请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# ^0 O( K  h: x- v$ w$ M* a, aBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
/ o4 x, ?: ?3 q% F0 q# R4 ~Thanks a lot!!!

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6 U  L0 J- J0 K+ x9 A! IFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; w+ }6 ~- V7 F4 u, b! m              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
: ~- p. P5 |3 A6 K- A  c              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% ]) `6 M+ R5 R! F             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 |* p. V1 U; J3 r             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 V6 }* R# w3 _* ~8 `; [             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
* f2 M$ r' U. v- A6 CBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
; {, r6 i- Y2 T  j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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( O2 V! X: S) p  b' P" ]' L卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( p! s9 L  n* a& TSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
, g/ Q+ Q/ ~% `7 ]2 DSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
6 M2 }- J* c) E6 ^4 {Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" R8 j' U) o) ySomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

5 L' F8 G9 q2 g( k# ]1 ESomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
; X" }6 m* s. y( X: x- MSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' _3 C, t- q% QSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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7 ]5 C4 r3 ]+ `' a% \* F7 ]% `somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ _) F, d, s" \+ r" {9 a( k; X我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？