Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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/ p' o9 ]7 c# q8 E; \- O7 y> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ E3 w* N' y. q% n> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
+ t# h8 n+ P, q6 k" _" k, B* R7 r> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% J" G7 b) v% u( S>thinking."
4 R2 a0 B5 p+ @# X1 k/ S> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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  h  B) E5 O0 m% {> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
+ \1 j1 L; s9 t: ]& q5 c, e3 z7 m> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
8 z' h( k7 U' @4 y3 Q% Z& y> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 n# P3 n, Z8 a9 Q# f" F0 |" \2 b& a> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' I/ T" k' R: x" f! \- j2 t& B> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
4 ~* T! B$ T8 v- l5 m> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& p2 }/ ^2 X7 |1 t. o1 [> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
. l3 b, ]. Y8 ~, d; g' k> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
5 x" d- Y- e6 p2 V2 F* C; p> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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# Z. o7 d" w6 h2 F# z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
. K& E# l* N# f/ l> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
, ]* d: b3 ^& D0 u. K. {> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
/ k4 B1 G5 o% _! L+ h; b! T1 B; T> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
0 h- F' }) f* @3 F( R4 t: I3 }. I' k> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
# [) `5 {" j' K; r$ W( ]> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& K2 {9 m, a! G) r> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
' W2 O! F. C4 h; @> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. l; ?) D5 r+ _2 K> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
' b5 `% I5 w9 l! S( F> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
! w+ Y% ]! x6 d% {0 O0 q- [> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ `5 p% Y3 x& t+ z* A> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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8 Y# }  k* z0 L+ O" s0 z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
) _- v$ Y+ k% \: |- T4 R> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
) u' a7 u, H4 I- y  B# M> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business