Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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6 |, {4 o0 d& f) m  u6 B! A5 D' `> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
% |/ I9 @; d( g! z! W> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
5 d& D; X/ t, L/ O> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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) x% S" r4 l  `* ?% l> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
2 M: ^6 d) J- M& e+ [- T9 L* Y>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
3 d+ i0 ?. k3 A> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
" R% x1 w: u+ m% ~9 X0 X+ w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, e6 c; ]' z7 Q- T> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
; _& t8 f: d; P/ h# X> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
) a7 D) R' k* _9 I2 a" K" z9 b2 x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
/ f1 f7 l; G. ^9 N> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
4 ]# k8 l* ]( O- O  S: D> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
% C7 F% r1 E9 P* P1 h. u: B> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
0 p6 B. Z) z. ^4 c% g, D5 o+ ], E> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
! z; Z$ C' n6 v( O6 [5 c; L> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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/ G: E: q( J- w# A% C7 |# N+ B> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
; [* v, l$ D3 \* `" b8 U> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
4 f3 _: J6 r8 D+ e2 s> > > >piss!!"
. E8 f, b$ `* t) M  T1 F> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
4 f* D/ @  Z( S1 _3 P* v* g9 k2 ]& t( I> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
; j9 q5 A9 P( r: I+ W5 Y; K) H> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
2 O. v4 j- q* t& o& ~% q4 K> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
) E5 a& ]/ L; g8 ^0 }> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
+ l% P7 U2 Q& \# d! s4 d, S8 I> > > >called on little TONY.
, S; G4 ^) Z9 U2 M% j> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
# S/ c+ A) C9 c5 x- R) ~9 m$ S> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
, K4 D- G0 c$ l, Z8 Y' B; d> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
# t, D- |# d/ E/ K> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business