Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
$ |: k3 @0 U  s! ^8 ]' l5 [> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
1 `- G: l* p2 S: G, B' `> > > >little TONY.
* B$ D+ }& L; ~* Y3 i> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
* S# e  k- `1 j+ Y  F>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
+ u9 j2 {2 A. o2 d! {> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
) h2 y# K) V$ m& Q  n# n2 q9 X> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
7 [2 Q0 R2 R0 M/ q# a> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
) x6 }+ f& q5 P, t& _! q# ]> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
$ o- T& W$ }( y) Z/ }: O> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 K7 R5 x; D# e: Q% n> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
) L1 j. t) O% e1 m0 N) A( L> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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0 Y3 R7 O5 }$ Y7 g9 J, P/ F' ~# N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
' q- e: ]* S0 G1 U> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
" s' Y! o6 ~1 d3 I. h: a> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
2 i: p4 B& U6 j' T7 w2 P9 _7 c7 w( _> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
3 S6 x- R. O$ N> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' e) E1 g9 E+ b( A> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
3 O# P1 C/ v) o  q2 l> > > >allow
% W/ T4 t9 b; G6 z( q- K4 m0 q; }2 N> > > >you to go."
4 y/ E% m8 s6 a- h. r> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
" X) L% D4 Q% j% P> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 U: A! h. \2 J  V( u> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
- J6 B2 A( Z9 n3 f7 d5 E& ]5 M4 R> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
6 O/ ]) _" q/ J5 q$ i2 Y# |> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
' l2 O- U. V( j6 H$ s> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
& k. ]% J2 `- T6 a1 |> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
8 i" o  X1 m& f* O6 j> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
, h0 A" g$ b9 o# c  ^* N> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
, ~' I2 q7 n: F% e> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
" r  ]2 i1 n* U8 t0 Q> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business