weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
& v2 P5 E+ }: a, q, x4 ?Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"

4 ~% k$ O0 a+ u* }4 I4 x& NThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
1 a: l/ J, j, p+ j0 B6 Tpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
9 Q5 h6 V( Z* B* ~7 D5 s- J4 i
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
+ u8 v+ E# U8 ]3 ZGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
+ z% }: j- C2 \says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
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) g$ }: S( G; J) Y# W  G  h"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
2 E/ e9 i7 O7 V# T6 J
+ n" G; j5 E+ @* Z# qHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
7 c- G# s, B, f% x  dcar.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
' j3 b7 G  |* m$ Q- `) l/ P- Mis, will you give me back my animal?"
1 }  e+ p5 m( q) m/ V
"OK, why not" answered the young man.
, |' V9 [; B: g+ E
"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

9 d, ?4 {7 z+ s! ?* F"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
$ b3 |% n2 C4 d# ?8 e8 f5 Lresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

$ U3 i5 X3 V2 }8 q- O' ?7 d$ D$ FDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
& k. d; r0 Q0 ]$ H+ k' J$ Z
0 n$ \4 J& }% W8 k0 vThe second man married a telephone operator.

& A& t) D, N0 }1 m) DDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
) X/ X3 Q; I/ E. |+ E- d) |3 K4 VTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
3 b  D- ?  T# t5 O. l( ?button...A-bomb.?

The third man married a school teacher.

1 U$ d0 a) r& s# t: yDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".
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The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
. x+ m' u& {5 }+ p/ X2 W$ c" Ronly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
+ \' v) m  z# M8 X/ Jwould call much later in the day.

5 D$ y- S% K( Q; ^3 ]At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
% b  J7 h8 z! b+ ?
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
* N( l  r2 C. h2 |0 f
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

/ `2 T- J; p7 b& t8 l7 l' B* AThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
$ G- E3 `& ]" Sin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."
/ ?" b% U: a: V: }
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
' D7 c: z( H& E0 I& p7 icalling any minute.

& |9 }* [8 J  [3 n6 L- w& uFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
1 [% G$ W0 w5 |$ W9 c5 nman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
( ^: z! R6 |) w
# L' W9 n* e+ Y3 C# l! ?Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
% l* G" p9 d/ pfight?"
0 C3 Y% j- a: Z6 ^& N
* `/ w4 Y8 X8 f: _The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
+ A9 Y0 d" N. F0 r* E& |6 Ga school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
' u0 ~. p) K2 e. ]# P+ a  oare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing