Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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6 A9 g3 ~: Q5 ^, \  {9 ^> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
9 w+ _' r2 h, [> > > >little TONY.
+ O8 h7 w% H$ V> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
: B! }: l! G6 s" X! X> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
; `. X7 N  I; v  [' J> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
* ]% s9 f! d5 E# D> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ y# ~. R% N% N7 L> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
, _6 u( ^4 z8 K2 q3 M> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
$ _' L* C1 w2 e8 u> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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- q+ i' g( Y; w$ z/ G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
( ?. p$ u. q' X> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 I5 _+ P+ f6 D0 ?9 I( c# d> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
: \1 h8 D& O. ?! w4 L0 w  o: p> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
7 `) w: a- _% o2 U5 X9 C> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
! a/ s$ `3 b# W, j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& Z! h  R' B# N7 h/ a, z, A> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
, |% Z: ~: k7 o2 m! z/ P- _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
7 V8 y0 _  d! `# ^% H' e! U> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
" @" H: S5 z- Y( x/ M* A& v> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
3 P% W& m5 r/ _4 r- x* ~> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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% T8 K% I, B7 O; r" ]0 P) e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
3 m$ T4 l# L" q> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
1 S' w7 n  c# k> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
! |  H" K- k) f- O1 ]- @; u> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
; C' W2 E* i  h: p% b# k> > > >allow
) }: D. r6 Q, _! a> > > >you to go."
" {. T4 c$ k/ S& G> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
; M: Y* o& u1 @) u4 E> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
' P: |+ A' j5 G- j- H) ~+ O0 d* ]> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
- j# e( ~0 l8 V7 M> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
6 Q; c# X% @& v3 N6 f> > > >same sentence twice.
: G- @6 m. L9 W5 r! x> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) I6 d3 x" b( G> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
, y0 U$ ~% _% C/ E& F> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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# Y/ D" c9 `1 _8 o' ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
+ k9 D. g) n9 Z> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
% R( i# [0 a: L: A4 G( w> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 b, o: X& d' |8 c- E* Z> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business