Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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* t. h' S. H1 a% R) ~0 v> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
) E: e2 V5 y$ K> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
- S. G* [+ w& i+ Y  o> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 U7 T' X# f4 ]>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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- d$ Z, j" y+ a$ V( e0 \9 ]7 t> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ j0 v! a$ O# Z4 L! E% L% u0 N> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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; E0 Y  \2 J" X8 w; P: T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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, z- E4 f' W! k5 V! V7 N> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
- m( r! `5 t6 y! h> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& M( \" {% T2 q# w> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
6 \+ f/ }$ n/ J3 q> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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& Y1 w/ m& g, k" ^1 G8 ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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3 D5 N, H, F; I5 ~> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
2 |4 G- p; [! G! |) [" g4 ~# k% M> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  g( i# a; `+ B- _* b: Q> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
' t4 L/ E0 o/ r9 J9 v> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
! O- {" P2 v" @> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
3 ?1 _) q* G$ n9 M> > > >allow
  G; A2 c. V& H) a. W" A. w> > > >you to go."
6 Z4 i  ?: f4 U& b$ \> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
2 }7 x' T2 r9 h% @) X3 `> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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0 z5 |. E0 G# z+ o2 _> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
1 a: f% B' }! A> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
9 ~4 s2 o+ V  x. a4 i8 L3 ~> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
) _/ I; n$ v3 d! P0 c( d1 a) o> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
, o3 P* ]4 ^8 A8 {) P$ V6 C> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
' K- f  s' g/ _6 {( ^  e> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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0 y% Y% J" m, T( ]; A& q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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# ]- G" }! T5 o6 \> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
& n( j/ L0 h; J& }> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 E( K( n) @% F* h8 l& X! U> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
' ?. V( |: D& n> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business