Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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: o( _/ B' h( ^' Z! U5 u> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
) D7 u" j: f( k, @> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
' Y! H* D0 u+ L, j5 n' z8 ^> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
3 y+ r$ a: _9 B4 m* x# m( o& d>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 P7 _) }" d$ H8 Z) Z9 g> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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, h% z5 E/ L& x2 u2 @6 q5 N' N; s> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
6 d4 G: E! Q( ~+ w> > > >Which one is married?"
) w+ ~: ~( E9 O0 [> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
: P% ~, o+ D1 d& J0 p6 S* ^> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
8 z/ ?) O% I8 j1 _+ A: a# H1 {> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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- M5 O9 W; e; P/ @9 e> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
$ U3 K% d7 I; I- @. z! e1 J> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
  ^& V( W2 a. N5 L9 E6 `> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
! _" w  z: R/ |> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
" q. \/ d2 v" x* A> > > >piss!!"
" s. ~8 @% w1 e2 X% O! X> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
7 J" Z$ o! ?" r( Y3 [9 k6 D, M> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
+ ~/ D8 ?, `( @* F/ {* P0 v> > > >you to go."
, P* d: x' L6 m> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
4 o8 |; L# h/ d6 q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
' p- X8 |2 ]2 t5 ?> > > >same sentence twice.
& w, b' _3 B2 g, W> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
0 ?, `0 m3 \8 \; }( v3 {' f( F> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
( L; M, F* F! p4 }8 [6 _& K> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
5 B7 j( b# c% F* C/ B1 B> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
: s, t' W! M3 m( d1 _" E> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
+ [4 Z$ s/ m. [6 ?5 d> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
- F: u' ~& C) ~+ x, d1 P- `> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business