a! Y) }- mBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* ]; ^0 ^- U& i3 `- @5 l0 Z, [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 w- d/ `) k2 E3 }, X' L4 z) h  sVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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5 s' ~" {- R- X: ]% LBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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$ |; G" @. f: \  B: L( sSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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9 r, T; m( E- B  L# v! q* FSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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6 E& C& `4 `' B% c" a" ~/ `, h1 e3 _FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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4 H9 z) Y: m; A$ d! P" F4 LMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) B* r6 m7 e' u  B- mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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) f1 \4 N8 c$ ^0 ]8 UWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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: P* f; ?! ]4 p( M) O6 wINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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$ e  U$ I: O: t( g0 M. JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, O1 h* |& @8 A4 ]" C4 a0 UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; {1 p# p8 r+ d( I; B; n0 dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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7 Q! {- x+ M+ Q+ X$ ~4 gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

" ]$ L& E" @! \4 _& G( z1 J; a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; l2 K  L" A- I, F0 c+ QPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 g8 g, g: z: l, G% ^" z3 K                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵