请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 O% \% R( o" g/ |) ?Thanks a lot!!!
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6 _, ~; q% i  l# H$ z8 K! O' ^; DFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 x+ v. e' o6 l              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 |3 z# u0 C$ ^9 |3 g: Z              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ j- j  j8 q3 ~8 j  w$ O              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
+ ]6 V$ ]3 e# B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; v1 x5 l- ~( c0 \4 Q) v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& U# e/ A1 J5 y" C8 g2 k3 r- s- ~* K             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* b- M& l' T# Q1 D             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
1 z* `8 ~6 [7 }( ~Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 r) [* k3 _* t9 K) n6 Z) Y             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
5 b$ W/ h# B5 |3 n( @) }               I am 一个人de精彩
0 E( `/ e0 u- _* ~( @1 m: }               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 `$ ]9 @* e2 s* OBut........         
: m+ c! ?6 |1 z1 kIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ }1 e: ~  g$ A( B+ [Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( b( \3 q: D' R: k4 F* |0 }8 B0 e4 xSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 y  h1 L% K8 q1 bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" B9 e& ]8 ^* H5 M# TSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
+ M& I: e1 c8 ?6 n% u  a) U
) p/ r; ]% f6 D& `7 \: y1 aSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& u7 C: ?2 ^4 p* b5 ~: pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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4 c" W, k0 s/ k1 Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
0 l7 o! A% P# }3 K6 ^6 J! W我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？