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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem/ Y/ h  K! v8 f! H& D, ]+ a# @6 u
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" `2 z0 ^. g: N3 J5 U8 gHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem: _& x* Y! x* m  j0 M
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you + ]$ h: e5 j3 A* J% S' j
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 u8 z: Y; S- r; A1 g0 t              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: a0 b4 ]9 K2 V& e              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
' `7 z5 p, r0 T: l% K6 ?" A4 X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
# m$ S4 {6 M- N9 V6 `% Q              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) R5 q& C4 A+ @! a0 C* a5 s5 z% D5 FHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) q9 V& v, E0 _: a, v, b1 f             somehow I realized you were still in my heart & B/ w. P. t7 g* w" {
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 E1 R# J# ?! S( @
             somehow I lost myself inside again - y- @5 h; l& d8 ~
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 I0 Y% c+ B2 ?2 U+ M8 q. {. Z             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion4 v) f, J; W$ y4 [3 k
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................" L8 v1 s. Q; d8 {6 ~7 {1 r
Basically, I almost finish this poem
5 `* N: f1 K* G9 |! ]" a$ `               I am 一个人de精彩- E% r. f7 N% H  g* T8 V
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.) g0 M; X) g4 i/ n- [
But........         
1 t% i0 o  a" a9 GIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”3 @2 O  V4 V6 h
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 A  v  M% f" S

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 5 F- z7 |/ v! S' p$ k
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
* U& t$ V* }8 ]" hSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 8 U, I7 _3 [, G0 x9 n
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   # N1 V. d. V  T7 M
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 7 O" N) P$ J# c! {) u4 V
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ! b4 b. p& b( S

8 K) r% E+ K  w  \: n- T2 B# C. aSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) f4 U. y( Z7 ^
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 G8 G, `$ E) @* g
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 Y9 V0 C, H0 m7 ?- n2 N
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 4 o1 b4 p& u/ q2 l: ]% g
" \' p: u3 C* L- y/ h+ i- }
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion4 `. v1 h1 s4 ?
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
  ]! ?2 [( z1 E; t! ]; |1 A  hSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
  a6 O' p- }0 r$ {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 c0 o1 ~+ L/ p1 a
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 f7 g- z* y8 x0 x
=====================================================================! ^2 L+ G) Y" \
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ; F; @# t5 a! K- `+ z0 q  \; D
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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