请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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# k. R/ ^& R3 r; y  a
6 v+ p) R# x6 o, d& N' PFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 p1 R9 V, G8 M) J' [( e% f              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
, h! Z! h2 a7 i/ h2 ^# E' E0 |5 B; |7 c0 l              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
: I* F; F3 }, x. s8 n              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
% s( I; X/ I5 v5 A- T+ L              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' H) p; l- d; ~- `4 x/ i$ }% P" ZHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 _8 I" W5 b2 E; A6 u* ?" Z8 qNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 Y) e* c' k1 \% Q% _( D             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 [. |- i' h4 ^3 w- u0 S6 RFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
% O( H/ M: {) i1 ^6 v& oBut........         
' N! I9 m' V0 `Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: ^# D5 k/ H; W& zSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: j% E! [% H, m2 c  jSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
' K' p; l, S* T6 V% TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
2 _% }, l- G9 ?6 ~7 @! n5 u! c/ e* k9 p4 N
) L; M& {* H7 P8 Y, }& K: kSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 _5 r6 M3 k. ?) H2 m+ dSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* h  r% ]7 s, s$ g% GSomehow I lost myself inside it again
' G% q5 z( Z- B" E' I, h' Q# o$ \
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- e7 n" ?0 H- i% {' \2 c3 {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 i! ?# Z' l4 H, V. Z================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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* I5 i  k& U6 K. X: j4 Q2 C5 esomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 \$ j3 @/ I3 S=====================================================================
: _' X9 H$ q8 P' @$ [% [0 v/ Zsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
. j, w- o3 b8 N! Y* M我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？